Notice A Pattern Here....

[pparrott]

CIK- If someone on here said to her (soserious1) that she was a horrible wife - I guess that proves what you have said in the beginning of this thread. How people are here. Too bad really

[soserious1]

Very true - Has someone here said "What a horrible wife you must have been?"

 

Take a long look at threads here and on the marriage forum, whenever a wife posts about a poor sex life the first questions asked are about her height,weight, how much time she spends in the gym, does she go out of her way to pull out all the stops in terms of acting like a porn star, does she get down on her knees and beg her husband to service her? is she a "nag" or does she take care of all the household chores herself to allow him plenty of time to relax and surf for porn? Does she get out there and earn a nice paycheck etc,etc,etc.. always it comes back to something the wife is doing or not doing right.

 

If you feel that trying to repair a marriage that was ripped by infidelity is worth your time and effort, good luck to you. I respectfully submit that those of us who decided that our marriages weren't worth that effort have an equally valid point of view. My Ex is free as a bird now and the other woman is more than welcome to him. As the saying goes though, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

 

In the end, I gave my EX total honesty, the truth that though I might eventually forgive him for what he did to me, that I would never be able to forget it, and that inability would have only served to make our lives a living hell going forward. I owed him truth and a decisive course of action.. he got both and I don't feel I owe anything more.. he's shown he's not my friend very clearly and he's gone from my life because of his own actions. No more soft landing place here.

[confusedinkansas]

Take a long look at threads here and on the marriage forum, whenever a wife posts about a poor sex life the first questions asked are about her height,weight, how much time she spends in the gym, does she go out of her way to pull out all the stops in terms of acting like a porn star, does she get down on her knees and beg her husband to service her? is she a "nag" or does she take care of all the household chores herself to allow him plenty of time to relax and surf for porn? Does she get out there and earn a nice paycheck etc,etc,etc.. always it comes back to something the wife is doing or not doing right.

 

 

But I've been reading & posting on here for more than a year & I have never read anything posted like this. Are you sure you're talking about LS?

Did someone actually say this to you?....how on earth......i'm dumbfounded!

Wow.....

[soserious1]

But I've been reading & posting on here for more than a year & I have never read anything posted like this. Are you sure you're talking about LS?

Did someone actually say this to you?....how on earth......i'm dumbfounded!

Wow.....

 

You've been here a year and have never read a single thread where a woman is

blamed/questioned because her husband is more interested in self-pleasuring with porn or in ogling, chasing other women than he is in having sex with his wife?

[confusedinkansas]

No. Never have. I mostly read Marriage/OM-OW/Infidelity/Separation & Divorce. But that's because in the last year - those are the issues that I was dealing with. I don't surf other Forums here.

[confusedinkansas]

why are you even in the infidelity forum???

 

Your husband did not cheat on you, he just found you undesirable. Your the one that ended the marriage. No infidelity no nothing just a husband that no longer liked you.

 

soserious1.............You mean like this? - Ok this is the first I've seen something like this said.

[soserious1]

soserious1.............You mean like this? - Ok this is the first I've seen something like this said.

 

Part of my ex's blame shifting and gas lighting was to constantly put me down because I'm not 20 and don't physically resemble a porn star. What's funny here is that on several occasions I point blank asked him if he wanted a divorce, he became huffy and angry each time, felt I should be happy and grateful to have a husband, any husband "at my age" My ex was quite comfy here, he had a good life, he was a cake eater. He wanted to enjoy the fruits of my work while reserving the right to having women on the side, a cake eater.

[pparrott]

I don't think that deep down people cheat because they find their spouses undesirable. Because as it has been said here - most spouses still have sex, take trips, etc. with their significant others during affairs.

 

I don't think most people cheat so they can marry or be with someone else other than their spouses.

 

I think people cheat as an escape from reality. Perhaps things at home aren't what they should be & the spouse won't listen to "talking things thru".

I think that people who have affairs, have much deeper marital issues than JUST the affair itsself.

[pkn06002]

Actually dear heart, later examination of the computers in this house turned up the fact that my ex was cruising craig's list for women, meeting and bedding them, he's now living with a woman he met on the list while still married to me and living in this house.

