craigo Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 I'm having a hard time keeping my emotions in check... I've been going out with this girl for four months. We met at work around a year ago. She had been engaged, but about 7 months ago she broke it off. She still keeps in touch with her ex, and goes and has dinner with him about once a month. I want to know if it is normal to be jealous. I've noticed that almost everyday she brings his name up in conversation, wheter its I like this, Mr. Ex doesn't and so on. And she says how much she hated being with him.... blah blah. I let it slide by and sometimes just bring up the name of my prior girlfriend as often as she brings his name up to see if she gets as annoyed by me bringing her up repeteadly. Last night she had dinner with him and I was gone running when she got back. I'm not very verbal, so I just kept quiet. She noticed that I wasn't being my usual and I told her what was bothering me. She said she didn't realize that she did it so often, and told me that they were just friends. Should I be jealous or let it slide by? I feel that it's better to leave your past behind and not have these "strings" attached where they could cause friction in the present or future. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 One vacillates between * being trusting, "allowing" the SO to maintain their meaningful friendships and * being jealous and insecure as h*ll, or just wanting this complication out of your life. There's not a single answer. I tend to err on the side of permit the connection but keep it open and aboveboard - as in you know where they're eating, it's public, and they don't go to his place afterward. And on occasion, you meet with the two of them for a meal or coffee to check the chemistry. Better still if he brings his new gf, if any. It seems a bit heartless to demand he exit her life utterly, but you are well within your rights to ask that this connection move to a demonstrably platonic setting and stay there. I'd make sure to ask her in a neutral way how the dinner went and how ex-bf is doing. Get lots of updates - how's his work? how's his mom? etc. If she won't answer and runs into the bedroom - well. Don't bother with the sulking - if you absolutely can't handle the meetings, tell her so, but the "poor little me" pout is just too tangential. The answer would change in cases where there had been cheating or lies, or other aggravating factors. You know, Cher cried when Sonny died, and they'd been apart 23 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author craigo Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 Since my last posting my girlfriend and I are no longer. She thought about our discussion and said that maybe she really hadn't been ready for a relationship. She moved out of my apartment and told me that she needed to work things out. What hurts me the most is that the last time I saw her I walked out on her. I sent her a text message and told her not to remember me by that. She said she only remembers things she loved. I'm really depressed right now, but I guess it's for the best. It's better that we found this out now and not later. Hopefully she will come back because I really love her. Link to post Share on other sites
bellatina Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 It is normal to be jealous of your girlfriend's ex. I think that instead of mentioning you ex-girlfriend's name you should tell her in a mature and respectful way how you feel. Obviously she is not over him. You should address that With her too. Maybe, ( I am just assuming) her saying negative stuff about his is an unconscious way to hide her feelings for him. She should't mention him everyday, that is not appropriate and it is unfair to you. Let her know what you feel. B. Link to post Share on other sites
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