my moms starting to get broken up about me leaving for college

[vince1128]

Shes happy for me and everything, I got into a good school but its 9hrs away and for the last 11 years its just been me my mom and my sister. we all have such a close relationship and shes just now realizing its getting close to that time that ill be leaving. Ive told her that Ill be home 5 months out of the year and things like that but still her natural reaction is obviously gonna be sadness.

 

I hate that im doing this and not going to a closer school "where she could see me on my birthday"... actually i dont and shes really happy im going where i am its just gonna be different. i dont know what im asking for but if anyone has advice on ways to cope or think about things id realy love to hear them because i hate to see my mom broken up like this

[Ronni_W]

I know what you mean, but not sure I can really offer anything useful.

 

It's not that you're abandoning your mom and sister. And you may even be looking forward to "getting away" and exploring and discovering the world on your own, without any day-to-day worrying about their needs, insecurities, etc.

You do deserve to have the fun that you will no doubt be having, as an individual who needs to grow and experience in your own right and in your own way. It's perfectly okay to look forward to all of that.

 

You are also doing what you can to ensure that you'll have the maturity and means to continue to be the support that you appear to have become for both of them.

 

Mostly though, you do deserve to have your own life, and learn who you are, what YOU need and want, and how to properly take care of YOU. Your needs and wants are as important as everyone else's.

 

Possibly you've taken on some (too much?) responsibility for your mom's and sister's needs and wants, and you're kind of feeling that you're "failing" them in some way? It's that the responsibility never really belonged to you in the first place. You were/are the child, not a parent/spouse or co-parent. But. Even if you continue to feel responsible for them (to whatever extent), it still is that getting the best education possible will help you be able to better take care of their material needs.

 

If any of that helps at all

 

Wishing you lots of good learning at college -- intellectually and also personally! Have fun, work hard and enjoy the whole experience! That's about the best way to honour your mom and sister...and yourself, too

[quankanne]

as close-knit as you are, I can see how it'll be that much harder. So, think ahead about how you can help ease her and your sister through this new transition.

 

do something special with them this summer, and as you get closer to your launch date (when you head off to school), start tucking little surprises for them to find. Like a special note toward the bottom of the stack of towels or in a set of sheets. Like having her best friend hand deliver flowers from the supermarket or homemade cookies to them after you've arrived at school (you can help your friend make the dough ahead of time, and even baked cookies can be frozen – if sealed properly in a ziplock bag – for a couple of weeks). Like putting aside $40 (the average cost) and treating both Mom and sis to pedicures (trust me, it's the ultimate indulgence, even if they're not into girly-girl stuff).

 

there are lots of little *sweet* things you can do to let your two special girls know that you're thinking of them and are with them in spirit!

 

the best part about you moving away to school? It gives them a vacation (and adventure) to look forward to when they come see you. It'll be hard, but believe me, they're incredibly proud of you.

 

XXX,

quank

[gracielou]

make sure you call your mother when you are at school! It does not have to be every day or every week...but call your mom periodically just to chat about life. That way she and your sister won't feel so disconnected from you and your life.

 

Im telling you from experience it makes a world of difference to call home! I never did that my freshmen year at college because i was so glad to be on my own and having fun...I hurt my mother alot because of it. It was just my mom and I while i was growing up and it felt to her like i just cut her out of my life, which is what i never meant to do.

 

other people have given you good suggestions, like spend time with them now and when you come home for breaks make sure that you alot family time. Its all too easy to come home on breaks and spend all your time with your friends. Remember its an adjustment for all of you, but with time things will fall back into a normal pattern. Your mother and sister are going to miss you a lot, however I bet that they both know that its a great choice for you and that this will open more doors for you in the future.

[Eve]

I would agree with calling your Mother often once you have left for Uni.

 

Things will hopefully pan out nicely after a while, its an important adjustment. Mom probably will also change in some ways too so be prepared for that too. I am getting ready for my daughter moving on to Uni this autumn. I did go through a low period until I visited the University with her. HAs Mom visited your Uni with you? Now I am just SO excited for her. She will always be my baby but now its time to stand back and watch her blossom fully into her own person.

 

In the time you have left at home do a few more things together and enjoy each other. Daughter and I have made a few more meals together than usual in order to prepare her for cooking for herself .. concentrate on things like that. She must be so proud of you and the sensibility you have gained from your relationship will carry you far.

 

I wouldnt make promises about how often you return home, take things day by day. It is important that you go and have new experiences and blossom now.

 

Take care,

Eve xx