Financials: when geting married, and the beginning years

[jalexy]

I am so thirsty for knowledge and I cant access my parents for this info at the moment, so I thought those who know this stuff, could help.

I have a friend who is getting engaged and her guy put the ring on his Credit card.....and then the marriage, they will have to pay for. so when they get married, they wil already be in about 15k worth of debt.

My question is, how do people do this? How do they get married, have a house and kids without serious debt? I mean it takes years to get out of this debt. and what if one of them loses a job? How can you save while having a house, kids and a decent income?

i think im just thinking way ahead adn i dont want to have any of this debt to deal with . BUt i would have to get married when i am 30 and have kids by 32 or something, to avoid debt and thats something i dont want to do and i know many others wouldnt.......

[moimeme]

Lots of people have lots of debt. Periodically, the government or the banks release figures about how much debt per household that consumers are holding. Lots of people live 'way beyond their means, which is why some end up on the streets if they happen to lose their jobs.

 

Start saving now. Put money in retirement plans. I don't know if you have them in the US but we also have first-home ownership savings plans. Have your bank or RRSP company take some money out of your salary every month and don't touch it. Don't buy on credit, or if you do, have the money for the payment already in the bank earning interest and pay the card before any interest starts to accrue. Don't buy new cars; get a good second-hand car and pay cash. You don't have to have a ridiculously expensive wedding. You can find deals for some stuff and do other things yourself to save money - and it's often more fun that way.

 

People get into debt because they 'must' have a big house, a couple of fancy cars, etc. as soon as they start working. If you hold off on having the best of everything and save up for a while first, you'll be ahead of the game.

 

I once worked with a couple who came from India. Both were in well-paid high-tech jobs. They got married and moved into an unfurnished small one-bedroom apartment and had very few possessions. They drove an old car and slept on a mattress on the floor for a year or so. During this time, they banked one and a half salaries. By the end of that time, they were able to buy a house either outright or with a substantial down payment - thereby decreasing the amounts of payments and the length of time needed to pay it off. It's just that too many people nowadays are unable to endure a little short-term pain in order to have benefits in the long run. If you can manage that amount of self-discipline, you'll be ahead of the game.

[jalexy]

im still in college and so this is why i asked, i have a long way ahead of me. I know my parents are helping me with the wedding, one day and ill be ok. BUt i know debt is almost impossible to go without a some point. kinda sucks

[quankanne]

it's pretty much all a big juggling act ... or a crap shoot.

 

I don't agree with the couples who feel they've got pull out all the stops for a huge wedding celebration when they can plan something just as nice that won't start them off in debt. Do you really need to hunt all over a major city for purple fish gravel to use as part of table decorations at the reception? (yes, I know a girl who did this ... her guest list was also set at 2300 people, inviting business associates of her parents who didn't even know who she was, but I digress ...) Shouldn't the focus be on the marriage itself, and not the party?

 

You can have those nice trappings -- house, car, private schools for the kids -- but you're going to have to decide whether you're going to sacrifice certain things in order to get them, or plow further into debt by just grabbing them willy-nilly, without regard to how these things affect your personal economy.

 

I'd gander to say that most people are up to their necks in debt, running up their credit just trying to keep up with the Joneses.

 

If you want it all but don't want to be that indebted to creditors, work hard, save your money then be very, very picky about what you spend it on. Look at your purchases as long-term investments (house, car, education), rather than upgrade every year just because something new is out on the market.

 

Same thing goes with kids -- you can spend wildly when it comes to them, or you can be picky about what you invest in. Little bitty ones don't need all-designer outfits when they outgrow them so quickly. You don't have to give in to every whim when it comes to toys and other crap they see on TV.

 

There's no rule that says you must start out with all the acoutrements that took your parents years to possess ....

[Layla]

Funny how you guys are all talking about debt. In Switzerland you do NOT have debt! Whatever you can't afford you don't get. It's the country with the lowest number of house owners in Europe. Nobody ever wants to have a mortgage.

 

Your credit card statement gets deducted right from your bank account.

