Trust..

[happyuk]

Well at the moment, I'm in a long distance relationship, have been for 14 months and everytime he goes out to pub or whatever I worry he will cheat, and I hate the way it makes me feel.

 

He says he would never cheat on me and hasn't because he loves me and I believe he loves me and cares for me. He shows it all the time

 

I just worry he'll cheat on me and that I won't find out. I mean I do love him loads but if he cheated it would end. I havent cheated on him ever.

I have a go at him when my head gets bad(about him cheating) and have done for a while now but he's still with me and I mean it has been really bad. He really doesnt want to lose me but why is he with me if I go on all the time.

 

I dont want to end it but I cant go through this pain and dont want to put him in this pain either cos it kills when we argue.

He always says I dont wanna cheat, im not gonna and that he would do a lie test but still i worry that hes flirting and doinf stuff he shouldnt.

 

Just advice please, I'd appreciate it

[amaysngrace]

Have you been cheated on before? Has this guy ever lied to you before? When you two go out does he flirt with other women?

 

I don't know. From your post it seems he's willing to take a lie test. He's still around even after you put him through hell. He still treats you nicely. These are all actions.

 

So if you don't believe his words then at least trust the man's actions.

 

And not only does he tell you he loves you he backs it with actions. I don't see why you are thinking the worst when you could be focusing on the best and learn to trust him. He sounds like he's worth it.

[happyuk]

Have you been cheated on before? Has this guy ever lied to you before? When you two go out does he flirt with other women?

 

I don't know. From your post it seems he's willing to take a lie test. He's still around even after you put him through hell. He still treats you nicely. These are all actions.

 

So if you don't believe his words then at least trust the man's actions.

 

And not only does he tell you he loves you he backs it with actions. I don't see why you are thinking the worst when you could be focusing on the best and learn to trust him. He sounds like he's worth it.

 

No I haven't been cheated on before that I know of anyway. And again never lied to me that I know of. When we're out he doesn't flirt and he says when we're not together he doesn't flirt either because theres no point .

 

Thank you for your words. I really do want to trust him but It's hard. i do try lots but this hurting cannot go on for either of us

[amaysngrace]

I really do want to trust him but It's hard. i do try lots but this hurting cannot go on for either of us

 

Here is a link. I hope it helps.

 

http://www.itmightbelove.com/2008/10/21/how-do-you-know-if-you-can-trust-your-boyfriend/

 

[Shock Me Sane]

If there's absolutely no reason to believe that he's the lying/cheating type, I think you should do everything in your own power to work through your insecurity issues. Accusing him of doing things he isn't doing is going to push him away from you.

[nicki]

Very good link on trust. I agree with it.

 

Your guy sounds trustworthy, like he has nothing to worry about. The fact that he would offer to take a lie detector test speaks volumes. Doesn't seem like he has anything to hide.

 

I will tell you that I was worried about my boyfriend when he and I were in a LDR. Turns out it was with good reason. He cheated and didn't tell me for years (and only then because I busted him.) Game over.

 

So, I say trust but validate what your guy tells you. Maybe have him take that lie detector test AFTER a bit of time. Those tests can only ask questions that pertain to actions, not states of mind. So, a question like "Do you want to cheat" doesn't work. "Did you cheat?" does, though.

 

I had plenty of red flags with my boyfriend. He looked at other women, lied about things, made decisions without my input, generally dismissed my feelings, even though he said all the right things....did all the wrong actions

 

Look at your guy's actions. So far so good!

 

I'd ask him about any history of cheating. Then watch him closely for his reaction. Honesty about anything like that would be a good thing. Hopefully, he wouldn't have, but honesty and insight about past cheating shows someone who has taken care of the problem.