Trialbyfire Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Wow, she called and you now have some answers! I was wrong about her wandering off, after getting forgiveness. I'm happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 it seems as if his politic are quite right wing but his relationships quite liberal. how ironic I've always admitted to being liberal on more "social issues"....... I'm not THAT heartless. -TP but i like it when terrorists get tortured. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 She called me this morning. We actually talked for about an hour, mostly her telling me her story.... Awww..... I'm so glad to hear you had that talk TP. I'm sure it helped and helped you see her as human with downfalls like all the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 TP.. you do have a heart and that is a good trait to have, at this point since you got answers then hopefully you can put this 3 year story to bed.. From here on out it is how you handle it that matters.. if you keep her close then the pain, anger and drama will stay close, if you close that door then the door will stay closed and you can move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I've heard of couples coming back together after 3 years. To be honest, that is my wish. I truly believe that had my ex and I met when we are more mature and knew to handle relationships better, we would never have broken up. We are each other's longest relationship. His longest relationship prior to me was 2 years, mine was a year - him and I lasted for 4 years. But I do need my time alone as well, to find myself, make changes for the better - in all aspects of my life. I find comfort in the fact that we might meet in the future - have another chance. Not right now - in the future. I do wish you luck in whatever you decide to do TP. 3 years is a long time and it seems that both parties have acknowledged mistakes. And since you're over her it would not harm you meeting with her again. It's obvious she had a big impact in your life. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 ..And since you're over her it would not harm you meeting with her again.. :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I'm friends with some of my exes. Right now, I'm in contact with 4 of them. My fiance and I have even been out for dinner with two of them and their dates. It was fun both times. If you like her as a person, enjoy her company and have truly moved on, why not be friends? As long as she treats you right, to the standard you hold the rest of your friends to, it's a no lose situation. Someone like alpha, doesn't see women as people, so has no use for them, after he's ejaculated ejected them, from his life. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 my spidey senses are tingling and I don't really think this story is over. dude...why are you even talking with this woman? I'm with you guys on this one. After all the sh*t she put you through TP?? and after all this time (but soon after you start getting laid) miraculously out of the blue contacts you??!? I don't believe in coincidences. The timing is just too suspicious. Fortunately, you're so much further along now in your evolution, TP. You've already been through the fire, and came out on the other side swingin'. I'm not worried about you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 :rolleyes: lol when you're truly over someone they have no power over you anymore. i hope TP is truly over this girl - 3 years is a loooong time to still be hung over a break up. my first bf is my bestfriend - it took 8 years for us to reach this point but it happened. all emotions i get are borne out of nostalgia, which him and i talk and laugh about. we can go without contact for months and then talk like there was no gap - which for me marks a true friendship. Neither time nor space can severe the bonds. my other ex tried to contact me too but in his case i truly didn't bond enough with him to consider him a good friend to keep in my life. after 3 years he searched for me but i didn't care anymore. zero feelings over him. not even curious if he's still alive or not. and i remember the break-up causing me to lose 30 lbs in 4 months! TP, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to have zero feelings of romantic love towards this girl before you can allow her back into your life. You have to be over her - I don't know why people are assuming you are not over her. Three freaking years!!! I still talk about my exes years after the break-up. Doesn't mean I'm in love with them still. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 I really did put a lot of thought into it, especially right after getting off the phone with her. We had a good talk, even a couple of laughs (mostly due to her admitting to basically being an *******)... When I got off the phone, I actually sat back and analyzed my feelings at that moment. All I felt was amusement, and a little sympathy towards her medical and romantic situations. But that was it. There was no "wave of emotion", or "stirring up of old feelings"... It took me some time, but I moved past all of that. If anything, she sounded very nervous talking to me. She KNOWS what she did to me, I didn't even once have to say "You really hurt me"... she knows she was wrong, she knows that if she wants friendship or even forgiveness, she really needs to be genuine. I guess both of us have changed in the last 3 years. She grew a heart. And I grew a set of balls. -TP 1...2...3...shoot! Balls beat heart! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 NO CONTACT. BROKEN. Yes, folks... It has happened. "The Teacher", after almost 3 years, HAS CONTACTED ME. The very person that drove me into depression, the woman who broke my heart, forcing me to seek out support, and finding LS.... has contacted me. When the shock settles a little, I'll post more. -TP uh...i..uh...umm...uh.... WOW..TP! See what I miss whan I'm not around for a few days. OK now as for this woman who drove you into a state of depression and hurt you like heck, IMO I'd say it's very odd that she got in contact with you after all this time. I'm glad to see the feelings are not there for you any longer. I think you have handled this very well. I'd say let it go. You have a new lady right? Stick with her and give that a chance. Best wishes. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
