Hit on by a new MM

[bentnotbroken]

I think it's pretty clear at the time if you're being complimented or hit on - sure, some people's radar is broken, but most people get the message pretty clearly.

 

I get hit on often by guys - S and M, though I don't pay much heed to their status as the fact that they're hitting on me disqualifies them from consideration at the outset anyway. In find it arrogant for some random to assume I'd be interested in him - if I was interested, I'd have let him know. I'm not suddenly going to find him attractive just because he wants to bed me - what kind of desperate is that, anyway?

 

I think hitting on women - especially hot women, and that doesn't necessarily mean painted or primped women, women can be at their hottest without warpaint - is something hard coded into male genes. And the guys that are most successful at it, get to spread their genes for the next generation, and the next... so evolution favours the bold.

 

 

Definately Evolutionary Psychology. They are hard(no pun intended) wired to be that way.

[jwi71]

Definately Evolutionary Psychology. They are hard(no pun intended) wired to be that way.

 

Hey, hey, hey there...hold on just one second.

 

HArd wired? Evolution?

 

Neither of those forced you, the fair sex (and you guys never play fair so how did you claim that term), to wear the too short skirt or the too tight top.

 

Not that I'm complaining mind you...just pointing out the obvious flaunting of ASSets...

 

You shake...we stare...

[White Flower]

I think it's pretty clear at the time if you're being complimented or hit on - sure, some people's radar is broken, but most people get the message pretty clearly.

 

I get hit on often by guys - S and M, though I don't pay much heed to their status as the fact that they're hitting on me disqualifies them from consideration at the outset anyway. In find it arrogant for some random to assume I'd be interested in him - if I was interested, I'd have let him know. I'm not suddenly going to find him attractive just because he wants to bed me - what kind of desperate is that, anyway?

 

I think hitting on women - especially hot women, and that doesn't necessarily mean painted or primped women, women can be at their hottest without warpaint - is something hard coded into male genes. And the guys that are most successful at it, get to spread their genes for the next generation, and the next... so evolution favours the bold.

All excellent points. BTW, I was dressed for housework and had no 'war paint' on, lol.

[White Flower]

Hey, hey, hey there...hold on just one second.

 

HArd wired? Evolution?

 

Neither of those forced you, the fair sex (and you guys never play fair so how did you claim that term), to wear the too short skirt or the too tight top.

 

Not that I'm complaining mind you...just pointing out the obvious flaunting of ASSets...

 

You shake...we stare...

True enough, that does happen but in this case I was very down played in my 'housework uniform'.

 

Again, this thread was started in order to find out how many MM have hit on a woman. It held no judgments really.

 

On a side note, and since you brought it up, Dr. John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) would disagree with you; women tend to keep score in order to create equality in a R. But this would be the average woman.

[jwi71]

True enough, that does happen but in this case I was very down played in my 'housework uniform'.

 

But you know, down played CAN be sexy. You know, if you were to ask me to dress up a woman sexily...I would say comfy jeans, white t-shirt, hair kinda messy and no make-up. That btw is 100% honest (for me). You get my point...

 

And...take it as a compliment, smile inwardly, and do the dishes

 

Again, this thread was started in order to find out how many MM have hit on a woman. It held no judgments really.

 

Oh I know...I was being goofy - with a hint of reality

 

On a side note, and since you brought it up, Dr. John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) would disagree with you; women tend to keep score in order to create equality in a R. But this would be the average woman.

 

No man on this planet would EVER argue that women DONT keep score...

[White Flower]

But you know, down played CAN be sexy. You know, if you were to ask me to dress up a woman sexily...I would say comfy jeans, white t-shirt, hair kinda messy and no make-up. That btw is 100% honest (for me). You get my point...

 

And...take it as a compliment, smile inwardly, and do the dishes

 

 

 

Oh I know...I was being goofy - with a hint of reality

 

 

 

No man on this planet would EVER argue that women DONT keep score...

I knew you were kidding. I made the point so others wouldn't misread the point of the thread which was beginning to happen. Your last comment made me laugh out loud!

