Chukky Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I would just like to share my story,,,,really because I have no one else I can talk to, as everyone, including my BF expect me to be over it, expecti it to be forgotten and in the past. I have no been with my bf for 3 and a bit years. The first 2 years were perfect. Then i moved away to university. He had always had a very veerrrry close girl mate who he used to cuddle up to and watch films etc etc, i was always worried but was assured there was nothing to worry about ....by both of them,. so stupidly i belived them. Anyway stuff happened wen i was at uni, i dont know how and i dont know why but i found out by finding a skype convo between them, very hot stuff....i was devastated bu my bf assured me it was just a "game" and i believed him, then i talked to her and she told me everything, how they were basically a couple. I was heart broken, i told my bf i knew and he sed he was sorry but he didnt know which of us he wanted, i hung about on the edge of life for a while, trying to keep going with my own life. Anyway everything blew up one night wen the three of us got together, he had told me by that point he wanted me and i tentitivly trusted him, anyway unfortunately he had neglected to tell her this and wen we spoke we both turned on him and he legged it. When he came back he locked himself away, the other girl left saying she never wanted to see him again, i stayed and talked to him wen he finally emerged, he sed he wated me. Anyway after alot of making up and stuff i was led to believe it was partly my fault for being needy and clingy and pressurisng him to move to wales with me. So all was good again. Summer holidays was brill, and then i went back to uni Over the summer i had been getting more and more suspicious about this girl he climbed with. She didnt seem to know about me, they went to cinema together and he always sed there was a group of them. I now know this to be a lie. ANyway he dumped me about a month into my uni term. I was devastated, and i knew the reason for it. I began to put my life together again....again. And then i got an email. It was from him saying he was sorry, he had made the biggest mistake of his life and wanted more than anything to move to where i was an be with me. I ignored him but as the weeks went on i realised he was serius. Only thing was he hadnt told this new girl.....so he was sleeping with her and trying to get back with me (i only found out after) Anyway in the end we are back together, have been for 6 months and its perfect. Amasing relationship. But i cant forget. There are days i cant sleep, cant eat cant get out of bed. But ppl think i should be over it by now. Im not. Everyone thinks im stupid that it still bothers me. my bf has started seeing the first girl again thru friends, and wonders why it bothers me. He still works for the second girsl dad......(no guessing how he got that job!) ANyway, just wanted to know what ppl thought. Im glad we are 2gether, he is a totally different guy, me....im messed up for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Shock Me Sane Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I doubt he's a totally different guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Excellent Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Seems to me this guy is a notorius cheater, and he is using you as a backup. What makes you think he won't do it again? You even say that you are messed up right now, do you think it will get better? If i were in your position my trust level would have been zero the first time, and i would never, ever take back my ex. I feel really sorry for you, but if you let yourself go through with this it's your own fault. And your bf knows this, and is using it for whatever it's worth. In the end, it's your choice. But my advice is to end it for good, because in the long run these trust issues are going to eat you alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 take my advise if you dont you will read this in the not so distance future and kick your self. get out ! leave this idiot. save yourself. now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chukky Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 Ummmm, ok....well i honestly do think he is different Maybe i am being an idiot over this..... Link to post Share on other sites
Tizzy Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 But i cant forget. And you shouldn't. This guy sounds pathetic. Like a real piece of...work. You are worth more than that and worth more than the bones and scraps he's been throwing you. Are you sitting around waiting for him to cheat on you again?? It's likely not a matter of "if" but "when". Yeah, people do change but it doesn't sound like he has much of a reason to b/c he knows that you'll always come back to him. I say leave him and work on making yourself happy. You are deluding yourself if you think this man has changed and really cares about you and your feelings. Actions ALWAYS speak loads louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I can't tell you to leave him...so I wont. But change doesn't happen unless its over a long period of time in most cases, especially with something like cheating. Some people may even want to change, but I think cheating is a pattern of behaviour representative of certain qualities in a person; selfishness, neediness, confusion, lack of self-control, entitlement. Either way it is a selfish act, which is why it has no place in a relationship. I will warn you that when a relationship damages you, your ability to trust or your self-esteem, you will not feel better, only worse. You will constantly need them to show/prove their love, prove their fidelity, feel the need to check up on them, second guess what they say, you will have no PEACE, because you will always feel suspicious. This in term will make you more needy, more clingy, more reluctant to let him have a night with the boys or female friends, which in turn will push him away or cause him to do it all over again. Unless he can PROVE to you he really has changed, I would walk away. Or let him help you repair the damage he has done. Link to post Share on other sites
Littlemadam Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 What a sad story, I really feel for you. As everyone has said he is 99.9% not ever going to change. Where is the respect if he is going back to see this girl again (even if just an alleged friend). How dare he even think of doing that!! You deserve to be treated like number one, and he isn't doing this. I also can't believe people expect you to forget and get over it. You need out, you will find someone that loves you alot better and treats you right. You can't live like this with it eating you up. Easier said than done I know, but you've got uni, make the most of it x Link to post Share on other sites
SeeingClearer Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I'm sorry. but once a cheat, always a cheat Link to post Share on other sites
5105571 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Don't ever be soft on someone who has carelessly broken your heart, especially more than once. I'm not suggesting payback or petty games, but I am suggesting you call all the shots with the things he continues to do that upsets you to ensure that it never happens again. Remember that he begged you to come back, so you should have taken him back with a few conditions attached, like him never seeing those women again. The reason why it still hurts is because you're telling yourself that this is not right, and it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
likeORIGAMI Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Its very rare for people to change. They may think they do, but they don't. They usually revert back given the opportunity. People also lie. These, unfortunately, are the facts of life. Link to post Share on other sites
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