Wife asked me to leave 4 days ago...

[where is my life]

I'm totally new to this and I really need some help. I came home from work last friday to find out my wife was set on a divorce. We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 7 years, with a one and a half year old son. She had packed my bags for me thinking I would cause a scene and had here mom watch our son so he was gone at the time. It hit me like a brick wall. I sat down and we talked for about 30 mins. Once she relized I was calm but upset she didn't know what to think.

 

She says she is unhappy. For the past year we have had a bit of a lull in the relationship. she said it was the last couple months that did it. She said we are both unhappy. I'm not though. We both work and at night after out son goes to bed we don't really interact. I knew something was wrong so I tried to do more things with her, making dinner, movies, board games, anything. She didn't want to do anything. And she hasn't really made any attempt with me.

 

I really miss my son and this is absoulutely killing me. I need to be with him and I can't. I make it a point to see him EVERYDAY. I want this marriage to work for him to be happy.

 

As of now we have been talking and seeing each other everyday. Doing things with our son. She says she needs time and need to decide if she really wants a divorce since I have shown here so far that I want this to work and I will change. She is at our home with our son. I am sleeping in my truck with only the clothes on my back. I think I'm a pretty good guy, I work, not a drinker, I love my son and wife very much. Just not sure where this came from.

 

Please any advice would be great! I am very tired and screaming on the inside! I guess what I'm saying is I need help.....

[amaysngrace]

Go back home. It's your house too. That is ridiculous that you are sleeping in your truck because she is unhappy.

 

You've said she has had time to think about this? Then why didn't she leave? She had time to figure out where to go.

 

Go back home and be with your son. And too bad if she doesn't like that. She can leave.

 

(BTW it's not good for you to leave an unhappy person around your son.)

[where is my life]

I really want to go home. She said it could take 2 weeks or maybe a month. I said I'd stay in the spare bedroom and out of her way nut she said no. But I'm scared that it will push her to saying it's over If I just go back. I really don't want that. I want my son to have both parents around him growing up. She's says he needs happy parents whether they are living together or apart. I don't belive that, kids know the difference.

 

I've said flat out that I would throw away all my bad habits and be 100% commited to my wife and son. I play on the coputer a little to much I agree, so I said I would throw it all away in a second.

 

I just want us back together for my son. He's is my life.

[quankanne]

you two need to get with a counselor to get the tools you need to strengthen your marriage. There are professionals you can pay, and there are men and women of the church who offer this as a ministry ... even if you don't belong to a church, still ask around. I imagine you're going to find someone who is willing to help out simply because they believe that much in marriage.

 

sounds like your wife has made a last-ditch effort to get your attention to improve things. The real question is, does she plan to used this every time she feels bad about the marriage, or does she truly want to work on things between the two of you? You need to ask where you are headed so the both of you can act accordingly. My guess is that because you've responded so positively to her ultimatum, this threat will be the "carrot" to lead you in the direction y'all need to be going. And as a married woman, I completely understand doing it like this, but for the sake of your marriage, you need to figure out your gameplan so that she doesn't have to resort to saying stuff like "I'm divorcing you" just to get you to respond (or vice versa!)

[amaysngrace]

She doesn't want your son around unhappy people but she is the one who is unhappy.

 

So why does she get to be the one who is around your son?

 

You can't live out of your truck. That's just not right. Go home. You are married and that is where you belong.

 

I wouldn't even talk to her too much. You already know she is unhappy but does she say why?

 

Seriously you need to lay down the law with her. Stop letting her call all the shots. Move back into the spare room if that is what you want to do. You pay the bills. You don't need her permission. You've earned the right to live there as much as she has.

 

She's not playing fair. And not only is she an emotional wreck she is making you one too. And it will eventually effect your son if it hasn't already.

 

Be strong and be stable and go home.

[where is my life]

your right quankanne. This was the wake up call I needed and i understand her doing it. I have thought a lot about it and I relized the signs now. I had mentioned counseling and she was not interested that much in it. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I just keep telling her and showing her I am 100% commited to this and that this is a life changing event that I understand and am not taking lightly.

