JoGarr Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Hey:) This has probably been touched on many times before, but I would really appreciate any opinions/advice at all!! My fiance is quite in touch with his feminine side, which I like. He has mostly female friends which I was ok with, or so I thought until recently. After we got engaged, he started a facebook page and has accumulated mostly (young) girl "friends" on it. I feel this is disrespectful, as most of these "friends" he doesn't know in real life and are just internet buddys. We are in a long distance relationship, BTW. There is one female friend in particular whom he does know. He works with her and is the only one he's frequently exchanging comments/picture comments/birthday cards etc and for some eason this really irks me?? He has told me in the past that he "has a lot in common" with this woman and they always talk at work. She has given him lifts home, even though she doesn't live particularly near him and invited him to gigs with her etc. He has never gone, as far as I know. I asked him about it and he said that there was certainly nothing on "HIS part", which suggested to me that he believes that she's attracted to him? If this was so, why would he want to encourage her:confused:? He also got very upset and said that all he does is talk about me at work and everyone knows how he feels about me? This made me feel guilty, but if I felt a work colleague was attracted to me, I would steer clear and have done in the past, certainly not the opposite. He's due to go on "holiday" with his job, which they must do in pairs of staff, and it now transpires that he has been paired with this woman out of all the other staff he works with:rolleyes:!! This would involve sharing a house with her for around a week. This also has irked me. When I broach the subject, I feel he subtley accuses me of being jealous and has told his mum and family the story (probably twisted it, no doubt) and they have been a bit "off" with me recently. He has also said he's going to delete his FB account, but I really don't think this would solve anything & would be silly of him to have to do. Maybe it looks this way, but I truly don't feel I'm a jealous person at all! The thing is, the word jealous suggests,to me, that you are afraid of loosing someone. What do you guys think?? I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that "loosing a partner" is not, nor never has been in the past, my concern. I'm not afraid to be alone and enjoy being single. I was single for 3 years before meeting my fiance and really had a ball!!!! I just thought I had found "my one" this time but if it turns out he isn't and is working sly moves, I will walk away counting my blessings that I found out before I got married!! I also HATE to think of being made a fool of and of him perhaps keeping a plan B or C around in the background, should things not work out with us?? Sorry for the rant, but any thoughts/opinions/ would be really appreciated. Am I maybe overreacting?? I can take a bit of criticism BTW, so ANY comments would be welcomed:cool:. Thanks for listening. x Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 End the LDR part soon. The sooner the better. Not because of plan B and C, but because it's difficult to build intimacy and commitment without consistent contact. I'm assuming there will be no LDR during a M, right? If you're having trust issues with a guy whom you say enjoys his feminine side and his female friends, then you probably should examine why or if you really like that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoGarr Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 Thank you for taking the time to reply:D Yes, you're definitely right about us living together for a spell to ensure that we're truly compatible. We're both applying for jobs in each others towns and the first to get one, leaves! I guess I've always liked "feminine" "sensitive" men and I don't really know why......Not really sure, maybe it's just my taste?? You've certainly given me something to think about. Thanks again:). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Oh, also, make it a point to get to know his female friends. Interact with them away from your fiance. That shouldn't be a problem for him Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I'm intrigued (ok, I am suspicious) of a work required "holiday" that involves sending two different sex co-workers to share a house for a week. Can you explain that further? Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I am one of the few on this site that thinks men in committed relationships shouldn't have "friendships" with other girls. Why do men need a ton of girls to validate them? I'll never get it. I have no use for male friends and I expect my partner to feel the same about female friends. Different strokes for different folks I guess. But this would not be OK with me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Ergo, committed women should not have friendships with other men. Married couple's opposite sex spouses should never interact with each other away from couple's activities. etc, etc. Slippery slope, just because of one man's perceived inability to control himself Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts