DDay#3...OM#4...Devestation

[tami-chan]

DNUi...there goes your dating life...<shakes head>! get a job, DNUi, you need medical insurance. Actually, genital herpes, while totally nasty, is manageable.

 

Goodness, your story is getting more and more fantastic and damn it, I am addicted to your saga Are you sure you are not a troll? because really, you CAN tell stories!.

 

Part of me wants you to be a troll, because I just cannot believe your "misfortunes"!

[DNU1]

Donor and life threatening issue is a long shot and can easily be dealt with in the future, should the need arise. They don't do emergency transplants.

I'm facing the same issue and have decided to keep that Pandora's box closed, DNUI. My kids have been through enoguh with all this and it would change nothing.

 

Thanks Reggie, couldn't have said it better myself. I agree wholeheartedly.

[DNU1]

DNUi...there goes your dating life...<shakes head>! get a job, DNUi, you need medical insurance. Actually, genital herpes, while totally nasty, is manageable.

 

Dating life right in the crapper, I agree. It's like she ripped my future right from under my feet. Hurts BAD.

 

And for what it's worth, I believe SHE should be paying my medical insurance from now until the day I die because of this genital herpes. That would be fair and equitable...

 

Goodness, your story is getting more and more fantastic and damn it, I am addicted to your saga Are you sure you are not a troll? because really, you CAN tell stories!.

 

Part of me wants you to be a troll, because I just cannot believe your "misfortunes"!

 

I seriously wish I were a troll. Tell you what, I'll trade my saga for yours and you can throw in two extra OPs, four years of lies and any STD that can be cleaned up with antibiotics. Done deal.

 

Misfortunes doesn't even begin to describe my deepening level of crap I'm wading through.

 

Mark my words people, this will get worse some how, some way. HIV positive(?), a different STD crops up(?), house burns down(?), I get in serious car crash(?)...bad things happen in threes.

 

Lets' see, #1, DDay#3 = divorce. #2 STD that will be with me FOREVER! What's behind door #3?

[Reggie]

Your life will get better, DNUI. It just seems overwhelming at this point. Life is really unbelievable, at times. Just look at Tami's. It's a mess.

[tami-chan]

LOL ...yes, it is a mess! darn it, I need a break!

[tami-chan]

Your life will get better, DNUI. It just seems overwhelming at this point. Life is really unbelievable, at times. Just look at Tami's. It's a mess.

 

 

LOL..since you are really INTENT to engage me, my former friend, why don't you just start a thread and tell LS everything I have shared with you in our PMs...yes, everything...go ahead. Let them decide if my life is a mess( if they care)...Go ahead. Be a man. It won't hurt you, this is anonymous, right? But I tell you what...and this will be very satisfying to you, i suspect. It will hurt me but that is YOUR point right? To hurt me. Here's a man, who I thought highly of, a man of high integrity and man of honor---boy was I wrong....I should have heeded the warning of some of the posters here about you....but no...I thought you were a kindly, old man trying to help a younger person.... So please, jesus,you have been on this campaign to discredit and embarrass me...so be my guest.

[taylor]

DNU,

 

So sorry to hear the latest news...OMG...genital herpes. I agree with the other posters...gather as much info as you can and talk to your lawyer about suing her for this. And yes, she should be 100 percent responsible for paying all medical costs associated with this condition..for the rest of your life. Not sure how that plays out legally, but morally, she should.

It's not as if you chose to participate in high risk activity, knowing this could be the outcome. It was her high risk activity..and being a doctor she knew the risk she was putting herself and you in.

 

I wonder if you can be sure the genital herpes came from this last OM. She has had at least 4 other men. Have you not had any visible signs of this condition? (that's a rhetorical question...no need to share here). If not, when you do get your first flare up, you will really be PO'd.

 

Just one more reason to hate her..another nail in that coffin.

 

******

 

With respect to the DNA testing, I understand your desire to not go there right now. And I understand any man who would choose to never go there, especially if their children are older (not babies, toddlers) and can comprehend what's going on. How devastating for a child to hear from the only father they have ever known, "I'm not sure you belong to me. I want you to get tested so that I know for sure."

 

And if the test reveals that a man indeed is the father of a child he loved from birth, it will still always be in the back of the child's mind, "If the test showed otherwise, would dad have stopped loving me." Very devestating, psychologically, IMO.

 

I understand the medical needs for knowing true paternity, but I also think there is a time and place for everything..again, age appropriate. Perhaps when the child is grown and no longer dependent on dad. Or perhaps only when and if the time comes, ie, a medical emergency.

