Wife asked me to leave 4 days ago...

[whichwayisup]

IF she is in an affair-fog, then she is NOT thinking clearly at all. If there is another man in the picture, you need to fight for your marriage - Not hand your wife over to HIM. Come on..This is YOUR family she's giving up on. Not just you and the marriage, she's throwing in the towel on the family unit.

 

I understand you're in pain - But your anger needs to come out, to help direct you to stand up to her and stop letting her call ALL the shots.

[amaysngrace]

IF she is in an affair-fog, then she is NOT thinking clearly at all. If there is another man in the picture, you need to fight for your marriage - Not hand your wife over to HIM. Come on..This is YOUR family she's giving up on. Not just you and the marriage, she's throwing in the towel on the family unit.

 

I disagree. I say let him have her. She's no winner. Plus if her heart's not in it??

[whichwayisup]

Yeah but if she's in an affair-fog, she hasn't a clue what she's about to lose.

 

People don't just all of a sudden kick their spouse out for no real good reason. The I love you, but i'm not inlove with you bullcrap line.. I'm confused, not sure anymore. Well, give it your best, DO counselling, try to fix it, then divorce. Because of their kid, it's worth a shot to try to salvage things.

[GorillaTheater]

I disagree. I say let him have her. She's no winner. Plus if her heart's not in it??

 

I've got to agree with this. My wife kicks me out and leaves me to sleep in the truck (not that I'd be inclined to leave except maybe at gunpoint)? All that's left is the paperwork.

[amaysngrace]

Yeah but if she's in an affair-fog, she hasn't a clue what she's about to lose.

 

That's her problem isn't it?

 

Staying with her may be a lot more trouble than it's worth. Trust, disrespect, control...that's all I'm seeing here.

 

I don't care how she's thinking. It's how she's acting is what I'm looking at.

[lkjh]

Don't rent a room, get back in your house. If she does divorce you it will look like you have abandon your home. Also, by renting a room you are giving her all of the power and no woman will respect a man that doesn't stand up for himself.

[Trimmer]

Well I have gotten some advice. I am feeling better now. I think just moving home will end the marriage.

Did that include a counselor or lawyer, or both? Or just more advice from friends?

 

Get some legal advice - you don't have to start a fight, but at least educate yourself so that you can make reasonable steps now, and more importantly, you can avoid making any missteps right now that could bind your hands later.

[helovesme]

I agree with Owl...check up on her. Sometimes when you're unhappy, you think the grass is greener on the other side. Until she realizes that, you will be living a very long and lonely life in your truck.

 

The others are right, find a family member, friend or somewhere to stay. Or just go home.

 

Good luck - I do hope you find some peace and a solution to this very difficult situation.

[delajoonal]

OMG! Why are YOU sleeping in YOUR TRUCK?????

 

you didn't do anything wrong...that we know of?

 

UM..wth?

 

my stbx had an EA i made him leave..while he was supposed to be staying with his brother, at some point the brother kicked my stbx out, and he was sleeping in his car..well, HE/stbxh deserved IT...BUT you DO NOT deserve to sleep in your car/truck!

 

even with my stbx cheating, etc..i still could NOT let him sleep in his car, so i let him come home...seperate rooms of course...

 

my point...SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE...she wants the divorce, she has the issues, SHE LEAVES..

 

correct me if i am wrong fellow LS members, but isn't the one that wants the D or cheats the ONE that should leave the marital home???

[Gunny376]

That's her problem isn't it?

 

Staying with her may be a lot more trouble than it's worth. Trust, disrespect, control...that's all I'm seeing here.

 

I don't care how she's thinking. It's how she's acting is what I'm looking at.

 

Exactaly ~ you can either believe her or your lying eyes! When it comes to situations like this ~ its usually comes down to when all was said and done? There's more said that being done.....................

 

When it came down to it, I didn't cell phone records, pictures, videos, "Cheaters" when you eaten, sleeped livied with someone for all those years you just know. You can feel it in the crawl of your stomach.

[amaysngrace]

correct me if i am wrong fellow LS members, but isn't the one that wants the D or cheats the ONE that should leave the marital home???

 

Yes I think so. I had time to think too. I was a stay at home mom with lots and lots of time to think.

 

I realized I was unhappy.

 

So I figured a way to leave my marriage. It took me months to plan it as safety was a concern. But I left him. And took my kids with me.

