"Rotational Dating"

[Bells]

In the other post I made mention of this.

 

I spoke with a friend of mine....apparently, in our "Circle of Friends from Facebook" where we go out and have events, BBQ's, or movies together....people tend to date within this circle of friends.

 

Friend of mine even said when he lived out west....he was a part of this "Great Outdoors/trails" group where people jsut contantly recycled through each other.

 

Eventually, if things didn't work out, they broke up, and ONE of them would just have to stop attending what they enjoy doing altogether, because they just couldn't handle being aroudn the person (even if if sometimes the break-up was amicable)

 

He...personally had no problem being friends with women after breaking up with them...but....they did and stopped coming to any events HE would attend.

 

THUS the whole "Don't crap where you eat" no-dating policy, EVEN if you really liked the person.

 

With THAT said, do you think this is a silly policy. For me, I think it is...why? Because I have no other real way of meeting other single women face-to-face other than these gatherings at these house parties or wherever.

 

But is one shooting themselves over meeting that "specical someone" if they refuse to date someone they meet at these events?

 

I don't know if it's a female or male thing....but aren't you just limiting your dating opportunities by doing this?

 

I have noticed that women tend to prefer to date complete STRANGERS, or if they DO date someone....they better not hav to see them again on a routine basis because it just gets awkward (well...for them it does)

 

Maybe that's why women and men prefer the bar scene? LOL

 

But, is this not healthy? I mean, shunning an entire hobby or event you like routinely going to possibly on a weekly basis, just because some man or woman you dated in that group is going to be there hangin with the group as well?

[GoneButNotForgotten]

If your meeting them at the events and not really close to the group then it can be ok. If you both consider that group your closest friends it really could cause a problem in the end. Not only if the relationship doesn't turn out well, but it can also feel a little smothering to always be together even when your out with your friends. Be careful with it is about all I can say. Personally I avoid dating people who are already close to me. It usually doesn't end up very good in the end. To each his own, but remember, if it doesn't work out you could end up losing more than one friend due to a rift.

[carhill]

Personally I avoid dating people who are already close to me.

 

Would that apply even if you do not share the same circle of friends?

 

OP, what do *you* prefer? Stop worrying about what women prefer. You can't read their minds and you'll never get it just right by guessing. Do what *you* want. There are billions of people in the world. Many potential friendships.

 

Tell me, is there anyone in this circle of friends who would visit you in the hospital if you were deathly ill and needed support? Right...

[GoneButNotForgotten]

Like as in they were a friend, but had their own separate group that they hang out with most of the time? That I can say for me is a case by case basis. Some girls I wouldn't want to lose as a friend so I wouldn't date them. But others I would be ok with it if I had that attraction to them. If they hang out in a separete circle most of the time I can be ok with it. I've always loved spending time with my SO's but there is a thing called too much. At least for me. Everyone's mileage may vary. The thing with dating someone you already know well is it can make things a bit harder to judge on where and how fast everything is going to go. And as always there is a possiblity of losing a friend in the end.

[carhill]

Well, with some experience on both sides of that stick, I'll offer an opinion...

 

I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to and, if I became attracted to a friend I had known a long while and didn't see the progression to be socially injurious, I would want to act on that attraction simply because I wouldn't be able to be an honest friend after that point. IOW, I would have to give up the friendship. By socially injurious I mean, for example, I would never consider dating one of my wife's friends after we D'd, even if the circumstances presented themselves.

 

The OP poses a lot of theoretical dating dynamic questions, which make for interesting conversation. What he does with this information, I do not know

[GoneButNotForgotten]

I agree with you on that. Every situation is different and people's opinions of it make it even more of a widely varying discussion. And I agree on the not dating an ex's friend thing. I have had friends that did it. I decided to take a lesson from those awkward moments. Not exactly the type of situations that lead to a happy ending. Then again love has no set formula. If there was a test that could tell you who to love life would be simpler, but so much less fun!

[Bells]

Personally I avoid dating people who are already close to me.

 

Just Think about that statement for a moment.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

I still hold by it. Yes I know how funny it sounds. But often when you are already close to someone, it can really be a different dynamic when you start dating them. It can make things very complicated. I avoid complications.

[Bells]

I still hold by it. Yes I know how funny it sounds. But often when you are already close to someone, it can really be a different dynamic when you start dating them. It can make things very complicated. I avoid complications.

