Notice A Pattern Here....

[Bluebird In My Heart]

Just a suggestion,

 

I would LOVE to read the posts around here, but they are just too long! Didn't your English profs ever tell you to keep your papers short and to the point? Digression leads to boredom, so please make your point and move on. Lately, when I come to LS, I just skip past the long-winded posts. Just an observation. I really would like to get to know some of you, but when it looks like I've stumbled upon an argument I just slowly back out of the room.

 

 

I actually like reading longer posts.

 

Oops, apologies.

[White Flower]

Party Pooper

Pooey on you. Just kidding.

 

Really though, not bagging on anyone in particular, just the posts are sooooo loooong. I've had a few people tell me in PMs they 'can't get into it' with some of these longer posts. I get tired just looking at them. I'd take 15 million words to express myself, but who has that kind of time?

[White Flower]

Don't slowly back out...run:lmao:. I am learning to stay out of the cross fire. Unless I'm doing the firing.

At least when you fire, you hit the spot short and sweet! And make me laugh besides. I'd rather hurt from these posts than fall asleep of boredom!

 

You know Bent, I gush with joy that you and I are friends. I know that's too mushy for you, but I really do love you.

 

You are the best BS an OW could have for a friend!

[Scorpio13c]

Pooey on you. Just kidding.

 

Really though, not bagging on anyone in particular, just the posts are sooooo loooong. I've had a few people tell me in PMs they 'can't get into it' with some of these longer posts. I get tired just looking at them. I'd take 15 million words to express myself, but who has that kind of time?

 

Maybe a "Vulcan mind meld" would work?? lol

[tami-chan]

I do know of a lot of situations in which kids are happier their parents got divorced, though. It would've caused them serious problems if the parents stayed together, trust me on that one.

 

I disagree, many couples (esp.in the past) have stayed together and the kids come out ok...not perfect ( who is?) but relatively normal. I think it depends on whether the couple are fighting and are mean and disrespectful to each other...well, of course if they are at each other's throat everyday, the kids will be affected negatively. But there are coupls who can actually be civil and friendly to each other despite the love being gone. But you have divorced couples who after many years still talk crap about each other to whoever cares to listen-talk about damage to the kids! These are couples who cant even be in one building....e.g. daughter's wedding, son's graduation-these even after so many years!

[bentnotbroken]

At least when you fire, you hit the spot short and sweet! And make me laugh besides. I'd rather hurt from these posts than fall asleep of boredom!

 

You know Bent, I gush with joy that you and I are friends. I know that's too mushy for you, but I really do love you.

 

You are the best BS an OW could have for a friend!

 

 

AAAHHH sucks ma'am. Get a grip, you're ruining my rep:lmao:

[tami-chan]

Dex. You do seem VERY angry here.

 

He is not angry....he is "HIGHLY ANNOYED".

[tami-chan]

According to him, he told her that he isn't staying in the marriage for her. So why would she bust her hump to please him? Especially when he isn't reciprocating her efforts and has already stated he has no interest in doing so. It his way or the highway. He doesn't care to have a relationship with her.

 

Because she wants to...<shrug>. Havent you read of those long, suffering BSs out there? they talk about multiple betrayals and still they stay. They talk about how the Ws does not follow NC or unwilling to change,still they stay...well..nothing you can do about it...it is their decision and they are responsible for that decision.

 

With his mindset, why would he stay with her after his child is grown? I can see him divorcing her after the child is out of college or high school. Only one thing stopping him....having to split the marital assets down the middle and give that damn wife 1/2!!!

 

I think he did say that he will leave when the kids are grown...and the wife knows ( but you don't believe him...oh well..)...so maybe the wife is just also biding time until she can figure out how to come out fo this mess ahead...who knows?

 

I never said a BS doesn't have a role to play in helping the marriage stay afloat if both parties agree to work on it. Although I believe the greater burden of effort lies with you...difference is..with pkn, he wants to make no effort and thinks he shouldn't have to make any.

 

I believe you. You have never supported any BS taking back or giving any WS a chance....so commenting(or having an interest on who gets to put on more effort) on what roles the BS/WS play in keeping the marriage afloat would not follow. You only advocate one action after D-day: Divorce.

 

Its a facade if she doesn't really know what is going on and has no idea he doesn't want her. I put forth the idea that if he doesn't want her, and he flat out told her that, she wouldn't be busting her ass to change.

 

Not necessarily. I have read so many BS come to this forum with this : "H/W says he/she does not love me anymore and wants out...help!" or "H/W wants a divorce, in love with OP, what do I do?" Many BSs still want to stay and try to win their WSs back...or else we wouldn't have all these sad stories here.

[White Flower]

AAAHHH sucks ma'am. Get a grip, you're ruining my rep:lmao:

Shucks right back at ya. Somebody had to ruin ya:cool:

[confusedinkansas]

I believe there are a lot of people that stay in marriages KNOWING full well that the other spouse is not in love with them....or "has other plans" down the road.