 

I filed for divorce six days later.

 

My BF was cheated on in his marriage. She filed for divorce. They have no kids but he still has the house.

[where is my life]

Well here is an update on whats been happening. I have spoken to a lawyer. So at the very least I know what my rights are and have an idea what I should be doing in case this marriage ends. Thats why I have been feeling better I guess. I finally have some answers that I know are sound and a footing to rebuild my broken mind from.

I see my son everyday. That is something I just have to do regardless of the situation. If it's not rainy I bring him to a park so we can be alone. But it has been rainy and I have been forced to go home and she him with her there. I don't really like that but I'll take what I can get. At least we can talk while I'm there and it hasn't been really bad. We have had a couple heated talks but we both back off and they seem to go really well after that. Last night I could see she is starting to finally break down. And I at least got some information about my situation out of her. We went through some hard time when we were having our son. I think we both kinda stopped talking to each other and it just progressed to what has happened. She's just unhappy and I am A bit too. I know this is a road traveled both ways, we both need to work at this. Not just me. She says all she is figuring out is if she has the energy to try this again. She said all the things I said and actions I've done have made an impact. She wants to make sure that is she says yes she will be committed. And not make a quick answer and feel in a month or 6 months she is just not in it and start this all over again. At least I finally know what she is thinking.

 

I have mooved in with a friend. I have rented his spare bed room. I need to do this not only for a place to live but to help me cope and deal with this. And the legal advice said it was a good idea also for my son. I have a safe place to take him over night and thats what I really care about. Just being with him. I did at least tell her that I will not wait forever. And that making rent a place will really have an impact on how I feel even if she wants back. I might not want it after being put through this. Also I really do not think it is another man. We both just kinda fell out of love. I really do belive her when she says there is no one else. If I am wrong and there is there is still nothing I can do. But I won't loose sleep over it, I will just overcome it. I still have trust in by wife, If I didn't this would be over right now. I still want this to work, I just want her to know I have my limits too.

 

So thats where I'm at. Sorry for long winded writing. Just need to vent a little. Feeling better, but I still haven't found my life yet.

[reddog63]

Well I have gotten some advice. I am feeling better now. I think just moving home will end the marriage. So instead I am renting a room off of an old friend. I'll give her the supposed space she needs but there is a time limit on it. I am not going to stay like this for months worrying about if there is life left in our relationship. I am going to keep seeing my son everyday and make sure he knows I'm still there. I'll now be set up to take him overnight with me and this will help make me feel better. I am still open to work on the marriage and hopefull it continues. But I need to worry about myself and child, bottom line.

 

I know it's wrong of her to let me sleep in my truck and I would never do that to her. But maybe that says something about her. I'm just going to overcome it.

And I have thought long and hard that there might be another man. I don't think there is but that dosen't mean I'm right. If that is the direction she wants to go there is nothing I can do about it. She knows exactly how I feel and What I will do to work this out and strengthen out marriage. I won't snoop or spy, It's a respect issue for me. I have to belive her with her answers. If there is another man then that will be handled leagally down the road. I just won't stand for it.

 

Thanks for all the posts. This really is helping me more then you know!

 

 

You get the correct advise, to move back home................and you ignore it and keep doing what your doing.........

 

I think you are doing it all wrong.........but you can learn the hard way.

 

And she is most likely doing someone else ...............I say it will take a few more pages of postings before we hear from you she is.........

 

LISTEN to what people are telling you, it is the best way of handling these situation from people who have experience!!

[amaysngrace]

You get the correct advise, to move back home................and you ignore it and keep doing what your doing.........

 

I think you are doing it all wrong.........but you can learn the hard way.

 

And she is most likely doing someone else ...............I say it will take a few more pages of postings before we hear from you she is.........

 

LISTEN to what people are telling you, it is the best way of handling these situation from people who have experience!!

 

His lawyer told him it's a good idea to move in with a friend so that he could have overnight visitation and I'd take legal advice over a bunch of personal opinions anyday.

 

whereismylife I think you are doing a fine job and holding up well all things considered.

 

As far as getting back that loving feeling...I wish you luck if that is what you truly want. Just make sure your wife wants that as much as you do.

 

If it's meant to work out it will. You sound real grounded and level-headed about it all. Keep up the good work.