[bentnotbroken]

Hey, hey, hey there...hold on just one second.

 

HArd wired? Evolution?

 

Neither of those forced you, the fair sex (and you guys never play fair so how did you claim that term), to wear the too short skirt or the too tight top.

 

Not that I'm complaining mind you...just pointing out the obvious flaunting of ASSets...

 

You shake...we stare...

 

 

Women are also hard wired to look for a suitable mate. And by the way, I am all tomboy. No short skirt, not tight tops, my kids would be embarrassed beyond belief.

[MichelleS1983]

The world is crawling with married men looking for a cheap thrill. I've actually lost COUNT of how many have come on to me over the years. It always cracks me up when an OW will act all flattered and breathless because some married liar is giving her attention and she thinks it makes her 'special.'

 

LOL..it doesn't.

 

What she doesn't realize is that more than likely, if she doesn't take the bait, he'll shop his garbage elsewhere until someone DOES.

[White Flower]

The world is crawling with married men looking for a cheap thrill. I've actually lost COUNT of how many have come on to me over the years. It always cracks me up when an OW will act all flattered and breathless because some married liar is giving her attention and she thinks it makes her 'special.'

 

LOL..it doesn't.

 

What she doesn't realize is that more than likely, if she doesn't take the bait, he'll shop his garbage elsewhere until someone DOES.

Welcome to my thread Michelle!

 

You are absolutely right about that. I think most fOW turn their noses up at that like I did the other day. BTDT, wrote the book and sold the T-shirts.

 

And yes, if he means business he will shop until he finds what he is looking for. And he'll probably do it for a lifetime.

[Gamine]

I was hit on incessantly throughout my single years. It got to the point where I began to believe (by running my own statistics) that 90% of married men would cheat in a heartbeat. I found them to be weak and disgusting. After all, who would want them if they would be willing to cheapen their life at the drop of a hat? I didn't take their perving out as a complement, rather a statement about their manliness. I saw them as immature idiots and I was not about to be their free sex spree either.

 

This experience soured me to marriage and towards men. I would attend a meeting and have a married guy peeking at my legs underneath the conference table or trying to catch a glimpse of my breasts. Unreal. I saw it more as childish than masculine. I like grown men, not hypersexual infants.

 

Anyway, I don't know what the statistics really are... but that is my experience. They would be willing to give it all up for a roll in the hay. Eventually I married and yes... you guessed it... he cheated. Wow... big revelation. We're together but I'm not the same towards him and perhaps may never be. So... I'll see where that takes me.

 

My stats were 90% of them would drop everything in a nanosecond if I made an offer or gave any indication I was interested in them. Pretty pathetic but true.

[White Flower]

My stats were 90% of them would drop everything in a nanosecond if I made an offer or gave any indication I was interested in them. Pretty pathetic but true.

Thanks for your contribution to this thread, Gamine.

 

Just last night I had an acquaintance share with me that his M is in great distress and that he is thinking of checking in to a psychiatric center for 'rest' so that he wouldn't do something crazy because he does not feel like a man anymore. He listed all his complaints (mostly lack of intimacy in the M) and how he addressed those to his W who then suggested he 'go and take care of it on his own'. I suggested he get MC and for him to give her a timeline of seeing a doctor for her lacking libido or he will D her. He then said D was out of the question because his (older teenage) kids would probably commit suicide if he did that.

 

That is how I know he was grooming me for an affair. I've heard that one too many times before.

 

I could no longer take the conversation seriously. I asked him how proud he was of raising kids who would do something so selfish in getting what they want rather than hope their parents lived happier lives apart. I wished him luck in his quest for repairing his M and walked away.

[angie2443]

Just last night I had an acquaintance share with me that his M is in great distress and that he is thinking of checking in to a psychiatric center for 'rest' so that he wouldn't do something crazy because he does not feel like a man anymore. He listed all his complaints (mostly lack of intimacy in the M) and how he addressed those to his W who then suggested he 'go and take care of it on his own'. I suggested he get MC and for him to give her a timeline of seeing a doctor for her lacking libido or he will D her. He then said D was out of the question because his (older teenage) kids would probably commit suicide if he did that.

