Wife asked me to leave 4 days ago...

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm totally new to this and I really need some help. I came home from work last friday to find out my wife was set on a divorce. We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 7 years, with a one and a half year old son. She had packed my bags for me thinking I would cause a scene and had here mom watch our son so he was gone at the time. It hit me like a brick wall. I sat down and we talked for about 30 mins. Once she relized I was calm but upset she didn't know what to think.

 

She says she is unhappy.

 

then shouldn't SHE be the one that leaves?

 

 

For the past year we have had a bit of a lull in the relationship. she said it was the last couple months that did it. She said we are both unhappy. I'm not though. We both work and at night after out son goes to bed we don't really interact. I knew something was wrong so I tried to do more things with her, making dinner, movies, board games, anything. She didn't want to do anything. And she hasn't really made any attempt with me.

 

I really miss my son and this is absoulutely killing me. I need to be with him and I can't. I make it a point to see him EVERYDAY. I want this marriage to work for him to be happy.

 

As of now we have been talking and seeing each other everyday. Doing things with our son. She says she needs time and need to decide if she really wants a divorce since I have shown here so far that I want this to work and I will change. She is at our home with our son. I am sleeping in my truck with only the clothes on my back. I think I'm a pretty good guy, I work, not a drinker, I love my son and wife very much. Just not sure where this came from.

 

Do you suspect she is being unfaithful? Because I can't see anything in this that isn't fixable. Just being in a rut is no reason to even think about divorce unless she wants to be with other men.

 

You may not think it is even possible, but something isn't right here.

 

But regardless, you need to be sleeping in the house. She has no right to kick you out especially when SHE is the one that says she doesn't want the marriage. You can sleep in the house, but the house is 1/2 yours and she has no right to expect you to leave it.

[mark982]

move the heck back home.

[where is my life]

Well she filed for divorce and we are both lawyered up. Looks like there in no going home now. And I just put $500 of repairs into my truck 2 weeks ago. Actually the night she threw me out. And now it is breaking down again.... Can I ever catch a break?

[leedlee1]

Believe me!!! when all this settles down your gona wish you had listened to the advice you were given, she has been playing you for a fool for sometime and i can say 90% sure she has another guy already lined up...... you wait and see. you have done nothing but be a doormat to your ex wife, I know this sounds harsh but it's true and ive been there.

[notspiritual]

Because it seems that the divorce will happen no matter what, there is no point in renting the room anymore. There is nothing to lose anymore, no marriage to save anymore, so now you can go back to your house and be with your son every day.

 

Consider the relationship as over. Don’t be mean or angry about it. Just be a man. As man, let me tell you that you do not need a woman in your life to be happy. But your son needs you. So in every way you act, you will put your son’s interest as a priority. You will stop having the limiting belief that your son can only be happy if raised in a family. He will be happy and raised into a fine man if you make him a priority and behave now as a responsible father. Go on your own path, the woman can follow you or not, it does not matter. She is no longer the answer, she is the problem. No matter how much you love your wife, trust that there is nothing you can do to win her back for now, except being a responsible man for your son and yourself first.

 

Of course you love your wife, and it is difficult to admit to yourself that you were so stupid for not seeing it coming or so naïve to trust a woman who is unable to commit forever. It is not your fault, it is the nature of women to be frivolous. There was no way you could have avoid this, because 1) you lack the experience in screening for women 2) 80% of women are low quality (among those 80%, 50% will divorce, and 30% will treat their man poorly). So don’t blame yourself. You only had 20% chance of success as a relationship newbie.

 

And don’t be worried that because you have a son, other women will not be interested in you. Let me tell you that if a woman can see how a great father you are to your son, they will be crazy about you. Being a great father communicates all the right qualities (resourcefulness, protector of loved ones, survivability skills etc.). But to be honest, this is not your problem right now. When the time comes to tackle this problem, people will help you.

 

Right now, you only need to focus on being a real man for your son, without anger and supplication, just a real man on his own path.

[Jonesey]

^^^^^

 

Great advice, let this sink in and start to believe it.

 

Good Luck!

[n9688m]

Notspiritual - excellent, excellent advice

[where is my life]

Thanks Nonspiritual for the advice. That was very well spoken. And I do agree with what has been said. The marriage is over. I am dealing with that And I feel fine. I am somewhat upset still, but not angry. Could we have both done more to fix this before seperating-Yes. Could there be another man - Yes. Did we both kinda drop the ball when we both displayed warning signs - Yes. Hind sight is 20/20.

 

I have never ruled out 100% that there is someone else. Do I think she is involved with someone right now - No. Do I think someone has shown interest in her and sparked her curiostiy - Yes. Things have been uncovered to somewhat prove that.

 

After putting me through all this the ship has sailed so to speak. And I am about 95% OK with it. I do still blame myself but that's who I am. I devote every bit of time I have with my son. Actually I have had him this weekend and he is napping right now I feel so alive when I am with him.

I am not renting anymore. I caught a break and was able to move in with some family. It's a perfect place for me and my son. Great neighborhood, beautiful houses, A safe place. As much as I would have liked to go home I was legally advised against that. And I agree with it. She may not have all her marbles in one bag so to speak and I want to keep things civil and make sure the law is not involved for any real/fake reason. It is in the best interest of my son. I am stepping up and making sure I am there for my son. If I am there for him he will be there for me! And I won't let him down!!

 

Things are going much much better now. My son is adjusting very well and that pleases me. Aside from having to deal with the process of divorce I am happy. I am making myself stronger and making sure my boy wants/needs for nothing. The pain is finally leaving!

 

And also anyone that has read these boards and thought about posting with your troubles, DO IT! This has been some of the best help I have had. It really has made a difference with dealing with this problem. Do not hesitate to let it out. An I want to thank every single person that has posted. You have helped my in ways that I cannot describe.

 

Thank You!