God I just see so many things SO differently now....

[White Flower]

It's not a rumor:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=187887&page=3

 

The mods are pretty sick of people not staying on topic and spewing judgment. If you want to help, help. If you want to judge, go to Iran and apply to work for the morals police. I hear they're making about 15 cents per day.

[norajane]

We have moved from that part of the story. Stamp's role is done. The movie continues with the remaining characters. Stamp's character has no part in any of their roles at this point.

No, he shouldn't have any further role. But as long as he stays in contact with her, continues to talk with her, he is continuing in his role.

 

That's why I say Stamp should remove himself from this drama. He played his part, and that's why his family is not immune. But now, he's got to stay out of it

Wise words, stamp, if you'll only take heed. Get the hell out of this mess and stay far, far away from her.

 

Of course, your post was rather cryptic, perhaps purposely so. So none of us really know what you're seeing so differently now. How are you seeing yourself now?

[lkjh]

lkjh,

 

is it possible that you are only seeing the initial action of Stamp's A with MW? Yes, he did all those things with blinders on and yes he felt guilty and finally took responsibility. At a certain point he told her he cannot be part of an A any longer and walked away. He felt guilty, he felt remorse, he felt real pain. He even told the truth to the betrayed H when asked for it. At what point do you forgive this guy? It would appear that you would say never.

 

We have moved from that part of the story. Stamp's role is done. The movie continues with the remaining characters. Stamp's character has no part in any of their roles at this point.

 

How can you compare murder to an affair? The BH is not dead. He might not see it now, but he will be better off without a W who doesn't love him and who gaslights him. Trust me, I feel sorry for him too. But he's not dead.

 

Your post is way off. First off just two weeks ago he posted a thread about how he was still talking to her and even keeping a room in his house for her. Up until this one all of his post were still hopeful that he will end up in a relationship with her. So no he didn't end it. yes he may say its wrong but he still does it.

 

And no he was not honest with the H. You can go back to his older threads and he even describes in one of them about avoiding the H's calls because he didn't want to answer his questions. You keep claiming that he made right by all of his wrongs but that is flat out false. He had a affair that lasted several years, he wanted to take her away from her H, he wants her for himself, he split up a family, and he refuses to learn from his mistakes. He is not a victim, he just wants a pity party. Just because he comes on here all sad does not mean he deserves sympathy. If you want to give sympathy to someone give it to the kids and H. After there lives are gonna be messed up by this not stamps.

 

The comparison to murder is accurate. They are both immoral and they are both a crime. Adultery is a crime in some if not most states. The point of that comparison was to show that if you plan something out, have time to think about it, and still do it then you are to blame.

 

Judge actions not words......when you can prove this wrong your argument will hold water

[lkjh]

Stamp is a person who needs sympathy not one who deserves it.

[quankanne]

We have moved from that part of the story. Stamp's role is done. The movie continues with the remaining characters. Stamp's character has no part in any of their roles at this point.

 

I think you're the only one who's caught on to the fact that there's more going on than just the initial admission of being with a married person ... and you folks need to see past that particular phase. Because while you don't agree with it and you may want to harp on it, it's not all that occurs in a tale like this. And Stampy's not heartless ...

[stampdaddy]

Originally posted by lkjh

First off just two weeks ago he posted a thread about how he was still talking to her and even keeping a room in his house for her. Up until this one all of his post were still hopeful that he will end up in a relationship with her.

 

Once again, I NEVER said I have a room for her. What I said is that I have a spare bedroom in MY house that had items saved for her if/when she got divorced, whether or not I ended up in a relationship with her. Things people generally wouldnt think about when all of this is happening.

 

 

And no he was not honest with the H. You can go back to his older threads and he even describes in one of them about avoiding the H's calls because he didn't want to answer his questions.

 

I NEVER said I wanted to "avoid" the H's calls because I didnt want to answer his questions. What I said was that I wanted HER to answer his questions. When she wouldnt, then I DID take his calls and I DID answer his questions. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. He himself said I was the ONLY person being honest with him.

