Wife asked me to leave 4 days ago...

[kac33]

I am in the same boat, but will NOT move out. I won't abandon the household and my children.

 

At this point that's all I have. My two wonderful kids!!!! They mean so much to me, that I am staying around them in the house (seperate room) as long as I can mentally handle it.

 

(I also don't want be accused of abandonment! It may be used against me in the future if I left!)

 

 

I too am going through the same situation as you. I moved to the spare bedroom and have not moved out of the house yet. My wife has given me a number of ultimatums to find a place and move out but I was told once I leave I could be accused of abandonment as well, not to mention the financial strain of paying for a house, mortgage and not seeing my daughter everyday. I really don't know if this is just prolonging the inevitable as my wife does not see to want to try. I would say you should move back into the spare room, give your wife some space and if she is willing, work with her on getting back together. Good luck to us all.......

[LovieDove24]

Agreed with all above posters. You're being a doormat. I know you don't want to risk losing your wife but she does not care about risking you. Why else would she kick you to the curb?

[Gunny376]

I have a little bit of an update. I think it is good. We have been talking a bit and I have been keeping it brief. I get to take my son overnight on Friday and get to bring him home by dinner time Saturday. I am very excited about this. I went out to buy the things I need here for him. Food, some toys, diapers, etc. I got back to my place and it kinda hit me. It is feeling more permanent. I felt scared. I called my wife and explained to her how I felt and that I want to come home. She did not object to it. I said I really want to show you all the hard work I'm doing and that If in some way you are trying to show me how you've felt for a long while that I totally understand. As much as I want to run home I'm not going to tonight. She has never been a night away from our son. I think it will be a real reality check if i take him for the night. I think that this might hurt her. I really don't want to hurt her, even after all this I'm just not that type of person. So I think when I pick him up tomorrow I will really explain this to her and see how she feels. Maybe that will help her figure out what she wants to do. This is a really big thing for her even though she has been pretty calm about it.

We also have a dinner date set up for Saturday night. I think this is a good thing. I asked her mom to watch out son after he goes to bed and we can go out for a bit. She was OK with it.

 

I think this might be a good thing. Or maybe I just really want it to be a good thing and it's really not. Guess there is only one way to find out.

 

What you need to do is "Man Up!" Move back into your house that your paying for and footing the bills on, and quit supplicating yourself to what your wife wants, feels, thinks.

 

Let her know that your the Father of your DS and that contrary to popular belief ~ being a parent, being a Father doesn't end at conception ~ nor your rights as such.

 

You need to quit spending every waking moment supplicating your life, your existence, your very being to this woman.

 

You need to let her know that your a man and that you've places to go, people to see, things to do. You don't have time to spend three hours on the telephone trying to 'work it out' and explain your feelings. You don't have time to wait on her or any other woman. If she's more than 15 minutes late ~ you walk! She puts you on call waiting to take another phone call? You hang up! If the other call is that important she can tell the other party that she will call them back! You don't take back seat to anyone! Your her husband!

 

You've got to take absolute responsibility for your happiness, self contentment, and pleasure in Life, because Brother I'm here to stand up and testify ~ that if you don't? There sure as hell isn't anyone else walking the planet that's going to do it for you.

 

You've got to come to realization that you and you alone are responsible for getting out there and rubbing a little sunshine on your face each and everyday. Your the one that's responsible for the smile you put on your face, the laughter you put in your face, the fun you have in your life, the happiness you have in your life! You and no one else.

 

You've got to create your own reality ~ and not live the reality of someone else. You've got to create your own way in Life. You define your ethics, you define your own rules of behavior, you write your code of honor. What other people think? Is secondary. You've got to come to the conclusion that what other people think doesn't mean a damn thing! Your the one that's living this Life!

 

You move back in ~ reclaim yourself, reclaim your Life, re-claim your "center" of who and what you are and about.

 

I'd tell her Happy @ss! I'm coming home, I'm through supplicating to you and your wants and needs, and BTW I'd like to have my 'balls" back! And if she wants to 'test" you, I'd tell her, "You really don't want to go there, because if we do? Its going to get ugly, quick, fast and in a hurry like! It won't be fun and it won't be pretty! And there are some people? Mainly you that's going to get hurt! You've got all of thirty seconds to make your mind up about me and this marriage!

 

What is she going to do? Lie and cheat on you? Leave you? Separate from you? Divorce you? Use harsh language?

 

Worse case? You get divorced? All that means is you get to go and find yourself another woman/women? Damned the bad luck! Half if not more of the guys that are married are dreaming about that anyway?

 

AT least your not suffering through all this Hell, hate, and discontent ~ misery!

 

Better to be single and alone than married and miserable!

[webmuse]

I have this uncontrollable urge to clap..

 

Gunny I love how you just lay it out there, i think everyone here needs a lot of tough love and you give it well.

[where is my life]

Well I had my son over night last night. It was pretty hard for him to adjust.

