soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 And in November you were posting about some guy you bedded four times but broke things off with him because he was getting too serious. But I admit that appears to be an aberration. You want to be depthlessly grim? Have at it. Just don't bring your persecution complex to the board with this "You guys are right, I'm a bitter old hag". Your problem isn't being old or haggard, and I wouldn't necessarily call it bitterness. In my uneducated layman's perspective, I'd be tempted to call it narcisism. You don't like my attitude or my posts, the solution is so simple even an ape could understand it.. don't read them, put me on ignore:) Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 You could be right, it wouldn't be the first time I've been overly mean. But I don't think it's nuts; all I can do is post how this all strikes me after giving it quite a bit of thought. What's nuts is accusing posters here of painting her as "a bitter old hag" when, except for me, all I see is sympathy and support. I didn't say that people here were saying that!!! for god's sake it's what my ex said and what my own mirror tells me is true!!! and I'm admitting that I 'm bitter because I've been called on it enough here to finally admit that it's true. I am actually very quiet in real life, I go about my business trying really hard to not make waves and not offend. I am honestly struggling here to go back to being the person I once was but I am just totally stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I didn't say that people here were saying that!!! for god's sake it's what my ex said and what my own mirror tells me is true!!! and I'm admitting that I 'm bitter because I've been called on it enough here to finally admit that it's true. I am actually very quiet in real life, I go about my business trying really hard to not make waves and not offend. I am honestly struggling here to go back to being the person I once was but I am just totally stuck. So why do you feel the need to take out your frustrations on people here then? Go kick a dog or something. There are other people on the ends of those posts you take your frustrations out on. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH YOU. My mom who is 63 has a more active social life than me or my sister. She goes out EVERY weekend and several times during the week. Guess what she is SINGLE and goes through guys like old socks. You know what else she is not a looker (used to be but she is 63). So you need to stop with the self pity I saw my mom go through this and it was destructive. She found singles groups and hobbies and everything else is history. I let myself be dragged to a few of those "mid-life" singles club dance things... oh god, can you say horror show, lol. I was never a group type person even when I was 20, a great deal of my work is solitary as well. I do have a couple of causes I'm active in though those don't seem to be yielding a lot in terms of extra social stuff. I'm not a big drinker..a couple glasses of wine leaves me wanting my PJ's so clubs aren't my thing either. It's difficult finding my place. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 So why do you feel the need to take out your frustrations on people here then? Go kick a dog or something. There are other people on the ends of those posts you take your frustrations out on. I deserve your anger, I am sorry for offending you and other WS. Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I deserve your anger, I am sorry for offending you and other WS. Anger no, I am far from angry with you. See my posts above. I just want to get across the idea that just because we are anonymous does not mean we (WS/OW/OM) are your whipping dog. A constructive supportive site is much better than a bitter nasty one. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Anger no, I am far from angry with you. See my posts above. I just want to get across the idea that just because we are anonymous does not mean we (WS/OW/OM) are your whipping dog. A constructive supportive site is much better than a bitter nasty one. I think part of my anger comes when I read all about how the BS did this or the BS did that given as justification for an affair. I've actually spent years before our divorce trying to make things better,trying to be the woman he wanted, all I can come away with, the thing I did, my fault so to speak.. is that I grew old. If he said I nagged or kept a filthy house or any one of 100 different things, I could at least understand. I'm divorced now precisly due to the one factor that is not within my control, my age. It's frustrating to read stuff about how the BS must have done X,W or Z and they are to blame for the affair,it adds to a sinking, terrible feeling. I just don't get it, I offered him a divorce more than once, why couldn;t he have just manned up and we could have quietly divorced and I'd be left with some shred of dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think part of my anger comes when I read all about how the BS did this or the BS did that given as justification for an affair. I've actually spent years before our divorce trying to make things better,trying to be the woman he wanted, all I can come away with, the thing I did, my fault so to speak.. is that I grew old. If he said I nagged or kept a filthy house or any one of 100 different things, I could at least understand. I'm divorced now precisly due to the one factor that is not within my control, my age. It's frustrating to read stuff about how the BS must have done X,W or Z and they are to blame for the affair,it adds to a sinking, terrible feeling. I just don't get it, I offered him a divorce more than once, why couldn;t he have just manned up and we could have quietly divorced and I'd be left with some shred of dignity. I understand you anger but you should be in enough control to not lash out. If we all get nasty what good does that do? Here is the thing as nasty as BS are towards WS, the emotional rawness that BS have is more on the surface. So if WS really wanted too we could make a BS feel even worse, because we know how. We could make it more personal than you would want. But the WS here stay away from doing that since we are all here for support. If I want to argue I go to a political site. You last part no ideas, my dad did the same thing. Until my mom feed up nothing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 So if WS really wanted too we could make a BS feel even worse, because we know how. We could make it more personal than you would want. But the WS here stay away from doing that since we are all here for support. Hey PKN, you haven't seen how some BW have been treated and the things that have been said or you wouldn't say this. There are some, not many I admit, OW who relish in making it very personal with the BW. IMO, that's just a part of affairs themselves. It's not a nice topic to begin with. BTW, last night was great. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 You don't like my attitude or my posts, the solution is so simple even an ape could understand it.. don't read them, put me on ignore:) Sound advice. And if I get an infraction, I'll have it coming for allowing this to get under my skin and posting out of anger. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 So if WS really wanted too we could make a BS feel even worse, because we know how. We could make it more personal than you would want. Has the thought crossed your mind that many BS are angry because we have direct, repeated experiences with WS who did just what you've posted ? There's nothing much any WS could say to me at this point that would make me feel worse, I've been handled by an expert. