New Romance

[Jim]

Hello all, I don't usually post on message boards like this, but after reading some posts, i realized most of the people here are just out to help others, offer and/or get advice. Well here is my problem. I had been engaged to a girl, and we ended up splitting up, which was really easy for me, as it should have ended years before it did. After about 8 months i met another girl, this time with a child. I dated her for about 4 months, but nothing really clicked.

 

I am 24 years old, and recently met a girl that I really, really like, and i am not sure how to procede (3 weeks or so). The problem is, i don't want to be to needy by wanting to spend too much time with her because for some reason, all i want to do is spend my time with her, and i never used to be like that with anyone. I always enjoyed going out with my friends and seeing my girlfriend alot, but not everyday.. she doesn't have the same attitude towards the relationship as i do. She likes to go out with her friends.. Its strange for me to be so 'infactuated' with someone, but i really like her.. i don't wanna screw things up. Any suggestions?

[Tony T]

Ladies like a challenge, especially at the beginning of a relationship. It really stumps me how men just don't get this. Both men and women want mystery, they want unpredictability, they want more of what they can't have.

 

If you act like a lovesick puppy, on the phone with her constantly and being with her all the time, she will get so turned off you will be FINISHED. This may be a lifetime thing...or you may want it to be. So why spend so much time with her now when you've got 50 or 60 years ahead of you.

 

Don't call her every day. Vary the times you call her. Sometimes, keep the conversation short. Always be the first to end the conversation. Don't ask her out predictably. Don't ask her out every Saturday night. Skip some...and DON"T tell her what you're doing. Wondering where you are will drive her up a wall. If you are a challenge, if you act aloof, cool, and accepting of whatever happens, you will become so attractive to this lady she will be at your doorstep every day of the week.

 

Think back on the girls in your past you went crazy over. Didn't they act just this way???

 

If you continue on the path you are on, you will be finished because she will get sick of you. People just naturally want what is NOT readily available and you have to be just that. Why do you think companies use advertising slogans like "for a limited time only," "while supplies last," "to the first 50 callers." They want to give people the feeling that a product is limited in quanity. The same principle works in love.

 

Is this a game? You bet your butt it is and if you aren't willing to play, there are lots of blow up dolls you can order from magazines. Now, a lot of men are naturally into their own thing and naturally drive women up a wall with their indifference. And the more beautiful a woman is, the more she can be excited by your aloofness.

 

Eventually, you can spend a bit more time together. But if you want to keep the fire going, you have to stay unpredictable and not so available. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

[D.]

Before having written my adivice/opinion, I read Tony's. Well, I could NOT put it any better!

 

I am female and there is nothing that drives me up a wall worse than a guy who follows me around like a puppy, calls me constantly, spills every aspect of his life to me, etc.

 

That is the type of guy I label Bubonic Plague and avoid at all costs!

 

It may be very difficult for many guys, but when they call me on occasion, ask me out from time to time, keep much of their life a mystery (but answer me honestly when I ask them), THAT is the guy who is a challenge and desirable to me ...... always has been!

 

Should the two of us click and we become an item, then we start to see each other more frequently and call each other more. But ONLY then.

 

Take Tony's advice. He is right on!

[Jim]

Thanks Tony (and D) makes alot of sense what you are saying. I've never bin like this before, just with this one. It is really bothering me that I feel like this, and I am considering ending the relationship because of it even though I like her. I've never gotten emotionally attached to anyone so fast before in my life, and its really 'scary' is the best word I can come up with. I don't think I can play the game with her.

 

Thanks again for the advice. Tony, your replies never cease to amaze me.

 

Your use of the word 'aloof' are you referring to standard dictionary terminology? (Distant physically and emotionally?)

[Tony T]

Cool, seemingly not caring one way or the other, indifferent at times, concerned at other times...unpredictable...in charge of your emotions...just plain cool. When you get it down pat and see the difference it makes in people's response to you, you won't have to ask what I mean.