It took almost 4 hours to get him to sleep. But at least he ate really well this morning and had a great nap. I called my wife to let her know I was dropping him off. She said she is at her niece's basketball game. All I could think is she should be at home working on us. I go is the house with my son and wait a good 30 minutes, then she pulls in. She had done her hair and had perfume on. I talk to her a couple minutes and said I'll pick you up later for out date. Then she says I'm kinda tired. Not sure If I want to. Now I'm getting upset, I've set this up 4 days ago, got the sitter, everything. She says I'll call ya and let ya know. I say No tell me now. then she says no. I say ok, I can see all the signs, you are doing everything else except work on us.

 

She says last friday when I told her I will do whatever it takes to save the marriage it did nothing for her. She said she should have felt excited about that, but didn't. So I said well tel me what you want. And then I hear "I want a divorce". It hurt me but nothing like last weekend. At least I have had time to deal with this situation. All I said it's not right to do this to our son. He Needs a mother and father at home. period. I kiss and hug him to leave and she chases after me crying for more hugs. That absolutely killed me. Like I couldn't breath. I kissed and hugged him goodbye, And told my wife that it's not right what you have done.

 

I feel so numb right now. All I want is my son more then anything. At least I know he loves me unconditionaly, And means the world to me.

[2sunny]

oh man - i'm sorry... she's totally seeing someone else.

 

you can't do anything but step back and take the reigns.

 

she's got her own agenda and YOU are in the way.

 

OPEN YOUR EYES. find out what she's really doing. you need facts! hard evidence. she's never going to give you the truth... find out.

 

when you know the truth - we will be able to help... no need to keep trying when the real issue has yet to be addressed.

 

do something - but don't take her word for the truth - you are being naive in thinking she's not involved with someone else... she is. it always looks like this.

[lkjh]

you need to man up, get back into your house and stop funding her single life.

[lkjh]

oh man - i'm sorry... she's totally seeing someone else.

 

you can't do anything but step back and take the reigns.

 

she's got her own agenda and YOU are in the way.

 

OPEN YOUR EYES. find out what she's really doing. you need facts! hard evidence. she's never going to give you the truth... find out.

 

when you know the truth - we will be able to help... no need to keep trying when the real issue has yet to be addressed.

 

do something - but don't take her word for the truth - you are being naive in thinking she's not involved with someone else... she is. it always looks like this.

 

Listen to this.

[2sunny]

MAKE HER leave! she wants things different - she moves out!

[webmuse]

Somewhere someone wrote : Always swallow your pride, never swallow your dignity.

You swallowed your pride....

[2sunny]

Somewhere someone wrote : Always swallow your pride, never swallow your dignity.

You swallowed your pride....

 

ya, but his wife is treating him like dirt while she does what she wants. i see his dignity slowly disappearing as well.

[where is my life]

well I actually slept through the whole night last night. Haven't done that in a while. Now I'm just kinda trying to get my head screwed on straight. I find that my feelings are changing a little bit. I'm pretty hurt and upset. I'm not angry really, Just feel really lonley.

I am just so sick of her saying that our son needs happy parents around him. Whether they are together or apart. I think that if he couple talk he would say he wants a mom and dad at home. I'm still having some trouble working and staying focused. I just think of my son every second, He is the only thing that is keeping me going.

[Darth Vader]

well I actually slept through the whole night last night. Haven't done that in a while. Now I'm just kinda trying to get my head screwed on straight. I find that my feelings are changing a little bit. I'm pretty hurt and upset. I'm not angry really, Just feel really lonley.

I am just so sick of her saying that our son needs happy parents around him. Whether they are together or apart. I think that if he couple talk he would say he wants a mom and dad at home. I'm still having some trouble working and staying focused. I just think of my son every second, He is the only thing that is keeping me going.

 

 

Just make sure that he is your son, well let's face it, you did think of it yourself! This may have happened after, but, who knows how long this has gone on for!

[where is my life]

I definately know he is my son. 1. he looks just like me 2. we had a lot of "help" to have him. He is definatley a wanted child on both parts.

[Darth Vader]

I definately know he is my son. 1. he looks just like me 2. we had a lot of "help" to have him. He is definatley a wanted child on both parts.

 

 

Cool! Another Check completed on the checklist.

[where is my life]

Well it looks like we are moving on with the divorce. She told me yesterday that she has a meeting with a lawyer. I told her that I would forget about all this if we get back together and go to counseling. And that once I have a lawyer that there is no turning back for me. Maybe after she meets with one it might not look so good. She has a lot more to loose then I do.

 

How do I start to recover from this. I am tired of just sitting and staring at walls. And I am so tired of thinking about it every minute. I've lost 31 pounds in almost 2 weeks. What can I do to start repairing myself and not become guarded to everyone?

[Phateless]

This woman is evil.

[mark982]

get out and reconnect w/ old friends, join the gym, walk,stay away from the booze. just stay busy,and don't let your wife see you all bummed out. just act as if everythings ok, and that you have a new life.

[Phateless]

get out and reconnect w/ old friends, join the gym, walk,stay away from the booze. just stay busy,and don't let your wife see you all bummed out. just act as if everythings ok, and that you have a new life.

 

True. The second she thinks you're over her and dating younger, hotter girls than her, she'll be all over you again.

