what keeps a person from being happy?

[bashful]

General question.

 

I was wondering what keeps a person from being happy? Is it frustration? loneliness? discontent? which? Can you cite specific examples?

 

For I believe we know that we can attain happiness if we know what causes our state of being unhappy. Before we get to the soultions, we got to know the problems. Gracias!

[JohnnyBlaze]

I had a whole bunch of ideas, but they generally seemed to boil down to two simple words: other people. Unfortunately, when you have more than one mind at work, there will be disagreements, and at least one of the two (if not both) will walk away unhappy.

 

Examples:

 

• Person A invented the Internet (well, okay, it was Military A, but still...) to quickly distribute information. As a result of that, loggers, book printers, newspapers, phone companies (because of VoIP) and countless others are losing their jobs. I'm fairly certain they're unhappy because of it.
  
• Boy A is lonely. He's lonely because either he is too intimidated by girls to ask her out, or he did ask some out and got a whole bunch of no's. Even if it's because of the intimidation factor and they didn't do it intentionally or even know that they did it, they're the reason nonetheless. Other people.
  
• Man A is lonely. His wife died and he misses her. Not saying that she planned it that way, but he is lonely because of...other people.
  
• War breaks out. A lot of people are unhappy for obvious reasons, most caused by other people.
  
• War ends. All the people who were making money during the war (gun, vehicle, ordinance, etc. manufacturers) are now unhappy because their financial well just dried up. They're unhappy because two armies (other people) stopped fighting.
  

I'm not saying that happiness is impossible. Far from it. But that wasn't the question.

 

Conclusion:

 

The more things there are, the more things there are to go wrong. And on a planet of 6.7 billion, that's a lot of somethings to go wrong.

[knaveman]

I had a whole bunch of ideas, but they generally seemed to boil down to two simple words: other people. Unfortunately, when you have more than one mind at work, there will be disagreements, and at least one of the two (if not both) will walk away unhappy.

 

Examples:

 

• Person A invented the Internet (well, okay, it was Military A, but still...) to quickly distribute information. As a result of that, loggers, book printers, newspapers, phone companies (because of VoIP) and countless others are losing their jobs. I'm fairly certain they're unhappy because of it.
  
• Boy A is lonely. He's lonely because either he is too intimidated by girls to ask her out, or he did ask some out and got a whole bunch of no's. Even if it's because of the intimidation factor and they didn't do it intentionally or even know that they did it, they're the reason nonetheless. Other people.
  
• Man A is lonely. His wife died and he misses her. Not saying that she planned it that way, but he is lonely because of...other people.
  
• War breaks out. A lot of people are unhappy for obvious reasons, most caused by other people.
  
• War ends. All the people who were making money during the war (gun, vehicle, ordinance, etc. manufacturers) are now unhappy because their financial well just dried up. They're unhappy because two armies (other people) stopped fighting.
  

I'm not saying that happiness is impossible. Far from it. But that wasn't the question.

 

Conclusion:

 

The more things there are, the more things there are to go wrong. And on a planet of 6.7 billion, that's a lot of somethings to go wrong.

 

I completely disagree. Hapiness is dependant on only one person, you. The things that others do may cause problems or hurt, but ultimately we are responsible for how we react to those situations. If we lose a job, or a loved one, or find our lives different than we imaginded, then we will obviously be unhappy for a period of time. Then life moves on and we get over it. If we are continually unhappy becasue of these things then it is our doing, at some point we have found comfort or attention in our sorrow or pity.

 

If we hold on to hurt, pain, and unhappiness it is our own doing. No one is making us hang on to the things we find hurtful, painful, or unhappy. Another person may inflict the initial damage, but we choose how long we want to deal with it. We choose when to let go. We choose when to be happy.

[quankanne]

Hapiness is dependant on only one person, you. The things that others do may cause problems or hurt, but ultimately we are responsible for how we react to those situations.

 

yeppy.

 

it's a person's refusal to grow that leads to unhappiness ... when someone has a very rigid, fixed idea of how things are supposed to "be" but refuses to grow from the experience, that leads to unhappiness because his/her expecations are unrealistic.

[TaraMaiden]

I second this motion.

 

It all starts within.

The problem is we are so addicted to the wish to be happy, we believe that just a bit more of this, or a little more of that, or a whole lot more of the other, will be enough to make us happy.

Well, yes, of course it will.

But not for long.

The secret is to cultivate inner joy. All the mess going on around you is easier to 'take-or-leave' when this is in place.

 

In my h.opinion.