 

How long does it take to figure out what you want if you really want it?

[whichwayisup]

Seems she's putting all this on you. It takes two people to make a marriage work, two people to fix it, so you can do all the changing you want, SHE needs to meet you half way.

 

Do marriage counselling, give it your best. Both of you have to do this for the sake of your child. For her to want to walk away without even trying is crazy - Unless there's someone she's met? A crush or something? I certainly hope this isn't the case.

 

Keep posting and sorry that you have to go through this..

[mark982]

MOVE BACK HOME,who is she to toss you out! if she's not happy, well then "she" has to go.

[where is my life]

I have asked if there is someone else and she has said no. I don't doubt her answer. We have never is 10 years had a fight or arguement. It's sounds very unreal but it's true. I just can't belive she went to this extreme. I would have exhausted every wvenue before saying anything about divorce.

 

It's starting to make me resent her also. I don't want to feel that but she threw me out and won't let me come back even if she has to think about the marriage. I told her if I had to sleep in my truck I would be very hurt and a little angry about it.

I wish all this had never happened for my sons sake.

[GorillaTheater]

You damn well should feel resentful, but you can fix that by moving back home. Other than what amounts to child support, I'd hang on to your paycheck too. And separate your finances. Cancel all joint credit cards and split any bank accounts.

[n9688m]

I will second - and third - what others have told you.

 

Move back home!

 

What will be with the marriage will be whether you move home or not.

 

More important now are your child and you - those have to take precedence.

 

By moving out and leaving your wife with your child, you are letting her take advantage of you at a vulnerable time. She is setting you up for her to get full custody, get exclusive occupancy of the house, and tons of money that goes along with both as well. Once she establishes the status quo re: these things it will be very hard to change.

 

Move back home - immediately. Do NOT ask your wife for permission - just DO IT. Then get yourself a lawyer ASAP.

 

P.S. Prepare yourself. Odds are quite high that there is already another man involved. Many of us here have been through this road and will be glad to help you out. Strap yourself in for a long ride.

[greatdad]

Like the others said.

 

You should go back home! It's also yours. She just can't throw you out.

 

Continue to pay the bills but, get a lawyer as soon as possible to understand your rights as a father of you son!

 

If you get angry with her, don't yell or threaten. Try to always remain calm even through the "pending storm"!

[seibert253]

MOVE BACK HOME,who is she to toss you out! if she's not happy, well then "she" has to go.

 

Agree 100%. If she wants to bail on your marriage, she can move out.

[greatdad]

I am in the same boat, but will NOT move out. I won't abandon the household and my children.

 

At this point that's all I have. My two wonderful kids!!!! They mean so much to me, that I am staying around them in the house (seperate room) as long as I can mentally handle it.

 

(I also don't want be accused of abandonment! It may be used against me in the future if I left!)

 

[Owl]

Asking her if there is someone else is USELESS.

 

If there is...there is no way in HECK she'd tell you the truth.

 

What you need to do is to move back home. Then start going through and finding out who it is...because I can almost garauntee that there is someone else.

 

Look at her cell phone use...texts, and calls both. See who she's communicating with, and how much. Odds are very high you'll see one number FAR more than any others.

 

Check her email/IM accounts online...put a keylogger on the computer, and you'll probably find email/IM accounts you didn't know she had.

 

There's more to this story than has been written down yet.

[Biggie25x]

I agree with the other posters. Something doesn't smell right here. I think it's time you at least do an initial consultation with an attorney. There are issues in a divorce when one partner leaves the domicile and while I am not saying she's setting you up I am at least suggesting that you look out for your interests.

 

Don't let her know and keep it to yourself but you need to find plan for the worst and hope for the best. If she does decide to end it there is no way she will look out for your best interests and you need to protect your rights to your property and more importantly to your child.

 

If moving back in will break the relationship than there was nothing there to save anyway. If she wants "space" give it to her in her own apartment.