 

Sad but true.

[seibert253]

True. The second she thinks you're over her and dating younger, hotter girls than her, she'll be all over you again.

 

Sad but true.

 

A lot of hot available women at the gym. The one I go to is loaded. I'm happily married, they know it because my wife works there, but they're all over me. Maybe because I'm married and unavailable, thrill of the chase, don't know. But I know if you want to meet women, the gym is a great place.

[where is my life]

Thanks for the tips. I am not even interested in the booze so no worries there. This is a good a time as ever to just stop with it I think. We spoke a little yesterday, only a couple minutes. And I asked her if she still loved me. She said no. If she did she would want to work this out. Once she said that it's like someone flipped a switch. It just felt like thats what I needed to here to move on. I am not going to waste my time with someone that after 10+ years of a relationship would be like that. I told her that I fell she is being selfish and that If I had know she would just quit when things get hard I would have never been with her. I told her that the ring I wear everyday is a commitment. For better or worse. And I would never just up and quit on her.

 

I have to say that I am feeling better. It's becoming more a reality now and I have kinda delt with it. I know it can and will still be hard, but I can pull through. I have reconnected with some old friends and I was surprised how many people wanna got out for some fun sometime. Guys or Girls, Just nice to be wanted

[mark982]

don't even bother texting, calling, phoning her. go totally nc,why keep bashing yourself. act as if you fell off the face of the earth.any calls about dividing the property, tell her to call you lawyer. go out and just have fun,sure there's gonna be bumps along the road,but why sit home and pitty yourself.get moving.

[Phateless]

Thanks for the tips. I am not even interested in the booze so no worries there. This is a good a time as ever to just stop with it I think. We spoke a little yesterday, only a couple minutes. And I asked her if she still loved me. She said no. If she did she would want to work this out. Once she said that it's like someone flipped a switch. It just felt like thats what I needed to here to move on. I am not going to waste my time with someone that after 10+ years of a relationship would be like that. I told her that I fell she is being selfish and that If I had know she would just quit when things get hard I would have never been with her. I told her that the ring I wear everyday is a commitment. For better or worse. And I would never just up and quit on her.

 

I have to say that I am feeling better. It's becoming more a reality now and I have kinda delt with it. I know it can and will still be hard, but I can pull through. I have reconnected with some old friends and I was surprised how many people wanna got out for some fun sometime. Guys or Girls, Just nice to be wanted

 

So glad to hear! You're moving forward. I think you'll find that within one year, you'll feel way better about yourself than you have in a long time. This woman sounds toxic for you.

[where is my life]

Just a little update. The divorce is still going to happen. She emailed my friday night telling me she filed. I had told her that I don't want to talk to her unless it is about our son. I text her every morning ( I have done it since my son was born) to check on him. Just short and to the point. We speak a little bit when we drop off/ pick up our son. And it isn't mean it is just snippy I guess is the word I'm looking for. My son is now starting to show signs of what is going on. And I feel she is oblivious to them. Saying he is hungry, teething, tired. That is really starting to bother me. I'm just so upset that she threw away 10 years together because we didn't really go out as much or talk as she says. We talked about our days when we are home, And I called her one or two times a day when I had some down time to just shoot the breeze. Very confusing.

 

I went out to dinner with some old friends this weekend and had a really nice time. Caught a movie with my new roommate and just kinda relaxed. I feel so heart broken for my son and that I let him down in some way. I wish I could make all this go away for him.. And I have never felt this alone in my life. Feels like it will be like this forever. I just keep thinking that how would want to get involved with me after all this. I work a lot and have a small child. Just feels like I will be alone forever and I don't want that.

[Phateless]

Just a little update. The divorce is still going to happen. She emailed my friday night telling me she filed. I had told her that I don't want to talk to her unless it is about our son. I text her every morning ( I have done it since my son was born) to check on him. Just short and to the point. We speak a little bit when we drop off/ pick up our son. And it isn't mean it is just snippy I guess is the word I'm looking for. My son is now starting to show signs of what is going on. And I feel she is oblivious to them. Saying he is hungry, teething, tired. That is really starting to bother me. I'm just so upset that she threw away 10 years together because we didn't really go out as much or talk as she says. We talked about our days when we are home, And I called her one or two times a day when I had some down time to just shoot the breeze. Very confusing.

 

I went out to dinner with some old friends this weekend and had a really nice time. Caught a movie with my new roommate and just kinda relaxed. I feel so heart broken for my son and that I let him down in some way. I wish I could make all this go away for him.. And I have never felt this alone in my life. Feels like it will be like this forever. I just keep thinking that how would want to get involved with me after all this. I work a lot and have a small child. Just feels like I will be alone forever and I don't want that.

 

I promise it will get better. Things are bad now, yes, but look at this as your chance to prove to yourself that you can get through it and come out stronger on the other side. The strength and confidence you will gain after overcoming this will be amazing, and your life will be much better than it was.

 

You obviously care deeply about your son and other people, and eventually you will find someone who appreciates it.

 

Your wife just got bored. I don't think there's anything else to it. She got bored and she was blind to how good she had it.