online problem

[eidk]

Well, there's this girl (19y/o) who I've known for let's say, 2 years on and off; she lives in Europe. I haven't met her in real life for that matter, and my past with her isn't that great. During that entire time, I basically joked with her acting very immature, I didn't care about what she thought, and I basically just wanted to see her naked. She never had any "feelings" for me. During the past 2 months we have started actually chatting more and things have began to get more serious. I actually like her a lot more now, but I don't really feel she likes me. Hint the word feel.

 

Anyway, I told her next summer I would fly from Canada to Europe and meet her, and this is a long time away, obviously. I would go this summer but I'm trying to lose weight and don't really look so good, I have no money, I don't feel I am ready, and I am not 18 yet. She doesn't think she can wait that long and feels we will grow apart and stop talking by the next summer comes. I fully agree with that and try to talk as much as possible, so she doesn't move on. (That may seem selfish but I really like her)

 

She hasn't spoken to me on mic yet, or well, very few words because she is embarrassed that her English isn't so great and that her accent sucks. I want to meet her very badly, and I've grown so attached that sometimes I wake up at night (not purposely) to see if she's online, or if I have any messages. I'm basically on the PC 24/7, other than exercising at the gym nearly everyday or hanging out with friends occasionally.

 

I simply find life very bland and dull in Canada, and without her. I want to travel very badly... I just don't feel she's taking this as seriously as I am, sometimes she shows it, other times she doesn't. I fear losing her, honestly, I don't have many "crushes" you could say and I am very picky with choosing girls, or maybe that's just self-conscious and that I only like girls who like me, which is semi true, but I simply don't flirt with girls that I find unattractive IRL.

 

I simply feel very lonely and empty without her.. getting lazy with school/not caring. I wish I didn't even know her honestly.. it just causes problems, I feel like having my memory of her erased. But another part of me thinks I can have happiness with her. A strategy I developed to keep her liking me over an enlonged period of time, was to send pictures every so often... it seems like when I send pictures she tends to like me even more. Also, once I look fit enough, with a near 6pack, I will definitely go on webcam for her, when I buy a new one. I just feel very self-conscious about my looks.. I basically hate what I look like. Yet, another part of me says she will find someone else and/or the summer will end it.

 

I need help or something. Any advice?

[JohnnyBlaze]

Preamble: I don't want to be a downer here, but I will be.

 

Let me ask you something. Say you do fly over to Europe, and things do go well in person. How long can/will you stay there? Can you afford to stay there? If not, how long before you can put together enough money to go back, and again, for how long? Events like this are logistical nightmares even for the people who have sufficient income. As you said yourself, you don't.

 

If you're having to fight to keep her interest, it might be better that you don't. It'll hurt like hell for a little while, but I think it'll be better in the long run than trying to drag this out. If you do go and visit her, first of all, she may not be what you think she is. Secondly, she may still not show any interest in you. Finding that out can be hard enough, but finding that out when you've invested everything you have into it is just devastating.

 

You've said that you've got that feeling that she's not interested. It's hard to gauge someone's reactions over the Internet, as simple text doesn't convey nearly as much feeling as we express (consciously or otherwise), but if you're getting a feeling of indifference from her, then that's probably an accurate assessment. When it comes to things like this, I've learned that girls are much smarter than we are. They catch on pretty quickly that they can't use all their subtle hints online, so they just go for the blunt approach. I've met girls online in the past who were interested and girls who weren't, and the differences in what they said were astounding. If she wanted you to know that she was interested, you'd know.

 

If you are looking to go to Europe anyway and she happens to be on the way, then by all means, (if she's cool with it), stop in and meet her. But I'm going to recommend that you not go over there just for her. Sometimes, things like this go great and they all live happily ever after. Most times, they don't.

 

Hopefully I'm wrong in your case. But I don't think I am. I'm sorry to be the one to say all this to you, I really am. My guess is that you have the very same thoughts in the back of your head right now, but you're hoping that you're just too close and aren't seeing it clearly. You're too critical; you might be over-analyzing it. Anything to hopefully prove your intuition wrong. It's that little voice in the back of your head, and it's usually worth listening to. I hate the hell out of that little voice because it usually tells me what I don't want to hear, but it is right more often than not.

 

Just my 2¢.

[hockey4life]

think about it this way. ur gonna make urself look better by goin 2 the gym and stuff rite? why dont u just do that and look for girls in canada. Dont waste your time going all the way to europe for sum girl that you dont even kno likes you and you've never talked to her in person. Dude thats borderline creepy/sketchy. ull find hot girls that are attracted to u in your hometown or whatever and dont gimme that bullstuff that you've tired or there arent any cuz u gotta quit wit this internet bs and go out in "rl" and find some girls. dont be a female dog about it just do it son, grow a pair. but if u really love this girl, like truely love this girl not lust or anything like that by all means go for it, but u gotta look deep inside that heart of yours and see if you really love her. Love is all you need man, follow your heart not your genitals

[eidk]

Preamble: I don't want to be a downer here, but I will be.