.

 

I think you mentioned this story in another thread. It interest me because what I here so often is, "my wife isn't bieng intimant with me anymore". I guess the woman would say "my husband isn't bieng romantic/affectionate with me anymore". I wonder if what's really going is that both partners are taking the other person for granted. I remember early in our relationship, my husband told me "I don't really have romance you anymore because I have you now". It hit me hard but it really opened up my eyes to how much people can take you for granted if you let them. I didn't stop having sex with my husband, but I can see where that might happen with some couples and where that might lead to cheating for some. I can see the husband saying "my wife isn't giving me sex so I'm going to get it from someone else" as opposed to really working on the problem. I can see the wife saying "my husband isn't talking with me enough so I'm going to develop a close friendship with another man". I think it's easiar to step out of the marriage then it is to work on the problem.

 

Sorry about going off topic:).

[Gamine]

Hello Whiteflower...

 

I consider myself to be very 'normal' as a woman, had my share of boyfriends/lovers over my 18 years of dating before I got married... So, I'm going to share my views as a wife of 13 1/2 years on the sexual intimacy thing in marriage.

 

Here goes... I was used to being pursued and loved it. Marriage turned me into 'the wife' overnight essentially neutering me as a woman in many respects. It did a number on my head.

 

When single... a man would pursue me... wine and dine me... call... send flowers. You get the deal. Sex was not a contractual 'obligation' it was freely given out of what I felt or even what I didn't feel.

 

Now the band of gold shows up and there is a man who may or may not bother with foreplay. Someone who believes he has a contractual right to my body. Roll over, nuzzle and VOILA! This was a huge problem for me and bred resentment in spades. I'm not saying that lovemaking didn't happen over the years, just that the routine of it and the certainty of it makes it boring.

 

My husband works in a manly man industry where the guys are always bad mouthing their wives as disinterested in sex, etc... And, taking bets on who 'gets the back' when they get home.

 

Here's the thing.... I started out ripping his clothes off when we first got together. I never wanted any man the way I wanted him sexually. Married him and still felt the same way.... maybe even more so. But, the laissez faire attitude of roll over and tap me on the shoulder thing set in and pretty soon I began to feel like a sexual depot... not hot, steamy and sexy. Basically just pissed off. So he got the back.

 

Is it because I don't like sex anymore? Hell no. I love it. I also have wiring that wants some desire.. passion... etc... The tap me on the shoulder thing is the antidote for female viagra.

 

Somehow these men manage to have hot sex with a woman and after being married for a time wind up with the very same woman not interested in giving them the time of day in bed. Why? Well, sex is taken for granted in a marriage sometimes and in taking it for granted men can turn women off. They want their dinner, their home, understanding, conversation, their laundry, and a nympho in bed. A robot couldn't perform on demand as perfectly as a married man can sometimes demand.

 

So they tap us on the shoulder, or initiate lovemaking but it is the knowledge that it is expected that is the turn off for me. What was one a woman ripping off his clothes is now someone who yawns at him.

 

Guys complain big time. But I wonder if they just don't get it? How has sex become an annoyance? Well, if someone dangles a carrot in front of me I'll bite. No carrot... huh... no bite.

[White Flower]

No problem, Angie. It is sort of on topic even though it doesn't answer the question since these are the issues that lead up to the problem of starting affairs. Cake-eating is so much easier than forcing their spouse into working on existing problems in the M.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Hello Whiteflower...

 

I consider myself to be very 'normal' as a woman, had my share of boyfriends/lovers over my 18 years of dating before I got married... So, I'm going to share my views as a wife of 13 1/2 years on the sexual intimacy thing in marriage.

 

Here goes... I was used to being pursued and loved it. Marriage turned me into 'the wife' overnight essentially neutering me as a woman in many respects. It did a number on my head.