I also know of women (maybe men do it too - I just don't know any) that stay in a marriage with their husbands KNOWING he has a mistress.

But most of these people don't go to threads like this & whine about it.

I think that PKN's wife may full well know what's up. Maybe she just chooses to live with things the way they are now. Has anyone thought of that.

[soserious1]

Dex,

I wholeheartedly agree with you, perhaps Pkn. would sing another tune if his role were reversed with his wife's?

 

Regardless of PKN's affair status I cannot imagine remaining in a marriage when you have such active resentment and anger towards your spouse. PKN describes the marriage as low conflict but his anger is readily visible in his posts.

 

When people get that angry and are holding onto that much resentment, all those feelings don't just fly out the window when we decide to stay be it for children or fiscal reasons. Having to hold such toxic feelings inwards for a decade or more cannot be good for anyone's health either physically or emotionally. I cannot help but wonder what price PKN and his wife will ultimately pay for deciding to basically live a prison sentence.

[Dexter Morgan]

He is not angry....he is "HIGHLY ANNOYED".

 

actually, I don't think I could have said that any better...

[Dexter Morgan]

Because she wants to...<shrug>. Havent you read of those long, suffering BSs out there? they talk about multiple betrayals and still they stay.

 

ya, only one difference which I highlighted...he claims he told her he doesn't want her and is only staying for the kids.

 

Therefore, she is changing for nothing. It doesn't make sense whatsoever .....unless he did NOT tell her that in so many words and she believes he really wants the marriage and wants her.

 

This is a man that is going to get a divorce once his kids are adults. You think she would make changes to please him if she knew that?

 

 

I think he did say that he will leave when the kids are grown...and the wife knows ( but you don't believe him...oh well..)...so maybe the wife is just also biding time until she can figure out how to come out fo this mess ahead...who knows?

 

his wife biding her time, yes...I can see that....but trying to change to please and appease him?.......no.

 

Thats why i don't believe he told her everything. Therefore I believe he is mentally abusing her. Tricking her to act the way he wants her to act...even though he is not interested in the end result.

 

 

I believe you. You have never supported any BS taking back or giving any WS a chance

 

I won't support what I feel would be a mistake for someone to make.

 

But I do not hate BS's who choose to stay with their cheaters....get real.

My heart goes out to them, and I wish them the best.

 

 

 

You only advocate one action after D-day: Divorce.

 

yup...so what? Someone can either take that to heart, or they can choose that it isn't the path for them. If they decide to stay, then I have other suggestions for them.

[Dexter Morgan]

I believe there are a lot of people that stay in marriages KNOWING full well that the other spouse is not in love with them....or "has other plans" down the road.

 

I agree. But if I were to stay with an unfaithful wife that I knew planned on jetting once the kids were adults.....I'd be simply biding my time, as tami put it. I wouldn't be kissing her ass and changing for someone who plans on using me to keep the facade of a marriage going until such time the kids are out of the house.

 

 

 

I also know of women (maybe men do it too - I just don't know any) that stay in a marriage with their husbands KNOWING he has a mistress.

But most of these people don't go to threads like this & whine about it.

I think that PKN's wife may full well know what's up. Maybe she just chooses to live with things the way they are now. Has anyone thought of that.

 

Sure, I thought of that. But if she "knows whats up", then why is she busting her hump to please him? If she knows whats up, then she simply has to bide her time, live her life in the house with that man...and wait until the kids are gone.

[confusedinkansas]

Perhaps she's hoping for the best. IF she busts her hump to please him - Maybe, Just Maybe things will change.People do change thruout the years. As we get older - our thought process is very different (don't know how old you guys are - I'm in my late 40's....I know things are different now than even in my 30's)

 

OR

 

Maybe she has her own agenda too;)

[tami-chan]

yup...so what? Someone can either take that to heart, or they can choose that it isn't the path for them. If they decide to stay, then I have other suggestions for them.

 

 

There is no "so what"? just reiterating what you advocate. Nobody is challenging you. Chill.

[Dexter Morgan]

There is no "so what"? just reiterating what you advocate. Nobody is challenging you. Chill.

 

oh really?

 

You have never supported any BS taking back or giving any WS a chance

 

then what was that obvious lie about? I will ALWAYS support a BS....its certain ideas I won't support.

[Dexter Morgan]

 

OR

 

Maybe she has her own agenda too;)

 

could be right...she could be playing him....the whole time she may be boning another man...biding her time, getting her ducks in a row for when she takes 1/2 the marital assets in a few years.

 

I mean really, if the marriage is a farce, why would she stay faithful after he supposedly told her "whats up" with the state of the marriage and after his cheating?

 

But then again, that would make her no better. Therefore if she has any dignity, I doubt she'd be doing that.

[confusedinkansas]

This is a man that is going to get a divorce once his kids are adults. You think she would make changes to please him if she knew that?

