Notice A Pattern Here....

[soserious1]

Hugs, soserious1.

 

I don't think that I have ever responded to you, but I have read your posts with much interest and sympathy. You are such a strong and admirable woman. I hope you don't allow your past to become your future.

 

Best Wishes

 

<end t/j>

 

Today I am focusing on the lovely weather and working in my yard, cooking

both things I do well and enjoy. I get fabulous cross breezes in this house

and a lot of lot this time of year. Hard to be sad or angry under these conditions.

[angie2443]

Just wanted to say that I kind of wish you were all here tonight. I would feed you all dinner. I got the grill up and running today, BBQ chicken, shrimp kabobs

etc, I'm seriously a good cook and it would be fun to feed you all:) thank you for your support, even the harsher posts have been of help.

 

That sounds good soserious! I hope you are having a great weekend:).

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter have you met PKN's wife? How would you know better what is going on in his marriage than he would?

 

well lets see, pkn has already said that his wife is making changes for him, but that he doesn't care and he admitted that he is now giving back to her what she gave him that led him to cheat.

 

So you tell me, what ISN'T there that would be better for this marriage?

[Dexter Morgan]

Tell me how your thinking goes on this.

 

What since you are the betrayed you get licenses to go after anyone, talk about selfish self centered thinking.

 

No, since you are the betrayer, what do you really have to complain about?

 

Oh ya, a lousy wife that caused you to cheat. Sorry, forgot about that.

 

Vent on.

[pkn06002]

No, since you are the betrayer, what do you really have to complain about?

 

Oh ya, a lousy wife that caused you to cheat. Sorry, forgot about that.

 

Vent on.

 

Boy you are a bitter one arn't you? Are you ever going to recover or just continue to wallow in what your wife did to you? You do know there is a whole world out there where you can be happy again, maybe you should try it.

 

As far as I am giving her(my wife) back what she gave how do you know what that is? Let me guess your projecting your vision of what that would be right. So judgmental you are.

 

Before you ask I will not tell you what "that" entails, this is a general topic thread not a thread about me.

 

You do have a pre-occupation with me, what is up with that?

[Dexter Morgan]

Boy you are a bitter one arn't you?

 

nope:)

 

just know mental abuse of a spouse when I see it.

 

 

As far as I am giving her(my wife) back what she gave how do you know what that is? Let me guess your projecting your vision of what that would be right. So judgmental you are.

 

No, you said yourself in a post that you weren't interested in her change and that you are giving her what she gave to you during the marriage which is the equivalent of the cold shoulder.

 

I don't have the time right now, but if you wish, I will find the post and show you when time allows.

[pkn06002]

nope:)

 

just know mental abuse of a spouse when I see it.

 

Oh nice attempt at dodging my comments about you. I will take it then they are all true.

 

Why so concerned about my life again???

 

No, you said yourself in a post that you weren't interested in her change and that you are giving her what she gave to you during the marriage which is the equivalent of the cold shoulder.

 

I don't have the time right now, but if you wish, I will find the post and show you when time allows.

 

It's called change Dexter, things are always changing. You need to get more current. This is a very fluid situation with steps forward and then back. Maybe if you could be nice and ask questions you might get answers, instead of just being nasty and accusing and assuming you know the answers.

 

But then what fun would there be in that right? You so seem to relish the suffering you have experienced, like a badge of honor.

[Dexter Morgan]

Oh nice attempt at dodging my comments about you. I will take it then they are all true.

 

Nope. You said I was bitter, and I let you know that it isn't bitter to recognize the lousy treatment of a wife that is busting her hump to make things up to a WS that simply wants to give her the same treatment as the WS claims to have gotten pre-affair.

 

 

Why so concerned about my life again???

 

your life? I'm not. I am concerned about your wife.

 

 

 

It's called change Dexter, things are always changing. You need to get more current.

 

really, and just what grand revelation has made you go from not wanting to reciprocate your wife's efforts to appease a cheating husband, and only wanting to stay in the marriage for monetary reasons?

 

Are you saying now that you love her and want you and her to be a happy loving couple now? If so, what changed?

 

 

This is a very fluid situation with steps forward and then back. Maybe if you could be nice and ask questions you might get answers, instead of just being nasty and accusing and assuming you know the answers.

 

Uh...when you put your words out there of what you are doing...I'm not assuming anything.

 

So again, if you have had a change of heart and want you and your wife to be a loving couple again, what has changed?

[pkn06002]

Nope. You said I was bitter, and I let you know that it isn't bitter to recognize the lousy treatment of a wife that is busting her hump to make things up to a WS that simply wants to give her the same treatment as the WS claims to have gotten pre-affair.