 

Let me ask you something. Say you do fly over to Europe, and things do go well in person. How long can/will you stay there? Can you afford to stay there? If not, how long before you can put together enough money to go back, and again, for how long? Events like this are logistical nightmares even for the people who have sufficient income. As you said yourself, you don't.

 

If I did fly over to Europe, and things do go well in person I could even think about attending uni there so I could be with her. There are ways I can possibly get money, I will work for awhile and I already have 3000$ in my bank (for uni, etc)

 

 

If you're having to fight to keep her interest, it might be better that you don't. It'll hurt like hell for a little while, but I think it'll be better in the long run than trying to drag this out. If you do go and visit her, first of all, she may not be what you think she is. Secondly, she may still not show any interest in you. Finding that out can be hard enough, but finding that out when you've invested everything you have into it is just devastating.

 

I believe I was wrong. I don't know. It seems like she was interested and I was just feeling depressed, don't know. I feel like this again now because all we do is msg each other. I want to see her on cam more and talk to her, to get a feel of what rl is like. But I don't have a webcam atm and she refuses to talk/cam unless I cam too. Definitely my fault, especially when I have horrible self-confidence, especially in my image. I suppose she is showing interest in me, but not enough. When I feel like I'm not getting enough attention etc I become sad. My conscience is telling me it's a silly thing to be sad about and nothing has really changed in my life whatsoever, but my emotions take hold of me and strangle me to death.

 

You've said that you've got that feeling that she's not interested. It's hard to gauge someone's reactions over the Internet, as simple text doesn't convey nearly as much feeling as we express (consciously or otherwise), but if you're getting a feeling of indifference from her, then that's probably an accurate assessment. When it comes to things like this, I've learned that girls are much smarter than we are. They catch on pretty quickly that they can't use all their subtle hints online, so they just go for the blunt approach. I've met girls online in the past who were interested and girls who weren't, and the differences in what they said were astounding. If she wanted you to know that she was interested, you'd know.

 

You are right, it is hard to gauge her reactions over the Internet, especially when English isn't her native language, so she can't express herself as much as an English speaker can. She seems to be the same as always, I just keep having these mood swings so there's certain times when I dont really want to talk, but I want her to talk... thus causing her to think I am not interested in her, then she just goes and I become really sad. I went over the chats that caused me to make the post, and it seems like I was being really annoying.. and for some reason she thought I lost interest in her. Also, I pretty much told her I wanted to forget about her, and then she became all sad and started saying she loved me and she doesn't wanna lose me... causing this silly game to start all over again.

 

If you are looking to go to Europe anyway and she happens to be on the way, then by all means, (if she's cool with it), stop in and meet her. But I'm going to recommend that you not go over there just for her. Sometimes, things like this go great and they all live happily ever after. Most times, they don't.

 

Yes that is true. Which is why I want to talk/cam with her as much as possible before I go. She wanted me to come this summer because she couldn't wait till next summer..but I feel I'm not ready..and that she wouldn't like me how I am atm. If I go to Europe I will probably go with a friend, so if things don't work out with her I could take a train to another country, really, and I still have someone to keep me company.

 

Hopefully I'm wrong in your case. But I don't think I am. I'm sorry to be the one to say all this to you, I really am. My guess is that you have the very same thoughts in the back of your head right now, but you're hoping that you're just too close and aren't seeing it clearly. You're too critical; you might be over-analyzing it. Anything to hopefully prove your intuition wrong. It's that little voice in the back of your head, and it's usually worth listening to. I hate the hell out of that little voice because it usually tells me what I don't want to hear, but it is right more often than not.

 

Yes, you are right. I do have the same thoughts at the back of my head. But there are also thoughts that give me some sort hope that I could meet her and be happy and these thoughts keep me from just telling her I don't want to talk with her anymore. Yes you are right I am over-analyzing it... but that's just me I pretty much over-analyze everything, it's a habit I guess. I also have a habit sometimes if i'm bored i'll look at her pictures but it honestly kills me inside because I can't touch her, feel her, etc. There's a good voice at the back of my head which says I can make this happen, but it's also very illogical and hopeless at the same time. Then there is this voice which says nothing will happen, and that it's pretty much just a fantasy tale which will end eventually and never come true. But I want it to come true very badly, I like her very much.

 

Just my 2¢.

 

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