CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Ok LS for those who don't know my story let me give you a background of my situaion: My wife and I have been married for 4 years, she has 2 kids from another relationship, she got sick I was laid off but now I'm working now, I had trouble providing, even though I made my share of mistakes I still tried to do what I can for my family, she had an EA that I found out about, she got mad, we've been seperated for over a month now, she's taking her time on what she wants to do with this marriage, at first I was sad and depressed now I'm feeling good about myself and she's having a hard time, (she isn't working) I do but I don't wanna work it out now because of all the games she's playing. Plus her fam and I are not cool like we once were So my question is should I give her a gift if so what should the price amount be? Or just a simple B-Day card, or just a text message and call it a day? She might call and invite me over for cake or ice cream, should I go or not, the reason I wouldn't go is because what I said above about her family and I. And should I give her a mother's day gift? Let me know LS. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I think getting her a card or present will give the impression that you want her back. If you don't then don't get her anything for her birthday or mother's day. However are the children of an age where they need help in getting a present for their mother? If their father (or another good person) is not around to help them do that then maybe you can help them. Though make it clear that the presents are from the children, not you. It's a tough approach you need to take but needs must. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 I think getting her a card or present will give the impression that you want her back. If you don't then don't get her anything for her birthday or mother's day. However are the children of an age where they need help in getting a present for their mother? If their father (or another good person) is not around to help them do that then maybe you can help them. Though make it clear that the presents are from the children, not you. It's a tough approach you need to take but needs must. It's like I do and I don't want her back, I might just send her a gift card from a place she likes and only put the kids name on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 So my question is should I give her a gift if so what should the price amount be? Or just a simple B-Day card, or just a text message and call it a day? She might call and invite me over for cake or ice cream, should I go or not, the reason I wouldn't go is because what I said above about her family and I. And should I give her a mother's day gift? Let me know LS. My thoughts: no mother's day gift from you... and no birthday card either. You can give her a lovely big bunch of flowers, on her birthday delivered to her personally, but briefly, with a big smile and a warm hug. Don't stay over for cake because she has obviously got her family on 'sic 'em' mode... Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 It's like I do and I don't want her back, I might just send her a gift card from a place she likes and only put the kids name on it. Let her kids make their own mother a hand-made card and bake cookies or get their father to take them shopping for a mother's day gift. Not your issue. She's not your mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 My thoughts: no mother's day gift from you... and no birthday card either. You can give her a lovely big bunch of flowers, on her birthday delivered to her personally, but briefly, with a big smile and a warm hug. Don't stay over for cake because she has obviously got her family on 'sic 'em' mode... To be honest if I was gonna get her something it was gonna be from the mail, something like a gift card or something. Or probably something from edibale arrangements but thats it... Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 And definitely no birthday card because it's an excuse for forced intimacy which is awkward when you are separated! You will only wind up disappointing her with a card -- either it won't say 'enough' or the 'right thing' or it will come over as too sappy or desperate... best to stick with the flowers and a brief visit to deliver them to her with Best Wishes for the Day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 To be honest if I was gonna get her something it was gonna be from the mail, something like a gift card or something. Or probably something from edibale arrangements but thats it... ANOTHER THING LS, HER AND I WERE TEXTING, AND SHE ASKED HOW I WAS DOING. I WAS IN A MEETING WHEN I GOT THE TEXT SO I REPLIED WHILE I WAS ON LUNCH THAT I WAS GOOD, AND I ASKED HER AND SHE SAID "FINE I GUESS JUST TRYING TO PAY MY PHONE BILL I CAN ONLY GET INCOMING." So should I just pay her cell phone and leave it at that and get her nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 And definitely no birthday card because it's an excuse for forced intimacy which is awkward when you are separated! You will only wind up disappointing her with a card -- either it won't say 'enough' or the 'right thing' or it will come over as too sappy or desperate... best to stick with the flowers and a brief visit to deliver them to her with Best Wishes for the Day. My question is how would I disappoint her with a card? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 So should I just pay her cell phone and leave it at that and get her nothing else. No, don't pay her bills. If she needs help she should ask you for your help outright. Don't give her a paid cell phone bill as her birthday gift. Flowers, flowers, flowers.... Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 My question is how would I disappoint her with a card? She will have some expectation when she opens it up to read it... right... so what are you going to say? That you love her and want her back forever? That you apologize for being an a$$? Whatever you write will be a bit 'off' since you are separated... it kind of puts too much pressure on What the card will say... what are you thinking of writing in it?