 

And yes I divorced him and I'm so glad I did:)

 

Thanks for the clarification, since that was not apparent in all of your old posts.

[confusedinkansas]

Part of my ex's blame shifting and gas lighting was to constantly put me down because I'm not 20 and don't physically resemble a porn star. What's funny here is that on several occasions I point blank asked him if he wanted a divorce, he became huffy and angry each time, felt I should be happy and grateful to have a husband, any husband "at my age" My ex was quite comfy here, he had a good life, he was a cake eater. He wanted to enjoy the fruits of my work while reserving the right to having women on the side, a cake eater.

 

Your husband actually put you down because you weren't 20 anymore....Holy cow, neither was he I'm guessing.

Why didn't you just leave then? Why wait ? Would that have made you the 'bad guy?' if you would have left for that?

[soserious1]

I don't think that deep down people cheat because they find their spouses undesirable. Because as it has been said here - most spouses still have sex, take trips, etc. with their significant others during affairs.

 

I don't think most people cheat so they can marry or be with someone else other than their spouses.

 

I think people cheat as an escape from reality. Perhaps things at home aren't what they should be & the spouse won't listen to "talking things thru".

I think that people who have affairs, have much deeper marital issues than JUST the affair itsself.

 

Well that wasn't the case in my marriage, he found me physically undesirable and as time went on he made no problem in driving that point home to me all too clearly.

 

In our case, I don't think it was marital issues that were so much the root of the problem. No, I think this centered more around his issues with his own aging, it's kind of hard to keep living the fantasy about being young, muscular and strong when you have to roll over and be face to face with your middle aged wife. Looking into my face I think reminded him too strongly that he is also aging.

[pkn06002]

Your husband actually put you down because you weren't 20 anymore....Holy cow, neither was he I'm guessing.

Why didn't you just leave then? Why wait ? Would that have made you the 'bad guy?' if you would have left for that?

 

You need to go back and read her old threads, very interesting.

[soserious1]

Your husband actually put you down because you weren't 20 anymore....Holy cow, neither was he I'm guessing.

Why didn't you just leave then? Why wait ? Would that have made you the 'bad guy?' if you would have left for that?

 

When I married I took some vows.. I promised to be there thru good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I decided to try to work on things, to "spice things up" to try to be more of what he said he wanted in a woman.

[Reggie]

why are you even in the infidelity forum???

 

Your husband did not cheat on you, he just found you undesirable. Your the one that ended the marriage. No infidelity no nothing just a husband that no longer liked you.

 

This is the type of NPD comment one sees fairly often.

[pkn06002]

This is the type of NPD comment one sees fairly often.

 

It is called a summation of her posts, not a comment.

 

Because there is post after post that does not involve infidelity, just venting about how her husband no longer found her desirable. Proof is in the post themselves.

[pparrott]

Well that wasn't the case in my marriage, he found me physically undesirable and as time went on he made no problem in driving that point home to me all too clearly.

 

In our case, I don't think it was marital issues that were so much the root of the problem. No, I think this centered more around his issues with his own aging, it's kind of hard to keep living the fantasy about being young, muscular and strong when you have to roll over and be face to face with your middle aged wife. Looking into my face I think reminded him too strongly that he is also aging.

 

Wow.....leaving the old wife for a new younger model! Cliche' - SUCKS!! But I know it happens. I'm sure women (cougars) to the same thing.

[soserious1]

Thanks for the clarification, since that was not apparent in all of your old posts.

 

At the very end, my husband's antics including threatening to seek a court order

to have my held against me will for psychiatric examination.. he was seeking to basically gain control of our assets by convincing a judge that I was a "paranoid psycho" with an unseemly and unnatural interest in sexual activities for a post menopausal woman.

 

After finally getting him out of here, I tore down and reconfigured our home network as part of reorganizing this house to share with a room mate, while going thru files on our data server, I found all the proof I needed to lay to rest any doubts whatsoever that my instincts were correct, he was indeed sleeping around with random hook up's from craig's list.

