gamersjd2002 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 long story short... I've had a girlfriend for officially 2 months, unofficially 4months(It was a secret). About a week before we officially got together, she was hanging out with one of her friends with me and my girlfriends best friend in the room. I was watching something on the computer with her friend and this guy was sitting curled up with my "unofficial" girlfriend. I didn't like it but I also didn't want to be an ******* so I went up stairs to be alone to deal with my, what I thought at the time, unfounded jealousy. I'm up there for a little bit and her best friend comes up to cheer me up. While they were down there alone, the guy kisses her. She tells me this that night and we talked about it. I am 2000% sure that she loves me and the guy that kissed her knew that. So, am I sane to not want her to be friends with this guy? This guy who knew she loved me (it wasn't a secret to him, he was the only person she talked about our secret relationship to.) The guy who knew we were happy together and decided to push his own agenda? How can I trust this guy around her? He had no respect for me that night. It's hard to show her that this isn't me just being jealousy of ever guy around her when there are 3 other guys I don't like her hanging out with... her abusive ex, my ex-best friend who tried to kiss her and told her if he couldn't be with her he thinks he'd be capable of killing her, and another guy that took advantage of her when she wasn't in the right state of mind before I met her. Am I sane or do I need to back off? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Personally, I'd distance myself from everyone, including her. Do you see the common denominator in all of this? Yep, it's the one with the innie... Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 So it was a secret? Was one (or both) of you in a relationship with someone else at the time? She had no respect for you that night. How can you trust her around others? She hangs out with men that are alleged threats to her and her relationship. Oh, and she is hanging out with a guy who abused her, a guy who "took advantage of her", and a guy who wants to kill her? I sincerely hope you don't believe that all that stuff about those guys is all true. That's one of the most foolish things I have ever heard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamersjd2002 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Er... I tried my hardest to condense the story but I guess that wasn't enough >.< When I met her she was in a relationship. Her boyfriend was abusive. At first I was just coaching her to get her out of the relationship but then I fell in love with her. I know 100% that he abused her yes. My ex-best friend is a compulsive liar who tried to be with her a few months before I met her when she had first broken up with her abusive boyfriend. Then she dumped my ex-best and got back together with the abusive boyfriend. Then I met her. My ex-best resented me for the fact that she loved me and not him (which I don't blame him, he's always lived in my shadow even in his parents eyes.) He's done some pretty messed up things that I have proof of so him saying he's capable of killing her is not out of character for a compulsive liar who told her he had testicular cancer for a sympathy relationship. As far as the guy who took advantage of her before I met her, I don't know. I just assume she's telling the truth on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 You will find that all white-knight rescuers/martyrs of "broken" women will always end up last. Did she tell the truth to him when you "coached" her to leave her relationship, when you fell in love, and during your "secret" relationship? I hope you see a pattern here. Link to post Share on other sites
love2dance Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 So how old are you guys? Why were you sitting with the friend instead of the girlfriend? Was this friend a girl or a guy that you were sitting with and alone with upstairs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamersjd2002 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 I thought I'd add something. She no longer hangs out with the abusive ex or my ex-best. It's just the guy who kissed her and the guy who took advantage of her. She respects my wishes mind you but also doesn't want to lose any of her "friends". So this guy kissed her over two months ago but last weekend want to either eat lunch or see a movie with her alone. Then he wanted to drink with her alone. (erm... guess I have to add that alcoholism runs in her family so she's always avoided drinking.) I told her I wasn't comfortable with her hanging out with him so she told the guy she wasn't going to. Instead her and I spent the day together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamersjd2002 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Her bf was a girl who liked me but I told her I had no interest in her. I was watching anime with her because if you're not friends with your girlfriends bf, then you're screwed <.>. My gf knew why I was watching anime with her. The deal was, I watch some movies and anime 2 days a week with her bf and I get 2 days alone and away from her bf to be with my gf. (Her bf made that deal, not her.) I'm 19, she turns 20 in August. Link to post Share on other sites
love2dance Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Why is your g/f's bf making rules in your relationship? You guys have some weird love rectangles going on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamersjd2002 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Yeah I know : / Because I didn't feel like dealing with her best friend at the time. Eventually that stopped. Her best friend was going crazy too. She was trying to KEEP my gf in her abusive relationship so that I might give her a chance <.> I have no respect for her. I asked her once if she'd sacrifice the life of her friend for her own happiness and she said yes. Pre-official dating story is long and confusing. Everything calmed down once we became official. No drama anymore other than the occasional jealousy spark like I'm having today about this one guy. Link to post Share on other sites
love2dance Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I think you just need to talk to your g/f and make some boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Mainroads Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 In fact a good girlfriend or somone whos loves you should not be doing the cuddle thing with any other guy. In your situation I would of blew up over the matter. I recomend getting as far away from all this drama as you can, from what you said it seems you need to lay down alot of rules, or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I am 2000% sure that she loves me and the guy that kissed her knew that. So, am I sane to not want her to be friends with this guy? absolutely. Its inappropriate for her to be "friends" with a guy that wants her. You think she'd want you being friends with a girl that tried to get up on you? don't think so. This guy who knew she loved me (it wasn't a secret to him, he was the only person she talked about our secret relationship to.) The guy who knew we were happy together and decided to push his own agenda? How can I trust this guy around her? you can't. and here is the thing, if he was "curled up" next to her, she should have seen that as too close for comfort. By her not moving or getting up, it sent a signal to him that said, "hmmm....she's not moving...I think I might have a chance here" He had no respect for me that night. and thats just it....lets say she continues to be friends with him and you are in his presence with her....ya think if the 3 of you were talking you wouldn't want to say to him:.."so...gonna try and kiss my girlfriend again when I leave the room?" Boy I'd love to see that awkward moment for him. Am I sane or do I need to back off? No, you don't back off. If your gf thinks its perfectly acceptable for her to hang out with a guy that made a move on her and wants in her pants, and disrespects you....then she isn't worth keeping. Just tell her you think its highly disrespectful and inappropriate for her to be friends with a guy that wants more than friendship with her. And if she gets defensive or poo poo's your concerns.....then tell her..."well, its been nice knowing you". Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I think you just need to talk to your g/f and make some boundaries. I agree. but on the other hand, there are certain boundaries that should be blatantly obvious and shouldn't need a talk to prevent from being crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 So how old are you guys? Why were you sitting with the friend instead of the girlfriend? What? they suppose to be attached at the hip at all times? The guy can't watch a funny youtube video once in a blue moon? Link to post Share on other sites
love2dance Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 No, but he was complaining about a guy sitting next to her while he is sitting with another girl...I just thought that there might be some weird games being played in this relationship...like maybe "well if you're gonna sit with her, then I will sit with him.." kinda thing. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 People of the opposite sex absolutely cannot be real friends when one of them is interested in/attracted to the other. It is completely disrespectful to you and to your relationship for your girlfriend to remain "friends" with someone she knows is interested in her, and who has tried something. Sounds to me like she probably just likes the attention and/or is immature. Besides that, you say there hasn't been any drama since you "officially" started dating...but sounds to me like the whole relationship, and the girl, are huge dramatic messes. Save yourself the headaches and the heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Dude she kissed another guy while you were in the same house, what's to ask? Dump her skank ho ass and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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