Dumped but fighting

[forgus]

Hi,

 

I met a girl 15 months ago in a university camp, and I have fallen for her a bit. I told her how I felt, but she told me that she is seeing someone. I got a bit upset, but I turned it into energy. I wrote her a little novel about my perspective of the events. In the meantime (two months later) I heard that her relationship ended in her being dumped.

On a University ball I presented her with the book I hav written, and we started meeting each other, and the whole thing turned out to be a nice love affair. Ir went on for about 10 months, when things started to get worse for her. Later, when I was thinking about it I realised what went on, and she agreed:

- The small acts of kindness became les frequent,

- I was very stubborn on things that doesn't really mean much to me, but I know mean muc to her (politics, religion mostly) and I tried to smash her beliefs with my reasoning, and meanwhile I didn't realised how much it hurts her

- The whole relationship was centered on me: my place, my friends, my music, my movies... and she has a strong personality that soffered: I wanted to show her so much that it myght be a bit suffocating, though not unpleasant at first.

-I got her taken for granted

These were the reasons, and I could work these out. I still think that spending together a weekend someplace far away coul heal the whole business.

She quitted two weaks ago, and at first I was in great pain, but we decided to meet in two weeks.

It didn't last that long. Next night I talked to her, and met her later that week. The whole thing didn't look impossible and my spirit gradually rose. On next tuesday I received an SMS from one of our common friends saying that she looks too good, and I shouldn't prepare for much good. I phoned her immediately and I pushed her into a meeting at her place.

She said that he feels it is all over but in a couple of hours I persuaded her from feeble no to dunno and to let's see.

We decided to meet on Sunday. Sunday worked out fine for a while, and when I have taken her home I asked her how she felt, and when we will meet next.

She saif that that she had mixed feelings, and she thinks it is over. I broke.

We went to her place and talked to each other till three. I asked her to start all over, to let me try and to be a little open, and she said that she lacks the energy and doesn't feel that it would work out, and posponing would just hurt me more. I was kinda undestand this, but being too late we slept together.

In the last period, when we were sleeping together, it wasn't a very intimate experience - a sign I sould've seen - But this sleeping together was probapli the most intimate thing I ever experienced. Of course there was no sex involved, but she slept in my arms, closer than ever. I was up all night caressing her - perhaps this is the last time...

The morning was beutiful too - it was the same as in our prime, and I'm still not certain whether I could even kiss her... When I left I just asked to trust me. She didn't say a word.

Anyway I spent the rest of the day miserable. Deeper than anytime in my life.

Here I'm now: we meet on wednesday. I want to make her feel a little bit more relaxed, a little more at erase, so that I could push my foot in... I can handle the rest. I feel the spark is still there. But I don't want to push her too far. There are a lot of questions I wan't to ask... but I don't think that the "relationship" could bear any more conversations that we had before we slept together. It could intimidate her, or we could end up hating each other.

I want her back, but first I have to break the barrier that she built. I want her not to not want it... What do you think? what should I do?

[CaterpillarGirl]

So, your treated your girlfriend like dirt and now want her back?! Why put her through it all again? Even if you have changed, she will never forget your earlier mistreatment. You don't deserve her. It seems you only desire her when she is unavailable to you (dating another person, expressing disinterest, etc.). If you care for her, walk away, don't mess with her anymore.

 

Learn from your mistakes and find a new woman to treat the way she ought to be treated.

[forgus]

I respect your opinion, but tho make the story whole, she doesn't think that I treated her badly, it is rather me analyzing my mistakes to correct them. She feels that it was her, who failed. Anyway.

I phoned her to say that I'm sorry for the things that that made her upset because me, and I told her that she desn't have to feel guilty for making me miserable, for I'm miserable no more. I told her that I let her go.

I had to do this because if I keep on obsessing, I ruin it all.

This thing is over. I still love her, but there is no way we can mend this relationship.

But I want her, and I will work for her, not to have her back, but to have her again. And then I will not fail, and she will know that I will not.