trigslizard Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I had a crush on my nieghbor (we are both married) for awhile and he seemed completely oblivious. Then, just as I started getting over it, him and I end up having sex twice in one night (which he initiated). We agree to be FWB. I start having doubts because I know I am developing some feelings for him. We finally get a chance to talk, and I tell him that it needs to be a little more than just sex for me. We talk a lot more, him being attentive and caring, and we end up having sex again because he's giving me more of what I needed. Over the next week, I created several opportunities for us to be together, but he never seemed took advantage of them. His kids and him were over at my house one night hanging out, then he suddenly left because he was tired. I texted him about 5 minutes after he left and asked how tired he was. He said that he was very tired and asked why. I told him that I was kinda hoping we could talk but that it was okay if he wanted to wait. He said that he was going to bed, then sent me another text saying goodnight. After that, I have decided that we can't conitnue this because it just hurts me too much, but now he seems to be getting more interested again. Here are my questions- 1) could he really be dense enough to not see the opportunities over and over again or do you think he was avoiding me? 2) Why is it that every time I start to back off he shows more interest? 3) How should I word it when I break it off with him? If he could ever be more consistent in being slightly more than just friends, I would be willing to give him all the benefits he wants. I also want him to know how much I truly care for him. If I do break it off, it needs to be done very nciely as I need to stay friendly with him. The other complicating forces here are that my hubby and him work together, they are friends, and I am friends with his kids and his wife. Anything you guys could do to shed light on this would be helpful. I'm a big girl, I know what I am doing, and really don't want lectures, just some advice in how to deal with this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I had a crush on my nieghbor (we are both married) for awhile and he seemed completely oblivious. Then, just as I started getting over it, him and I end up having sex twice in one night (which he initiated). We agree to be FWB. I start having doubts because I know I am developing some feelings for him. We finally get a chance to talk, and I tell him that it needs to be a little more than just sex for me. We talk a lot more, him being attentive and caring, and we end up having sex again because he's giving me more of what I needed. Over the next week, I created several opportunities for us to be together, but he never seemed took advantage of them. His kids and him were over at my house one night hanging out, then he suddenly left because he was tired. I texted him about 5 minutes after he left and asked how tired he was. He said that he was very tired and asked why. I told him that I was kinda hoping we could talk but that it was okay if he wanted to wait. He said that he was going to bed, then sent me another text saying goodnight. After that, I have decided that we can't conitnue this because it just hurts me too much, but now he seems to be getting more interested again. Here are my questions- 1) could he really be dense enough to not see the opportunities over and over again or do you think he was avoiding me? 2) Why is it that every time I start to back off he shows more interest? 3) How should I word it when I break it off with him? If he could ever be more consistent in being slightly more than just friends, I would be willing to give him all the benefits he wants. I also want him to know how much I truly care for him. If I do break it off, it needs to be done very nciely as I need to stay friendly with him. The other complicating forces here are that my hubby and him work together, they are friends, and I am friends with his kids and his wife. Anything you guys could do to shed light on this would be helpful. I'm a big girl, I know what I am doing, and really don't want lectures, just some advice in how to deal with this situation. Oh dear! Your having an affair with your neighbor? This is not a good situation at all. I had an 18 month long ea with the MM man nextdoor while a MW nothing good came from it. You ask why when you back away he shows more intrest? Because it's a game for him. Your a side dish and an ego boost. His wife is the main course. Honestly, you should get out of this now and fast. IMO, your heading for a huge heartbreak and you could very well ruin lives here. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 You're both conflicted. A nice chat saying "thanks" but heres' how it's going to be. Lay out your desired outcome - friends, no sex, families get along. And ask for his help in getting there. Being straight usually works. They'll be some turbulence. Just be kind to him and yourself. And never never tell anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Armynel Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 This is not a good situation at all. and this cause to some other problems. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Lizard, YOU NEED TO STOP THIS, IMMEDIATELY!!!! Having an affair with a neighbor, can lead to violence. Only an affair with a family member (brothers/sisters-in-law) is more violence-prone. YOU WILL BE OUTED. There is almost NO chance that this will remain a secret. What if the kids see what's happening? What will you and him do if other neighbors find out? There is absolutely NO good that can possibly come from a situation like this. Are there kids in both families? What happens when they go to school together after you are outed? You really, really need to deal with this NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Lizard, In this case, I absolutely KNOW what is going to happen, because it is almost identical to what happened to me, and is the reason for my divorce. I cheated with a neighbor woman and was outed by another neighbor, I was forced to defend myself from her husband's attack and he ended up being injured seriously. THANK GOD, we didn't have kids. The other couple did. Both marriages ended and, the legal problems lasted for years. Please for your own safety , STOP NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Graciela Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 If any problem at your side,You need to stay friendly with him think this is life we have to face different kind of problems. so be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trigslizard Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 Well, just as I was getting ready to end things with him, he and his wife started having issues (unrelated), so I decided to wait. I figured it was just cruel to leave him when his wife was acting like she was about to. I had decided to keep everything friendly, but avoid any situations where something could happen until I had a chance to talk with him. I was sending a txt to a friend of mine about the situation, but clicked on his name instead (their names are very similar). That got us to talking and we decided that we both wanted to stop the benefits and go back to being just friends. Which is where we are now. Things get a little awkward sometimes, but not often. Thanks for the advice, guys! Link to post Share on other sites
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