1bee Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 i don't know where to start. i've been depressed for almost two years, but not to the point where it interferes with the necessary things i have to do in my life, like keep a job. but i've just been lonely, stuck in a rut, and also feel like a loser. every once in a while i'll lay in my bed, look up at the ceiling, and cry because of how pathetic and lonely i feel. but mostly how pathetic. i guess i might still have a bad taste in my mouth from getting dumped by my first boyfriend who i went out with for almost three years. i knew him in high school at 16/17, spent a lot of christmases hanging out with him, and didn't go out with him until i was 19. and then after he graduated college and became a yuppie he left me just like that and treated me like i was the most annoying piece of crap to ever be in his presence before losing contact with me altogether. but that was at the end of 2007 and i'm still depressed about it. i feel like i just suck as a person and will never be attractive to anyone. this was driven home to me by having a guy i liked and cooked thanksgiving dinner for never talk to me again after i traveled all the way to nebraska to see him this past thanksgiving. i look and feel ugly. i've noticed lines on my face that were never there before. i feel like i've lost a part of myself that i can't really get back try as i might. and i feel it shows in my appearance as well. on top of that i suck at choosing friends. or maybe i just fail at being a friend. no one is there for me. i was talking to one last night online and he was saying he felt like ^%$, so i said i was sorry he was feeling that way and he got upset and said i was annoying for saying "sorry" everytime he said he didn't feel good. it's not like i feel it's my fault. it's just a general response i give people when they say they feel like *****. "sorry. you want a hug? want a cookie? etc?" whatever. but then when i didn't reply to him after his outburst he told me i had an attitude and needed to call him when i got over myself. it just made me realize how much my life sucks and how empty i must be. i cried. i'm 23 and i'm unhappy with my life. i have an associate degree in business, which i absolutely hate, and work a measly part time job. i feel old. i've taken up guitar and drawing again to attempt to get back the me i had before i became consumed by the guy i used to love at 17. i was young and stupid back then. i always thought about him and never of myself. i was a doormat because i was afraid of losing him. i'm going back to college in the fall to pursue an art degree, something i really wanted to do in the first place but i feel like somehow it wouldn't matter because i'm past the age where i should have gotten it by now. i'm afraid that even if i go after what i want to go after, it won't work out. because i get the feeling it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Let me know if you want some advice from dear old dad. Barring that, I can tell you that each day brings new potential. I lived alone for about 15 years, from 25-40, and it looks like I'm going to be alone again at 50. I hated it when younger, but now I'm kinda liking it. I also have a lot of respect for a young lady who can cook (I love cooking and did for all those years I was single). So, do like I do and whip up a multi-course meal just for yourself, pour a glass of wine, put on some music and enjoy being alive Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1bee Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 yeah, i'm willing to listen to anyone. i appreciate your response. i actually did buy a new cookbook a couple of weeks ago... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Tip: Get good at cooking and learn a bit about giving dinner parties and then use your female networking skills to make some acquaintances. Invite a few with whom you have rapport over for dinner. Sprinkle liberally with the adult beverage of your choice. True friendships can be forged in the oven that is the kitchen Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1bee Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 i'm bad at networking. i get so nervous, it's horrible. i only have a handful of friends. i don't find it a bad thing though. the thing that makes me feel terrible is occasionally i'll have people attach themselves to me and then fall away when they find out i'm insecure or mistook me for an outgoing/hyper chick, which i'm not. it just makes me feel like crap. i never pretend to be something i'm not but it still hurts when people lose interest. Link to post Share on other sites
wierdmunky Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 My 64 yr old Econ teacher just got his 2nd masters degree in sociology at Stanford. It's never too late, who cares about what other people think. Your still young, and if you really want that 2nd degree, I would just go do it. Your not getting any younger, so your doing it now or later - which is older. I would just do it. You probably don't look old, so why hold out on the rest of your life with that negative thinking? Think happy thoughts What's old anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
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