Notice A Pattern Here....

[Reggie]

It could be helpful She is still pretty hurt and it's okay to get it out, IMO.

[tami-chan]

So why do you feel the need to take out your frustrations on people here then?

 

Go kick a dog or something.

 

There are other people on the ends of those posts you take your frustrations out on.

 

 

PKN!!!! nononono..do NOT kick a dog... I love dogs...go kick a gorilla, instead...(lol, just kidding Gorilla theater)..actually no, don't do that either..you might hurt yourself doing that...however, it might be good for you to do something physical to let your frustrations out and get in shape--take up karate or kick-boxing.

 

I do not remember if you are in counselling. Many advocate it- might help you. Plus if there are things about your physical look that bother you-e.g. eye bags, wrinkles to your face, etc..( not saying you have this)-how about you consult a specialist who can help you with those? I do not know what you think about going the surgical route, but thats something to think about, no? It's not for everyone, of course.But there are things you can do (or be done to you) that would help you in this area.

[pkn06002]

And what are you DOING to change that resentment PK?

 

Nothing you BS's would agree with, plus this thread is not about me.

[pkn06002]

Talk about hedging!

 

Actually it(my situation) has been beaten to death in other threads, so I don't really care to address it again right now.

[Dexter Morgan]

Just venting now....But I post here from time to time....I also "take breaks" from here from time to time. But, as I am reading several different threads here....Infidelity/OM-OW/Separation/Divorce.....

The pattern I see happening here is there are so many that just come here to "Throw Stones".

Why?

NONE OF US........That's right folks.........NONE OF US are perfect human beings.

 

I agree. I'm not perfect. Sometimes I forget to put the toilet seat down.

 

But one thing I have never done and will never do is cheat.

 

 

We all make mistakes from time to time.

 

*sigh* cheating isn't a mistake. People cheat because they wanted to cheat.

call it poor judgement, or a poor decision...but its not a mistake.

 

 

We all falter or lose our way.

 

wrong. not all of us falter in such a way as to betray someone else and not all of us cheat, or will ever cheat.

 

 

Some find their way back, others don't ~ It happens.

I'm not a bible beating person.......But for crying out loud - He that is without fault cast the first stone.

 

I am without the sin of cheating and I have never slept with, nor will I ever, someone elses wife.

[herenow]

Actually it(my situation) has been beaten to death in other threads, so I don't really care to address it again right now.

 

PKN, quick questions for you. Are you getting what you need from this forum? Does sparring with the BW give you information that is helpful to your situation? I hope so because I really believe that even opinions that we oppose can be beneficial.

[jwi71]

Nothing you BS's would agree with, plus this thread is not about me.

 

Perhaps I misunderstood...I thought you were referring to YOUR pent up resentment...

[Dexter Morgan]

Tami, I don't think that any ow/om, or ws , will ever get "flamed" as long as they are honest.

 

just like in confused's prior threads. I didn't flame her. I did call her on her behavior a bit, but the main purpose was to let her know what more than likely is going through her husbanb's mind from time to time because I have been there.

 

WS's shouldn't fool themselves in to thinking that the marriage will be all hunky dory again. On the surface it can be, but WS's are fooling themselves if they think the pain of what they did doesn't come back once in a blue moon to haunt their BS. and if you call that a great marriage....well.....ok:confused:

[Dexter Morgan]

It would be like if I were to SLAM someone for NEVER forgiving, or leaving their cheating spouse.

 

and why would anyone really? never forgiving and leaving a cheater is perfectly acceptable.

 

 

Now, I do feel sorry for people who let a situation like this eat at them for the rest of their entire lives & can't manage to find happiness because of what someone else did TO them

 

for myself, what my xW did to me doesn't eat at me. Why? Because she is no longer my problem. She is insignificant to me now.

 

It WOULD have eaten away at me if I would have stayed with her.

 

And it isn't about "eating away at us"....its about making a decision to never be walked all over again...never to be played for a fool. I still believe in having a wonderful, committed relationship...I'm just not going to take any crap. And it doesn't mean any of us can't despise despicable behavior when we see it in others.

 

 

(I still believe it's not what we did TO our spouses, but what we did it FOR ourselves, right, wrong, or indifferent-just my opinion)

 

 

Well if you did it FOR yourself....I see that as being worse than the notion that it was something done TO your husband.

 

If you did if FOR yourself...it means you wanted it, you enjoyed it, and you don't regret it happening. Saying you did it FOR yourself is saying, "I wanted another man, so I felt entitled to help myself to another man".

[pkn06002]

PKN, quick questions for you. Are you getting what you need from this forum? Does sparring with the BW give you information that is helpful to your situation? I hope so because I really believe that even opinions that we oppose can be beneficial.