 

Tough shoes to be in for any father questioning paternity.

 

But, I agree, last thing you need to focus on right now. Hug your kids. They need you.

[taylor]

Mark my words people, this will get worse some how, some way. HIV positive(?), a different STD crops up(?), house burns down(?), I get in serious car crash(?)...bad things happen in threes.

 

that will be with me FOREVER! What's behind door #3?

 

I think you counted wrong, DNU:

 

#1 - Affair discovered

 

#2 - Divorce

 

#3 - STD

 

Have faith that it is only uphill from here. Stay strong.

[DNU1]

Thanks for the words Taylor.

 

STBx tried the "i could have had this Genital Herpes thing in my system for years..even before we got married" but my Doc says it's more likely that it's a recent exposure. Neither of us has had any flareups. So that means recent exposure.

 

I hate the things she has done to me, my kids and my life. I don't *hate* her just yet, but I'm getting closer...

 

And on the kids DNA thing, I don't want to go there right now. Understand all the medical ramifications, etc., but not now...I won't let that be what's behind Door #3 at this point in my life. How could I face my kids knowing that Mommy had yet another OM in her life and they weren't really my kid? Not going there.

 

I need to hang strong. My faith in God is strong. Always has been. I must learn from this situation and move forward.

[Reggie]

LOL..since you are really INTENT to engage me, my former friend, why don't you just start a thread and tell LS everything I have shared with you in our PMs...yes, everything...go ahead. Let them decide if my life is a mess( if they care)...Go ahead. Be a man. It won't hurt you, this is anonymous, right? But I tell you what...and this will be very satisfying to you, i suspect. It will hurt me but that is YOUR point right? To hurt me. Here's a man, who I thought highly of, a man of high integrity and man of honor---boy was I wrong....I should have heeded the warning of some of the posters here about you....but no...I thought you were a kindly, old man trying to help a younger person.... So please, jesus,you have been on this campaign to discredit and embarrass me...so be my guest.

 

Taunting a guy about his future dating prospects when he recently discovered his wife gave him Herpes, and going on to question the veracity of his stroy is cruel, TC. You have shown time and again you have little compassion for people.

He wants to talk about this news, and you polk fun at him while he is in this state. Same with the "get a job" and the accusation that relating his role role in caring for the kids was complaining.

Take a look at your own life and how you've handled your H's cheating with your own cheating as a response.

[angie2443]

DNUi...there goes your dating life...<shakes head>! get a job, DNUi, you need medical insurance. Actually, genital herpes, while totally nasty, is manageable.

 

Goodness, your story is getting more and more fantastic and damn it, I am addicted to your saga Are you sure you are not a troll? because really, you CAN tell stories!.

 

Part of me wants you to be a troll, because I just cannot believe your "misfortunes"!

 

You're comming across to me as a very nasty person. Perhaps you are angry at someone in your life and can't take it out on them. Maybe this is why you come here and be nasty to others.

[DNU1]

Update: STBx saw our doctor today and got tested for genital herpes. I asked her to stop by house after her appt, but she called and said she had to rush back to work...she had re-arranged her schedule to make the Doc appt and needed to get back to work -- once again, her job takes priority over me, the kids, our marrriage...

 

She still claims her last contact with any OM was last October. Still claims that HPV-2 could have been in our systems for a long time, even though neither of us has had an outbreak.

 

Still no, "I'm sorry for exposing you to this", still no remorse on the STD thing. Still defiance in her voice. Never asked me how I'm feeling, how this all effects me. It's still all about her. I broke in and said "you have exposed me to an STD that I will have to live with for the rest of my life" and she shot back with "well I've got to live with it too..."

 

So tonight the gloves come off. I've been holding back my feelings and emotions on this latest DDay, divorce, STD's because I didn't feel like she could handle all this. Her emotions were too raw and her constitution too weak.

 

Not any more.

 

Tonight I'm going to sit her down and say, "just listen...don't talk" And I'm going to lay it all out for her. My feelings on all of this. My feelings on OMs, DDays, lies, deceipt, STDs and the future of any relationships I may have with women. The filter comes off my mouth completely. Oh, I've given her some 2x4's upside the head, but I think tonight it's open the flood-gates time. I need to bare my soul.

 

Not to slam her or to make her feel bad. I need to bare my soul to help myself heal, to move forward, to let this all out and move on. I'm not trying to hurt her, I'm trying to heal me. And right now this needs to be about me...not about me trying to care for her. Nuff said. Out.