 

 

He had a affair that lasted several years, he wanted to take her away from her H, he wants her for himself, he split up a family, and he refuses to learn from his mistakes. He is not a victim, he just wants a pity party. Just because he comes on here all sad does not mean he deserves sympathy.

 

 

I don't want sympathy, I don't want a f*cking pity party either. I am NOT a victim. This site is for people who find themselves in this situation. I am in this situation. I have stated the facts of what the situation is today, and you want to blast me even for that, while posting inaccurate information. I don't mind you having your opinion and stating your opinion, but at least get the facts straight. I believe I know a little more regarding MY situation than you do. I believe I know more than you about what I have done about my situation. I believe I am no longer in an Affair. And as far as "coaching her through the divorce", that is complete BS. If anything, I hopefully have saved more unneeded complications created by the "attorney game".

[lkjh]

Having a spare bedroom with all of her things so she can have a place to stay after her divorce IS KEEPING A ROOM FOR HER. "What I said is that I have a spare bedroom in MY house that had items saved for her if/when she got divorced". That is the exact definition of keeping a room for someone

 

You specifically said in one of your other post that the H keeps calling you and you weren't answering......I remember this because I told you why don't you answer his calls. Just because after 4 or so years you finally answered does not make you honest

 

 

My information is accurate you just don't want to see it like that. You want to act like you are some kind of noble guy caught up in a bad situation. You have played this game for years hoping you could end up with the girl all the while not caring about her kids, H , or anyone else associated with this family. If you want to do the right thing......man up give her her stuff back and stop talking to her.

 

No you have not "saved more unneeded complications created by the attorney game". You are trying to help/coach her through the divorce. It is not your place to do this.

[Windy27]

Originally posted by lkjh

I don't want sympathy, I don't want a f*cking pity party either. I am NOT a victim. This site is for people who find themselves in this situation. I am in this situation. I have stated the facts of what the situation is today, and you want to blast me even for that, while posting inaccurate information. I don't mind you having your opinion and stating your opinion, but at least get the facts straight. I believe I know a little more regarding MY situation than you do. I believe I know more than you about what I have done about my situation. I believe I am no longer in an Affair. And as far as "coaching her through the divorce", that is complete BS. If anything, I hopefully have saved more unneeded complications created by the "attorney game".

 

So, let's get some facts straight and make some corrections to your statement. You did not "find" yourself in this situtation. You chose to be in this situation. You chose to have sex with someone's wife. You did not accidentally find yourself between this man's wife's legs, you chose to do so. That's the fact. Any disagreement to this fact?

[Chrome Barracuda]

If you aren't in the affair...why are you still holding on to the memory and life associated with her?

 

why do you still care for this...poor excuse of a woman who emotionally tortures her family, children and husband?

 

Stamp leave the idiot alone, stop being emotionally invested, and forget about her, the more you still cling, the more your gonna be in pain from her.

 

Remember your update, you stated yourself you was in LC with her. So you still never let go!

 

You bring all this pain on yourself!

[Reggie]

It is very strange, if you want to stay out of this and avoid doing further damage , that you have her stuff stored. WTF is that all about?

[White Flower]

Having a spare bedroom with all of her things so she can have a place to stay after her divorce IS KEEPING A ROOM FOR HER. "What I said is that I have a spare bedroom in MY house that had items saved for her if/when she got divorced". That is the exact definition of keeping a room for someone

 

You specifically said in one of your other post that the H keeps calling you and you weren't answering......I remember this because I told you why don't you answer his calls. Just because after 4 or so years you finally answered does not make you honest

 

 

My information is accurate you just don't want to see it like that. You want to act like you are some kind of noble guy caught up in a bad situation. You have played this game for years hoping you could end up with the girl all the while not caring about her kids, H , or anyone else associated with this family. If you want to do the right thing......man up give her her stuff back and stop talking to her.

 

No you have not "saved more unneeded complications created by the attorney game". You are trying to help/coach her through the divorce. It is not your place to do this.

lkjh,

 

you have to ask yourself why you come to this thread. Have you ever read the following?:

 

Please Read for Other Man/Other Woman Forum

Hi everyone,

 

I want to comment on a pattern I have noticed in some discussions here on LoveShack.org, especially those pertaining to relationships that involve infidelity.

