Author MagicRat09 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Hope you're feeling better Charles. I was doing well on NC but she's trying to pull me back to Square One. That's my character in her Soap Opera, "the friend who loves me but I'm just gonna keep him around, enjoy it and not reciprocate." I gotta stop this once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Perhaps it's time to go to plan B and use nuclear warfare on this person. Just be a total ass, bomb her back into the stone age. She's obviously not getting the clues that you want to have some space from her until you can get your head under control. Jeez, if she's after you that much either she really does have serious mental issues or she's got deeper feelings for you and she's failing to admit them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 She just admitted to me she's seeing the guy she was flirting with on my birthday, and I told her thanks for being honest but I have to move on now, I can't be her friend. So that's the end. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 That sucks to hear. But at least you have your answer. Now it's up to you to stay strong and move on. If she's as flaky as she sounds, she'll be back. I can almost guarantee that she'll be back when things flatten out with this other guy. Just stay strong and go meet yourself someone new. It's amazing how the new girl takes all of the pain away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Thanks. That's what I'm gonna do. This is agony but at least there's no more question, as if there ever was. Wow. Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 dude, today i found out that the girl i like is seeing someone and i know where you are coming from. here's the link if you are curious to know what's going on with me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190091/ yeah this feeling sucks ass. it sucks to know that the person you like has a completely different mindset from what you think and goes the opposite direction you hoped for. and yeah, NC would be easy for me because, her apt. is ofsomewhat far (Long Beach, Ca) and yeah. but i know if i make no contact, i feel that she wouldn't care nor notice. but keep hanging there. i say, just try to be happy and that it doesn't affect you. she's probably missing out on you..stay strong good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Well, I told her I can't be around her right now and unfortunately this includes her birthday, and she's devastated. I haven't responded yet i don't know what to say. Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 ohhhh, yeah, :\ ummm well if she responds to you with wanting you to be there for her birthday, i would probably go. even though it hurts a lot, she still wants to be a part of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Correction, she wants HIM to be a part of HER life. As in she wants all of his attention and isn't willing to give anything in return. It may seem selfish for him not to go, but it's the best for him and right now he needs to focus on himself. I've been following his posts for some time and he's given this girl every opportunity to become part of his life and all she has done is make a joke out of it and avoid the issue. I think it's time she is the one who is avoided. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Yeah I have to go with Ranger. I have to take care of myself right now and that means keeping my distance. It was on my own birthday that she met this guy, ignored me and flirted with him, and then at my party the next week gave me a bag of junk gifts from a discount store and left after an hour to go...somewhere, I think we know where now. I'm being kind. Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 well okay, since you mentioned, i take back what i put earlier. it IS definitely her loss, i can definitely say you have the right to be a total douche to her (if you choose to in the near future) but for now just take care of yourself man...things will come around in your favor soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 Thanks man. You look after yourself too. My last... email to her was gentle and compassionate. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy. It was mainly about making peace with myself and letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Exactly, you don't have to be an jerkwad to her but you have to protect yourself. She has to understand his too. If she doesn't understand, then you might just have to be a jerk to get it through to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 WOW. She put me on the email thread regarding her party, announcing "----has informed me he will not attend." So now I'm getting bombarded with reply alls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 ... And now her "boyfriend" responds that he's sick and probably not coming. Hmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 ... And now her "boyfriend" responds that he's sick and probably not coming. Hmmm. hmmm... it's up to you if you want to go, but honestly i would probably just greet her a happy bday (via mail etc..) but not show up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 Thanks... there's no way I'm going. See I would have thought that he would have told her privately...not on an email thread where, say, I could see it...and then of course when I saw that I would certainly change my mind and show up, wouldn't I? Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Thanks... there's no way I'm going. See I would have thought that he would have told her privately...not on an email thread where, say, I could see it...and then of course when I saw that I would certainly change my mind and show up, wouldn't I? yeah. just forget it. idk i feel that in order to fully get over her, you just have to keep yourself busy with things...go out w/other people, be with your friends or find a new hobby or something to do. trust, within time you will laugh this **** off and have someone new... that is something i too have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 Well, I didn't go. And that very night I met someone new. And I have a date with another new girl this week. The universe provides. Link to post Share on other sites
