Getting a girl(s) in a social circle

[somedude81]

This situation is a little complicated.

 

There are two girls I'm interested in who are in the same social circle that's a mixed group of guys and girls. Both girls are single. I've known each girl separately for at least 6 months but I've also hung out with the full group a few times. I don't consider myself to be a part of the group and I don't know if I should be or not.

 

I would be happy getting girl A or girl B getting both is a fantasy that will probably not happen. Both girls A and B are in a dance class with me as well as few other people from the group.

 

I don't really know how to proceed. From my experience getting too close to a girl and becoming her friend has usually meant that I will not sleep with her. I don't really care about the group as I'm only interested in the girls. Though I would probably enjoy being a part of the group if I was also dating one of the girls. There are two couples in the group.

 

One thing that is starting to bug me is that one of the guys in the group who has a girlfriend is preventing me from getting girl A's attention. During todays class he danced with her at least 4 times in a row when we should have been switching partners it also meant that I didn't get to really talk to her today. His GF is not in the class. There have been a couple of occasions where this fool has gotten in my way. I really want to knock this guy out when he does crap like that. Anyways I ended up spending a lot of time with B and even went to a little award ceremony thing she had where lunch was also provided.

 

So far I've been trying to hang out with girl A during the break we both have before the dance class. I'm almost certain that she knows I'm interested. She lives out of town so I'm trying to catch her when she's in my city. I haven't been able to hang out with her yet because she's been having group project meetings. So instead of her telling me that she doesn't want to spend time with me she apologizes.

 

At this point I know that none of the girls are interested in, which is completely expected. I know it's up to me to create the interest. I've actually known girl A for twice as long as B so I feel closer to her. Though she is graduating in a few weeks. If I'm unable to spend some alone time with her before then I'll probably never see her again. I really want to get a solid answer from her (that she'll go out on a date with me or if she has any interest in me). I don't really care if she says no because I know that I didn't have a chance. If I don't get a response from her then I'll be left wondering. I haven't really tried to hangout with B yet. I'm slowly getting closer to her. She's also going to be in my Salsa class in the fall but there isn't any point in waiting till then to hang out with her.

 

Any suggestions on what to do.

[WTRanger]

Straight up ask these girls out for a date. Just be forward with it. If you try to go at it too tactfully, you'll run the risk of ending as just friends. I'd say start with A, since in a few weeks you may not ever see her again. That way, if for some strange reason things become awkward, then you won't have to deal with that situation for long as she'll naturally leave your life.

 

I wouldn't assume these girls have no interest and you have to not put so much pressure on yourself to "create" interest. Otherwise you might come off as desperate and needy. Just let things move naturally, but be open and honest about your intentions. If you get out on a date, offer to pay. If she doesn't let you, it's OK, it's only the first date. But if you get a 2nd or 3rd date and she still won't let you pay then you might be headed for friendsville.

[somedude81]

Yeah I think I've been trying to be a little to tactful in my approach. The problem is that I expect them to reject me. I'll probably wait till the last day of class to ask out A. I already have her facebook and phone number. So even if I'm not able to officially ask her out I can still call her later. That way once she rejects me there won't be any awkwardness between us, which somehow always happens when a girl.

 

I guess the best way is the most simple. It just doesn't feel natural actually asking them out.

 

Offering to pay is interesting. In all of the times I've hung out with girls we've always gone dutch. I wonder if that's why none of the girls considered it a date. I've also never tried to never make a move but that's a different thread.

[WTRanger]

I can't speak for all girls, but I had known one girl who lived by that rule. If she paid for her part, it wasn't a real date. Since it wasn't a real date, don't expect to try anything after dinner or think that the two of us were any more than friends going out for dinner or what not. She was the only one that I had known that was adamant about paying her part too. All of the other girls, even the "just friends", when I offered to pay they'd always accept it.

 

Offering to pay for the girl shows that you are interested in more than just friends. It's just one of the subtle things to do when taking a girl out. You can apply a bit of pressure if she wants to pay her part. Tell her that you'd rather pay. If she insists then let her pay. Don't turn this into a big argument. If she asks why you felt you had to pay. Just tell her it's a guy thing. It's ingrained into our heads that if we take a girl out, we probably should foot the bill. Just like holding the door for her, waiting to sit until she sits, etc. Tell her it's a lot like guy humor. If you don't have a willy, then you don't get the silly.

 

Why doesn't it feel natural just asking them out? That's usually step one which is the biggest step. Everything from there on is much easier.

[somedude81]

Next time I go out with a girl I'm going to offer to pay. Hopefully that will give her the idea that I'm not trying to hang out with her just as friends. I still can't believe that some girls are not smart enough to realize that when a single guy invites her out to a meal just the two of them and a little activity afterwords the he probably wants more from her than to be her friend

 

It doesn't feel natural because it is a big step. Honestly I don't want to get rejected. So I've been trying to be a little sneaky about it and spend time with them that doesn't set off red flags in their mind that I'm interested in them. In 100% of the girls I've been into, once the girl learned that I was interested in her, things fell apart.

 

I guess I'm trying to get her to fall for me first or at least start liking me that way the chances of rejection are much lower. I have had girls like me, I've just kept making the mistake of trying to make a move at the wrong time.

[WTRanger]

Don't put so much pressure on yourself to make the other girls like you. They'll like you for who you are and there is nothing you can do to "make" them like you. Just be yourself.

 

You can't get to the big leagues without first putting time in the minors. You have to start by asking them out. You can't go skipping steps. Yes, it is scary to face rejection. But do it enough times, you'll realize hearing "no thanks" from a girl isn't the end of the world. Remember, she isn't the last girl on the planet. So pick yourself up, and go on. It's also not a bad thing to keep some of these girls around as friends. It's always good to have a few wingwomen around to give you advice when you do find that one special girl.

 

Also, if the girl does indeed let you pay that doesn't give you the golden pass for sex or expecting anything more than a hug. That's the complete opposite of the spectrum. She could just be in it for a free meal. Rely on your instincts to tell you what to you. You only refine those instincts by getting out there and practice, practice, practice.