 

Debt is considered bad. If your parents aren't rich or you haven't saved a lot yourself, your wedding will be tiny. No newlywed couple starts their life together with debt. It would freak you OUT!!

 

Education (University) is basically free, so you don't need to save up for your kids education or take up a student loan! If your parents are poor you get money from the government to make it through uni.

 

Engagement rings (at least those big rocks are not common at all), so no Swiss guy would even think about spending a few months salary on an Engagement ring! No way (this is why I'm with an English ;-) just kidding)

 

So a whole different world.

 

People are still not happy though :-(

 

I know that this post didn't really help your question. Sorry!

[moimeme]

Actually, I think it's fascinating to find out what life is like elsewhere. I wish we knew more about each other's ways of life; maybe we'd all learn from each other. Yes, I know, it is possible to go find out for oneself but it'd be nice if it didn't take quite so much work. I remember being in Lausanne and talking to a girl in a shop who was telling us that people wanting to have parties needed permits to do so; I don't remember all the details but it was something like needing to let all the neighbours know ahead of time so not to disturb them. I thought that wasn't a bad idea at all.

[EnigmaXOXO]

You are already off to a good start, Jalexy!

 

If there is one thing that I would recommend to all the young women of the world, it would be "to get your own."

 

Get that college degree if you can. Make sure you are financially able to support yourself outside of a relationship BEFORE ever entering into one.

 

So many women who rely on a partner's income often find themselves "trapped" in bad marriages because they have become financially dependent. This isn't to say that you can't have the traditional family if you so choose. You can take leave to stay home and raise your children, but make sure you have something to fall back on 'just in case.'

 

Combining incomes is a simple matter if couples learn to do it smartly. Rather than having "joint" accounts, you can always make your spouse beneficiary should something happen. Split your mortgage/rent and utilities 50/50, but make sure you keep a little nest-egg on the side for yourself. Keep your credit cards separate, so that you are not held responsible for someone else's dept and your credit history doesn't suffer as a result. Be careful how you spend, and don't rack up a lot of dept.

 

I know this must all sound terrible for those who believe in sacrificing everything for the sake of 'love.' These are things we never want to think about. But an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and as long as you have made sure you can take care of yourself financially, you will be better prepared to handle any crisis that may happen in the future.

 

EDUCATION! EDUCATION! EDUCATION!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Actually, I think it's fascinating to find out what life is like elsewhere. I wish we knew more about each other's ways of life; maybe we'd all learn from each other.

 

I've been dying to ask a question of our Canadians out there, but don't want to take this thread off topic.

 

Perhaps you could begin a new one, Moimeme!!??

[moimeme]

I can if you like - as can you! What shall I call it and which forum do you want it under?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Don't know!

 

That's why I haven't started one!

[quankanne]

Enigma has an excellent point about getting things done for yourself before you commit yourself to a husband and family. It's far easier to finish college as a single woman than to try to start up when you are married, because I think married women have so many things pulling at them and they feel guilty about taking time away from those things. Not only that, some men just don't like the idea of their women "bettering" themselves even if it means that they can help secure a better future for that couple!

 

as for separate bank accounts, I firmly believe in having them (separate vacations as well). It's just so much easier to handle bills knowing that your partner isn't pissing away your paycheck along with his.

[moimeme]

Don't know!

 

That's why I haven't started one!

 

OK, well then why don't you post your question here or PM it to me and I can start a thread or the mods'll hive it off.

[CaterpillarGirl]

I've been thinking about the debt thing, too.

 

Financially, I'm a freakin mess. Student loans, credit card debt, etc. It's amazing that I can solve advanced differential equations, but can't manage to remember to balance the checkbook.

 

I definitely want to be out of debt b4 I marry, so that I can start out with a clean slate. I'm so embarassed about my bad habits, though, I think I'll freak if I have to talk to a potential lifemate about this. I'm just doing my best to control spending and remember to pay bills. I blame it on AMPS (absent minded professor syndrome). I hope I get to marry someone good with money.

 

Sheesh.