Nanook Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 We started hanging out a year and a half ago when his serious gf of 3 years dumped him. He was really hurt and depended on me a lot, but I didn't go there until I thought he was over their relationship. Everyone thought he liked me, but when I confessed my feelings, he told me that he thought we were better off as friends. Over the next year we became increasingly close, when I had boys I was interested in, he seemed to get a little jealous and I definitely got jealous when he was dating someone. One of the girls he really fell for, and when she dumped him a 3 weeks later, he took it really bad. He started sleeping around a lot more, nothing meaningful. One night, I got drunk at a bar and I went home with him. We've slept in the same bed before, but, for some reason, we started fooling around. We told each other we loved each other, but, I meant it in a "I love you, man!" sort of way. I think he felt the same way. This really complicated things, I ended up telling him how I felt about him and he said that he didn't want to start anything mainly because if he lost me, he'd loose everything. That was six months ago. Since then, we've gotten even closer. We're open about being best friends, we do everything together. And I'm going back home for the summer. And he keeps talking about how he's going to miss me, he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself.... Blah blah. Last week, I got super drunk and he brought me back to his place again. We ended up cuddling, I put my foot down (while really drunk) and said that we weren't going to fool around. I'm just completely lost. I love this man with all my heart, and I know that he loves and cares about me, too, just not in the way that I want. I believe that he has feelings for me, but, I wonder if I knew that for sure if it would make it worse. And thoughts/suggestions for me, Loveshackers? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 Well its good that you are going away for the summer. Take this time for yourself! I think you honestly need to figure out where you see this guy in your life. Believe me, seeing him as a friend that you love won't work. Those feelings, even though you've confessed them, will still rot you from the core. They will rot, because he'll let them rot by not returning those feelings. You can't keep this up and maintain a healthy mind. Lopsided feelings will only hurt you. It sounds like he is stringing you along. Will he miss you or miss your attention? There's a huge difference there. Frankly, I think the line "I don't want to risk losing you, etc" is a load of CRAP! If you really loved someone, you'd take the risk. If you really respected someone you'd take the steps to ensure that you wouldn't lose them regardless of the outcome of the impending relationship. If he really has feelings for you, then he needs to let you know. So take this summer and figure things out. You might have to make him confess how he really sees you. If he can't see you as more than just a friend, then you might have to cut him loose for a bit while you yourself get over your feelings for him. I won't sugar coat it, you're probably looking at a rough road ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
jayOG Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Just get it on. This exactly why I don't have any female friends and if I do they either become something more or we move on. You both like each other, but are scared to turn it into a relationship and lose a great friendship... WOWOWOWOWOOWWWOWO What if that great friendship turned into a relationship that last a lifetime... If you're scared about it not lasting a lifetime, the world could blow up tomorrow and you would be kicking yourself for not taking the risk. Link to post Share on other sites
likeORIGAMI Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Drunk "I love you"'s don't count. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Yep, everyone lies when they're drunk, especially the broken ones. Seriously, OP, what kind of man do you want? Do you want one whom, 10 years hence, you wake up and realize you're in a relationship? Or, do you want one who is clear and unambiguous about how he feels about you and what he wants? IDK, we're all different. I prefer clarity, but find a dearth of women to share that clarity with. How do you see things? Does this guy fit into that vision? Why don't you try something novel. Tell him that platonic friends don't cuddle and sleep together, drunk or sober. Tell him to think about that while you're gone for the summer. He can use that alone time to process. Meanwhile, date other men Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Wow it sucks what your going through but stay emotinally detached from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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