 

See I see you as bitter since you don't seem to of moved on from YOUR situation. But I can understand you desire to protect a BS since I do that for WS's. Only difference I reference people that are here being abused not someone you have no idea what she is going through. Let alone have access to supporting. Frankly she seems happy enough, even when I suggest we talk she says so. When I talk she just listens and continues on as she sees fit.

 

 

your life? I'm not. I am concerned about your wife.

 

Well since she is part of my life you are referring to mine. Still very interesting how you seem to think being rude towards me helps her. Very strange logic you seem to apply.

 

 

 

really, and just what grand revelation has made you go from not wanting to reciprocate your wife's efforts to appease a cheating husband, and only wanting to stay in the marriage for monetary reasons?

 

Called acceptance

 

Are you saying now that you love her and want you and her to be a happy loving couple now? If so, what changed?

 

Love?? Oh such a cute little concept for 12 year old girls. Do you believe in unicorns too? I have posted this before marriage for me is now more along the lines of a true traditional marriage, not the silly notion of the 20th century and pop culture.

 

That was much better Dexter asking questions instead of assuming. Which does help to keep the nastiness do a minimum.

[confusedinkansas]

See............& now you're all back to slinging dirt at each other.

I suppose it's inevitable here.

[Dexter Morgan]

See I see you as bitter since you don't seem to of moved on from YOUR situation.

 

Nope, I took care of that situation 2 years ago. Again, doesn't mean I can't call someone out on the behavior and treatment of someone in real life.

 

 

But I can understand you desire to protect a BS since I do that for WS's. Only difference I reference people that are here being abused not someone you have no idea what she is going through. Let alone have access to supporting. Frankly she seems happy enough, even when I suggest we talk she says so. When I talk she just listens and continues on as she sees fit.

 

Ok, and the notion that you are giving her behavior back to her that she gave to you in the marriage now that she is trying to make amends? What happened to that line of thinking?

 

 

Well since she is part of my life you are referring to mine. Still very interesting how you seem to think being rude towards me helps her. Very strange logic you seem to apply.

 

 

why are you so sensitive about "rudeness" considering the attitude and treatment you are giving a wife that is trying to bow to your will?

 

 

Called acceptance

 

acceptance of what?

 

 

Love?? Oh such a cute little concept for 12 year old girls. Do you believe in unicorns too? I have posted this before marriage for me is now more along the lines of a true traditional marriage, not the silly notion of the 20th century and pop culture.

 

*sigh*..see, this is what I'm talking about. I feel sorry that your wife is going to have to simply put up with someone with this attitude. You aren't wanting this marriage for the right reasons. You are only staying in it for convenience. hence your wife's efforts are in vain.

 

So I stand correct, you are still only in this for monetary reasons and the excuse of your child. Nothing has changed.

[pkn06002]

Tell me what is the "right" reasons for wanting a marriage???? What the 12 year old girls version that you so seem to like? I thought you were a grown up man that knew how the world really worked? I guess you do believe in unicorns too.

 

If anything you have no grounds to stand on to tell me anything about marriage, you failed. So why would I listen to anything you say on the subject? If I want to know how to get a divorce I will ask you for a how to. But if I want to know how to get along and possibly improve things not a chance I would listen to you.

[Dexter Morgan]

Tell me what is the "right" reasons for wanting a marriage????

 

Because you WANT to be married to your spouse. Because you love her(oops...sorry about the unicorn thing again)

 

 

What the 12 year old girls version that you so seem to like? I thought you were a grown up man that knew how the world really worked? I guess you do believe in unicorns too.

 

There is nothing "12 year old" about wanting to be married to someone because you care for them. Whether you believe "love" is an silly notion, or just plain abstract isn't the point. You should be married if you WANT to be married to that person because of your attraction, relationship, whatever...to that person.

 

 

If anything you have no grounds to stand on to tell me anything about marriage, you failed.

 

Nope, you did. I just decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with a cheater.

 

 

So why would I listen to anything you say on the subject? If I want to know how to get a divorce I will ask you for a how to. But if I want to know how to get along and possibly improve things not a chance I would listen to you.

 

You don't want to improve anything. You just want to keep your money.

[pkn06002]

Because you WANT to be married to your spouse. Because you love her(oops...sorry about the unicorn thing again)

 

There is nothing "12 year old" about wanting to be married to someone because you care for them. Whether you believe "love" is an silly notion, or just plain abstract isn't the point. You should be married if you WANT to be married to that person because of your attraction, relationship, whatever...to that person.

 

You know this a topic that could use it's own thread. Why don't you start one.

 

 

Nope, you did. I just decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with a cheater.

 

Really??? I would think part of the criteria for a successful marriage is picking a good partner. Seems you failed (like I have) in that department.

 

 

You don't want to improve anything. You just want to keep your money.

 

So????