 

Yes sparring with the BS does help, in a very strange way. It does help me get out thoughts since the BS's here do ask good questions and do make comments that get me to think. But let me say that was NOT the case at first. Until my emotions were back under control after the affair ended I did nothing but lash out and look for conflict. Those conflicts only helped to fuel the emotions I had going on, so I left for a few months.

 

Now though I would say Yes the back and forth does help me very much.

 

jwi71 - no I was referring to my resentment, I just want to discuss any more right now. Nothing personal but for now that topic has been beaten to death. Until there are some real changes in the situation there is nothing new to discuss. Everything for me right now is more internal and personal.

[Dexter Morgan]

My husband had 3 mid-life crisis. We survived....Barely.

But for crying out loud - How many do they get? he he:lmao:

 

As many as you will allow him to get.

[herenow]

Yes sparring with the BS does help, in a very strange way. It does help me get out thoughts since the BS's here do ask good questions and do make comments that get me to think. But let me say that was NOT the case at first. Until my emotions were back under control after the affair ended I did nothing but lash out and look for conflict. Those conflicts only helped to fuel the emotions I had going on, so I left for a few months.

 

Now though I would say Yes the back and forth does help me very much.

 

Then why all the complaints about how OW/OM are treated by BW? If we were all "stepford" BW and played nice, you wouldn't get what you need from us.

 

But then again, based on what some OW/OM say here, if we were "stepford" wives there would be no need for OW in the first place. Therefor no forum to bitch about it.

[Dexter Morgan]

Nothing you BS's would agree with, plus this thread is not about me.

 

Why wouldn't we agree with it? If it erradicates your resentment towards your wife and means her change isn't being implemented for naught, why wouldn't we agree with it? I, for one, want to see your wife's efforts mean something...because right now, it means nothing.

[pkn06002]

Then why all the complaints about how OW/OM are treated by BW? If we were all "stepford" BW and played nice, you wouldn't get what you need from us.

 

But then again, based on what some OW/OM say here, if we were "stepford" wives there would be no need for OW in the first place. Therefor no forum to bitch about it.

 

No there is a difference between sparring/debating and some of the nastiness that gets thrown around. You can spar/debate WITHOUT making it personal. You can not get a good understanding of the other side when you are called names and have hate directed your way. Since once mad understanding goes out the window and you just want to get even.

 

BS do have a tendency to want to make it personal and project their issues on complete strangers. I am sure (have been told) that happens the other way as well.

 

When your temper gets going just walk away. Don't continue to feed into the negative cycle of anger, it does not good. Especially when you are directing it at strangers.

[herenow]

No there is a difference between sparring/debating and some of the nastiness that gets thrown around. You can spar/debate WITHOUT making it personal. You can not get a good understanding of the other side when you are called names and have hate directed your way. Since once mad understanding goes out the window and you just want to get even.

 

BS do have a tendency to want to make it personal and project their issues on complete strangers. I am sure (have been told) that happens the other way as well.

 

When your temper gets going just walk away. Don't continue to feed into the negative cycle of anger, it does not good. Especially when you are directing it at strangers.

 

But when a person is filled with pain it is very real. Isn't it better to be able to see that pain and try to understand why that person is so hurt? For people to hide their emotions for the sake of niceties is not only unhealthily, but it doesn't represent the truth of how affairs effect our lives.

 

When a OW/OM/WS see the real "bitterness" as you call it coming from a BW/BH, it's an in your face look at infidelity. Same goes the other way when an OW/OM is left wondering what happened to a person they believed and found they were wrong.

 

An affair may be a fantasy, but the fall out is reality. People hate, they get angry (bitter), they get argumentative, they blame others, they look for answers, they get personal. Why? because that is the nature of the subject. Hide the raw emotion and you really are wasting your time. JMO

[pkn06002]

But when a person is filled with pain it is very real. Isn't it better to be able to see that pain and try to understand why that person is so hurt? For people to hide their emotions for the sake of niceties is not only unhealthily, but it doesn't represent the truth of how affairs effect our lives.

 

When a OW/OM/WS see the real "bitterness" as you call it coming from a BW/BH, it's an in your face look at infidelity. Same goes the other way when an OW/OM is left wondering what happened to a person they believed and found they were wrong.

 

An affair may be a fantasy, but the fall out is reality. People hate, they get angry (bitter), they get argumentative, they blame others, they look for answers, they get personal. Why? because that is the nature of the subject. Hide the raw emotion and you really are wasting your time. JMO

 

Are you OK if someone lashes out at me(in anger) as a WS (that is not theirs) and I just fire back adding to their pain? Because tell you what, as nasty as a BS can be I know which types of comments will play on their pain the most.

 

Anger will and lashing out will only get more in return. Tell me how that type of cycle helps anyone?