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 She will have some expectation when she opens it up to read it... right... so what are you going to say? That you love her and want her back forever? That you apologize for being an a$$? Whatever you write will be a bit 'off' since you are separated... it kind of puts too much pressure on What the card will say... what are you thinking of writing in it?! I probably won't give her flowers cause she doesn't like those cause they die, that's why i was just thinking of a fruit basket and that's it. But for the card I was going to say something simple like. Have a blessed birthday, or something simple like that. Something I would say to a friend or a cousin. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I probably won't give her flowers cause she doesn't like those cause they die, that's why i was just thinking of a fruit basket and that's it. But for the card I was going to say something simple like. Have a blessed birthday, or something simple like that. Something I would say to a friend or a cousin. Well then, if you are comfortable with writing something simple, fine. Hope she is not disappointed with no "I love you" in the card? The fruit basket sounds wonderful! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 Well then, if you are comfortable with writing something simple, fine. Hope she is not disappointed with no "I love you" in the card? The fruit basket sounds wonderful! I am cause I love but im falling out of love because of all the drama and the BS so yeah I mean I tried to reconcile and do all the things to show her I care well now she's starting to see how much I was to her. Oh well her loss, so a simple card is fine. I hope she doesn't have any expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 I may just order her the fruit basket and drop the card off at the house and leave at that Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 It's funny how your wife dislikes the transience of cut flowers but will go along with a brief and silly affair, thus forgoing the more substantial relationship of marriage, with it's symbolic longevity ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 It's funny how your wife dislikes the transience of cut flowers but will go along with a brief and silly affair, thus forgoing the more substantial relationship of marriage, with it's symbolic longevity ... The thing is I never met a woman who didn't like to receive flowers....... To be honest I'm really debating on not getting her nothing, and I am very serious!!! Maybe just a text and that's it... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Why are you giving her something for her birthday? When you know the reason to that, then you know if you are doing it for the right reasons or not. Put yourself in her shoes... what would you want her to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 The thing is I never met a woman who didn't like to receive flowers....... To be honest I'm really debating on not getting her nothing, and I am very serious!!! Maybe just a text and that's it... You do not have an obligation to get her anything for her birthday. So, if you don't feel like it, or don't want to, or it's not coming from your heart (and I am not saying you should be feeling like this right now!), THEN DON'T get her anything at all. Only do what feels comfortable to you. Do not 'meet her expectations'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 I brought like a little cheap card that you'd normally get for just anyone, it was like 0.99, I don't know if i'll give it to her. But im not mad or anything, but she really would've had a real special birthday this year. I would have taken her shopping, then to lunch, then I would've got a limo for all of us, plus her family and my family, we all would've went to a real nice resturant. But oh well her loss again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I brought like a little cheap card that you'd normally get for just anyone, it was like 0.99, I don't know if i'll give it to her. But im not mad or anything, but she really would've had a real special birthday this year. I would have taken her shopping, then to lunch, then I would've got a limo for all of us, plus her family and my family, we all would've went to a real nice resturant. But oh well her loss again!!! Is this what you normally do for her? Limo? Or was this a Big Birthday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 Well I was trying to make up for her bday last yr. I wasn't working and she turned 30 and she wanted a party and I wasn't able to make it happen. She had one anyway but I was just trying to do something really special, plus she knows I like to do something special especially for bdays and anniversary's. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 It seems like a big difference, from dinner out on the town, in a limo, with family and friends, right down to a 99c card with not much sentiment expressed... What is going on inside of you? Are you in turmoil? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 It seems like a big difference, from dinner out on the town, in a limo, with family and friends, right down to a 99c card with not much sentiment expressed... What is going on inside of you? Are you in turmoil? [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]Nah im not in turmoil, its just im tired of games she's playing. She wants me to be her husband when its convenient for her such as giving her money but she doesn't want me to return home and I don't know what's going on in the home, She said she doesn't know what she wants in terms of continuing this marriage, saying things like I can't see us having a future together and only wants to go to counseling just so she can say that she tried to fix it. She's being really trifling about this whole separation and possible divorce. But in terms of me I'm living my life, being happy. I had a great mini vacation. It's time for me to take care of me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Yes, this is the "freedom of being single and security of being married" theory. I know it well. Do not perform any actions nor burden yourself with significant thoughts. Neither of you is perfect and she's the one who's making the divorce noises. Let her eat silence Link to post Share on other sites
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