How do you not let the past affect the future

[confusednhurt2manyx]

I previously was in a 12 yr relationship with my husband (only married for 4yrs) and throughout the whole time he cheated but I just didn't catch him until after I had my fourth child and happen to be going on right in my mother-in-laws house. I was hurt beyond anything I could imagine in life I could have went through child birth a couple of more times and it wouldn't have compared. Well after all the back and forth with him b/c I did let him back I just finally had enough and called it quits. I took about 8 months to get him out my system and then I started talking to other guys I have one that I have just fallin in love with and I at first tried to give him the total benefit of the doubt but now if he does anything that reminds me of my husband (he has female friends that are suspect to me he says that they use to talk before he got with me but now just friends but I don't want the conversation at all) I shut down and don't trust anything he says to me. Now just recently we moved to another state me and him have not been together long but when I said I was leaving he told me he didn't want to be without me and that he was coming so I said okay. He interacts with my four children as if they were his (way more than there father ever has) kids.he works has no problem helping me fianancially he's a good guy to only be 21 and I'm 7 yrs older than him. My friend tells me I should leave him alone before I push him into something but I just am so scared. So how do I get over the past or should I be cautious about him.

[jnj express]

I would be cautious about him if for no other reason than that he is 21, and probably hasn't experienced life yet, and at some point in time he may decide he doesn't want to be with a ready made family of 4 kids, and a wife or GF relationship. 4 kids is a heavy load for a married H to handle much less a 21 yr. old kid, for like it or not that is what he is. Yes you yourself are probably gunshy cuz of having been decieved for the whole of your mge., and you probably have very little trust in you. IMHO your major doubts with the 21 yr. old should come from his age and being saddled for the rest of his life with your kids, i think at some point that will cause him to either cheat or leave. Just be very careful, and DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYTHING WITH THIS GUY. He may seem mature but I have my doubts. Him dropping his lifestyle and friends and everything he had going where he previously lived, and moving to another state with you, is a red flag. 21 yr olds, just don't off and leave a good happy fun loving life to be with 4 kids, i am sorry but they just don't . If I were you i would check into this guy's life very thoroughly.