Good Husbands Rejoice

[Jeff]

Am I the only husband that just can't seem to do everything/anything right? I have been married for three years and now have a six week old daughter. The #1 priority in my life is my family and will always be. The second time I had ever gone away with my wife, she cried saying that she was afraid to grow up like her mother. The problem is that she has, as is the case with most of us in some aspect or another. She was never really been close to her parents and now I'm paying the price.

 

The problem is that she never has anything good to say to me or about me, yet I go to the ends of the earth( or try to ) to make her happy. It seems that no matter what I do or how good I do it, it is never quite enough or goes completely unnoticed. The bizarre thing is that this is exactly how my mom seemed to treat my dad. As far as our sex life is concerned, oh I forgot, we don't have one. There seems to be rumor spreading around the country that any time a husband does something good for his wife he is looking to be justly compensated. What a crock. Sometimes though it may be nice.

 

My question is this: What do I do to get her back on track on getting her to care for me for who I am, like she did when we were dating? Also, how do I stop her nagging about little things and actually give me credit for the good things I have done? Tell me please I am not the only husband to love his wife no matter what, but be so frustrated. Thank you.

 

Jeff

[D.]

You sound like a wonderful and patient man to say the least. It sounds like you are both unfortunate products of your upbringing. Perhaps, unconsiously, you looked for a woman like your dear old mom and got just that.

 

As for your wife, she sounds as though she could use some professional counseling in order to correct her behavior which was learned from her parents. Chances are she is oblivious to the way she is acting and feels it is the norm as that is the way she grew up.

 

You are NOT alone in you situation, however you are one of the few who put so much effort into trying to make your wife happy under your circumstance. The only problem is that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make her happy as it is her problem and not yours.

 

She needs to feel happiness within herself before she is able to express it to you or any one else. My guess is that she complains about just about everything as most things "make her unhappy". Well, things don't make one unhappy. The manner in which they CHOOSE to perceive matters causes the feeling. She needs desperately to learn this.

 

It may take a very long time and a lot of counseling from an excellent therapist who knows what he/she is doing, but this can be achieved.

 

Believe me, I WAS just like your wife and successfully overcame my "unhappiness and dissatisfation" with everything by taking control over how I choose to perceive all situations. I have been a new woman for many years now and, when I look back at how I was, it is difficult for me to fathom that I made myself and others so miserable.

 

I hope I have helped you with your problem in some small way. Best of luck.

[Tony T]

There are many people who have just plain and simply had their happiness plug pulled and NOTHING can make them happy or be satisfactory to them. Others, your wife included, had grand expectations and expected you to be all things to her in a perfect way once the wedding was over.

 

She needs intense psychotherapy by a counsellor who has been trained in Rational Emotive Therapy. This teaches us that we are happiest when we make no demands and have no expectations. We are happy exactly the way things are and you have my unconditional guarantee that NOTHING in the world will every occur any other way than the way it does. I will give your wife $100 billion if it every happens any other way.

 

This lady is NOT happy with herself. She has major problems. She committed fraud of the grandest order by not showing you this aspect of her personality before you got married. People criticize others because of low self-esteem. By putting others down, they make themselves feel better. Are you doing enough on your own to make her feel better about herself?

 

You don't need to go through life with someone telling you everything they think is wrong with you because most things are WRONG with HER. You did not marry her for this kind of treatment. She is just plain screwed up.

 

You can't do anything to get her back on track because she was not on track in the first place. But getting her into cousellling will be the first step on helping her get happy with herself. After that, unless you want to go through life being criticized by the one you are supposed to love the most, you just have to can her.

 

One thing they do in the circus to make tigers do tricks. They give them a treat after each stunt. Why not give your wife a small piece of her favorite chocolate every time she praises someone or say something nice about you???

 

There is nothing in the world more painful than a divorce but you simply can't live the rest of your days on this planet with a person who does NOT like you. Love has absolutely NOTHING to do with it. Every day this woman tells you what she doesn't like about you. You need a warm, loving woman who cares dearly for you, loves you for who you are, appreciates the great many pluses of your personality and abilities, and overlooks your faults.

 

You tell your wife if she doesn't come around real quick, it will be over. Be very assertive here and tell her if she does such a great job of finding fault, go to work for the U.S. Inspector General and do it professionally...AWAY FROM YOUR HOME!!!

 

TAKE CHARGE OF THIS MATTER TODAY AND TELL HER IF SHE CAN'T SAY ANYTHING GOOD, KEEP HER FLIPPIN MOUTH S-H-U-T!!!