Notice A Pattern Here....

[herenow]

But you do seem to support the idea of people being that way.

 

BTW, I support people being real. I support honesty and if that means a bitter OW or BW comes here and posts their true feelings, then so be it. However, I'm not above the mods and when they feel it's gone too far believe me they will step in and appropriately take care of the problem.

[pkn06002]

All I'm saying is that I've seen you post about your wife and I cannot fathom living everyday with a person that you actively resent. I guess I'm trying here to offer some empathy.

 

It is what it is, frankly it is getting better. It could be a lot worse. I do vent here as to not take it home, which does seem to be a better thing. Does anyone ever ask that question, no. Everyone just reads my old posts and assumes that is how I am now. Things change daily, the talk we had last night was very positive.

 

But when I vent I vent about a specific person NOT projecting it out on strangers. See the difference.

[herenow]

It is what it is, frankly it is getting better. It could be a lot worse. I do vent here as to not take it home, which does seem to be a better thing. Does anyone ever ask that question, no. Everyone just reads my old posts and assumes that is how I am now. Things change daily, the talk we had last night was very positive.

 

But when I vent I vent about a specific person NOT projecting it out on strangers. See the difference.

 

OK, here is an honest opinion. If I were your wife I would much rather you tell me these things instead of writing them on an internet forum (or in addition to writing here). Home is where these issues belong and until you bring them home, it won't be as good as it can be. KWIM?

[pkn06002]

Because of your charisma I'm sure! We can't stay away from you. Or, it could be more like a train wreck.

 

Why do you keep talking to us if we are all just a bunch of bitter BW's?

 

I like talking to you folks, even when we disagree.

 

I don't consider ALL BS's as "bitter". I don't use that broad brush stroke on folks.

 

Donna the following is for you, it explains my "rabid dog" sometimes. As "rabid" as I am on this forum that is not always the case. You can find posts where I am far from that.

 

Here let me add a bit of background and maybe that will give some incite as to why I am a bit testy at times with nasty BS's. One of my first stops for help after the affair was marriage builders, where I got jumped on and attacked. There the group that controls (not runs) the forum actively admit they don't like WS's and give what they call 2x4's to get you straight. It did make me a bit sensitive to being attacked or watching a WS being attacked.

[pkn06002]

OK, here is an honest opinion. If I were your wife I would much rather you tell me these things instead of writing them on an internet forum (or in addition to writing here). Home is where these issues belong and until you bring them home, it won't be as good as it can be. KWIM?

 

OK I don't know what KWIM is.

 

You make a good point, which is the reason we had a talk last night. Because I did come to the same conclusion yesterday morning.

[soserious1]

It is what it is, frankly it is getting better. It could be a lot worse. I do vent here as to not take it home, which does seem to be a better thing. Does anyone ever ask that question, no. Everyone just reads my old posts and assumes that is how I am now. Things change daily, the talk we had last night was very positive.

 

But when I vent I vent about a specific person NOT projecting it out on strangers. See the difference.

 

I see the difference.. but what I'm trying to tell you in a gentle and supportive way is that while you don't express your anger in a direct way ie: name calling you do project a lot of anger onto people here. I'm not always real good at reading between the lines but sometimes ,there's a quality or tone to your posts that's just as brutal as name calling would be.

 

Please don't respond to this right away, if at all, I'm very angry myself and trying to work my way towards being merely bitter. I just feel something in your posts sometimes, a white knuckled, anger.

[pkn06002]

Let me add to my marriage builders comments above.

 

When I got attacked and belittled it made me question the positive message of "fixing" a marriage.

 

I see people come here get a version of that treatment and leave. If they leave how do they get that idea they can "fix" their marriage?

[herenow]

OK I don't know what KWIM is.

 

You make a good point, which is the reason we had a talk last night. Because I did come to the same conclusion yesterday morning.

 

KWIM = Know what I mean

 

I'm going out now to enjoy the beautiful (but hot) day. Have a great weekend everyone. I'm back to work next week so I probably won't be here as much. Take care of yourselves.

[stuckinoz]

OK I don't know what KWIM is.

.