[Reggie]

Get it off your cheat if you want. I'd be wary. She may record it or try to use the venting to show you are unstable.

DNUI, the reality, as hard as it is to believe, is that there are people walking this earth, like your wife, who reall just do not care about others. I think your efforts to make her see your pain and the damage she has caused will be futile. It just does not register with these folks.

I've dealt with this. When my wife was confronted with the fact that in 1994 she was gone from our house, out until all hours of the morning 216 nights of the year, her response was "so , what. I have more friends than you and need more time out."

At the time, my kids were 4 and 6. One had Down's and autism and was close to death frequently from repeated pneumonias. She would not see these little guys for days at a time.

What I am trying to say to you is ,essentially, what you have alluded to descrbing your wife's response to having given you a STD: the color of the sky in a personality disodered person's world is not blue.

You expect a normal response. a realization of what she has done and remorse. But, that part of her brain simply does not function and you will just be frustrated.

I've recited countless little speeches I would have liked to give my XWW, in my mind. I never deliver them because, soon after I compose them, I am aware, once again, of how ineffective they would be(it took me a while to accpt this. These folks are just different and will not change).

[Chrome Barracuda]

Get it off your cheat if you want. I'd be wary. She may record it or try to use the venting to show you are unstable.

DNUI, the reality, as hard as it is to believe, is that there are people walking this earth, like your wife, who reall just do not care about others. I think your efforts to make her see your pain and the damage she has caused will be futile. It just does not register with these folks.

I've dealt with this. When my wife was confronted with the fact that in 1994 she was gone from our house, out until all hours of the morning 216 nights of the year, her response was "so , what. I have more friends than you and need more time out."

At the time, my kids were 4 and 6. One had Down's and autism and was close to death frequently from repeated pneumonias. She would not see these little guys for days at a time.

What I am trying to say to you is ,essentially, what you have alluded to descrbing your wife's response to having given you a STD: the color of the sky in a personality disodered person's world is not blue.

You expect a normal response. a realization of what she has done and remorse. But, that part of her brain simply does not function and you will just be frustrated.

I've recited countless little speeches I would have liked to give my XWW, in my mind. I never deliver them because, soon after I compose them, I am aware, once again, of how ineffective they would be(it took me a while to accpt this. These folks are just different and will not change).

 

You know what would wake her up a good ole fashion azz whuping! lol J/K.

 

Seriously DNU1 my homie is right some people just cannot feel remorse or pain for hurting others, but the karma aspect of it, is what if hers mutate into an agressive form of cancer then she cant pay for her medical bills, are you still gonna feel sorry for her, Who's she gonna blame then, you? no.

 

She has no one to blame but herself. She got a seriious STD , it could have been aids and then what? Is she gonna say, well I have to live with it too?

 

Tell your kids about the STD and tell them all since this occured you want a DNA test to verify everything, they'll be mad at you but they'll understand. Esepcially if they know moms a cheating sloar. I know I would.

 

If the kids are yours you have nothing to worry about. That way you can finally after all the pain and hurt you can move on.

[LifesontheUp]

Sorry to hear about the latest news. Stay strong as things will get better DNU

[applecake]

with telling him to get his kids DNA tested. The man has repeatedly asked that the subject be dropped as he doesn't want to know.

 

DNU1

Right now you feel this is the end of the world for you. I cannot give you any real advice other than I know of people who have this condition and were devastated but have managed to come through it and move on with their lives. I wish this for you. It truly is unfair but not the end.

I have no comment on your wife. She is what she is and that is sadly becoming more and more apparent. Glad she isn't my Doctor.

Be kind to yourself and be good to your kids.

Mind your temper when you confront your wife. Hurt and fear and frustration can lead us into many mad places. Keep your dignity and your head about you.

Good luck

[DNU1]

Thanks Apple, I will mind my temper.

 

Another Update: Wife back in house today...and tells me she told Dr.X about my STD. I asked his response..she said "nothing really."

 

Then STBx says someone sent Dr.Xs wife an annon letter saying "a co-worker of Dr.X is getting a divorce because Dr.X had an affair with that person. He's a pompus arrogant..." I'm paraphrasing here.

 

So the cat's out of the bag. STBx asked me if I sent the letter, and I said nope, if/when I tell her it's going to be face to face. I called all my family and they deny sending the letter. No one in my famliy wants STBx to jeapordize her job and financial support of my kids. No clue as to whom might have done this.

 

Interesting.

[taylor]

Thanks Apple, I will mind my temper.

