Should I cheat on him?

[reservoirdog1]

It sounds like you haven't approached your BF about these issues. That should be the first thing you do, before you go fyck another guy. Maybe your BF has simply been so busy working hard to build a good life for the BOTH of you, that he hasn't realized that he's been neglecting the relationship. That can happen. He at least deserves the respect of you speaking to him about it first before you spread your legs for Mr. Cutest-thing-on-this-planet.

 

I echo somebody's else's question: what do YOU spend your days doing while your BF is working? Do you have a job? Full time or part time?

 

While your BF does have an obligation to make your relationship a priority, his job isn't to be your sole source of happiness and fulfillment. You're responsible for that in your own life.

 

So, I suggest the following:

 

1. Write Mr. Cutie-pie out of your life. He serves no positive purpose in your relationship and is only a distraction from where your focus should really be.

 

2. Sit your BF down and have a serious talk with him about the relationship, what's missing from it, and how the TWO OF YOU can work together to fix it.

 

3. Assess what you can do YOURSELF to feel more fulfilled (things that don't involve fycking somebody else).

 

If you do plan on fycking the other guy, at least break up with your BF first. He deserves that much respect at least.

[smookie]

Break up or talk to him about your feelings.

Not about the other guy but whats wrong with your relationship.

Take it from there see if it is fixable. If not then say your good byes and be done with it.

[wtfshock]

I ask for advice, and not for your judgment.

 

Haagen

 

You ask for advice on a forum that has to deal with the aftermath of what you are considering doing. Right now you deserve to be judged and you are in the wrong. If you cant be moral enough to communicate your problems with your man and are thinking about cheating on him then you deserve all the backlash you get. That does say alot about your character to a great many of us who have been cheated on. You are exactly the kind of person i would never want to meet or be with.

 

If you go through with it and you cause your SO this kind of pain you are horrible. Take it from someone who has been cheated on. Its not worth it. You either need to let him go or confront him in order to work it out. Cheating on him will only cause him to despise you and when you finally 'get it' and want him back, it will never be the same.

 

So you need to understand what everyone is tell you here and not get defensive. Getting defensive about it means you are trying to justify an action every bit as bad as murder or theft. You are about to commit an aggressive act against someone you love because you are insecure and selfish.

 

On the other hand if you are willing to listen to these people here there might be hope for you yet. If not, go ahead and cheat on him but dont ever say we didnt tell ya so.

 

good luck

[Gamine]

What you are feeling is normal... it is called a fantasy. Fantasies are as addictive as crack. You are imagining something really wonderful. Perhaps you should imagine the opposite. Instead of glorifying a possible sexual experience with this man, why don't you imagine one that would be by your definition a horrible failure. Now, you have a horrible experience and you have betrayed your boyfriend. How would that feel? It is the idea of being with him that you desire, not necessarily him.

 

I watch my weight. Sometimes I say something isn't enough to waste the calories.

 

Maybe you should look at him like a delicious chocolate truffle. You know it might be delicious, but after weighing the options you realize it equals looking lousy in those jeans. We can say no to things.

 

My husband cheated on me a year ago. At the time she thought it was the best thing since sliced white bread. Since then, he looks back on the whole thing with revulsion and disdain... for himself and her as she was also married.

 

I've been tempted, but the bottom line is this... I'd rather say yes or no responsibly knowing the possible outcomes before I jump in. Try visualizing the sexual experience as being a total let down... then your bf finding out about it and ending the relationship. Now you have nothing. Not a good fantasy and not a good reality.

 

We have to live with our choices and it is best not to have regrets.

[Dexter Morgan]

I live with my boyfriend of 3 years and things are "OK". I mean we get along and everything. He works all day and is almost never home. Our sex live is not as good as it used to be. I net this guy, that is the cutest thing on this planet. He is beautiful and just amazing. I feel so good when I am with him. I have not slept with him but I really really want to. I do not want a relationship with him. I just want him for sex. What should I do?

 

If you have to ask whether you should cheat on your bf or not, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship.

 

Find a new place to live and set your bf free from you. Then you can have all the sex you want with this new guy, or any other guy that is just the cutest thing on the planet:o

 

sounds like you aren't a girl that is too worried about being true to a bf, so maybe you shouldn't be making any more committments.

[WiseOne1]

Hello haagen, I do understand what your asking. But I wouldn't expect to find any answers that suit you here on love shack, 98.7% of people on love shack are here or arrived here for the exact same reason that your debating rather you should do.

 

Basically there here because of a cheater, so there taking your post very personal and comparing it with there past experience.