 

When single... a man would pursue me... wine and dine me... call... send flowers. You get the deal. Sex was not a contractual 'obligation' it was freely given out of what I felt or even what I didn't feel.

 

Now the band of gold shows up and there is a man who may or may not bother with foreplay. Someone who believes he has a contractual right to my body. Roll over, nuzzle and VOILA! This was a huge problem for me and bred resentment in spades. I'm not saying that lovemaking didn't happen over the years, just that the routine of it and the certainty of it makes it boring.

 

My husband works in a manly man industry where the guys are always bad mouthing their wives as disinterested in sex, etc... And, taking bets on who 'gets the back' when they get home.

 

Here's the thing.... I started out ripping his clothes off when we first got together. I never wanted any man the way I wanted him sexually. Married him and still felt the same way.... maybe even more so. But, the laissez faire attitude of roll over and tap me on the shoulder thing set in and pretty soon I began to feel like a sexual depot... not hot, steamy and sexy. Basically just pissed off. So he got the back.

 

Is it because I don't like sex anymore? Hell no. I love it. I also have wiring that wants some desire.. passion... etc... The tap me on the shoulder thing is the antidote for female viagra.

 

Somehow these men manage to have hot sex with a woman and after being married for a time wind up with the very same woman not interested in giving them the time of day in bed. Why? Well, sex is taken for granted in a marriage sometimes and in taking it for granted men can turn women off. They want their dinner, their home, understanding, conversation, their laundry, and a nympho in bed. A robot couldn't perform on demand as perfectly as a married man can sometimes demand.

 

So they tap us on the shoulder, or initiate lovemaking but it is the knowledge that it is expected that is the turn off for me. What was one a woman ripping off his clothes is now someone who yawns at him.

 

Guys complain big time. But I wonder if they just don't get it? How has sex become an annoyance? Well, if someone dangles a carrot in front of me I'll bite. No carrot... huh... no bite.

 

 

This post should be pinned! Well said Gamine.

[carhill]

Do married men really tap their wives on the shoulder for sex? Wow.... guess I'm clueless. I'd think that to be incredibly insensitive. I guess that's why the MM of the world look for greener pastures and cake to eat and why women invariably viewed me with a jaundiced eye; the eye of their experience. That's sad, on both counts.

[grogster]

Thanks for your contribution to this thread, Gamine.

 

Just last night I had an acquaintance share with me that his M is in great distress and that he is thinking of checking in to a psychiatric center for 'rest' so that he wouldn't do something crazy because he does not feel like a man anymore. He listed all his complaints (mostly lack of intimacy in the M) and how he addressed those to his W who then suggested he 'go and take care of it on his own'. I suggested he get MC and for him to give her a timeline of seeing a doctor for her lacking libido or he will D her. He then said D was out of the question because his (older teenage) kids would probably commit suicide if he did that.

 

That is how I know he was grooming me for an affair. I've heard that one too many times before.

 

I could no longer take the conversation seriously. I asked him how proud he was of raising kids who would do something so selfish in getting what they want rather than hope their parents lived happier lives apart. I wished him luck in his quest for repairing his M and walked away.

 

This MM is reading from the same old script. I must cheat because my marriage (i.e., wife) is sexless; I can't leave because that will harm my kids. The only remedy for my misery: An affair with you.

 

So trite; so pathetic.

 

This MM-on-the-make loses points for lack of imagination.

[White Flower]

This MM is reading from the same old script. I must cheat because my marriage (i.e., wife) is sexless; I can't leave because that will harm my kids. The only remedy for my misery: An affair with you.

 

So trite; so pathetic.

 

This MM-on-the-make loses points for lack of imagination.

Absolutely right on that. He must've been so surprised when I was ready with the question about how proud he was to have raised kids like that.

 

Gamine, very good post.

 

I felt just as you do when I was M. The romance had died and when I brought it up he would say that if he did become romantic it wouldn't be sincere because he was having to do it at my suggestion. Communication was never going to work with him.

 

And there starts the cycle. If more people would take 'complaints' seriously and work on them as they come so many M's wouldn't fail and/or end up with one MP having an A.