 

LoveShack.org is an open community dedicated to providing advice and support for people with interpersonal relationship problems. As such, the community welcomes all views that are offered with a sincere wish to help. People have different styles, and different ideas about a given situation. Sarcasm, constructive criticism, and even respectfully voiced disapproval can all be appropriate -- provided they are employed with the intent of being helpful by providing insight or a different perspective that will help the poster with his or her dilemma.

 

However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster.

This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with people who already have commitments to other partners. It is certainly appropriate for people whose partners have been unfaithful to them to offer their insight to posters here; however, it is only appropriate if it's done in a respectful and helpful manner.

"Respectful and helpful" does not mean that you must condone or encourage a poster. It does not mean that you must agree with the poster. We cannot list every conceivable sentence, phrase, or word that a person could post, and declare whether or not it is acceptable. Our rules prohibit personal attacks (see our guidelines for a definition: [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines[/COLOR]), but you must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance. If your response is not posted in that spirit, chances are it will be deemed inappropriate.

Thanks for your cooperation. For those who want some more clarification about our overall philosophy regarding supportive posts, try this link: [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t453...hlight=posting[/COLOR]

 

Happy New Year!

 

Best wishes,

midori

 

You are definitely berating, mocking, and derogating Stamp on this thread when you are supposed to be offering advice 'with the spirit of a respectful and helpful manner'.

 

Now, you said,

 

That is the exact definition of keeping a room for someone

 

No, it isn't. He made that room a very long time ago, long before he ended it with her. Just because it still exists doesn't mean it is currently waiting and available to her.

 

Then you said,

 

You are trying to help/coach her through the divorce. It is not your place to do this.

 

How do you know he isn't coaching her to do the right thing by her H? How do you know that Stamp, who's been D'd before doesn't understand what it's like to have D papers served to him? You read into his story what you want and assume the worst. I don't know how your presence here is offering any kind of help at all.

[White Flower]

If you aren't in the affair...why are you still holding on to the memory and life associated with her?

 

why do you still care for this...poor excuse of a woman who emotionally tortures her family, children and husband?

 

Stamp leave the idiot alone, stop being emotionally invested, and forget about her, the more you still cling, the more your gonna be in pain from her.

 

Remember your update, you stated yourself you was in LC with her. So you still never let go!

 

You bring all this pain on yourself!

Just for the record I find this post helpful even if it was harsh. It still offers advice that Stamp could benefit from.

[stampdaddy]

It is very strange, if you want to stay out of this and avoid doing further damage , that you have her stuff stored. WTF is that all about?

OK, let me set this record straight. I dont know how long ago, a year, year and half? this is not "her stuff" so to speak. It is a bunch of stupid sh*t all in boxes. Stuff that I thought may be helpful for her and her family when/if she moved out. Stuff like tools, spices, cleaning supplies etc that I bought when I found a good sale (again over a year ago.. I STOPPED DOING THIS A LONG TIME AGO, I just havent gotten rid of the fricken boxes). There were things that I had extra here, like paper clips, post it notes, hi-lighters, extension cords, whatever.

It is not like she has a closet full of clothes or a vanity filled with essentials. I GOT RID OF THAT a long time ago.

 

It is a spare bedroom in my house that is NOT reserved for her. This crap is all in boxes, sealed up that I hardly ever see. I dont get why this is such a big deal. She'll probably never see it anyway, and IF she does, it doesnt mean that I come along with it, it just means that it may make things a little easier for her/them. I mean, did we all forget that I DID love this person?

[stampdaddy]

Having a spare bedroom with all of her things so she can have a place to stay after her divorce IS KEEPING A ROOM FOR HER. "What I said is that I have a spare bedroom in MY house that had items saved for her if/when she got divorced". That is the exact definition of keeping a room for someone

 

see reply to Reggie, please

 

 

You specifically said in one of your other post that the H keeps calling you and you weren't answering......I remember this because I told you why don't you answer his calls. Just because after 4 or so years you finally answered does not make you honest

 

I REALLY don't get where you get this from. It has NEVER been the case. I think I remember the post, and it was a matter of a span of like 2 days. He was calling, and I was telling HER to fix it. To tell him who's phone number it was. She didnt, so I then answered his call. I actually called him.