 

Another Update: Wife back in house today...and tells me she told Dr.X about my STD. I asked his response..she said "nothing really."

 

Then STBx says someone sent Dr.Xs wife an annon letter saying "a co-worker of Dr.X is getting a divorce because Dr.X had an affair with that person. He's a pompus arrogant..." I'm paraphrasing here.

 

So the cat's out of the bag. STBx asked me if I sent the letter, and I said nope, if/when I tell her it's going to be face to face. I called all my family and they deny sending the letter. No one in my famliy wants STBx to jeapordize her job and financial support of my kids. No clue as to whom might have done this.

 

Interesting.

 

Could very well be someone at work, DNU.

 

I know in the midst of my EA, a coworker called my husband's place of employment and left a voice message to this effect: If you don't start minding the store, someone else will. This anonymous male coworker felt it was his duty to give my husband a head's up.

 

Coworkers love the drama and I think there is nothing like an affair to enrage the senses. I think they consider it their duty to do something about it.

 

I doubt your family would out the affair, knowing it may very well jeopardize your wife's job and income.

[DNU1]

Could very well be someone at work, DNU.

 

I know in the midst of my EA, a coworker called my husband's place of employment and left a voice message to this effect: If you don't start minding the store, someone else will. This anonymous male coworker felt it was his duty to give my husband a head's up.

 

Coworkers love the drama and I think there is nothing like an affair to enrage the senses. I think they consider it their duty to do something about it.

 

I doubt your family would out the affair, knowing it may very well jeopardize your wife's job and income.

 

Yea, that's what I was thinking. Of my peeps that know, only family knows name of the doc, and none of them would jeopardize my financial future.

 

Might even be a former OW for Dr.X? Jealous? Never know...

 

My wife continues to be affair-foggy. She swears no intimate contact with anyone since OM#3 back in November (OM#4 / Dr.X was two years ago...one time...she still swears to that...yea right).

 

This genital herpes thing isn't so maddening today as it was yesterday. *If* she's telling the truth, then I was exposed 8 months ago and never had an outbreak. We shall see. Time will tell.

 

The only worse scenario would be my wife's test coming back negative, then she could point finger at me saying "where has your genitals been?"

 

*crossing fingers for positive results for her test*

[soserious1]

DNU1... All I've got to say at this point is that I pray she moves soon, you're not even going to have a chance to come to grips with any of this till you can have some actual physical space and not have this woman in your direct sight.

 

Be strong, try to rest and eat well!

[seibert253]

Dn. Why are you talking with her about anything but the divorce and kids. I don't think anything else matters at this point. What's done is done. Yeah God delt you a sucky hand, so it's time to fold and be delt more cards. I guarantee you your next hand will be much better.

That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

[DNU1]

Serious: yep, she looked at apartment yesterday...hopefully moving out withing two weeks.

 

siebert: Yes, you are right, but I'm keeping my friends close and my enemy closer(!) Nuff said...

[seibert253]

Serious: yep, she looked at apartment yesterday...hopefully moving out withing two weeks.

 

siebert: Yes, you are right, but I'm keeping my friends close and my enemy closer(!) Nuff said...

 

Smart indeed. Never though of it that way.

[Owl]

Yea, that's what I was thinking. Of my peeps that know, only family knows name of the doc, and none of them would jeopardize my financial future.

 

Might even be a former OW for Dr.X? Jealous? Never know...

 

My wife continues to be affair-foggy. She swears no intimate contact with anyone since OM#3 back in November (OM#4 / Dr.X was two years ago...one time...she still swears to that...yea right).

 

This genital herpes thing isn't so maddening today as it was yesterday. *If* she's telling the truth, then I was exposed 8 months ago and never had an outbreak. We shall see. Time will tell.

 

The only worse scenario would be my wife's test coming back negative, then she could point finger at me saying "where has your genitals been?"

 

*crossing fingers for positive results for her test*

 

I'd tell her point blank that it doesn't matter if it was from OM#3 8 months ago...or OM#27 last night...you got it from her, thanks to her sleeping with other men.

 

But I do want to verify...you got a call telling you that you need to be tested...and you went yesterday and got tested, right? So it's still possible that you don't have it, right?

 

Hoping that you hear it's all clear.

 

But...WHO's doctor called your doctor to inform you that you need to be tested? Hers? One of her OM's?

 

Regardless...given her sheer lack of remorse or care...I'd agree that divorce and getting her out of your life is your only real option at this point.

[GorillaTheater]

And then to go into "victim" mode when Reggie called you out on it. That seems to be the SOP as well.