 

Using hurt as an excuse to lash out at strangers is blame shift at it's finest.

[herenow]

Are you OK if someone lashes out at me(in anger) as a WS (that is not theirs) and I just fire back adding to their pain? Because tell you what, as nasty as a BS can be I know which types of comments will play on their pain the most.

 

Anger will and lashing out will only get more in return. Tell me how that type of cycle helps anyone?

 

Using hurt as an excuse to lash out at strangers is blame shift at it's finest.

 

I have seen many people from both sides come here with venom (myself included). They have been hit with nasty comments and supportive ones at the same time. Most of us were able to get that out of our systems and move on to be more "civil". So, yes I do think it's important to get that venom out. This is a public forum and personally I don't take anything that is said here to heart. I have gotten some great insight and advice, for that I'm thankful. When people lash out at me, it's my choice to take it or leave it.

[confusedinkansas]

An affair may be a fantasy, but the fall out is reality. People hate, they get angry (bitter), they get argumentative, they blame others, they look for answers, they get personal. Why? because that is the nature of the subject. Hide the raw emotion and you really are wasting your time. JMO

 

Very well put herenow! Very well!!

[jj33]

A good example of this "pattern" is the new thread in the OW forum by someone who caught his wife in yet another A saying look what this crap does to people - in essence a cautionary tale intended to guilt OW/OMs into not having affairs.

 

With no disrespect to the OP, that is absolutely NOT what the OW/OM forum is for.

[herenow]

A good example of this "pattern" is the new thread in the OW forum by someone who caught his wife in yet another A saying look what this crap does to people - in essence a cautionary tale intended to guilt OW/OMs into not having affairs.

 

With no disrespect to the OP, that is absolutely NOT what the OW/OM forum is for.

 

Is there no benefit to the OW/OM to see a possible result of their choice? Again, public forum so if the story isn't what you are here for, move on to one that makes more sense to you.

 

But, that story is real (haven't read it yet, but I will) and has a real reaction to the situation.

 

When I make decisions I make them based on all the info I get. It's my choice which info to pay attention to or what to ignore.

 

We put caution warnings on everything that has the potential to hurt us. Some people read those warnings and follow them others choose to do things their way. Both may be fine depending on the individual. Bu how is it wrong to post a potential warning?

[soserious1]

My problem is this... it's totally okay to blast BS in the OM/OW forum because after all that is THEIR place for support. It's also perfectly fine to blast BS here because after all WS and OM/OW are part of the affair triangle.

 

It seems really unfair, WS and OM/OW get protected places here and

BS's don't.

[pkn06002]

herenow,

 

These ventings you feel are OK are fine if it is YOUR thread, not someone else's. When someone comes here and other people jump on them and attack them a lot of times they just leave. When they leave tell me how is that supposed to be helping them? Because like it or not WS/OM/OW have emotional feelings as well that are just as valid as the pain a BS feels.

 

So it looks like we are just going to have to disagree.

 

I will add don't call me to task though if someone vents on me and I return it right back. Because I no longer will accept people attacking me for what I did.

[soserious1]

Are you OK if someone lashes out at me(in anger) as a WS (that is not theirs) and I just fire back adding to their pain? Because tell you what, as nasty as a BS can be I know which types of comments will play on their pain the most.

 

Anger will and lashing out will only get more in return. Tell me how that type of cycle helps anyone?

 

Using hurt as an excuse to lash out at strangers is blame shift at it's finest.

 

You've done a wonderful job lashing out at me Pkn, you snapped me back to reality.. I've always done best with a man who gets right up in my face and puts

me in my place... I mean that seriously, if you were here I'd cook you a steak and pop you open a cold beer.

[pkn06002]

My problem is this... it's totally okay to blast BS in the OM/OW forum because after all that is THEIR place for support. It's also perfectly fine to blast BS here because after all WS and OM/OW are part of the affair triangle.

 

It seems really unfair, WS and OM/OW get protected places here and

BS's don't.

 

On this forum no it is not OK to blast a BS. You keep claiming that but have yet to show proof of it. What you consider blasting is nothing.

 

Try having strangers call you a selfish POS over and over. How you are just scum for the choices you made. Then it will not be just one poster that will make the comment a whole gang of them will join in and continue the harassment.

 

Yes this forum is all about the mixing of the two sides of the fence. There is NO just BS only forum, that would be redundant since there are plenty of BS only forums other places.

[pkn06002]

You've done a wonderful job lashing out at me Pkn, you snapped me back to reality.. I've always done best with a man who gets right up in my face and puts

me in my place... I mean that seriously, if you were here I'd cook you a steak and pop you open a cold beer.

 

I don't consider what I posted to you lashing out at all. None of it was done in anger or personal and I choose my words carefully as to no make it that way.