 

My information is accurate you just don't want to see it like that. You want to act like you are some kind of noble guy caught up in a bad situation. You have played this game for years hoping you could end up with the girl all the while not caring about her kids, H , or anyone else associated with this family. If you want to do the right thing......man up give her her stuff back and stop talking to her.

 

Again, I have NOTHING of hers to give back. So, are you saying I should give her some AA batteries and a jar of Paprika? And one thing about me is that I AM a big boy, and IF you were accurate, I would be listening to you. Ask Chrome, I agree with him most of the time. He IS accurate when he posts to me. I AM in a bad situation. It is up to ME to fix my situation. This is what I am trying to do. It is a "noble" thing to do, and don't you dare tell me that I don't care about EVERYBODY involved.

 

 

No you have not "saved more unneeded complications created by the attorney game". You are trying to help/coach her through the divorce. It is not your place to do this.

Again, YOU don't know the facts. You don't. I don't post every detail here, but I can assure you, I don't coach her through this. There has been only one detail regarding the divorce that I have commented on, and that is to be aware of what goes on when both parties have attorneys.

 

I have been there when I received the papers that stated that (verbage) "I will be losing my children, because wife will be SOLE legal and physical parent". That was like having my very heart and soul ripped out of me. The papers were so lop sided that there was not a judge on the planet that would have approved it. Of course, I didnt know at that moment what this "game" was all about. I didnt have an attorney because I thought we would be able to work it all out between us civily. IF this wound have stayed, I would still all of these years later, hate her. BUT, we talked that same afternoon when it hit her. She changed it all the very next day. It was like her heart, brain and soul were all left in the trunk when she went into that attorney's office. It was "not personal, it was business" is what she said, becasue that is the way the attorney told her to think. That she could use this ploy as bargaining power later.

 

SO, all I have "coached" is to be aware of this, and low and behold, I was right.

[norajane]

It is a spare bedroom in my house that is NOT reserved for her. This crap is all in boxes, sealed up that I hardly ever see. I dont get why this is such a big deal.

 

It's a big deal because you continue to keep those boxes. That you cannot get rid of them (either by tossing, redistributing it through your house and using the items yourself, or donating what you can to goodwill or other charity) shows that you are still waiting, still involved.

 

Combined with your maintaining contact with her, it's obvious that you still do not see her as a threat to your well-being and your family's well-being. Despite everything you say about seeing her for who she really is, you still don't see her duplicity as a sign that she's not someone that you or your kids should be exposed to.

 

It doesn't matter that you don't go into that room or "hardly ever see" the boxes. You know they are there, you know why you prepared them, you know that you have kept them for over a year and cannot remove them because they represent the last bit of hope you have that you're going to end up living happily ever after with her. It's not that you haven't gotten around to doing something with the boxes, it's that you cannot make yourself do it.

 

Those boxes represent your continued attachment to her. And show that you are looking out for her best interests and still do not understand that she is not looking out for your best interests. Nor do you understand that her best interests and yours are diametrically opposed.

[quankanne]

good heavens, you folks are really are intent on reading whatever it is you think you can "find" in this thread, aren't y'all? and totally missing the point of the message, that as a divorced father himself, he is very aware of how dirty it can get when a person isn't listening or thinking fully about how this will affect all parties involved. Nice!

 

like paper clips

 

damn, stampy, you really ought to liven up the conversation, and say something like *roach* clips ...

[jwi71]

good heavens, you folks are really are intent on reading whatever it is you think you can "find" in this thread, aren't y'all? and totally missing the point of the message, that as a divorced father himself, he is very aware of how dirty it can get when a person isn't listening or thinking fully about how this will affect all parties involved. Nice!

 

like paper clips

 

damn, stampy, you really ought to liven up the conversation, and say something like *roach* clips ...

 

 

Wait a minute...Stamp has a room in his house with boxes of...paperclips?!?!?!

