Author DNU1 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 BTW, The Doctor can't tell you , EVEN IF YOUR WIFE SAYS IT'S OK. Since Tami is BLOCKED, I can only assume she's banging on me again. Tami, please...GET OFF MY THREAD! And the doctor did not tell me anything. He's a professional and knows HIPPA laws, as does my wife...oh, sorry STBxWW. Our doctor has been very careful to not violate any laws, confidentiality, etc. I'm not going to get side-tracked on the issue of doctors confidentiality...Nice thread-jack attempt. Sorry, ain't going to happen. Bottom line is that I'M CLEAN! Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Since Tami is BLOCKED, I can only assume she's banging on me again. Tami, please...GET OFF MY THREAD! And the doctor did not tell me anything. He's a professional and knows HIPPA laws, as does my wife...oh, sorry STBxWW. Our doctor has been very careful to not violate any laws, confidentiality, etc. I'm not going to get side-tracked on the issue of doctors confidentiality...Nice thread-jack attempt. Sorry, ain't going to happen. Bottom line is that I'M CLEAN! LOL...!!!! careful... I heard tripping on yourself is not fun.. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 BTW, The Doctor can't tell you , EVEN IF YOUR WIFE SAYS IT'S OK. I went back and read the short post about the doctor's call. It is not clear that the doc discussed his wife's results. I think it simply said the doc called. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Tami, bingo!! Dude, If what you say is true, then your doc violated federal law (right to Privacy act) and could be prosecuted. I don't care if you are man and wife, or parent and adult child. He can never tell you about the records and/or treatment of another person. My wife has been a Medical Records Accountant for 20 years, and says it just is not done, period. Well, I went back and read it again. I realize that it could, perhaps be interpreted as the doc discussing. But, one part says "doc says IF, my stbx came back negative...." So, sounds like the doc was just giving a hypothetical in response to DNUI disclosing what his wife had told him. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I hear what your sayin' Reggie...but DNU1 clearly and unequivocally states her doctor called him FIRST. He says that a bit later from what you quoted. And we all know that is, given what is posted, a blatant violation of HIPAA. I too followed the thread. Well, I kept waiting for the OP's dog to die or his house to burn down next...oh well, he did have a nice long go though...kudos for that. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Come on Reg, you know that this whole thing is as bogus as Enron. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Come on Reg, you know that this whole thing is as bogus as Enron. We are doing lots of speculating. But, I've seen nothing that raises my suspicions re the veracity. What would be the motivation. I'll double check this, but, I was under the impression that the doc is a shared family doctor who had administered the test to him, previously. So, it makes sense that he called and told him, without disclosing the wife's results, that he should be retested. This would not require any disclosure of the wife's results and, in fact, would seem to be a responsibility of the doc, once he ascertained the wife was negative. Like I said, I'll re-read. But, I am wondering, Bold, what, other than this possible misunderstanding on the doc issues, jumps out to you as sounding fake. It seems to mirror many other stories I have read: longtime marriage, serial cheating, one spouse sacrificing carrer path etc. The genders are switched from the alignment most often seen, but I've read of other guys in this position. Are folks doubting this based on some problem with the fact that he and his wife did the reveral of the stereotypical gender roles? I really see nothing that jumps out at me as anything unbelievable or distinct from other stories. I'll go back and re-read the version of what transpired with the doc calling. But, like I said, if it is their family doc and he merely called and said there was some question re the first test and retesting needed to be done, and, then responded to DNUI's informing him of the wife s negative result in a hypothetical manner(the "if" thing), I see no violation of HIPPA. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yeah, I read it again and I keep seeing the doc saying "if" she came back negative. So, no disclosure. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Reg, Did you read the post where OP says he talked to Doc before STBx did, and saw test results? The implication being that Doc breached faith. Things are not done that way. Seems to me that everything is too pat. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 YEah, the doc is their family doctor. I am no expert on medical ethics, but it seems to me that the doc had a duty to inform DNUI of the possibiity of a fals positive and would have had some liability if he did not contact him to let him know that he may be Herpes free. The "if" statement fromn the doctor seem toindicate that DNOI realyed the information he had been given by his wife re her results and, without commenting on whether that info was true, the doc said "if she was negative, then..." I cannot imagine this answer from the doc would be construed as a HIPPA violation. It is apparent that he was not disclosing whether the wife had tested negative, merely sayin "If she did..." Check it out and see what you think, Bold. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Reg, Did you read the post where OP says he talked to Doc before STBx did, and saw test results? The implication being that Doc breached faith. Things are not done that way. Seems to me that everything is too pat. IMO. I took the seeing results thing to mean that STBX had shared them with him, not the doc. I'll re-read, Bold. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yes, saw her test results. And understand that STBx and I share the same family Doc. He actually called me BEFORE my STBx did. Doc has been very helpful and supportive throughout this whole STD thing. No indication that seeing the test results was the result of the doc disclosing. I took this to mean wife had shared her results. Doc called, knowing the results, but no mention that he informed DNUI of the results. Since DNUI, via his wife's sharing, knew of her results, Doc answered hypothetically. No disclosure of private info and fulfilled an obligation to his patient to inform him of potential false positive. Here's a question for the doubters: If DNUI was intent on painting a false picture of his wife , keeping her in as bad a light as possible, why would he come forward with this info that mitigates her offense to some extent? This new info from him not only is good news for him, but it takes her off the hook for a big time consequential injury to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DNU1 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Okay, not reading all the recent threads...here is how it went down with my Doc. He called me after STBx left office. Said he got STBxs results back and he could not talk about them, per HIPPA. He said he talked with an infectious diseases doc and reviewed my results. Said based on his professional opinion, and opinion of the other doc, that I most likely threw a false-positve on that test. My doc said when my STBx tells me her results, please call back and he can discuss more. Which I did. More explanation, more details...no genital herpes! That's how it went down. He called me to let me know that it was "more than likely" that I didn't have HSV-2. He also apologized for not checking my results more carefully and talking to the infectious diseases doc before giving me my results. No HIPPA violation. And my STBx showed me her results paperwork herself. I saw nothing, nor heard any "results" from my Doc. HIPPA not violated. My doc is a pretty young guy and plays by "the book." And yes Reggie, this news is GOOD NEWS for ME! Took my wife off the hook big time. (geeze, it's almots as if a guy can't share good news around here without getting whacked up side the head with a 2x4??!!!) Enough on this topic...back to the task at hand...please. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm glad your not infected with anything DNU, I mean damn after all that crap youve been through? I dont think I would have been so understanding. Please now that this is over detach and leave her alone. Let her sink or swim on her own. matter of fact let OM 4 take her because once she's with him, she'll be onto OM 5. watch. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DNU1 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thanks Chrome: I'm detaching...and she's moving out next weekend *crossing fingers.* Putting deposit down on apartment today She won't go to OM#4 as he's married with children. And he's crapping his drawers that I'm going to tell his wife. I haven't at advice of my attorney because OM#4 is a heated rival of my WW's partner in her practice. If her partner finds out the truth, there is chance he might fire her tail / make her life hell / force her out. I won't put my children's financial future in jeapordy right now. OM#4/DrX's wife will know at some point in time...trust me. It will happen. Just not now. And I think you are right. She will be on to OM#5* at some point. *note: this is assuming STBx is telling me the truth and there have only been 4 OMs to date. For the record, I don't believe a word she is saying about OMs. I can tell now when she's lying...her lips move! Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 REG ,Note Dnu's response, way too glib, imho. I will go elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DNU1 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Bold: Call me glib if you want. I'm dealing with this in the best way I know how. I don't get mad and throw things, or punch walls...I chat here and elsewhere and I try to make light of the situation. Should you choose to not be part of this thread, that's your choice. I'm doing the best that I can in a horrible situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 REG ,Note Dnu's response, way too glib, imho. I will go elsewhere. The recitation sounds very credible to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DNU1 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Wife talked to her pos attorney today about finances. Came home saying we probably need to sell house and cut way back on expenses. I got to feeling a little down, then hit quicken and had another looksy I think they are just giving me the hard luck / sob story. I'm waiting for my attorney to have a look at numbers. STBx was down here and I showed her the spreadsheet again...she got down in the dumps, almost as if I had called her bluff... And anothe bummer...she won't be moving until June 20th. Can't find people to help her. Ug. But I guess I get to keep my enemies closer Link to post Share on other sites
