Is he thinking about me...just curious

[keeping it moving]

I am 25 and he is 28. I am from West Coast and he is from East Coast. We met about online about 2 yrs ago. Everything was going great we got along great, didnt really fight much. I mean we had our diffrences but nothing that couldn't be work out. It was so good that he even went as far as buying an engagement ring and I only found it when on the end of one of our trips I had packed his bag and found it. When he dropped me off at home he asked me if I had seen it i told him yes. He told me that he thought he was ready but could because he needs more time. I was let down of course but I knew we both needed time. A couple months after things were going great still till we had a huge fight. I really felt bad after it because the lack of respect we had for one another. After the fight we never talked about it. He is not one to express his feelings but looking back now I really should have. I started to notice a slight change in him. My gut feeling was telling me that something was not right. I did what alot people may think is not right but I hacked on his email and sure enough he had created a whole bunch of profiles. They all were created after the fight that we had which led me to believe that he had started to second guess our realationship. I wrote him an email letting him know that i felt things were changing and if he wanted out to let me know though I didnt' let him know about the profiles. For a whole month he never contacted me nor I contacted him. I was really suprised because I thought he would have replied. So I was so upset I called him up after the month and asked him why he didnt contact me. He said he took it as I was breaking up with him. I told him no but I just was wanting reasurrance from him that we were going to be ok and thing between us would pick up agian. I asked him if he still wanted to be in a realtionship with me and he said that he could give it another try. A month after I booked a flight to go and see him. During my trip I told him that I loved him like I had before but he couldn't tell me he loved me back. I asked him why and he told me that when he was ready to say it he would . I knew then that he was slipping away even more. Overall the trip was fun but the closeness him and I had at once wasn't the same. I came back from the trip and did a lot of thinking. I never in our relationship considered myself the clingy insecure needy gf I always had my own thing going on and I knew I had to continue that way but I was also finding ways to keep him intrested and keep fighting for us. U know not always answering his calls or sometimes keeping our conversations short that I was busy. I never went over board with it. I even threw a cure ball a sent him flowers and in the card i let him know that I was thinking about him. Anyways 2009 came and two months into the year I saw he made contact with several people on the profiles he had created. I thought to myself that i don't deserve someone doing this to me that if he wanted out well then thats what it would be. I was so mad that I didn't talk to him for like two weeks. After the two weeks I had found out that he had gone on a date with this girl. After receiving that info I figured we had to talk and end it. I decided to lay everything on the table and let him know that I knew what was up. So without crying and being dramatic I told him about the profiles and the date. I straight out told him what it was that he wanted and he said that he didn't know. I asked him if he wanted to be with me or not he said he didn't know anymore. I told him that he needed to figure it out but one thing for sure was that he wasn't going to be with me and keep doing the **** he was doing on the side cuz that **** wasn't flying anymore! I said that if he decided not to be with me I'd **** off and he would hear from me agian. Agian he said he wasnt sure. I said ok figure it out. Before we hung up that night he asked me how I knew about the profiles and the date. I told him not to worry about it that how he says he has peeps watching out for him I have people looking out for my best intrest as well. I told him that i was always going to be two steps ahead of him and if he wasnt walking a straight line I would know because no one ****s with my emotions like that. He said he was impressed. Honestly until that night I had been scared of telling him what I knew he was doing with the profiles he had put up, not how I knew because he will never know, but I guess I didn't want believe that what me and him had was diminishing and really I had not control of it. So a week and a half goes by and i get an email stating that he no longer wants to be with me. He states that what he and I had was true deep love but that his heart and mind was no longer in it. That it would be wrong of him to keep stringing me along. He also mentioned that he is under a tremoundous amount of stess at work and financially that the fact that we where long distance he didn't know when we would be seeing each other agian. His final words were that maybe out roads will cross in the future but for now he was sorry for the pain he as caused and was going to cause.

 

You could only imagine the shock I was in. But did I respond to the email. Hell to the NO!! I figure the best response in no response at all. Like I had told him when we talk that if he didn't want to be with me I would f off and that that is exactly what I was going to do. Don't get me wrong I loved this guy I truely feel inlove with him but I also love me as well and have my self respect and dignity. Respond with a plea or beg for him to rethink his decision or better yet be all dramatic and yell at him tell him what a loss for him it going to be. Hell No...wasnt about to give him any satisfaction. It already been two months with no contact and I am doing ok. Funny thing is I havent had the urge to call him thats because there is simply nothing else left to say. I know that I will never be the one to iniciate contact not now or ever but i guess my question is, is he thinking about me? I guess I am just curious. I don't know if he will ever contact me and at this point I don't think I would want him to but I guess it hard to believe that the one person you trusted your heart and told you that ryde or die they would be there by your side is out of your life just like that. Well just looking for some extra support...........