 

Yes its obvious...those paperclips symbolize his love. And the extension cord is obviously a phallic symbol. Now...Im sure we have paperclips THROUGH the extension cord too...which is simply perverted you sicko.

 

Come on - its Mom and Pop Psych 101....sheesh:rolleyes:

 

Keep on trucking Stamp...and keep your paperclips to yourself thank you very much

[lkjh]

lkjh,

 

you have to ask yourself why you come to this thread. Have you ever read the following?:

 

Please Read for Other Man/Other Woman Forum

Hi everyone,

 

I want to comment on a pattern I have noticed in some discussions here on LoveShack.org, especially those pertaining to relationships that involve infidelity.

 

LoveShack.org is an open community dedicated to providing advice and support for people with interpersonal relationship problems. As such, the community welcomes all views that are offered with a sincere wish to help. People have different styles, and different ideas about a given situation. Sarcasm, constructive criticism, and even respectfully voiced disapproval can all be appropriate -- provided they are employed with the intent of being helpful by providing insight or a different perspective that will help the poster with his or her dilemma.

 

However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster.

This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with people who already have commitments to other partners. It is certainly appropriate for people whose partners have been unfaithful to them to offer their insight to posters here; however, it is only appropriate if it's done in a respectful and helpful manner.

"Respectful and helpful" does not mean that you must condone or encourage a poster. It does not mean that you must agree with the poster. We cannot list every conceivable sentence, phrase, or word that a person could post, and declare whether or not it is acceptable. Our rules prohibit personal attacks (see our guidelines for a definition: [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines[/COLOR]), but you must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance. If your response is not posted in that spirit, chances are it will be deemed inappropriate.

Thanks for your cooperation. For those who want some more clarification about our overall philosophy regarding supportive posts, try this link: [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t453...hlight=posting[/COLOR]

 

Happy New Year!

 

Best wishes,

midori

 

You are definitely berating, mocking, and derogating Stamp on this thread when you are supposed to be offering advice 'with the spirit of a respectful and helpful manner'.

 

Now, you said,

 

That is the exact definition of keeping a room for someone

 

No, it isn't. He made that room a very long time ago, long before he ended it with her. Just because it still exists doesn't mean it is currently waiting and available to her.

 

Then you said,

 

You are trying to help/coach her through the divorce. It is not your place to do this.

 

How do you know he isn't coaching her to do the right thing by her H? How do you know that Stamp, who's been D'd before doesn't understand what it's like to have D papers served to him? You read into his story what you want and assume the worst. I don't know how your presence here is offering any kind of help at all.

 

Whiteflower I get it......you sympathize with the ow/om but you are not all knowing. I am allowed to give my opinion and I am allowed to interpret information different from you. You are not the LS police even if you feel only your opinion should be posted.

[stampdaddy]

It's a big deal because you continue to keep those boxes. That you cannot get rid of them (either by tossing, redistributing it through your house and using the items yourself, or donating what you can to goodwill or other charity) shows that you are still waiting, still involved.

 

Combined with your maintaining contact with her, it's obvious that you still do not see her as a threat to your well-being and your family's well-being. Despite everything you say about seeing her for who she really is, you still don't see her duplicity as a sign that she's not someone that you or your kids should be exposed to.

 

It doesn't matter that you don't go into that room or "hardly ever see" the boxes. You know they are there, you know why you prepared them, you know that you have kept them for over a year and cannot remove them because they represent the last bit of hope you have that you're going to end up living happily ever after with her. It's not that you haven't gotten around to doing something with the boxes, it's that you cannot make yourself do it.

 

Those boxes represent your continued attachment to her. And show that you are looking out for her best interests and still do not understand that she is not looking out for your best interests. Nor do you understand that her best interests and yours are diametrically opposed.

 

NJ, you have always been a dear, so please don't take the following as "anger" towards you. Just frustration from, well I don't know exactly where from...