 

However what there simply saying is breakup with your bf before you go cheating around, to give him the time to find someone that wont find interest in another man, and who doesn’t want anyone else.

What your thinking doesn’t make you a bad person at all, its human nature just like you said, however I feel that you should breakup with your bf first.

[Dexter Morgan]

My advice: have sex with him.. get it out of your system..

 

My advice to OP, unless you are selfish and could care less about your boyfriend, don't follow this advice.

[Cowboy2theCore]

I will be nicer. I don't think you should cheat on him. when you and your bf do have sex do you enjoy it? If you do then stay with your bf. If you do not then do not cheat. Brake up with him and live your life the best way you know how. The choice is yours. Just make sure that you make the right one before you act on anything. Try not to get alone with that guy friend because things happen when you are alone. Try to be in public. Well I hope it is not to late to give my advice. Oh maybe you can give me some advice on my problem. I wrote it today 13 May 09 and it is long. I don't know if anyone will read it and reply back because of the lenth but I needed to but in details. I left some out. Anyway I would not cheat on your boyfriend. Take Care

[cocakola]

It's people like you that convince me you can't really trust anyone these days.

 

I say move out, then screw whoever you want. What are you doing while he's always at work putting in those long hours? Is he paying for a mortgage that puts a roof over your head or do you also contribute? How did you meet this other man?

[Glenn Quagmire]

Call me skeptical but this Haagen character seems like an insecure young male, posing as a female, trying to get some answers.

[Dexter Morgan]

I ask for advice, and not for your judgment.

 

you got advice, justlooking told you to break up with him.

[Dexter Morgan]

You people are acting like I killed someone. Chill. I didn't do anything. I just have thoughts in my head and wanted to share them with someone. Do you think the world is perfect and whenever two people get married that from that point on, nobody thinks about being with someone else?

 

 

Uh, in case you forgot....you asked this forum if you should cheat on him...which means you are doing more than just fantasizing or thinking about it....you are looking for validation and for us to excuse you so you CAN do it.

 

 

I have seen fathers with children, checking girls out. And married women staring at the single guy with hunger in their eyes. It is just in our nature to think about things like that. If we do these things, that is another question.

 

Ok, so say you have a boyfriend that you are smitten with...you know he looks, its human nature.

 

but what if he did as you did and asked his friends if he should cheat on you? he isn't just thinking about other women, he actually wants to be with them and more than likely will with that attitude.

[mark982]

i think she didn't like our views of her and disappeared.

[haagen]

You know. you are right. It is selfish from my side and I should not really think about it. You know, it is funny how your head can take you different places, places that are so forbiden, but seem so sweet. I am not proud of myself, but that is just what I felt, and shared it with others. The other guys actually knows my boyfriend, and that makes it even worse. Life is complicated..

[Davey McG]

Life is complicated..

 

Only because you make it that way.

[Dexter Morgan]

Its not complicated at all. Break up with your bf, set him free from you, and you can go off and do whatever you like without betraying someone.

[Chrome Barracuda]

It all boils down to does she want her boyfriend or the new guy. That's what women do, plot their escape and then bounce. Their emotions control them, their stringed along but have the ability to choose their own choices.

[uncertain at work]

I disagree with justlooking123, just because you are considering cheating does not mean you are a bad person it just means that you are honest with yourself about what you want.

 

I don't think an affair is ever a good idea weather it's a one night stand or not, but we are all human and do think about it.

 

I agree with norajane, try fixing what is wrong with your relationship. If that doesn't work then break it off with your bf annd move on.

[missdependant]

It astounds me how many people come onto this forum expecting people to justify their desire to cheat.

 

Why not put on your big people pants and talk to your boyfriend. If that doesn't fix the problem, break up.

 

As for the "cutes guy in the world", maybe you should consider masturbation. Cheating is a HORRIBLE thing to do to someone. No, it's not murder.. but that doesn't mean it's not a terribly evil thing to do.

 

It's not cool. It's trashy.

[Dexter Morgan]

As for the "cutes guy in the world", maybe you should consider masturbation. Cheating is a HORRIBLE thing to do to someone..

 

 

exactly...cuz there will ALWAYS be someone "cuter" or better looking than your SO.

 

Some people love their partner and aren't that superficial, and can handle not wanting to boff every cute face that comes along....others that are fickle can't handle it. the latter needs to stay away from committments.

 

it amazes me how many people in the world are this superficial to always be looking to better deal their partner that they claim to love or care for simply because a new pretty face comes along.

