I'm a rebound who lost his girl to her previous ex. Now I'm her ex and want her back

[LonghornRJ]

I actually found this page by running a search for "getting my ex back" on google. I've read a few posts and think this would be helpful to me, so here goes.

 

I met a girl a month ago at a meet and greet...and I was pretty interested until I found out that she had a boyfriend in an LDR. By the time I learned that, I realized that she was a cool person and somebody I'd be interested in being friends with. We talked online a whole lot and found we had a lot in common, but enough different to keep it interesting. Anyway, I'd known and been talking to her about 2 weeks when she dropped that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I'm not very patient I suppose. I'd really gotten to know this girl well and I liked her a lot, so the next day I was like what the hell I'll ask her out. She responded by asking for time, which I was more than prepared to give her. It turns out that the boyfriend had broken it off and he was moving on, and he even told her she should give me a chance.

 

That weekend she and I spent a lot of time together (as friends, although there was a little hand holding here and there). We hung out for something like 30 hours in 3 days...and it became clear to me that she was getting comfortable with the idea of us being together. That monday, she asked if she could take me up on my offer, and we set our first date to Thursday. But we still hung out a lot before then. She was my first relationship and I was her second, so imagine my surprise when we're sharing our first kiss two days prior to our first date. It wasnt one of us kissing the other, it was mutual and in the moment and it felt right in every way. We proceeded from just kissing to making out and cuddling in a day...and there we stayed...mostly because it was comfortable. We were perfect for each other...it was obvious. We complemented each other in so many ways, looked fantastic togeter, had so much in common while having enough different, and were tremendously happy. That weekend her ex told her he wanted her back, and she said that although she still had feelings for him she wanted to stick with me. The following Tuesday, she and I were together and he called her several times, hanging up everytime she said she was with me.

 

He asked her to choose between him and me that day, and after a day of my writhing in anguish and her torn in a tough situation, she chose me again, saying it hadnt ended well with the ex. I told her he would come around, and eventually decide he could be her friend. I encouraged her to be optimistic about it, and wanted her to have the friend she cared about. A week later, it bit me in the butt as he gave her a third ultimatum and she dumped me. I had finally gotten used to the idea that the situation was stable and I could be happy with her. Needless to say I was very upset. She and I want to be friends, and its clear she still has feelings for me and she's in a LDR with the other guy, who constantly calls and starts fights when he finds out we're hanging out together. It doesn't help that i want her back really bad.

 

This guy is very controlling, doesn't trust her worth a damn, and has a lot of stress on him, to say nothing of the fact that he is at a junior college and she is an electrical engineering major at Texas. I know I'm better for her than he is, and she wont even bring herself to say that he is better for her. When I ask why, her response is that she has history with him and she likes that history.

 

I know I'm essentially a rebound, but our relationship moved very fast and felt right. We were both undeniably happy and I think she's made a mistake because she's afraid of turning her back on a relationship that lasted a year to give a guy she's known a month his chance.

 

I want her back so badly, I know i can make her happier than she's ever been, and it kills me that she's left. How can I make her see that she can move on with me?

[moimeme]

You can't 'make' anybody see anything they don't wish to see. If their relationship is as troubled as you say, it'll only be a matter of time before it breaks down entirely. Don't tell her you're better and resist all urges to tell her why her current BF is no good. Keep your trap snapped shut and bide your time. If you conduct yourself well, it is highly likely she'll make a beeline for you when she dumps him but if you act controlling and try to 'make' her do anything, she'll flee (and would be smart to do so).

[MIKEY]

I agree--I am in a simalar situaution but the difference being I dated her for 5 months thens she fated him foir four--then she dated me for 3-and now she is back w/ him---I posted this on this board--I too know i am better for her for the simple fact that he is a recovering heroine addict--and wasnt good to he rthe first time around.--all you could do is exactly what the last post said--be patient and go on w/ your life--There is a saying i've been told when seeking advice about my situation--"they always comeback to those who were good to them" Believe me when I say that one day, when she is unhappy, she will contact you. But you need to decide if it is worht being involved w/ someone w/ baggage. I have recently learned that it is very loyal to fight for the one you love--but you also need to fight for yourself because you are the one that you should love most!

[hopeinternational]

She didn't have a clean break with him and she'll wobble until she's resolved either way - that she'll stay with him for good or that she can't be with him after all.

 

What I'm saying is that you shouldn't go all out to make her see that she can move on with you...at least not now. Give her time to sort things out internally, and she needs to figure this out by herself. From what you have described, you have left quite some impact on her. People have good memories, and I believe she won't forget you in a hurry.

 

I'm inclined to agree with Mikey - "They always come back to those who were good to them". Well, actually I wouldn't say "always", but there is a fair probability. This should happen after she has decided that she can't be with the other guy.

 

In the meantime, be patient, and don't do anything rash that might blow your chances. You may want to drop a gentle greeting or two from time to time. Just to show that you're still around, you do think of her and you're still her pal.

[MIKEY]

You give good advice hopeintl

[hopeinternational]

Mikey, thanks. You do too. I fully agree with the "coming back to those who were good" part, and especially "you also need to fight for yourself". It's so true and we overlook this so often.

[MIKEY]

Yes we do--For so long I fought for the girl i fell in love for only to be disapointed by her time and time again--she always kept a door open for the drug addict--I have history w/ her and so does he--but once he got out of rehab and came back into he rlife she has seconf thoughts about me--but before that things were great! So i finally realized i have been neglecting myself for her needs....no more

[LonghornRJ]

Hmm thanks for all the advice you guys I really appreciate it. I suppose it should be obvious to me that eventually she'll see through him and that'll be the end of it. Its just she and I are still really good friends...its not a matter of dropping a line once in awhile we see each other and talk literally every day. We are both college freshmen, and she and I consider each other our best friends here...we felt that way when we were together as well... I suppose I'll try my best to keep it platonic... I just feel pretty badly screwed over, ya know?

[hopeinternational]

I can imagine that awful feeling, Longhorn. Sorry to hear about that.

 

Keep the friendship going this way. Be there, be around. Chances are that she'll need you some time.