 

IT IS NOT ANY EASIER TO TELL A GROWN CHILD THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE SPLITTING UP.....The only difference is that the kids don't have to be shuffled back & forth. That is the ONLY difference.

 

When my husband & I split, It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to look my children in the eye & tell them that we were separating (they were 22 & 24 at the time) They cried - We cried!! So those of you that are fooled into a false sense of security thinking you'll be on the EASY TRAIN & take the chicken-**** way out waiting to tell grown kids you're splitting up - are SADLY mistaken!!!

[confusedinkansas]

I mean really, if the marriage is a farce, why would she stay faithful after he supposedly told her "whats up" with the state of the marriage and after his cheating?

 

IF the marriage is a farce! You don't know that. (PKN I hope you don't mind we're chatting ABOUT you without your 2 cents here)

 

Maybe she's happy with the way things are. Just because you couldn't stay with a cheater doesn't mean others can't.

 

I know that PKN has said that he has no intention of staying, YES it is VERY SAD.....BUT, she has chosen to stay too. She could have kicked his sorry @ss to the curb & delt with the financial blow, etc. But she made a decision to stay.

[Dexter Morgan]

IT IS NOT ANY EASIER TO TELL A GROWN CHILD THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE SPLITTING UP.....The only difference is that the kids don't have to be shuffled back & forth. That is the ONLY difference.

 

I agree. but what does that have to do with pleasing and appeasing him?

 

 

When my husband & I split, It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to look my children in the eye & tell them that we were separating (they were 22 & 24 at the time) They cried - We cried!! So those of you that are fooled into a false sense of security thinking you'll be on the EASY TRAIN & take the chicken-**** way out waiting to tell grown kids you're splitting up - are SADLY mistaken!!!

 

the chickensh#t way out? Ah, so I should have lived the rest of my days, or at least waste another 15 years with a cheater because you think its the "chickensh#t" way out.

 

Oh brother.

 

If I had stayed in that marriage, my kids would have grown up seeing 2 parents that never got along, and a miserable father.

 

And sure its easy for you to talk about divorce as a "chickensh#t" way out......you are the one that did the cheating.

[confusedinkansas]

You're missing my point Dex.

What I"m saying is for those out there that are in relationships & keep saying year after year after year..................I'll leave when the kids are grown.........Are fooling themselves....

 

And Donna......I understand your point. But look at it this way - Telling kids that are grown - ALSO think, what the heck have I lived all these years thinking my parents were happy?....When they weren't........See?

 

It just bugs me when people are HELL BENT on staying together JUST for the kids. I think that's a CROCK!!!! staying JUST for them because it will be easier to bow out later in life......is a misconception.

[confusedinkansas]

I think that using the kids as an EXCUSE to stay together ............ Is NOT a good one! I think it's a cop-out excuse.

 

Dex- Yep I was the one that did the cheating. And, Yep, my husband is one that decided that the marriage & US --- we were worth saving.

And.......almost 4 years later...I'd agree with him.

 

WE both fell off the marriage train & now we are back on track.

[Dexter Morgan]

IF the marriage is a farce! You don't know that.

 

Uh, thats why I said "if"

 

 

Maybe she's happy with the way things are. Just because you couldn't stay with a cheater doesn't mean others can't.

 

 

*sigh*, you aren't listening. sure, she may be happy with the way things are and only wants to stay for the kids too and not because of him.

 

but she wouldn't be kissing his ass if that were the case, unless she has a screw loose.

she could simply live the status quo, and live with pkn as a roommate, not try to appease him.

 

my point is, I don't believe he told her everything.

 

 

I know that PKN has said that he has no intention of staying, YES it is VERY SAD.....BUT, she has chosen to stay too. She could have kicked his sorry @ss to the curb & delt with the financial blow, etc. But she made a decision to stay.

 

yes, she made a decision to stay.

 

Let me put it this way.....pkn cheats...has talks with her, basically excuses his behavior, shows no remorse, doesn't regret the affair...tells her he doesn't want to stay in the marriage for her, but only for the kids, and isn't interested in investing any effort in the marriage because he wants to keep his wife.........so why would she try to appease him?

 

If she decided that was ok with her...there would be no ass kissing...there would just be an understanding that they would be roommates until the day comes they will divorce.

[Dexter Morgan]

You're missing my point Dex.

What I"m saying is for those out there that are in relationships & keep saying year after year after year..................I'll leave when the kids are grown.........Are fooling themselves....

 

Ah, ok...sorry, thought you were talking about those that didn't want to stay with a cheater from the get go.

 

 

It just bugs me when people are HELL BENT on staying together JUST for the kids. I think that's a CROCK!!!!.

 

 

On one post you are saying something like, "maybe she knows this and is ok with this arrangement" as if its an ok thing, then here you are saying "ITS A CROCK!!":confused: