itsaimii Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 My bf has a friend who is a girl who won't leave him alone even though she knows we are together and he is happy with me. She rings him to meet up with him on her own every week and invites him to party's camping trips, weekends away etc always directed at him and not me and him. Plus, she never talks to me unless she has no choice (for example there are only about 6 people at a night out) but always makes a bee-line for him. She gets to see him fairly regularly anyway as they are uni mates and regualry have uni reunions with all there other friends from uni. All his other mates are really pleased we have got together so I can't understand why she won't respect the fact he is now in a relationship. He has done nothing to encourage her and since I spoke to him about how I feel about it has always included me in these events although she always looks surprised to see me with him as if she expects he will always turn up to things without his girlfriend. What do I do about this? I can't go bitching about her coz that will just makw me look psycho. I think he has to make it clear to her that her beavhiour isn;t appropriate. she rang him 4 times this sunday about going for a drink and when we turned up she was on her own waiting for him although she gave the impression there was other people there. its driving me mad. she is not his ex and nothing has ever happenned between them. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Its possible that although there has never been anything between them...she has enjoyed her status as the groups single woman. Women like this can be competitive. She may not have ideas about dating him...but now that he has a GF, she feels the need to re-claim her role, her status and even to "up" it. And you are right. You cant complain about her further without seeming like an insecure shrew. So...let her be the shrew. Have one last conversation with your BF, telling him you know she is just being catty and maybe insecure....but YOU are going to make an effort to just be nice so everyone can move past this. On his part, it would be helpful if when talking about social outings he used the term WE, as in you and he. Just to encourage the other girl to understand the relationship. Now, what will happen is this: SHE will begin to make snide comments to him about you. SHE will begin to try to force him to think he is being controlled by you. He will make note of these comments and soon resent them...See HER as catty, insecure, small and SHREWISH. Its an old game, but an effective one. If your really good at it, you can even irritate her when your BF is not aware of it...and reap the benefits when she complains to him about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky555 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 How about you start planning things with your boyfriend.Camping trips ect. JUST YOU AND HIM. When she calls "he is busy with you!" :) Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I think he has to make it clear to her that her beavhiour isn;t appropriate Humm.. I guess it wasn't 'clear' enough.. he need to tell her to back off.. or dump her if she can't respect your relationship with him... period.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 OP, your BF has proper gonads. He can take care of this. Smile and go on about your life. There's nothing which feeds a male's ego more than a territorial female. Don't play that game. He knows this woman annoys you. It's up to him now. Link to post Share on other sites
JeezLouise Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 T/J Carhill, if I weren't involved, I would ask you to marry me! Link to post Share on other sites
love2dance Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I think that meeting her every week is excessive. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend that she makes you feel uncomfortable when you are around her because she is unfriendly and suggest that you two hang out with her less often. Make sure you are calm about it when you speak to your boyfriend so he knows that you are not mad at him and also thank him for respecting your wishes in not going out with her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 This would bother me quite a bit too. I also think you should bring this up to your boyfriend one last time, plan things that just the two of you can do, or if you want to do things with other people, plan something without her. Let him know you want to spend time with him without her hovering about. Link to post Share on other sites
OverThinker Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Well there is alot of speculation on our part here since you really didn't tell us how your relationship is otherwise. The fact that you talked to him and he started taking you with him says alot about how he feels about you and you need to be secure in that fact. This girl is a part of a group of friends it will be complicted for him to get rid of her. He has clearly let her know that he is with you if not by telling her then by bringing you with him. Don't make this your problem because its not. Focus on what is important and that is how he feels about YOU and how he is treating YOU. If you had said that he was running out with her and leaving you at home and not makeing plans with you because of her it would be a problem. Hope it helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsaimii Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 cheers, all this has been really helpful and re-affirmed what I was already thinking. Everything else otherwise is going great so I guess I just have to make sure it keeps going great and hopefully soon she will get the message and get bored. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 T/J Carhill, if I weren't involved, I would ask you to marry me! And you would make my wife very happy I just have to make sure it keeps going great Yes, focus on your R and leave the management of extraneous females to your BF. He has to act in a proactively respectful manner for the R to have any legs. Your job is to do your part. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
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