karma84 Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 My current boyfriend had an ex who he was very much in love with... it was his first love and as far as I know everything about her and their relationship was perfect. Then the unexpected happened, she died very tragically... and he was there when she stopped breathing, so in a way he may also feel responsible for her death. I am not gonna get specific but she OD'd and by the time the ambulance arrived it was to late. Her death has been haunting him for the past 4 years. He even has a tatoo of her name and her birth and death date. I knew somewhat about this when I first met him and I thought I could deal with it... but I can't help but try to ward off these jealous thoughts. I have witnessed him get very upset and isolate himself from every one when he starts thinking about her... I walked into his room once during an episode of this and her pictures were scattered every where... he admitted to me that he still loved her and I would basically have to accept that but that didnt mean he wanted to end things with me. Well after that things started getting kinda rocky... I told him I accepted her but inside I felt like I came second and that he was treating me as so as well. Recently her anniversary of death passed and he explained everything that happened 4 years ago and told me that he did still love her, just as he loved his grandma who passed on, but I was his love now... He admitted to me that he felt obligated in a way to keep her memory alive and torture himself but he realized that it was not the right thing to do and I have made him realize that too. I still can't help but think he may never love me the way he loved her or still does for that matter. Anyways, any advice or feelings toward this would be appreciated... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 If he can't let go ,he might need psychiatric help,or some sort of counseling. Why does he feels its his fault???Does he know that each person is responsible for their own actions? Link to post Share on other sites
Layla Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Believe me it is the most precious thing he could have given YOU by opening up about her and tell you everything that happened. That should mean a lot to you. He considers you a very important person in his life to whom he can open up to. He must love you. Of course what happened to him is unbearable and I agree with the last post that counselling could take some of that burden off his shoulders. and eventually have him talk about it less and less. Tell him that you share his pain and will help him get through it. I know that will be SO difficult for you as you will be reminded of their great love. But trust me, if he lets you take part in this most precious "drawer" of his you are the one for him! Link to post Share on other sites
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