 

I don't know what a lot of these initials are....I'm "Guessing my way thru" Anyone care to enlighten me

BS - WS - BW etc. Is there a key code I missed somewhere along the journey:)

[pkn06002]

But see, I wasn't attacking you or insinuating you had a certain "place" due to how much time (or the lack thereof) that you've been on LS. Actually, I HATE it when people on here do that crap! I've had people try to pull that on me, in fact. I was simply trying to explain or maybe understand why you hadn't seen certain posts. Maybe you just weren't watching a particular thread at the time a nasty post was made and then deleted. I KNOW you most often post in a non-confrontive kind of way. Which I guess is one of the reasons I'm so baffled when you go off like you do sometimes.

 

Lighten up, man!

 

It was my misunderstanding then, I took your post incorrectly.

 

I find it wrong whenever a BS or a WS take the nasty route it servers no purpose. I don't like when people try to defend the method as valid since they are hurting, is all.

 

If I could lighten up I would not be who I am.

 

So what do we say call it a day on this topic?

[pkn06002]

And yet another truce?

 

LOL yep!

 

Later all have a nice weekend.

[OWoman]

so basically what Loveshack is saying is that WS, OM and OW are welcome here with open arms and will be protected but BS are an afterthought and if we don't like gangs of WS telling us that the affair was our fault then we should just go elsewhere ?

 

My problem is this... it's totally okay to blast BS in the OM/OW forum because after all that is THEIR place for support. It's also perfectly fine to blast BS here because after all WS and OM/OW are part of the affair triangle.

 

It seems really unfair, WS and OM/OW get protected places here and

BS's don't.

 

SS1 I don't think you'll find a single OW who agrees with that perception - but you will find plenty of threads or comments in threads from OWs saying the reverse of what you're felling - that BSs get the "run of the place" to post hateful attacks on OWs and OMs on EITHER forum, despite the OW / OM forum suposedly being a place fo support for OWs and OMs.

 

Which is why so few OWs post these days - most have been silenced, and get their support through PMs with other OWs and those BSs that don't bash.

[jj33]

My problem is this... it's totally okay to blast BS in the OM/OW forum because after all that is THEIR place for support. It's also perfectly fine to blast BS here because after all WS and OM/OW are part of the affair triangle.

 

It seems really unfair, WS and OM/OW get protected places here and

BS's don't.

 

First of all, OW/OMs know that there is a risk of everyone being hurt so NO there is no value to warnings etc as Herenow put it. Cautionary moralizing is not the purpose of the forum. And it helps noone.

 

Second Donna, It wasnt a mistake. He was stirring the pot.

 

Third Soserious - the OW forum is NOT ABOUT YOU. The thoughts of other people about their situations are not directed at you and so there is no need to feel that you are being "bashed" because people are in affairs.

 

Its about people looking at their situations and feeling however they feel about the BS and WS in THEIR particular situation. And going on there and bashing the OW/OM is not what the forum is about - its about support. Its not about moralizing and not about venting your bitterness over what happened to you.

 

It is equally wrong for OW/OM to come to the Infidelity forum and blast BSs.

[soserious1]

First of all, OW/OMs know that there is a risk of everyone being hurt so NO there is no value to warnings etc as Herenow put it. Cautionary moralizing is not the purpose of the forum. And it helps noone.

 

Second Donna, It wasnt a mistake. He was stirring the pot.

 

Third Soserious - the OW forum is NOT ABOUT YOU. The thoughts of other people about their situations are not directed at you and so there is no need to feel that you are being "bashed" because people are in affairs.

 

Its about people looking at their situations and feeling however they feel about the BS and WS in THEIR particular situation. And going on there and bashing the OW/OM is not what the forum is about - its about support. Its not about moralizing and not about venting your bitterness over what happened to you.

 

It is equally wrong for OW/OM to come to the Infidelity forum and blast BSs.

 

 

Excuse me but where exactly did I say that the OW/OM forum was about me?

 

What I said was that it is a place set aside special for those people, a place for SUPPORT for them. A BS who goes over there can be shut down right quickly either via a complaint or simply being told that the forum isn't for them.

 

Not so on The Infidelity forum, this forum is NOT set aside as a support source for BS, we are but one side of the triangle and WS, OM/OW are welcome per forum rules to enter into discussions here at any time. There is no forum here dedicated to support of BS issues.

[Dexter Morgan]

But when I vent I vent about a specific person NOT projecting it out on strangers. See the difference.

 

And the big difference in that is YOU have not been betrayed, but are the betrayer.

[Dexter Morgan]

Here let me add a bit of background and maybe that will give some incite as to why I am a bit testy at times with nasty BS's.