 

_/l\_

*HPT*

[nama]

Totally agree with Knaveman. We need to stop 'chasing' happiness. E.g. 'i'll be happy when I have a brand new car, am thinner, a beautiful girlfriend etc'. How about being 'content' with NOW? I do this, I am chasing this unrealistic dream that I will be happy only when I have achieved/ got everything on my list. Totally unrealistic and thats why I wasn't happy. I appreciated what I have however corny that sounds and chose to react to things differently.

 

Though Bashful I don't want to highjack your thread, but I ask the question is content the same as happy????????

[knaveman]

Though Bashful I don't want to highjack your thread, but I ask the question is content the same as happy????????

 

To me, contentment leaves room for improvement.

[TaraMaiden]

Ah...

just a different perspective from me then....

 

Pleasure is fleeting....

happiness is temporary....

Contentment is innermost peace.

To me, it is a constant.

 

_/l\_

*HpT*

[bashful]

Hello guys, hmmm. interesting insights..

 

That's the thing with happiness--it's a very broad issue. Well, let's take this into a different approach. Let's narrow this down.

 

yep, let's take the subject of change for instance.

 

Maybe my next question now will be a very related one: "What specific kind of change bring people unhappiness?"

 

Appreciate all your opinions however diverse they may seem.

[westernxer]

I was wondering what keeps a person from being happy?

 

Their own reflection (what they are versus what they think they should be).

[Land Shark]

I think in the majority of cases people aren't happy because they choose not to be. There is security in misery.

[Okfine]

What I think keeps us from being happy is the idea that happiness should be a constant state, when it is not. It is a myth that happiness is achievable on a permanent basis. Happiness happens intermittently but a general state of being at peace even in those times when we are feeling numb or discontent, is more realistic and totally achievable. If you have ever been discontent and felt turmoil within and then you compare that to being discontent but knowing that it passes, they are two entirely different states. The latter is more realistic for me. We live in patterns and phases, the sooner we understand this the sooner we can actually feel at peace.

[Lovelybird]

maybe when a person get bored of security in misery, she would strive to change?

 

Sisters in another site would advice: that is a form of self centerness, should get rid of it. Be brave.

 

I know how to get happiness, Lord once told me. yet sometimes flesh get in the way

[somedude81]

I had a whole bunch of ideas, but they generally seemed to boil down to two simple words: other people. Unfortunately, when you have more than one mind at work, there will be disagreements, and at least one of the two (if not both) will walk away unhappy.

 

 

• Boy A is lonely. He's lonely because either he is too intimidated by girls to ask her out, or he did ask some out and got a whole bunch of no's. Even if it's because of the intimidation factor and they didn't do it intentionally or even know that they did it, they're the reason nonetheless. Other people.
  

That's why the primary reason why I'm unhappy. Ever since I was 13 there was nothing more that I wanted than to have a girl in my life. So now I'm a few months from turning 28 and I still don't have somebody in my life. How am I supposed to be happy when I've had 15 years of not being able to have what I wanted the most?

 

Everything that I do to pass the time is nothing more than trying to cover up the pain of being alone. As soon as I stop doing whatever it was that was keeping my mind busy, I instantly start thing about the girls I like, how I don't have a girl, or how that I've been alone for so long. Then the thoughts about how I don't want to be alive and that I have no reason for getting up in the morning show up.

 

I feel that my depression is keeping me from being who I really am. Buried underneath the sadness and anger is a great happy fun guy. Every now and then he pops up when he gets to play with girls. But when they leave he goes back to his hole in the wall and the sad man takes over.

 

I only enjoy two days out of every week, Monday and Wednesday. That's because those are the days that I have my social dance class and I get to interact and dance with girls. The fact that I'm interested in two of the girls in that class makes it even better. Unfortunately tomorrow is the last day of the class. I'm going to have to find another way keep having fun with girls during the summer.

[Lovelybird]

I feel that my depression is keeping me from being who I really am. Buried underneath the sadness and anger is a great happy fun guy. Every now and then he pops up when he gets to play with girls. But when they leave he goes back to his hole in the wall and the sad man takes over.

sounds like girls become your idol

 

you depend your happiness on really flaky ground

[somedude81]

sounds like girls become your idol

 

you depend your happiness on really flaky ground

That's an interesting thought. Making girls an idol. But I don't think it works quite right. I don't worship or pray to girls. But I do want their favor and to be able to do what I want to them.

 

Either way I didn't choose to have the thoughts I did. If I was asexual or had hypoactive sexual desire, I'd be able to have a much happier life.

[TaraMaiden]

 

Either way I didn't choose to have the thoughts I did. If I was asexual or had hypoactive sexual desire, I'd be able to have a much happier life.

 

This too is an interesting thought.

Tell me then....

If you did not choose to have the thoughts you did - who was it exactly, that chose your thoughts for you?