 

Be nice, be a gentleman but don't let her push you around. Don't be so afraid of offending her that you don't stand up for yourself. Ultimately, it will be that that will show her you are still a human worth loving. If it doesn't than screw her, she never really loved you and she's not good enough for you.

[Enema]

I echo what everyone else has said. Move back home.

 

I would be hugely offended if I came home to packed bags and a wife telling me to move out because she has issues.

 

Who knows, it might all be a ploy to say you abandoned them.

[where is my life]

Thank you all for the advice. I went to see my son tonight and talk with her a bit. She still cannot give me any indication that this will work out. She just says I need time and space. I told her that if she is upset that she should leave, and that was a resounding no from her.

 

I'm still upset about this whole ordeal. But it is definately pushing me away from her. Who knows maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I'm just thinking of my son in all this. I want him to be ok.

[Biggie25x]

If she doesn't want to leave still and she doens't want you there than it's time to see a lawyer to make sure your rights are protected. To make sure she can't come back and claim you abandoned the domicile. She may need space and if that's so make sure she can't screw you. You need a professionals opinion.

[LakesideDream]

This is so very sad. The OP has caved in to each and every of his STBXW's whims, and will continue to do so out of some misplaced idea that he's doing the right thing.

 

Living in a pickup truck? That is literally insane. No sane person would make that choice.

 

My advice, get yourself firmly planted in that spare bedroom that you are already paying for. If your STBXW doesen't like it, she can leave. Don't confront her. If necessary put a lock on that spare bedroom door. Please, take the steps necessary to discover who the new man in her life is. Believe me, there is a new man. There is always a new man.

 

Seperate your finances. Do it now or she will clean you out.

 

Why spy? Because it will take away the source of her power, "rightous indegnation". As soon as you find out who the guy is contact him and let him know what he's signing up for, then "out" her to everyone in your lives. Parents, inlaws, close friends, etc.

 

She ain't gonna change her mind. All her gir-friens (especially the younger single ones) are supporting her, just like the other man is (that will probably stop when he knows his check book is in jeapordy). Get that lawyer, get the ball rolling. You are soon to be single.

[n9688m]

I told her that if she is upset that she should leave, and that was a resounding no from her.

 

 

Why exactly do you think she deserves to make the decision on who should leave the house?

[mark982]

buddy, it's time to man up. move back home.there's no 2 ways about this, you're making her cheating live easier. like some others said--after you move home don't give her a dime,wants $$ for the kid give her a check with child support wrote in the memo section.

[whichwayisup]

You go back home. She can't throw you out. It's YOUR house too, you pay the bills.

 

Anyway, this is more than she needs space. I'm betting she's met someone and maybe nothing has happened yet, but it's enough to make her question the marriage with you.

 

Talk to a lawyer, I think right now you need to find out your options..

[whichwayisup]

Living in a pickup truck? That is literally insane. No sane person would make that choice.

 

She should be ASHAMED of herself. You think you'd let her live in a truck if you kicked her out of the house? NO. So, why on earth would she let the father of her child SLEEP in a truck? WTF is wrong with her. Lakeside is right - There's something very wrong here.

[where is my life]

Well I have gotten some advice. I am feeling better now. I think just moving home will end the marriage. So instead I am renting a room off of an old friend. I'll give her the supposed space she needs but there is a time limit on it. I am not going to stay like this for months worrying about if there is life left in our relationship. I am going to keep seeing my son everyday and make sure he knows I'm still there. I'll now be set up to take him overnight with me and this will help make me feel better. I am still open to work on the marriage and hopefull it continues. But I need to worry about myself and child, bottom line.

 

I know it's wrong of her to let me sleep in my truck and I would never do that to her. But maybe that says something about her. I'm just going to overcome it.

And I have thought long and hard that there might be another man. I don't think there is but that dosen't mean I'm right. If that is the direction she wants to go there is nothing I can do about it. She knows exactly how I feel and What I will do to work this out and strengthen out marriage. I won't snoop or spy, It's a respect issue for me. I have to belive her with her answers. If there is another man then that will be handled leagally down the road. I just won't stand for it.

 

Thanks for all the posts. This really is helping me more then you know!