 

OK, I have dumped all of the sh*t our of the boxes and onto the beds in the spare room. I have put some of the cleaning supplies in MY bathrooms, kitchen and garage for "back ups" for ME. I have also taken all of the office supplies and stored them back in my office closet. Shampoos, bubble baths, extra tooth brushes are now in MY linen closet, again, for back up for ME. Later, I will go through ME spice rack and see what needs to be tossed and replaced with "fresh" spices. All of the lunch bags, paper plates, tupper ware, kitchen utensils etc will be distributed throughout the neigborhood, as I am sure my non-cooking neighbors can use some of it. You can never have enough light bulbs, batteries, paper towels, hand soap, first aid kits, saran wrap, tooth picks, sun block, Q tips, TP, super glue etc...

 

There, everybody happy????

[boldjack]

Shemp. RENT a storage unit, BUY a padlock, GIVE the keys to her and WALK away.

[Reggie]

Satmp. there is no situation to "fix'. Just don't have any further involvement.

You done with this or not?

[quankanne]

Keep on trucking Stamp...and keep your paperclips to yourself thank you very much

 

LOL ... would it shock you to learn that we once had a priest who collected string? I've heard stories about the huge ball o'yarn, but have never seen it

 

the excess stuff doesn't sound unusual in and of itself, and I imagine by this point, the reasons he had for starting the collecting have morphed/changed, and it gets passed on to whoever needs it.

 

though I am worried that you didn't post toilet paper among the collection. Dude, think back to your college days! Gotta stock-pile the stuff otherwise you're sneaking into the biology building with an empty backpack and hoping that the cleaning crew doesn't bust you helping yourself to extra rolls of paper ... lack of TP = stanky stanky person

[stampdaddy]

Keep on trucking Stamp...and keep your paperclips to yourself thank you very much

 

LOL ... would it shock you to learn that we once had a priest who collected string? I've heard stories about the huge ball o'yarn, but have never seen it

 

the excess stuff doesn't sound unusual in and of itself, and I imagine by this point, the reasons he had for starting the collecting have morphed/changed, and it gets passed on to whoever needs it.

 

though I am worried that you didn't post toilet paper among the collection. Dude, think back to your college days! Gotta stock-pile the stuff otherwise you're sneaking into the biology building with an empty backpack and hoping that the cleaning crew doesn't bust you helping yourself to extra rolls of paper ... lack of TP = stanky stanky person

 

OK, I have dumped all of the sh*t our of the boxes and onto the beds in the spare room. I have put some of the cleaning supplies in MY bathrooms, kitchen and garage for "back ups" for ME. I have also taken all of the office supplies and stored them back in my office closet. Shampoos, bubble baths, extra tooth brushes are now in MY linen closet, again, for back up for ME. Later, I will go through ME spice rack and see what needs to be tossed and replaced with "fresh" spices. All of the lunch bags, paper plates, tupper ware, kitchen utensils etc will be distributed throughout the neigborhood, as I am sure my non-cooking neighbors can use some of it. You can never have enough light bulbs, batteries, paper towels, hand soap, first aid kits, saran wrap, tooth picks, sun block, Q tips, TP, super glue etc...

 

I no forgetty the hiney

[norajane]

Later, I will go through ME spice rack and see what needs to be tossed and replaced with "fresh" spices.

Cool...

 

 

Herbs lose their flavor faster than spices. Dried herbs that have no color and no or very little smell when crumbled in the palm of your hand are probably too old for practical use. Yet even if they don't look all that green anymore, but still have some oomph when crumbled in your hand, use them freely.

 

For ground spices, shake the jar, let it settle, and give a sniff. If there's essentially no smell, it should be tossed out. If the spices have a bit of fragrance left but are not as potent as you remember or think they should be, just use more in the recipe. Then you'll run out sooner and have a reason to start fresh with a new batch.

[White Flower]

Whiteflower I get it......you sympathize with the ow/om but you are not all knowing. I am allowed to give my opinion and I am allowed to interpret information different from you. You are not the LS police even if you feel only your opinion should be posted.

Of course you are allowed your own interpretation as well as your own opinion and I would NEVER feel that only my opinon be posted. I do sympathize or rather empathize with OW/OM but I also empathize with BSs as I was one.

 

All I'm saying is when you post you're supposed to offer some kind of insight or help and not merely bash or judge.