berry_oh Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 That's good to hear! Hello I'm new here, I just joined today because I've been going through pretty much the exact same thing as you, and was going to post up a thread with my story, but I think I'm good now. Reading your guys' posts and this thread has really helped me. I know people keep saying things will get better, and often I just couldn't see it. But for the first time in a while, I really do believe things CAN get better. and it's nice to see that I'm not alone in this. So magic, if this girl is really your friend, then she should try to understand why you chose not to go. And if she doesn't, then maybe you're better off. But it's good to hear you're taking care of yourself Link to post Share on other sites
thrillaveza Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Well, I didn't go. And that very night I met someone new. And I have a date with another new girl this week. The universe provides. hahah damnn congrats dude. ...just good to know/hear that you are moving on. hopefully it'll be like that for me. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 i hate to say this, but time is a fixed rate. Unless you have a delorean that can go 88 miles an hour, you're stuck. I feel for you, as you know i'm in the same boat. I've been 3 weeks with no contact, and overall its been over 3 months of this whole situation and while it's a bit easier it's still very difficult. It's a strange no contact situation too because there was no break-up per say and there are zero bad feelings, no ill-will, etc. So it's hard to mentally assure yourself that the no contact is validated. You start to think, well maybe just a little. But you can't. Again, i'm not advocating no contact forever but it has to be until you can honestly see her as just a friend. The test would be if you saw her on the arm of another man and you only felt slight jealousy but overall it wouldn't affect you. In my case, i'm willing to respond if she contacts me but i've all but stopped contacting her. It had boiled down to i did 100% of the contacting, she'd respond 100% of the time but i grew tired of that lopsided communication style. I'll be the initiator of contact 100% of the time, if we were headed towards a relationship but we weren't. So i don't believe friends should have those lopsided numbers. In a relationship, i'm the guy so i should be the one doing the majority of the perusing. But as friends it should be close to 50/50. Neutral, just like friends. She'll be in your head for a while. The girl is not out of my head. In fact i've been having strange dreams about her, where even in my dreams i can't have her. How sad is that? But it's because she's been on my mind. I try not to think about her, but when downtime comes it's hard not to since she was an important part of my life. Think of the girl in this case and it'll make sense. She's a drug. A very destructive drug and you were hooked on the feeling she gave you. Now, without that drug you are detoxing. You're getting the shakes and right now the cravings are huge. But with time, as with rehab, those cravings will soon begin to fade. Keep a journal of your progress, day by day. I do mine in written form that way i can write it anywhere. But i found that helps immensely, rather than contacting her. Post as much as you want on ls, i know every time i feel the urge i post here instead. It just is a crappy situation for you. The girls don't seem to be affected by this at all. It would have been much easier if there would have been a huge fight and then you'd have justification for being angry, for the hate, and for the no contact. But there wasn't. But believe me, it's for the best. Even meeting new people, doing new things, i still tend to think about this girl. But you have to get out there, eventually she'll be a distant memory. Awesome Post!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Well, I didn't go. And that very night I met someone new. And I have a date with another new girl this week. The universe provides. Excellent news Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Thanks everyone Ranger's post is great thanks for revisiting it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Well, today's her actual birthday. I already skipped the party, even though I knew the new guy wouldn't be there either I felt I'd better stick to my decision. But the emotions involved! I go from feeling free and euphoric, into feeling horrific guilt and sadness. I told her "happy birthday" before I went NC. I feel like I should say it again today but I really don't wanna break the no contact. I feel terrible that this happened right before her birthday. "Why am I being punished?" she said. "I thought I'd finally have a great birthday and now this one is ruined too." These things keep echoing in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
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