 

Well, if you can't handle that, then you probably wouldn't be able to handle an actual relationship

 

(No offense)

 

Because there are complications involved in dating/relationships as well.

 

okay, now if you're talking about dating some friends EX in the group...I can see perhaps.

 

But I'm more referring to dating just people yhou hang out with all the time.

[BCCA]

I mean, shunning an entire hobby or event you like routinely going to possibly on a weekly basis, just because some man or woman you dated in that group is going to be there hangin with the group as well?

 

You can easily do this hobby or event with other people, ones you havent dated.

 

Didnt you post this up before? This is the meetup.com group, right?

 

I told you, people dont want to be around someone who represents A. a failed attempt to get a date, or B. a failed attempt at a relationship. Its uncomfortable, and youre making it like this events and such are 'cant miss' excitement, when you can go out with any number of people and do the same things.

 

You dont s**t where you eat. If you do, you usually have to find another place to eat.

[Bells]

You can easily do this hobby or event with other people, ones you havent dated.

 

Didnt you post this up before? This is the meetup.com group, right?

 

I told you, people dont want to be around someone who represents A. a failed attempt to get a date, or B. a failed attempt at a relationship. Its uncomfortable, and youre making it like this events and such are 'cant miss' excitement, when you can go out with any number of people and do the same things.

 

You dont s**t where you eat. If you do, you usually have to find another place to eat.

 

 

Nah, that only includes dating co-workers.

 

You do realize you're limiting yourself this way

 

Like me, what if this imy only way of meeting other singles?

[BCCA]

Nah, that only includes dating co-workers.

 

You do realize you're limiting yourself this way

 

Like me, what if this imy only way of meeting other singles?

 

This is never your only way of meeting single people. They are litterally everywhere you go. This is just an easy way to meet people that you know are single. Youre also limiting yourself by saying that this is your only way to meet people, and youll stick with it, even if it means seeing the same person who hurt you over and over just for the sake of having people to go running or play pub trivia with.

 

Its not that women just want to date total strangers, its just that people dont want failure looming around them. I really dont see whats hard to grasp about it, you dont want to hang out with people you used to date, its almost always awkward.

 

Im going to go out on a limb - someone from one of these groups isnt interested in dating you because they said that they dont want to mess up the group, is that about right?

[Bells]

This is never your only way of meeting single people. They are litterally everywhere you go. This is just an easy way to meet people that you know are single. Youre also limiting yourself by saying that this is your only way to meet people, and youll stick with it, even if it means seeing the same person who hurt you over and over just for the sake of having people to go running or play pub trivia with.

 

Its not that women just want to date total strangers, its just that people dont want failure looming around them. I really dont see whats hard to grasp about it, you dont want to hang out with people you used to date, its almost always awkward.

 

Im going to go out on a limb - someone from one of these groups isnt interested in dating you because they said that they dont want to mess up the group, is that about right?

 

Completely negative....I had spoke with another gentleman just as we were leaving an event about this situation,so it was HIM that told me.

 

And he said some people do have this "policy" (probably not many, and most are permanent fixtures or regulars in the group) so he refuses to become a regular...so just "drifts in" on occasion so he doesn't become one of those regulars.

 

Approaching women in public or in bars...not my thing.

 

That way, I suppose by not being a regular, you have more liberties of dating.

 

Another benefit to meeting other singles in this group, say if said peoples that don't date within the group is pursue the friends (newcomers) instead.

 

Or people that are just new comers......perhaps you're better off in pursuing NON-regulars, since they don't come to events routinely?

 

Or perhaps said friends can introduce you to the new people they bring along, or even better, talk to the ones that came by themselves.

 

But, remember when people made suggestion on how to meet other singles....these were EXACTLY the kind of events that were suggested.

 

So, what do you do when you're in college....don't date people that go to the same college as you do, just because you go the same college?

 

Actually, so no, I cannot "grasp" it. I think it's just throwing the baby out with the bathwater...seriously.

 

Besides, I live in a more rural area outside of where I meet these people...and the people in my rural area that are myfriends are all married, and don't do anything with other single people much. They've become homebodies or only do things together.

[Bells]

*Bump*

 

Figured I'd bump this...guess it got moved to page 2. lol

[BCCA]

A college with thousands of students is hardly the same as one of those groups, of which Ive been to many, where there is usually less than 20 people. And very few people expect college relationships to work out, anyway, its more for an experience. I would be willing to bet that people do avoid those people with whom they have had relationships with at college, though, but you obviously dont have to stop going.