DreamWeaverCNJ Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 TP, I am also located in NJ and recently had a 9 year relationship end. My GF left me in February of this year. Her Birthday is on 5/28 and this coming weekend (Memorial Day Weekend) was our special weekend every year where I would do something amazing for her, Disney World, Cape Cod, Weekend in NYC etc... So I could use some support. I noticed that you were in NJ and was wondering if you could contact me via email, then perhaps by phone. I really need someone to talk to. Sorry to Highjack your thread... You can reach me at dreamweavercnj at yahoo dot com Sorry if this is wierd LOL Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I guess both of us have changed in the last 3 years. She grew a heart. And I grew a set of balls. Let's just hope this new heart of hers doesn't try to 'renew' anything with you.. I don't know why, but something tells me that she WILL contact you again, maybe try to be friends with you.. And this is where your set of balls has to be strong - Say NO! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 I know I'm going to catch a lot of heat for this... But.. I'm having dinner with her tonight to clear the air. I know it would be so much easier (and probably better) to just say "Thanks", and walk away... But the events of three years ago had such a profound effect on me (both bad AND good, in some ways), that I can't NOT see this through. She really does want a friendship, and I'm not so certain I don't. We really DID have a terrific friendship before things got complicated. So much has changed for both of us, that I think renewing that friendship is possible. My "dependence" on "needing" love is gone, and the bad influence she had in her life which partially affected her thought processes is gone, too. Anyone who's followed/read my posts here for three years knows that I value FRIENDSHIPS above all else. To avoid a chance to rebuild one would be against my nature. Of course, I could be walking "into a buzzsaw", as Tony Soprano would put it, but I once made a promise to myself to live life without regrets. If this friendship doesn't work out, I can chalk it up to her not really having changed, and then I'm in the same place I was before last week. If it does work out, well, all the better. I really don't have much to lose when it comes to her at this point. Besides, she's paying. -TP what's a fat guy to turn down free food? Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-Searcher Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 How does your GF feel about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 How does your GF feel about this? She's actually fine with it. She's still close with a couple of her ex's, so she doesn't see why I can't be with mine.... -TP this is a first for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 I know I'm going to catch a lot of heat for this... But.. I'm having dinner with her tonight to clear the air. I know it would be so much easier (and probably better) to just say "Thanks", and walk away... But the events of three years ago had such a profound effect on me (both bad AND good, in some ways), that I can't NOT see this through. She really does want a friendship, and I'm not so certain I don't. We really DID have a terrific friendship before things got complicated. So much has changed for both of us, that I think renewing that friendship is possible. My "dependence" on "needing" love is gone, and the bad influence she had in her life which partially affected her thought processes is gone, too. Anyone who's followed/read my posts here for three years knows that I value FRIENDSHIPS above all else. To avoid a chance to rebuild one would be against my nature. Of course, I could be walking "into a buzzsaw", as Tony Soprano would put it, but I once made a promise to myself to live life without regrets. If this friendship doesn't work out, I can chalk it up to her not really having changed, and then I'm in the same place I was before last week. If it does work out, well, all the better. I really don't have much to lose when it comes to her at this point. Besides, she's paying. -TP what's a fat guy to turn down free food? I'm excited and optimistic for you and your chance for closure, however... Re-read your post. To me it just wreaks of rationalization. All I'm saying is be careful. Think about what kind of can of worms you could be opening for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Re-read your post. To me it just wreaks of rationalization. I was gonna post about this as soon as I saw it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. This is it. TP, it doesn't seem that you can see she seems (on the outside looking in) to have reeled you right in again. As I said last post, my spidey senses tell me she's not going away. Think about it... she realises that she's treated you badly. She realises what a great guy you are... why shouldn't she try to go back...? Just be careful cuz it looks to me like you can't see what most other people can... you're walking into a disaster. I just hope I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 She's actually fine with it. She's still close with a couple of her ex's, so she doesn't see why I can't be with mine...... but she doesn't or hasn't yet figured out that you aren't over your ex TP.. if she knew some of the things you have posted about your ex even recently something tells me she wouldn't be okay with it. She is most likely over her ex's but you my friend are far from being over her.. At least you get to clear the air as it were with her and hopefully move on.. and fer Christ sake change your logon to LS after that.. at that point you will no longer be the teacher's pet.. or will you ? ~Art Not trying to be a dick but giving tough love at this point because he needs it Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Somehow I doubt it would have been "so much easier" to say thanks and walk away. Ignoring this woman doesn't seem to come easily for you. Doesn't really sound like you're 100% over her, and friendships with exes are difficult enough without emotional shrapnel hanging around. Maybe it's just me, but if I heard from an ex out of the blue after several years, I'd give it about a minute of thought and let it go -- no matter how messy or confusing or unfinished the breakup seemed to be. But that's just me. From the outside looking in, this woman has an agenda that doesn't involve clearing the air or being friends. And either you're curious about the possibility of what might happen next, or you're enjoying the attention from someone who hurt you in the past. Or maybe.... you really do think she wants to be friends, and you think you're ready for that?? Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 TP youre so weak Link to post Share on other sites
lovely81 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Think you're going to get back together with her...curious to see what happens. Don't know if it's good or bad but maybe just be more honest w/yourself about intentions/feelings/expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 but maybe just be more honest w/yourself about intentions/feelings/expectations. Excellent point Lovely... and in going with that point I wonder if he should dump the girl he is dating now and go for the ex.. I mean he isn't over her and he isn't romantically happy or he wouldn't have invited this perceived infection back into his life.. You only live once TP.. What is it that you REALLY want ? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Maybe TP is just a really friendly guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 or you're enjoying the attention from someone who hurt you in the past. I vote for this. I've talked to my ex online a couple of times. It was interesting... she was definitely flirting, wanting to hang out, said her current relationship is "back and forth," which was bait that I didn't take for me to ask how it's going. When she invited me to hang out I told her straight up - coffee sounds nice but I don't want to freak out my current gf. To me, I just don't have any incentive to reopen that can of worms for myself. TP - you need to ask yourself the very hard question - what exactly is drawing you to her now? Link to post Share on other sites
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