[where is my life]

I have been listening to all the advice reddog63. I want more then anything to movr back home. But I can't afford to have something go wrong and screw things up getting my son. What happens if I go home, She's gets mad, and hurts herself some way to get a restraining order against me? Then I'm out of the house, divorce most likely will be final, and I will have a hard time with getting my son. I am listening, But I can't risk it!

 

Thanks Amaysngrace for the comment. That means a lot. And everyone else for that matter. I've read them all and have given them thoguht. I feel like I'm doing pretty good, I never thought I could do this. I've kinda surprised/ found something in myself.

[amaysngrace]

I feel like I'm doing pretty good, I never thought I could do this. I've kinda surprised/ found something in myself.

 

Sometimes we don't know just how much strength we have inside of us until we are put to the test.

 

If anything you come across as a loving father who is putting his child first. And that's a beautiful thing.

[where is my life]

Is there a time that I just won't want to go back? I can't figure this out. I feel that this waiting and space game isn't needed. We have a past together and we have a little one. I was hoping that with the actions I've done these last days would say something to her. That I'm in it for the long haul. I'm very tired, I've slept about 3 hours a night. I'm hungry and can't eat. I've only ate one since friday. I'm just broken I think.

Maybe I am becoming damaged because of this and there is no going back.

[Enema]

I was hoping that with the actions I've done these last days would say something to her. That I'm in it for the long haul.

 

This isn't really about you, you know.

 

Sure, she's turned it around and tried to play the blame game. That's what they usually do.

 

But, if you ask me - she's checked out of this marriage and it doesn't matter what you do now, she's already gone.

 

Time to try to salvage your life, not your marriage.

[Biggie25x]

I am glad you are moving on with your life and way to go to be willing to still work on it with her. You're right marriage is forever.

 

I am so glad you talked with your lawyer. Now that you have expert advice you can plan your moves. That is all that was needed. If you feel staying out of the house works than do it. I/we just wanted to make sure your rear was covered in the mean time.

 

Good luck and try marriagebuilders.com? They have great advice and keep posting.

[Phateless]

She is being narcissistic and heartless. If I were you I wouldn't even want her back! She is really just making herself look bad.

 

Go back to your own house and tell that you have just as much right to be there as she does. If she wants time apart, she can take it by going somewhere herself, not kicking you out.

 

This is BULL _ _ _ _ !

[seibert253]

She is being narcissistic and heartless. If I were you I wouldn't even want her back! She is really just making herself look bad.

 

Go back to your own house and tell that you have just as much right to be there as she does. If she wants time apart, she can take it by going somewhere herself, not kicking you out.

 

This is BULL _ _ _ _ !

 

Agree!

If she wants to check out, she can leave. Tell her you will help her pack.

[where is my life]

I have a little bit of an update. I think it is good. We have been talking a bit and I have been keeping it brief. I get to take my son overnight on friday and get to bring him home by dinner time saturday. I am very excited about this. I went out to buy the things I need here for him. Food, some toys, diapers, etc. I got back to my place and it kinda hit me. It is feeling more permenent. I felt scared. I called my wife and explained to her how I felt and that I want to come home. She did not pbject to it. I said I really want to show you all the hard work I'm doing and that If in some way you are trying to show me how you've felt for a long while that I totally understand. As much as I want to run home I'm not going to tonight. She has never been a night away from our son. I think it will be a real reality check if i take him for the night. I think that this might hurt her. I really don't want to hurt her, even after all this I'm just not that type of person. So I think when I pick him up tomorrow I will really explain this to her and see how she feels. Maybe that will help her figure out what she wants to do. This is a really big thing for her even though she has been pretty calm about it.

We also have a dinner date set up for saturday night. I think this is a good thing. I asked her mom to watch out son after he goes to bed and we can go out for a bit. She was ok with it.

 

I think this might be a good thing. Or maybe I just really want it to be a good thing and it's really not. Guess there is only one way to find out.

[Phateless]

There is a fine line between being understanding and blatantly being a doormat. When you hand your self-respect over to someone, they'll take it.

 

Do you understand what I'm saying here?

[Enema]

I get to take my son overnight on friday and get to bring him home by dinner time saturday.

 

Friday night, kids and husband out of the picture.

 

Any way you can find out what (who) she gets up to?

[lkjh]

Look man you are blinding yourself. You need to look into her and stop being such a doormat.