 

This is a great way to meet new singles, thats why Ive gone to a bunch of these groups, I think theyre great! My point, however, was that if I was to date someone, and it went sour, I would probably not go to the same group anymore unless I was sure that the other person wasnt going to be there. It would just be awkward, and there are a million other things I would rather be doing than spending an evening being uncomfortable.

 

I think once something actually happens with you, you'll get my point. I just dont see why I want to be around someone that represents failure, but it seems obvious youre not getting that part, so no need to go on about it.

[Bells]

I think once something actually happens with you, you'll get my point. I just dont see why I want to be around someone that represents failure, but it seems obvious youre not getting that part, so no need to go on about it.

 

I think the part of being mature, and being able to handle/deal with it is being able to attend said events. You feeling awkward about it is your own problem.

 

My friend, he is one of these guys that keeps on attending events regardless, thought he women he's dated disappear because they can't seem to hack it. In a sense, it's a reflection on their character, and says a lot about them.

 

Woopty doo, you dated for a few months, and things didn't work out...woopty doo.

 

I mean, you would actually avoid say, a "Kayaking Group"

 

Oh, and at college, there's fraternitys, sororities, other groups you can join while you're on campus, you mean to tell you you have a "Don't date the frat boy you met at a mixer?"

 

Or "Don't date Student Activities Board" guys

 

or for that matter, avoid dating guys in the same class you're in?

[BCCA]

I'm not even sure what youre looking for here? You have an opinion, I disagree. Its free will, I'm sure there are any number of other things for us to disagree about.

 

Youre never going to convince me that I should still go to a group where there is some I dated that it didnt work out with. If it was a mutual break, then fine, I'd still go. But if the other person cheated or used you, I have a hard time believing you want to hang out with them.

 

If you want to feel better because you would still go, I just dont get what youre trying to prove here. Awesome, good for you. It doesnt make you any more mature, it just means different things bother you.

 

I mean, you would actually avoid say, a "Kayaking Group"

 

Here is what you are NOT trying to understand: you can go kayaking with any number of people. The meetup group is never your only choice for doing said activity. With that said, if I dated some one who I felt hurt me or made me feel awkward around, yes I would avoid going.

 

My friend, he is one of these guys that keeps on attending events regardless, thought he women he's dated disappear

 

One of you almost always has to go. Your friend only keeps going because the women dont.

 

And again, what do you want me to say? I disagree, and am pretty far from immature. Its a matter of opinion, youre not going to get me to see the light here. I respect your opinion, I just dont agree with it.

[Bells]

Get this....this one girl that used to hang out with the "original gang" of us....hadn't seen herin ages.

 

Then she pops up on a dating site, and I emailed her and said, "Hey long time no see how ya been!?"

 

And she responds, "Yeah, I haven't been active in our group in a while"

 

And I go, "So why you coming to dating site, no single men to date in our group?"

 

And she says, "I don't to loose any friendships"

 

I was thinking, how so?

 

Man, what's with these people? Resorting to online dating, as oppose to real life face to face meeting of single people?

 

Heck, I've tapered DOWN online dating just for the Meetups. lol

[BCCA]

Let me ask you this:

 

Have you ever met anyone through a meetup group, dated them for at least a month, and been dumped?

[Bells]

Let me ask you this:

 

Have you ever met anyone through a meetup group, dated them for at least a month, and been dumped?

 

I had been out on a couple of dates with some women in the Meetups and then been dumped. No connection, but we learned to live with it. Of course, I haven't seen those ladies come to our meetups in a while. I still go.

 

Believe or not, some relationships have developed from these groups as well.

 

That's the risk you have to take.

[BCCA]

Have you ever developed a relationship, or are you talking about other people, or more likely, hypothetically?

 

The only point Ive made here is that everyone is different, but most people dont want to be around someone they dated and it didnt work out. Accept that a lot of people will be wary about dating people somewhere they really like going, and that you really dont know how you would feel if you felt like you met someone wonderful and they treated you like crap.

 

I flat out do not believe that if you dated a woman from there for 2 months, were totally into her, and she dumped you coldly, that you would want to go back and see her the next week, just so you didnt miss out on kayaking.