parents want no part of interacial relationship

[minime]

I met this girl about a year ago, and we started going out talking everyday on the phone and doing normal stuff couples do. Then my Mom finds out she is black and won't even let me call her on the phone. She didn't care how upset I was she just wouldn't allow it. Me and this girl have remained friends, but i still want her as my girlfriend. We were in love and she was my best friend, what should I do.

[Tony T]

If you are living at home, a juvenile, and subject to the discipline of your mother, you need to honor her wishes. However, there is nothing wrong with nurturing a friendship with this girl. When you are 18 and not living at home, you will not be subject to your mother's prejudices. You will be able to do whatever you want at that time.

 

You know your mom better than anyone. Perhaps there is someway you can make a convincing argument. But if she comes from a family of bigots or rednecks, it may be hard to get her mind to change. The world is moving quickly in many directions and leaving people like your mom behind. She is very much entitled to her opinions, though. That's why you are free to be entitled to yours (and likewise act on them) when you are 18.

 

I never suggest that any minor do anything behind their parents' back, though. You should not disobey your mother.

 

However, try to develop your own feelings about the world separate from hers so you won't carry her biases and prejudices into the next generation.

[D.]

Many people of the older generation may not be prejudiced, but have too many reservations or are dead against interacial dating and marrige. I do not know if your mom is one who is prejudiced against black people in general or one who falls into the catagory that is against interacial dating and marriage. At any rate, she is one or the other.

 

While you live under her roof, you are obligated to live by her rules since she is the one who is in charge, is your mom, and provides for you. Do NOT go behind her back and date this girl as it is againts the rules of the house and against your mothers rules. Obey your mother.

 

When the time comes that you are no longer have to abide by Mom's rules, when you are on your own, you can date anyone you choose, even if she is purple with green stripes and yellow polka dots.

 

In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with being friends with this girl. I assume you see her at school. I am sure she understands your mother's position as she has probably been in the same situation before regarding being a woman of color and experiencing prejudice in many other instances.

 

Wait until you are of age (18 in most states) then you may once again resume dating her if you are still an item at that time.

 

The world is not always fair, including when it comes to interacial relationships. Please try to understand that you are not alone but that it won't last forever and you can once again be reunited with this girl if you are still, indeed, an item.

 

Good luck