TheFaithfulWife Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 [color=blue][/color] Help! My husband had an affair that I found out about last November. Even with marriage counseling I am still obsessing over the details and I am still feeling like I can't trust him at all. He moved out for six months and returned in June and he has done nothing so far that indicates that he isn't being faithful. He calls me daily on his way home from work(something he never did before) and talks to me the whole way home. He tells me he loves me many times during the day. We have been married for 17 years and have five boys, and he is real involved in scouting ( the woman involved was a unmarried scout mom, living with a guy though) I had become angry over the time he was spending at scout functions and I grouched a lot about it. He felt that I didn't love him anymore because I was hurt and angry about him spending so much time at scouts, so he started a relationship with this woman who loved scouting. She ended the relationship(not him) and I think this is what hurts the most. He has now cut back on the time he spends at scouts and involves me in all the scouting events that he does do now. Why am I still so leery? and will I get over it ? He tells me that he never stopped loving me, and that the reason she ended the relationship was that she knew he still loved me. Our sexlife is better and our communication with each other has improved. I could use some imput Thanks The faithful wife:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 He felt that I didn't love him anymore because I was hurt and angry about him spending so much time at scouts So it's you who made him cheat? so he started a relationship with this woman who loved scouting Instead of talking to you about this, this was his solution? She ended the relationship(not him) How does he feel about that? our communication with each other has improved Have you discussed the reasons why he cheated? Has he acknowledged what he's done? Does he understand why his actions were hurtful? Does he seem remorseful? Does he seem like he's willing to work on the marriage? Why am I still so leery? Because you're afraid: 1. He might do it again. 2. He's not over her. 3. That if the other woman were to re-enter the picture, he'd go running back to her. will I get over it? That's up to you and it also depends on your relationship. Some people (not me) say that infidelity can make a marriage stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheFaithfulWife Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 I am not accepting the blame for my husbands affair, I was just explaining that he thought I didn't love him anymore. It was his view of things that was messed up not mine. The only part of this whole situtation that I think I contributed to, was me withdrawing from him out of anger at the time he spent at scouts. That is no excuse for him having an affair, there is no good excuse for an affair. He knows now that I loved him and still do, now it is up to him to make things right again. The faithful wife Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 i dont know what to say, i feel really bad for you, but i guess if it was me, i would have left him, i couldnt bear to deal with that pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 I am not accepting the blame for my husbands affair I could see how you might misinterpret what I was saying as you being at fault that he cheated. It was more like incredulity that he had the nerve to try and blame you for his actions. My statement should have been clearer. What I really wanted to say was: "What the h?! He's blaming you for his cheating? That's f***ing insane!" The only part of this whole situtation that I think I contributed to, was me withdrawing from him out of anger at the time he spent at scouts. Just a thought - did you ever think that maybe spending all that time at scouts was his way of withdrawing from you? That is no excuse for him having an affair, there is no good excuse for an affair. I agree. There is never any good excuse for anyone to have an affair. now it is up to him to make things right again So what has he done to make amends? I bring up remorse again because I think it's an important issue to address. To me, no remorse means no guilt and no ownership of or responsibility for one's actions. Is he repentant? Is he penitent enough that doing this would never ever cross his mind again? I think if he really wants to make things right, this is what he needs to do: whatever it takes for as long as necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
cenilla Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Very Simple: Trust and Verify! Link to post Share on other sites
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