[LifesontheUp]

Really??? I would think part of the criteria for a successful marriage is picking a good partner. Seems you failed (like I have) in that department.

 

This is what I don't understand with you pkn - if this is how you feel why don't you let your wife go, do yourself and her a favour and divorce.

[confusedinkansas]

HEYYYY...........That's a great point.

IF you REALLY feel that way, PKN what's keeping you there?

[jj33]

PKNs wife isnt captive in the marriage. She could leave if she wanted to. So? Why is it cruel for him to stay because he has other reasons for being willing to stay married. Hes simply being honest.

 

Loads of people would be divorced but for children, finances etc. This isnt exactly a newsflash.

[jj33]

Noone knows Donna you are right. But the thing is, he never asked for this advice. Its been pushed on him.

 

Why? Its just another example of EVERY thread becoming about why the WS or the OW is wrong..

 

All the man did was state his opinion on something and it turned into you are wrong because you stay married for the wrong reasons.

 

Which of course proves COnfused in Kansas's point. The threads seem to be deteriorating...

[LifesontheUp]

I mentioned it because very clearly in his posts he comes across as very unhappy at home and I think this is kinda sad.

 

I came from a home where my mother cheated for many years, I found out when I was 13 yrs old and came home to listen to her flirting with her OM on the phone - she didn't know I was there. I was devistated, but years later came to understand why she never had time for me, my brother and sister......she was always "popping out", or ignored us whilst she chatted quietly on the phone whilst my dad was at work.

 

Sorry but IMHO you either make a go of it for the childrens sake as they are the important ones or divorce. Making a go of it means both partners work at it. Pkn has already said on another post hes given up and maybe his wife has too. I'm not blaming either pkn or his wife, just of the belief that better to divorce than let your children grow up in this type of situation.

[jj33]

Yeah. We all know it's NOT wrong to carry on affairs.

 

What in the world does that have to do with this thread? Nothing.

 

The fact that he was in affair doesnt give people the right to blast him. And particularly when his marriage is not the topic of this OPs thread.

[pkn06002]

I wonder if he TOLD her, in those exact terms, that he doesn't love her or that he picked the wrong person. Somehow I doubt it. You have to know exactly what you're dealing with before you can make an informed decision.

 

Have been over this before, I have told her. She knows why I stayed. Hide nothing. What is interesting is she thought about divorce as well until I showed her the financial impacts and the studies about divorce from low impact marriages.

 

So tell me how I am so awful for staying when she reacted to the same reasoning.

 

What am I teaching my child??? That you go through with responsibilities.

 

I will say I always find it interesting how the people here respond to the truth from a WS. Very interesting and shows how most of you just want to hear from the choir. You really don't want different opinions, why is that?

[pkn06002]

I don't think I was the one who said you were "awful" for staying.

 

But I do know the impact a bad marriage can have on children. If you two are making it look good enough to fool the kids, then good for you. And good for you, also, for being open about everything with your W. I believe I said all this to you before...

 

You asked if I had told her in those terms, which I have. Others have said that I am awful for staying for reasons other than love.

 

Bad marriage is all relative. There is no physical or verbal abuse everyone just gets along. Which may not be perfect in a lot of people eyes but is a hell of a lot better than what I grew up in.

[pkn06002]

People get married to avoid deportation. Big deal.

 

If you and your wife are fine with the situation, and the kids are suffering no ill effects, then f everyone else and their opinions.

 

Now there is a good honest opinion!

[confusedinkansas]

What am I teaching my child??? That you go through with responsibilities.

 

EXACTLY! That is what you're teaching (assuming they are old enough to understand that) AND there is NOTHING wrong with teaching that.

You took your responsibilities seriously.

I wish I'd have listened to my husband when we first split about the financial impact. But we'd have probably killed each other if we'd have stayed in the same house.

 

Just remember this though.......Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. They know when the Jig Is Up so to speak.

[Dexter Morgan]

You know this a topic that could use it's own thread. Why don't you start one.

 

Nice avoidance of my answer to your question. Guess I made a little too much sense.

 

 

Really??? I would think part of the criteria for a successful marriage is picking a good partner. Seems you failed (like I have) in that department.

 

People do get snowballed into thinking they are with a great person. I'll agree, I failed in that department. But I was the only one in the marriage that knew what marriage was about and knew what it took to be true to that marriage.

 

And if you think you hurt me by trying to say I failed in marriage...nice try my brutha. I left the marriage with dignity. I wasn't a cheater for one.

 

 

So????

 

So? Uh...ahem. You said things have changed. you trying to lead us to believe that your wife's efforts are not in vain. You just proved by answering "so??" to the statement that you only want to stay in this for money, that my point is all too on target.

 

you said you were changing your state of mind with regards to treating your wife like a puppet who deserves your contempt.......so???