 

I am starting to think marriage should be abolished all together.

[love_story]

You people are acting like I killed someone. Chill. I didn't do anything. I just have thoughts in my head and wanted to share them with someone. Do you think the world is perfect and whenever two people get married that from that point on, nobody thinks about being with someone else? I have seen fathers with children, checking girls out. And married women staring at the single guy with hunger in their eyes. It is just in our nature to think about things like that. If we do these things, that is another question.

haagen,

 

I am with on this. People on this board would rather judge you than give you an advice. It happened to me too. I feel like some people gere have been brainedwashed. I see same answers over and over again, it's like they all read the same book.

However, let's go back to your original post. I don't agree with cheating, unless there are reasons. I've been in your situation, a bit longer than you. 5 years with at in-home boyfriend. Things got worse over years, no sex, not much respect from him or any kind of affection. I did talk to him many times and he said something about scheduling having sex, which I will never do. So, I decided to go someplace else. I'm seeing now a married man, but we don't have just a sex relationship. It's more than that, attracted to each other, friendship. I would never get involved with a man just to have sex. That's one of my principles. If you feel like you can only have sex with this guy and nothing esle and makes you happy, GO FOR IT. Good luck!

[torranceshipman]

Here's my advice: of course you shouldn't cheat. Duh.

 

What I think you're looking for: oh poor you, things aren't perfect with your boyfriend, and seeing as the world revolves around you - of course you should cheat, so you get everything that you want! Integrity, backbone, honesty...pah!-that's for schmucks.

[Dexter Morgan]

haagen,

 

I am with on this. People on this board would rather judge you than give you an advice.

 

she got advice, she just didn't like it originally. I think she has since changed her mind.

 

And I agree, fantasizing about cheating is one thing. but she actually came on her looking for validation so she could excuse herself to do it for real.

 

 

However, let's go back to your original post. I don't agree with cheating, unless there are reasons.

 

there are no reasons or excuses for cheating, and anyone that thinks otherwise is not fit for a committed relationship.

 

 

I've been in your situation, a bit longer than you. 5 years with at in-home boyfriend. Things got worse over years, no sex, not much respect from him or any kind of affection. I did talk to him many times and he said something about scheduling having sex, which I will never do. So, I decided to go someplace else.

 

If you have to go someplace else, then why are you with that person in the first place? What you just gave isn't a reason to cheat.

 

It IS a reason, however, to leave the relationship.

 

 

I'm seeing now a married man

 

oh brother.....aye yi yi.

 

 

but we don't have just a sex relationship. It's more than that, attracted to each other, friendship. I would never get involved with a man just to have sex. That's one of my principles.

 

LMFAO...principles.........and sleeping with a married man. just another "oh brother" moment.

 

 

If you feel like you can only have sex with this guy and nothing esle and makes you happy, GO FOR IT. Good luck!

 

whats wrong with breaking up with him if she feels the need to cheat.

 

What is keeping her around if she feels the need to cheat. You got an answer for that question?

[TheStranger]

No, you shouldn't cheat on him. If he was here asking us if he should cheat on you, would you like us to tell him to do it? No.

 

 

The fact that you think about it, is bad enough. He's spending countless hours working to give you both a decent life, if he was out drinking or out with his mates 24/7 then I could understand you questioning the relationship, but he isn't so you shouldn't be.

 

 

If you want to believe the grass is greener on the other side, then go ahead, lose your partner, and keep waiting for the day when the guy you want to sleep with, finds another girl who wants to sleep with him.

[samspade]

I don't agree with cheating, unless there are reasons. I've been in your situation, a bit longer than you. 5 years with at in-home boyfriend. Things got worse over years, no sex, not much respect from him or any kind of affection. I did talk to him many times and he said something about scheduling having sex, which I will never do. So, I decided to go someplace else. I'm seeing now a married man, but we don't have just a sex relationship. It's more than that, attracted to each other, friendship. I would never get involved with a man just to have sex. That's one of my principles. If you feel like you can only have sex with this guy and nothing esle and makes you happy, GO FOR IT. Good luck!

 

More evidence that any piece of trash can conjure up a "reason" to cheat that suits his or her needs. What's the matter, you didn't want to buy out of the shared lease and have to pay for your own studio apartment?

 

Glad to see you have principles, though.

 

People on this board would rather judge you than give you an advice.

 

Here is some advice: Stay single so you can **** all the men you want without hurting anyone; or, if you are still with your bf, try to muster up the courage to break up with him, before you wind up giving him some STD.