[pkn06002]

At the very end, my husband's antics including threatening to seek a court order

to have my held against my will for psychiatric examination.. he was seeking to basically gain control of our assets by convincing a judge that I was a "paranoid psycho" with an unseemly and unnatural interest in sexual activities for a post menopausal woman.

 

After finally getting him out of here, I tore down and reconfigured our home network as part of reorganizing this house to share with a room mate, while going thru files on our data server, I found all the proof I needed to lay to rest any doubts whatsoever that my instincts were correct, he was indeed sleeping around with random hook up's from craig's list.

 

For what it's worth going by your description he is a less than desirable person.

[bentnotbroken]

Wow.....leaving the old wife for a new younger model! Cliche' - SUCKS!! But I know it happens. I'm sure women (cougars) to the same thing.

 

 

I am sure that it occurs, though I wonder if it is to a lesser degree. Let's face women are judged more by their looks and their weight(especially as we age, as if we can fight gravity forever:rolleyes:)Not all of us are wealthy enough to nip it and tuck it. And some of us just like the way we look. But men(especially men in our age bracket) want them younger and younger. It has nothing to do with the wife, but everything to do with the aging male body and his aging ego. A bit of eye candy lifts him a couple notches in most people views. And the little "blue" pill has aided this thought.

[soserious1]

For what it's worth going by your description he is a less than desirable person.

 

In retrospect I think what he is is a man in free fall due to his own mid-life crisis. From reading I've done, rare it seems is a marriage that survives such mid-life acting out.

 

What strikes me a funny is that he greatly under estimated me, lol, clearing his laptop history and setting up secret email and adult website accounts.. all the while totally forgetting that I'd set up our LAN to do frequent, automatic backups due to the nature of my work.

[pkn06002]

In retrospect I think what he is is a man in free fall due to his own mid-life crisis. From reading I've done, rare it seems is a marriage that survives such mid-life acting out.

 

What strikes me a funny is that he greatly under estimated me, lol, clearing his laptop history and setting up secret email and adult website accounts.. all the while totally forgetting that I'd set up our LAN to do frequent, automatic backups quite frequently due to the nature of my work.

 

LOL caught by backups.

 

Well data is everything

[confusedinkansas]

I know we've gotten a little off topic....But this is good!

 

What do these young girls see in old farts?

I know a lot are looking for sugar daddies - But for crying out loud - What do they have in common with these girls? AND How do they keep up? I don't mean the "blue pill" either, I'm more talking about the "party life".

 

I could go on & on...........I personally do NOT get it. Younger Men for Older Women / Older Men for Younger Women (I'm talking 15,20,25 years younger)

[pparrott]

My husband had 3 mid-life crisis. We survived....Barely.

But for crying out loud - How many do they get? he he:lmao:

[c-riouz]

What strikes me a funny is that he greatly under estimated me, lol, clearing his laptop history and setting up secret email and adult website accounts.. all the while totally forgetting that I'd set up our LAN to do frequent, automatic backups due to the nature of my work.

 

I've been following your posts for quite some time now because your story and what happened to you is just so unfair, and I feel sympathy for you and my heart goes out to you (even though you probably could care less about that, judging by your posts ).

 

Anyway, why I posted again here: wouldn't the quote above mean that there's finally hope now that you could get out of paying alimony to him, or at least cut down the amount? If you handed the evidence that he CHEATED on you during marriage to your lawyer and the judge - wouldn't that have an impact? Wouldn't that be enough for "re-opening and reconsidering the case"?

 

It just has to - there HAS to be some fairness after everything you went through!

[confusedinkansas]

I'm not an expert in divorce law...Nor do I pretend to know everything -

 

But I have known several people who got screwed in divorce settlements.

Mostly, because a lot of states are "No Fault"....Which means the court system could care less what he did or what she did. They just pull out their handy dandy calculator & do the math. The figure they come up with - is the figure they come up with...Period. No arguements between attorneys.

I have several friends who are going thru just that right now. It is UNFAIR any way you slice it up. But that's how the court system works. And they call it FAIR!

Soserious1...Did your husband use any FACTUAL evidence against you to make you have to pay alimony? Or was it just because you were the soul bread winner?