 

The reason you attract us nasty ol BS's, is because we can see that you are clearly mentally abusing your wife. Even though you are the cheater, she is the one busting her hump to make a change for a man that isn't moved by said change. You are out for revenge...giving her what she has given you...even though she is bowing to your emotional extortion and making the change that you said you wanted.

 

Call us nasty if you wish, but we aren't the ones mentally abusing a spouse.

 

 

One of my first stops for help after the affair was marriage builders, where I got jumped on and attacked. There the group that controls (not runs) the forum actively admit they don't like WS's and give what they call 2x4's to get you straight. It did make me a bit sensitive to being attacked or watching a WS being attacked.

 

Again, not every WS mentally abuses their BS after the affair is revealed. You get flack because of your attitude of resentment and contempt for your wife when YOU are the one that had an affair.

 

Doesn't surprise me that you don't see that and don't understand why you are getting the backlash.

[Dexter Morgan]

Let me add to my marriage builders comments above.

 

When I got attacked and belittled it made me question the positive message of "fixing" a marriage.

 

But you have already indicated that you have no desire to fix the marriage since you are not interested in your wife's efforts in her change.

 

What is there to fix when she is changing and you just have nothing but contempt for her?

 

You want to fix the marriage? then fix it. but dont sit there and piss on our boots and tells us its a rainstorm. What you are doing in no way is an effort to fix anything. Your wife is making the effort....you are not.

[jj33]

And for the record the mods obviously agreed with me as that thread has been moved to this forum, where it belongs.

[jj33]

Dexter have you met PKN's wife? How would you know better what is going on in his marriage than he would?

 

And if he cant vent on the infidelity board, where can he vent? Everyone is entitled to voice their opinion without being bashed.

[tami-chan]

What I said was that it is a place set aside special for those people, a place for SUPPORT for them. A BS who goes over there can be shut down right quickly either via a complaint or simply being told that the forum isn't for them.

 

Not true. There are simply more BSs than OW/OM/WS who post on both forums. Impossible to shut them down ( not that they should) or even more impossible that they would leave the forum just because an OW said this forum was not for them.

 

Can anyone ever imagine OWL or Dexter Morgan to leave just because an OP/WS said they should? Ridiculous notion , right? Cause those people are tough and they stand their ground regardless of the feelngs of the poster.

 

I think it is actually healthy to have both camps, so to speak, engage each other....just that perhaps if we focus on why the person came to the board and respect that, there will be less hostility.

[angie2443]

Everyone is entitled to voice their opinion without being bashed.

 

I guess I don't think that anyone here is entitled to any kind of politeness. These are open message boards. People posting are often in nasty situations, are feeling like crap and some of them are going to say nasty things from time to time. I've heard some pretty rude stuff from both sides. It is what it is.

[pkn06002]

And the big difference in that is YOU have not been betrayed, but are the betrayer.

 

Tell me how your thinking goes on this.

 

What since you are the betrayed you get licenses to go after anyone, talk about selfish self centered thinking.

 

You need to get with the times man a read my more recent posts about my marriage.

[jj33]

I guess I don't think that anyone here is entitled to any kind of politeness. These are open message boards. People posting are often in nasty situations, are feeling like crap and some of them are going to say nasty things from time to time. I've heard some pretty rude stuff from both sides. It is what it is.

 

Well Angie perhaps you didnt read the rules when you joined but bashing rudeness etc are violations of the rules and if the moderators are alerted and feel that the posts are inappropriate, then the posts will be deleted and in some cases there are other consequences. Thats why there is an alert button.

[soserious1]

Just wanted to say that I kind of wish you were all here tonight. I would feed you all dinner. I got the grill up and running today, BBQ chicken, shrimp kabobs

etc, I'm seriously a good cook and it would be fun to feed you all:) thank you for your support, even the harsher posts have been of help.

[NoIDidn't]

Just wanted to say that I kind of wish you were all here tonight. I would feed you all dinner. I got the grill up and running today, BBQ chicken, shrimp kabobs

etc, I'm seriously a good cook and it would be fun to feed you all:) thank you for your support, even the harsher posts have been of help.

 

 

Hugs, soserious1.

 

I don't think that I have ever responded to you, but I have read your posts with much interest and sympathy. You are such a strong and admirable woman. I hope you don't allow your past to become your future.

 

Best Wishes

 

<end t/j>