Does YOUR marriage, add to you as a person or make you feel you've lost who you are?

[Nikki Sahagin]

There are those that feel enriched and fulfilled by marriage. Their marriage brings out their best.

 

And there are those who seem to feel lost and engulfed by marriage - they lose who they are and fall to their worst.

 

How does your marriage make you feel?

 

Do you feel MORE of yourself? LESS of yourself? Do you switch between the two?

[2sure]

Its the nature of my H's job that our family kind of revolves around it and is involved in it. That being said , sometimes I feel like its all about him and I feel like I start disappearing.

 

When that happens I feel like: Whats MY role here??

 

Most days, I can identify my role and re-connect with myself and our family.

 

Some days, I get frustrated and I have found that if I tell him how I'm feeling...thats enough.

[HsMomma]

I've always felt that my marriage makes me feel more than I am, or maybe just makes me want to be the BEST me I can be. I know when I look at my husband and he smiles that smile that's just for me, and we laugh about something that absolutely nobody else in the world "gets," I'm the best me possible.

[GoodOnPaper]

I'm still trying to figure out who "myself" is -- a task made much more difficult by marriage and parenthood. Unfortunately, for me, marriage and parenting has been a HUGE drain. A matter of getting into it for the wrong reasons.

[Heroic]

James Dobson once said something to the effect: " Before your marriage you will spend all our time pursuing your mate. After your marriage your instinct will be to spend your energy fleeing your mate. If you want a good marriage you will have to learn to overcome that urge."

 

For the first few years of my marriage I found it to be true but not so now. If my wife died I would be close behind.

[quankanne]

other than the times I want to pinch his head off, I feel it's more of a complementary thing, where my marital status enhances the person I am because it gives me a dimension I wouldn't otherwise possess ...

[sb129]

More of myself. I feel calmer, more relaxed, happier and better equipped to face the world because of my H and our marriage.

[Trialbyfire]

Even though my marriage has been over for a couple of years, previous to it hitting the fan, it was pretty good. It neither detracted or added to who I was but I was happy in it, previous to reality striking.

 

As for my ex-H, he always felt it made him a better person...

[carhill]

Ever see an oak tree in a drought? The tap root just grows deeper, looking for water. Ultimately, the tree ends up stronger and more resolute and able to handle the worst of adversity.

 

I've been feeling that tap root growing for some time now

[giotto]

quite a big drain for me as well... I wish I could be a better father, but family life + job are having a negative impact on me at the moment... I suppose 4 kids, 3 cats, 1 dog and a wife are a bit too much for me... haven't had a day off since Easter... did I ask for all of this?

[sb129]

Well you do sign up for better or for worse...

[LostInCosmos]

Definitely Less. There are advantages, but they're embarrassing to admit (it's safe. domestic. predictable).

 

We married young, and over the past four years we've grown in very different directions. I often feel stilted, held back and just plain angry at what my marriage has become. I consider it the biggest mistake of my life.

 

Don't read this as a grand statement against marriage - I'm aware of (a few) marriages that genuinely seem like what they're supposed to be; work and commitment, but a deep spiritual fulfillment that just doesn't exist elsewhere.

 

It's just my position, and from experience, the position of far too many young people who got married in their early 20s.

[giotto]

yes, absolutely... I've been with the same woman since I was 22... far too young... growing apart when you are still growing inside is sometimes inevitable...