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Sound advice. And if I get an infraction, I'll have it coming for allowing this to get under my skin and posting out of anger. Well any infraction you'd get wouldn't be coming from me. Faults I have many of, being a tattle tale though isn't among them:) Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Hey PKN, you haven't seen how some BW have been treated and the things that have been said or you wouldn't say this. There are some, not many I admit, OW who relish in making it very personal with the BW. IMO, that's just a part of affairs themselves. It's not a nice topic to begin with. BTW, last night was great. A BS's goes over into the OW/OM forum you get what you get. You have knowingly entered into a forum that is for OW/OM. Now over in this forum it is the other way around. The big difference is everyone here is trying to move past (in some fashion) the affair. So there is a different mix of people with way different opinions. So you let him watch some TV I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Has the thought crossed your mind that many BS are angry because we have direct, repeated experiences with WS who did just what you've posted ? There's nothing much any WS could say to me at this point that would make me feel worse, I've been handled by an expert. What WS would that be??? Most case yours right? I for example am NOT YOUR WS, so you have no right to direct your anger towards me. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 A BS's goes over into the OW/OM forum you get what you get. You have knowingly entered into a forum that is for OW/OM. Now over in this forum it is the other way around. The big difference is everyone here is trying to move past (in some fashion) the affair. So there is a different mix of people with way different opinions. So you let him watch some TV I hope. TV and then some! Big screen baby. (I have no Idea what I'm trying to say, but it was fun) Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 What WS would that be??? Most case yours right? I for example am NOT YOUR WS, so you have no right to direct your anger towards me. and I am not the wife that you hold in utter contempt, I am bitter and I am angry but I am now divorced with at least a chance that I might recover, you're still married to a woman who you resent so deeply that it's palpalble in your posts.. and I say this with total respect and sincerityas nothing good comes from having to live with those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 and I am not the wife that you hold in utter contempt, I am bitter and I am angry but I am now divorced with at least a chance that I might recover, you're still married to a woman who you resent so deeply that it's palpalble in your posts.. and I say this with total respect and sincerityas nothing good comes from having to live with those feelings. Now here we go the truth without being nasty. What you stay is true (on my part). We are talking tonight and I am bring up talking points from here. So hopefully that resentment will change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 She's 2o years younger than I, she's not going to grow haggard anytime soon. You guys are right, I'm a bitter old hag who just cannot accept that her husband lucked up and got with a much better woman. I just don't know how to become warm.loving and gracious, how to accept my fate with kindness and how to reach out and embrace others. How do I become a gracious and dignified elderly woman, how do I pay my alimony and smile and congratulate my ex and mean it? Soserious1...........You don't think this "SOUNDS" bitter as you read it? No one here has called you an OLD HAG..You have said that yourself, many times. We don't know you from adam. You even have said yourself you are bitter. BTW: No one can take your dignaty without you giving them permission. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Soserious1...........You don't think this "SOUNDS" bitter as you read it? No one here has called you an OLD HAG..You have said that yourself, many times. We don't know you from adam. You even have said yourself you are bitter. BTW: No one can take your dignaty without you giving them permission. I fully admit that it sounds bitter because that's exactly what I'm feeling, I'm not saying that anybody here is calling me an old hag.. though if you wander over to the dating forums you'll get a nice taste of what a lot of guys think about older women, lol! As far as the line about dignity goes, that's a nice platitude but I don't live in platitudes. I live in a world where eligible men in my age range are either married or want women significantly younger than I am. My Ex is living with a gorgous gal 20 years my junior.. he got his sex queen and a nice monthly check, he wins, the OW wins, I lose, it's that cut and dried and factual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 She's 2o years younger than I, she's not going to grow haggard anytime soon. BUT the fact of life is - we all get older..........OR the alternative "Death"...I'd take getting older & having another birthday over death any day of the week... She will get old!!! Back in the day my H & I used to hang with a group of people that were much younger than we were. I was overweight, felt very old & didn't feel so hot about myself & the girls used to have the attitude of "look at me- look how hot & young I am"....Well...we are fast forwarded about 10+ years. NOW they are older, have had children & their bodies have gone to hell in a handbasket. THEY GOT OLD...Just like me. I lost the weight - don't feel as old anymore & kind of chuckle at the whole thing now. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Now here we go the truth without being nasty. What you stay is true (on my part). We are talking tonight and I am bring up talking points from here. So hopefully that resentment will change. The year before I divorced was total hell, there was so much anger and so much resentment coming from both of us that we should have been classified as toxic waste dumps. I can tell you with total honesty here that I wish you the best in trying to get thru all of that and either repair the marriage or to decide upon a divorce and civil co-parenting plan. That year I spent was horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's not good for your health. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 One can get past the bitterness. But, it is not like flipping a light switch. It takes time and you , soserious, were in an abusive relationship, extremely abusive. ONe thing that has become clear to me is that my life is so much beter being out. I really do not care if I ever have another relationship. The things people have to put up with are really messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 So hopefully that resentment will change. And what are you DOING to change that resentment PK? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Soserious, Are you sure posting here on LS is helpful for you? Link to post Share on other sites
pparrott Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Soserious, Are you sure posting here on LS is helpful for you? I was kinda wondering that myself as I'm reading along. Link to post Share on other sites
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