 

_/l\_

[Lovelybird]

I understand how you feel, I was like that. But now I get it, the true joy cannot depend on outside things or people.

 

It is so true you should be content and joyful before you find that one. Wait, any girls can make you happy? that doesn't sound special

[Template]

I think in the majority of cases people aren't happy because they choose not to be. There is security in misery.

 

I agree. I've known many a people who just chooses to be unhappy because they are comfortable being in that state. Guarded, resentful, untrusting, etc. Unhappy people are generally selfish people with a "why me?" attitude. They refuse to see the positive side of their life. Sad but true.

[josie54]

Either way I didn't choose to have the thoughts I did. If I was asexual or had hypoactive sexual desire, I'd be able to have a much happier life.

 

I completely agree with Tara. We choose our own thoughts. However, sometimes we get into a rut of negative thinking and find it difficult to change the way we think. But even though it can be difficult, it's not impossible.

 

For instance, choose, right this instant, to think of a red rose. I'm 100% certain you can think of a red rose because you decided to. Now, think of something else....something that you choose at random. If you thought of girls, then you chose to think of girls. If you thought of something else, absolutely the same.

 

People get addicted to misery as much as they get addicted to "the pursuit of happiness." (I'm not saying this to judge--I've done it too. Still do.) It's a matter of breaking the addiction and choosing something else. Some can break these thought pathways on their own, some do it through therapy, and others do it through medication--others choose not to break them all.

 

But all but a very few (those few who are truly stricken with illnesses such as schizophrenia) make the choice to do what they do and think what they think.

 

And to the original post: What do I think most causes people to be unhappy? The desire to be somewhere else and someone else other than where and who they are. Anyone who chooses to be satisfied with the here and now is happy; anyone who views what they can control in their lives with power and makes changes to grow as they wish, is happy.

 

Those who fail to embrace the here and now--and who do not take control over their lives to make necessary and possible changes when needed to grow--are unhappy.

[9Lives]

Hapiness is dependant on only one person, you. The things that others do may cause problems or hurt, but ultimately we are responsible for how we react to those situations.

 

yeppy.

 

it's a person's refusal to grow that leads to unhappiness ... when someone has a very rigid, fixed idea of how things are supposed to "be" but refuses to grow from the experience, that leads to unhappiness because his/her expecations are unrealistic.

 

This is a fabulous statement. I have experienced being fixed and refusing to grow. You talking about MISERABLE. Yes, the "suppose to be" theory?!?!?

 

Keep living is all I can say. It can be a tough lesson to learn

[Taramere]

What I think keeps us from being happy is the idea that happiness should be a constant state, when it is not. It is a myth that happiness is achievable on a permanent basis. Happiness happens intermittently but a general state of being at peace even in those times when we are feeling numb or discontent, is more realistic and totally achievable.

 

I agree. There are a lot of benefits to reframing your thinking in order to make it more positive, but I think sometimes people take positive thinking philosophies to the point where they're just not being honest - either with other people or with themselves. Surely just about anyone with a Facebook account has some of those friends on our list who continually post ear-to-ear leering pictures intended to depict how perfect their lives are. You meet them for a coffee, congratulate them on how well life is going...next thing you know you're having to rummage about in your bag for your tissues when the mask suddenly slips.

 

"Oh, I'm being silly..." (dabbing eyes).

 

What's the silly bit, exactly? Silly to cry....or silly to devote so much time and energy to touching up pictures of yourself for Facebook in order for friends, enemies, frenemies, ex boyfriends and ex boyfriends' wives/girlfriends will see how well you're doing. Only to suddenly remember that regardless of what they think (if they look and think at all - which they probably don't) it doesn't alter the fact that one day you will shrivel up and die just as everyone and everything else does.

 

I totally agree with you that the more we brainwash ourselves with the notion that our faces should be wreathed in serene, authentic smirks 24/7, the more likely we are to have those wobbly moments when life gives us a malevolent little pinch

 

But for now...let us just join hands together, notice and thank the Lord for the small gifts life hands us for free. The pretty blossom that falls from the trees at this time of year, and leaves its sticky residue on our cars' windscreens. The children/nieces/nephews/grandchildren who scream that they hate us because we refused to let them have their faces painted by some pallet brandishing Pole in the park. The drunk who lives in the b & b up the road, who includes himself in our daily routine - whether we want him to or not. Who will, later on today, be seen pissing against an old building that was vandalised by his illegitimate grandchildren. Free of the petty inhibitions that the uptight middle classes and teetotallers are crippled by.

 

The syringe lying on the pavement. Rays of sunlight dancing off its delicate, shattered glass. Life hands us these precious moments all the time, if only we can keep our eyes open for long enough to notice.