9Lives Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Hey LS family, Today is the first day I talk to my ex in about 4 weeks and I feel so much better. I am not trying to get back together for more than one reason but I do feel better than doing the NC. It is just painful to not talk to someone you love. Of course I know that I need to be careful and I plan to be. I dont feel like I should work on being together or a couple with him. I am just glad to know we cleared the air. Sometimes NC is necessary but sometimes you need to just be able to talk to the person to get what you need off your chest and move forward with your life. That is what I have done and I cant tell you how much better I feel. If you can talk to your ex to get things off your chest, I highly suggest it but you just have to not have any expectations of reconcilation. It probably is not a good idea and I wouldnt stay in regular contact with them as well. It kinda helps you move on with your life and not feel that void constantly Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 9Lives, if you can talk to your ex and have a civil conversation, then your ex is more reasonable and normal than most of ours. Personally, I advise against contacting an ex for the simple fact that it often drudges up more misery than closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 9Lives, if you can talk to your ex and have a civil conversation, then your ex is more reasonable and normal than most of ours. Personally, I advise against contacting an ex for the simple fact that it often drudges up more misery than closure. Yeah sometimes it can. Depending on two things The type of person you ex is. If you know they are going to be *******s then dont bother. Or you have treated them badly..you might want to keep moving. But for some, it helps to talk about it and move on. Another thing is you have to be able to understand that that doesnt mean you are getting back together. YOU have to be able to be strong within yourself. It was killing me not speaking to him. I was not happy about it and I was struggling everyday. I dont know if we will get back together. I am going to live my own life and play the cards as they come. I am going to date other guys and see what happens. I would like to get back together but I dont see that happening at this time. It okay tho Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 9Lives... You are much stronger than I...although talking to my ex made me feel good for about a week, all the feelings started coming back, and I just couldn't do it. Especially since he started talking to someone else and going out with her. I think the key here is to be realistic to yourself...I know what you mean about loving someone and not being able to talk to them. I do love him, but my love for him consists of letting him go...I wish you the best of luck, but also, stay cautious... Link to post Share on other sites
ATR Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 But couldn't this so easily backfire? I don't know your situation. But i'm presuming he's single at the moment. When he finds a new girl it's highly likely he will be gone in an instant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 Well I think the thing here is that I have to focus on my OWN life. Not reconcilation with him. I know that we cant be together right now or maybe never. I am not trying to make it work but I love him and I know i HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. I am learning to be more Logical than emotional. I have decide to use my energy to make my own life better and not focus on him and his life. I am sure I am going to have to keep my distance from him to keep from getting hurt. I just didnt like the whole NC thing. It was killing me EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know he is messing around with someone else. But that is on him. I dont want to be a part of that like that. I just want to try to be friends. Not like really close friends. Just like...you know, talk every now and then. Or see each other here and there. I aint trying to get a best friend out of it. I have read too many situations here where the person just got too involve with the ex as a friend and got crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigCow Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Hey 9Lives I also talked to my ex after a around 3 weeks NC (since this I have been NC for almost a month now) and it did initially make me feel much better. I was in the same place as you, not expecting to reconcile at all and just wanting to clear the air and be able to talk as casual friends. However, and maybe this is different for you, but I realized soon after that the good feeling I had was a feeling that I hadn't quite lost the loved one from my life and there was still a connection to them.. and this is all well and good but it definitely stops you from moving on and that is exactly what I needed to do (especially since my ex left me for another guy.. yes I'm a fool for contacting ). What I'm trying to say is, make sure you're not just delaying moving on for a brief sense of relief Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 9lives, that feeling you're having is temporary...in my case it's actually the ex who broke and keeps breaking the NC....it made me happy for a day then everything came crashing down the next day because what he wants and what i want are 2 different things........NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY THE HOPE INSIDE YOU UNFURLS WITH JUST A SIMPLE HELLO FROM THEM...and when you realize that nothing changed they were just really curious about you, you die again just like you died the day of the break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 9 lives, I have to ask you the same thing...are you sure you have NO expectations? How will you feel if you tried to turn to him as a friend, talk to him or even ask him to go do something and he said no? How would you feel if he came to you and asked you advice on his current situation with another female? Most of all, really ask youself if you can be his fried and not wish for anything else. In an earlier post, you mentioned I would like to get back together but I dont see that happening at this time. It okay tho With you saying that, already you seen to have an expectation, and you are willing to keep that door open...? Am I wrong in saying so? No contact is SO HARD...I know, I have attempted if several times until I had to block numbers, emails, social sites. It has been 5 days no contact. I still have my moments, but am now on a road to self discovery...WITHOUT HIM IN IT!!! There was no way I could be his friend, no way I could hear about him and his new girl. NO WAY could I let go of the hope to still have him in my life until I decided to go NC...It was very clear that he and I werent' going to get back together. Although, I still had hope, and he did too at first, but after he started talking to another girl, he made it clear that he realized we will NOT get back together. This hurt me like hell!! But he still "wanted me in his life" Well, for me, to love someone means to have the strength to let them go. I did just that. I know every situation is different. But really ask youself if you have no expectations, or hope. I thought I didn't, but realized I did. Going NC was the only way I could move on, even though it hurts and I struggle, I know for me it is the very best thing.... Link to post Share on other sites
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