seeking a guy's perspective

[sublime]

i have a problem with one of my closest friends. this is a guy that i've known about three years. literally from the day i saw him i was interested, but i didn't get to really know him til about a year ago. now we are contemplating all moving out together. the problem is that the more i see of him the more enchanted i become. he has no idea how i feel, i don't think. i never wanted that to come between us and make our friendship awkward or uncomfortable if he's not interested. i was doing ok trying to ignore my feelings til recently. lately it seems like whenever we get together and aren't sober things happen to confuse me. we sleep in the same bed sometimes, and at night he'll hold me close and be so sweet- giving me massages and talking to me and everything. a couple of weeks ago we were cuddling and everything and he actually gave me this tiny little kiss but before i could say anything he was like, "just because" so it was never discussed. it almost throws me off even more because it isn't like he's just trying to sleep with me. i feel like i should be really happy but at the same time this sort of stuff only happens when we're messed up. otherwise he is completely platonic. if this was true interest wouldn't he have said something by now? i've never turned him down in any way. or are guys just like this sometimes? i don't know how much i should be reading into this... this is even more confusing since he may soon be my roommate.. please help!

[billy the kid]

sublime, the only thing you need to do esp. before you become roommates is to sit down sober and talk... if he is offended by your feelings then I think it is best to find another roommate...sorry to be blunt, Tony could prob. give you a more indepth answer...

i have a problem with one of my closest friends. this is a guy that i've known about three years. literally from the day i saw him i was interested, but i didn't get to really know him til about a year ago. now we are contemplating all moving out together. the problem is that the more i see of him the more enchanted i become. he has no idea how i feel, i don't think. i never wanted that to come between us and make our friendship awkward or uncomfortable if he's not interested. i was doing ok trying to ignore my feelings til recently. lately it seems like whenever we get together and aren't sober things happen to confuse me. we sleep in the same bed sometimes, and at night he'll hold me close and be so sweet- giving me massages and talking to me and everything. a couple of weeks ago we were cuddling and everything and he actually gave me this tiny little kiss but before i could say anything he was like, "just because" so it was never discussed. it almost throws me off even more because it isn't like he's just trying to sleep with me. i feel like i should be really happy but at the same time this sort of stuff only happens when we're messed up. otherwise he is completely platonic. if this was true interest wouldn't he have said something by now? i've never turned him down in any way. or are guys just like this sometimes? i don't know how much i should be reading into this... this is even more confusing since he may soon be my roommate.. please help!

[stubborn]

I have been living with my fiance' for a little over a year. I love him more than anything.I do a lot for him to try to make him feel appreciated and happy. We have a tough life with kids, he works full time and I work part time and go to nursing school. He is not much of a morning person so we argue often in the mornings. On the evenings when I don't work he comes home from work and I want all his attention and he's tired. I start feeling neglected, we don't talk as much as we used to,he seems to expect me to just take care of his every need. Trust me, I love to take care of him but we are starting to drift a little I think. How can I keep my family happy and together? Part of it is I am a bit insecure from being hurt before. I ask him if he loves me a lot and I think he gets tired of hearing it. Anyway I guess you get the jist of my problems. Anyone got any suggestions???????????

[D.]

First of all, are they your childen from each other? That makes a vast difference.

 

Next, having a relationship is difficult enough without children involved (talking here from a previous relationship). Perhaps you are aware of this. I hope you are. Oh, it is great for a while until the novelty wears off.

 

It sounds like either .... A))) The honeymoon period is over and the relationship is falling into a far more relaxed one ORRRRRRR B))) He is drifting away, feeling that he has made a mistake and not happy with the situation.

 

Hard to tell which as I am not there.

 

""I ask him if he loves me a lot and I think he gets tired of hearing it."" I am a woman and will tell you of MY experince with this same thing as a newly wed way back when. I used to do the same thing. Well, you may as well take a rope, tie it into a noose, lower it over his head and tighten around his neck until he can no longer breathe and turns purple. Asking a man "do you love me" all the time is so strangling to him emotionally and physically ... it is far more than a matter of him being sick of it! Men want women who feel so worthy of their love that they do NOT have to ask but only at the RARE time when it is romantic. Otherwise, you are doing grave damage to your relationship by continuing this behavior!

 

My suggestion: chill out, give him space ... instead of "telling him" how much you love him, show it in your actions. Be pleasant and supportive around him. Keep the argueing to a minimum and when you do argue ... be calm and rational ... more like a discussion. STOP asking him if he loves you! Instead, show him that you KNOW he loves you. There are many ways to do this. Anytime he does anything thoughtful for you, say something like "that was so dear of you!" That is the same thing as telling him that you know he is expressing his love.

 

Now if none of the above works, DAYUM, he may have decided he is not happy with the relationship anymore. Don't take my word for it ........ After you have tried all the above, if his conduct remains the same, talk to him. Tell him of your feelings. Stay calm so that he will discuss things rationally. Get to the bottom of it before it goes any further.

 

Good Luck