It hurts so much - please give me advice

[Grace]

I'm in so much pain right now. I've been trying to accept that my boyfriend of 9 mos. doesn't want me and it's killing me. He had tried to pull away about a month 1/2 ago, but he didn't fully. He instead put me on a back burner. When I finally didn't return his phone call (cause i was tired of being at his beckon call), he didn't call me either. 2 -1/2 weeks later, I finally emailed him so hurt. I told him that I had given him enough time to reevalutate me and our relationship and since he hadn't responded, I knew my answer. I then told him that I had to move on and it was over. But since he hadn't called me in 2-1/2 weeks, I figured he wanted it to be over and I needed closure. His response to my email is below and it really hurts.

 

___________________________

 

"I deeply regret that our relationship has not worked out. There are countless things that I admire about you and that attract me to you. The problem, however, is that I am in a very restless and selfish point of my life in which I need to figure out what is going to make me tick professionally and personally... and figure it out alone. Not sure if you realize it, but you enjoy the luxury of already knowing what makes you tick (ie. acting, film, etc.)

 

I hope that you perceive me as sincere when I say that I value greatly the time that we spent together and hope that as time passes, we will be able to interact socially and share some good times together."

 

_______________________________

 

 

THis response is killing me. I haven't stopped crying, I haven't slept and I haven't eaten. I feel like it's my fault. That I did something wrong. I miss him so much. I called him after I got his email and just said, I thought we should talk, not about reconciliation, but about stuff since we were together 9 mos. He didn't return my call and Iknow he won't. I guess I needed to talk to him, hear his voice and also to let him know that I was sad about the ending of the relationship. I didn't want to just end it over an email. This is a man I spent practically every day with. I feel so empty inside. I'm not only losing him, but I'm also losing all his friends and his father. His friends that I'm losing are far away, and we went down to visit them alot this past summer. Now they're also gone too. I know I have to move on, but I really miss him and everything about him. What did I do wrong?

[Reckless]

You did absolutely nothing wrong - on the contrary you did things right.

 

This man is 'restless' and 'selfish' (his words not mine) and is focused at the moment on his own personal and professional needs. There's nothing wrong with that necessarily - there's just no room for you and no desire to make room. Don't you think you deserve better?

 

I know it hurts, it hurts real bad at the moment but it will get better. Get out, see your girlfriends, rant and rave and cry... in time the pain will subside. Remember, it's not you, you did nothing wrong so what ever you do don't beat yourself up about a man that doesn't want you, his loss - you'll meet someone in the same place as you at the same time and he'll be the one for you in the meantime, do what you do well and give it time.

 

Hang on in there,

R.

[mewbomb]

Hey there Grace,

 

I know how you feel now... trust me, search my name for posts and you will see the crap i have been through..

 

You are lucky that he will even talk to you! My situation...lets just say, she told me one day it was over... i called a few times.. she said don't call, it will make it harder, i said but... she said seriously...

 

I was heartbroken as you are as well, and the KICKER is that... SHE DISCONNECTED the phone... and won't return my emails. At least you had some sort of closure to your relationship. I have nothing... no explanation... nothing... thats cowardly!!! (but a whole different story)

 

He told you how and why this is happening... so you can seriously be "somewhat" thankfull.

 

I know its hard, but don't call or contact him and he might say he misses you and call you. You never know. That is really your only option.. go out with new people.. hang out, exercise and learn to love your self.

 

Thats the best way to do all this...and think about something you didn't have time to do with him....

[Vivid_29]

Grace -

 

I know it hurts right now, but in time, it will all work out for you. You didn't do anything wrong, so please stop beating yourself up over this. What you are going through is only temporary and you will survive this.

 

If it makes you feel any better, realize that alot of us, on this forum, have recently lost someone dear to us. You are not alone in this.

[UCFKevin]

At least he's being honest and upfront, there aren't any gray areas. That doesn't always happen.

[Dreamgirl03]

I know how u feel..my ex fiancee who i was with for just over 2 years dumped me like a hot potato in aprilt his year..and ever since, even now(6 months later), i`m still in alot of pain. I still have so many feelings for him, no matter what...and no one could ever replace those feelings. Even though i do have a new boyfriend that i am falling in love with as well. It can be very difficult...

[ks7997]

I agree complete with UCFKevin. He could be lying to you and stringing you along only making it worse, but on the contrary, he has been honest and upfront with you. Use that to your advantage. Make the best of it. You know now how he really feels, so you don't have to pretend that he feels something else. Don't sit around waiting for him to come around. You should just go out and see, there will be someone ready and willing to give you everything that you are entitled to.