[Gamine]

Marriage is probably not the best situation for a man with a vulnerable ego. Marriage provides no conquest. He isn't feeling he manly man 'get them into bed'... she thinks I'm hot immature conquest stuff. Now it is him versus a woman who knows him. He has to be himself and deal with her as a lover as well as a wife. I sometimes think they wonder... "hey, why doesn't she want some of my hot stuff? After all, other women seem to be interested in me..."

 

The true test of being a good lover (to me anyway) is holding my attention.

 

Yes, men roll over with bad breath, no shower, and make it clear they feel like 'doing it'. At first, it wasn't a point of pissing me off. After 13 1/2 years of it intermixed with some lovemaking it becomes annoying and definitely not a turn on.

 

The shift is from 'wanting sex' to 'expecting sex'. Believe me, if marriage could turn this hottie into an annoyed 'give the back' wife it can turn any woman into that. So, when a guy complains that he isn't getting any lovin' at home, look at him with questioning eyes... knowing the deal. He's looking for validation because maybe he has become a crappy lover and his hot wife is bored and pissed off.

 

Women are women...we are different but we are the same. The tap on the shoulder thing has been real for me and it grosses me out.

[grogster]

Absolutely right on that. He must've been so surprised when I was ready with the question about how proud he was to have raised kids like that.

 

 

I hope his "Plan B" is more imaginative, and effective.

 

Not that it makes much of a difference, but I was pursued by a MW at work. She knew what she was doing: asking me to dance at office parties, inviting me for drinks at the Four Seasons, confiding in me about her difficulties with her husband (all non-sexual). We had a very lengthy affair, which consumed my marriage. My life's biggest regret.

 

A MW who cheats does so with greater skill and flair that her MM counterpart. For the MW it's all a process of seduction. For most MM, it's the same hack cliches.

[White Flower]

I hope his "Plan B" is more imaginative, and effective.

 

Not that it makes much of a difference, but I was pursued by a MW at work. She knew what she was doing: asking me to dance at office parties, inviting me for drinks at the Four Seasons, confiding in me about her difficulties with her husband (all non-sexual). We had a very lengthy affair, which consumed my marriage. My life's biggest regret.

 

A MW who cheats does so with greater skill and flair that her MM counterpart. For the MW it's all a process of seduction. For most MM, it's the same hack cliches.

Thank you Grogster. I wasn't fair in my OP and didn't offer an equal opportunity for men to answer the question.

 

I would love to discuss the various differences between the sexes with regard to starting an A. You are probably right about hack clichés verses a process of seduction.

[carhill]

How many men have been hit on by MWs?

 

As a single guy, rarely to never. As a married guy, more frequently, most commonly for validation and/or an ego boost. Nothing ever came of it/them. The minute I reciprocated in even the smallest way, bam, the door slammed shut. LOL. So typical...

[White Flower]

As a single guy, rarely to never. As a married guy, more frequently, most commonly for validation and/or an ego boost. Nothing ever came of it/them. The minute I reciprocated in even the smallest way, bam, the door slammed shut. LOL. So typical...

By that do you mean that a woman teased you and didn't come through?

[angie2443]

Do married men really tap their wives on the shoulder for sex?

 

Sometimes they just say "why don't you get naked?" This is how my husband often does it:). If this was the only it got initiated at our house, I would be really annoyed.

[carhill]

By that do you mean that a woman teased you and didn't come through?

Oh, multiple women, even married friends of ours. They knew I was "safe", one because I was married and, two, I don't "hit on" women and they knew it wouldn't go anywhere. I will say this. Women are incredibly perceptive and somewhat devious. Most of this went on in full view of spouses and in a few cases over a long period of time. I was pretty impressed.

 

That said, IMO the impetus for such actions is markedly different from MM to MW. MM continues to act as the aggressor he is, whereas a MW who pursues usually is stepping outside her role as the acceptor and/or facilitator. She's taking on a more "male" role. I would imagine the psychologies differ as well. No clue. I don't have a female brain