Am I just being insecure? (very long story)

[rixie36]

Hi everyone. I stumbled across this forum when I was looking for dream interpretations because I keep dreaming about my partners ex!!!! We have been together for nearly 2.5 years and everything was peachy until we went over seas to New Zealand last year. He kept on saying he didn’t want anyone to message or call him because it’s expensive etc so when he was texting like crazy one night I was a little sus. His sister asked who he was texting and he said it was his mate but I caught the reflection of the name in the window (driving at night) and it was his ex.

They were only together for something like 3 months and she left him for another man, they were apart for a year before we got together. I didn’t saying anything to him about it but I did say something to his sister and she said not to worry he would never cheat etc and I don’t think he ever would either.

After that there was nothing until the weekend of his 21st (a month later). He had flown over to Perth and had been there all week and had a red eye flight home so my friend and I went out clubbing and he picked us up on his way through. The next morning we were all sitting about talking and his phone went off. I handed it to him and he read the message then I lent over to grab it to put it back on the counter and he snatched it away from me, then a few seconds later said “deleting 328 messages”. I looked at my friend very with a suspicious look and she was returning it.

When he went out to do some yard work I grabbed his phone and, being a typical male, he hadn’t deleted his out box. WELL there were many messages he had sent to his ex while in Perth going on about how he is in bed naked and asking what she was wearing in bed etc. I forwarded them onto my phone (I’d left it at home and asked my friend to bring it that night cause it was his 21st) so my friend could read them. I so badly wanted to leave, just get in my car and go home but being the person I am I didn’t. His party was horrible because I had to pretend to be all happy and that but did a very miserable job of it. Eventually when we went home I asked him about it and he said that it meant nothing, that’s just the way there were when they were together and I said to him how do you think it makes me feel? How would you feel if I had done that to you?

I don’t keep in contact with any of my ex’s but he still talks to some of his. I told him I don’t mind him talking to his ex’s but I do have a problem with what he was doing and he apologized.

Fast forward to March this year and my friend was going to pick up her puppy and he said you can go with her to get the dog I’m going to visit the ex (he didn’t say ‘the ex’ he said her name but not going to name names on here). I was not happy but I didn’t say anything cause I figured he would invite me, he never did. The morning it was all happening I got up and just left, apparently when he got up he came looking for me but that was it. I didn’t hear anything from him until about 2pm that afternoon when he called to see if I was home so he could come home. When he got home I gave him a very cold shoulder until he finally asked me what was wrong. I said to him about how he just told me he was going and didn’t invite me, he said I could of come if I wanted I said that wasn’t the point, he didn’t ask. He said it wasn’t like it was just himself and her alone, there were other people there and I said well how am I suppose to know that blah, blah , blah. I also reminded him about how I had said I didn’t mind him talking to his ex’s and informed him that it was actually a lie. He apologized again but I keep having dreams about him and her.

I know how full of myself this is going to sound but he has taken a massive step up in the world to be dating me. Compared to his ex’s I’m out getting an education and building my career and am much better in the looks department.

I really need to communicate with him better and tell him how I feel but I'm really bad at that. I keep my feelings bottled up and eventually the spill over and I turn into a blubbering mess...

So do you's think I'm insecure, or is it justified? What do you think I should do? I love him very, very much and honestly have no intentions of ending it with him because I still believe he would never cheat on me but is it just that I need to talk to him about how I'm feeling more?

[TigerCub]

I don't think you're being insecure. If I had a boyfriend that was passing dirty messages back and forth with his ex I'd be pissed and I'd probably end it then...but you didn't and you seem to want to work things out. I think that for sure, you need to be more open and communicate better with him about the things that bother you WHEN they happen.

You mentioned how you gave him the cold shoulder until he asked you what was wrong - personally I think that's bull***** drama, just be upfront and tell him what bugs you when it happens because the sooner you express it, the sooner he can reply and you guys can deal with it.

 

You seem to think that you have a lot going for yourself - especially in comparison to his ex's so why are you putting up with his nonsense. Let him know that, let him know that he's got a great thing going with you, and that he better step up and appreciate it and give you the respect you deserve and if not, then you'll just find it with someone else - you don't need crap like that.

 

I mean, I wouldn't have a problem if my boyfriend was still friends with his ex, but the dirty messages and stuff - that's a different issue.

[love2dance]

He lied to you and betrayed your trust by sending sex texts. It is normal to feel insecure after he betrayed you. Tell him what you need in the relationship, honestly, even if you need him to stop contacting the girl he lied to you about. He messed up and he should make up for it and try to earn your trust back after he did such a dirty thing.