Author DNU1 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Busted out the verbal 2x4 with the STBx tonight. Started conversation asking her what she is telling people reason for divorce(?) She's not giving them the "i had an affair" talk, just the "we are getting divorce." I said I'm in process of telling my good friends...the whole truth! She didn't like that one bit. I asked why she wants to know what they are saying, what they are thinking of her...and why it didn't bother her when she was meeting other men. No answers from her...just tears. We again discussed her not getting domestic needs met, me being stay-at-home, her resentment, feelings leading to affiar(s). She said she tried to tell me, to get me to change...but just gave up. So I threw that same question back at her!: what were some of my ENs you identified and strived to meet? She couldn't come up with any. Imagine that. The list of me meeting her needs is huge...but the list of my ENs she tried to meet...oh, she remembered one. It dealt with intimacy and initiating SF with me. Which, she said, she didn't do a very good job at. Yep. Not a very good job at all. I think that little part of the conversation really hit her hard. I could see her sinking towards rock bottom...not close just yet...but getting lower. Looking back with 20/20 I can see that it's all been about her. Me meeting her needs, taking care of her. Tonight I pointed that out with a simple question "what were some of my ENs you identified and strived to meet?" Hopefully she is beginning to see the inequalities in our marriage. I think she's really still too foggy to actually see things like this. Cause the topic changed again... She then asked if I was out to ruin her financially. I again stated, no, I want fair and equitable. And I got after her for giving me the sob stories about not enough $$$ to go around, won't be able to keep house...told her to stop that crap until attorneys have chance to really review the info. I swung the 2x4 a little tonight, and it was bitter sweet. I mentioned to her the tendency to put off decisions, to push things deep down inside and just wait for them to go away. She dismissed my theory quickly and moved the conversation to different topic. Imagine that. Normally I'd hammer on a point until I got it in her head. But tonight I just let the conversation flow to different topics and subtly got my points across. The more I talk to her the more I see how fragile and damaged she really is. She's been able to push aside and hide her faults and inner demons for a long time. Maybe, just maybe she will be able to dig deep enough to find answers and find a fix. I think the reality of the divorce and living with the reprecussions of her actions is shaking some sense in to her. But she sees the OM daily and has only the BFF and co-worker to talk to. And those two hid the affair from me for 2 months. They aren't doing her any good right now, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 This was the exchange: First, TrojanJohn asked: Originally Posted by Trojan John I'm not trying to discourage you, but did you actually see the test results for yourself? If you're in the clear, then I'm very happy for you. Then this was DNU1's response: Yes, saw her test results. And understand that STBx and I share the same family Doc. He actually called me BEFORE my STBx did. and the IF question? LOL...c'mon if we have to analyze his statement I would analyze it this way...his statement read this way: If wife had come back positive, then we knew where I got STD. REmember, I have been with no one else. Since she came back negative for genital herpes he got to digging more. The use of HAD means, the MD and DNU1 had already discussed the results, otherwise the statement would have been: "If the wife will test positive..." or some statement reflecting acts in the future... :rolleyes:!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Always the threat of throwing people out of his thread..LOL...I don't know if he noticed...it's a PUBLIC FORUM.. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 "If "does not neccesarily connote something in the future. And, the explanation he gave makes perfect sense. DNUI, I think it is pointless to ask these questions of your STBXW. You will get little, if any satisfaction from her responses. She is a serial cheater and long time liar. She is most likely disordered and has had no therapy to address his personality disorder. She has no remorse, and is just upset about her future. She has no concern for you. It is just the way these folks are wired. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 "If "does not neccesarily connote something in the future. And, the explanation he gave makes perfect sense. Nobody said his use of IF connoted something in the future . His use of HAD means something already happened...if the "doc" was hypothetically explaining to DNU1 the results of his wife's test (unethical)..he wouldn't have used HAD.... Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 "if wife had", a hypothetical using the past tense. The "if" is critical to understanding this. No disclosure of private info , as he said "if she had tested positive..." Again, why, if DNUI was intent on painting as bad a picture of his wife as possible, doe he divulge this somewhat exculpatory info about her> Link to post Share on other sites
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