Oh...my...god.

[whichwayisup]

AC, that took some time to find and quote..Good examples..Even 'jokes' sometimes aren't really jokes. They say there's always abit of hidden truth behind a joke..Yet I'm sure TP knows this..

 

Everytime I mentioned something about how bad she was, her reply would be "I had that coming" (meaning she deserved to hear it)...

 

What sort of tone did she use? Her saying that is playing the victim/martyr roll..

 

Yes, details would be nice!

[whichwayisup]

Sooo...1)Anymore details? 2)Has the ex called or emailed you since saw her afew days?

[alphamale]

Sooo...1)Anymore details? 2)Has the ex called or emailed you since saw her afew days?

just what we need, a TP-gate

[whichwayisup]

just what we need, a TP-gate

:lmao:v:lmao:

...

 

Anyway, TP you haven't update this thread and you said you were going to. what's up, bro?

[alphamale]

Anyway, TP you haven't update this thread and you said you were going to. what's up, bro?

obviously things went south i would gather...

[whichwayisup]

Or, he's tied up..Maybe that 3-some thang DID actually happen!

[Touche]

obviously things went south i would gather...

 

Seems there's a lot of that going on around here lately...indeed.

[alphamale]

Seems there's a lot of that going on around here lately...indeed.

quite...

[Teacher's Pet]

Details.. lol

 

Well...

 

I met her in the parking lot of the restaurant (we pretty much arrived at the exact same time, and I recognized her car)...

 

For a brief moment, it felt a little awkward, but it really wasn't.

 

For those 20-30 seconds before I actually got out of my car, I ran the last 3 years through my head, just to see where my mind was at this point.

 

I have to admit, she looked good. She really didn't change much physically, except maybe a bit more tan than usual (she coaches girls' track so she spends a lot of time outside)...

 

I knew she was a little nervous when she got out of her car, so I quickly had to come up with something to break the obvious tension.

 

This is the best I could come up with:

 

"Gee, your ass looks good."

 

I know, probably not the wisest opening line, but I want to start conversation off on a good note, since belting out 3 years of drama is probably not a great idea, either.

 

I guess it began to feel a bit awkward when we sat down at the table.

 

Here we were....TP and The Teacher, face to face.

 

We talked.

 

It was good, honest, 2-way communication. We even cracked a few jokes at each other's expense.

 

The entire time, I "monitored" my feelings, just to make sure I didn't let myself "read into" the situation more than I should.

 

I actually felt pretty much like I did the summer I met her.

 

Our first "date", back in 2005, was really good. There was NO tension, no "sexual overtones", just 2 new friends getting to know each other.

 

That's how it felt.

 

Those of you who know the whole story know how our friendship turned sexual "on a whim", and became romantic soon after, but as the romance grew, the friendship began to subside, to a point.

 

I said to her, "So, what happened?", knowing this was it. My chance to hear HER side of the story.

 

Basically, she met a guy, let her feelings get the best of her, knowing he was an ass, and let him control her life, even move in with her.

 

She said she felt trapped by this guy, and even knowing how badly OUR relationship ended, wished that something would make me just pick up the phone one day and help her find an "escape" from this MUCH worse situation she found herself in.

 

I even told her that if she didn't break up with me the way she did, she might have gotten that call, but she made me scared.

 

She asked what I meant by scared, and I told her about the times I was invited by friends to go to places that SHE might frequent, so I either wouldn't go, or spend the entire time looking over my shoulder, scared of running into her.

 

She then told me the same thing happened to her. She was so ashamed of the way she treated me, she avoided those places as well, included the restaurant I worked at at the time, even though it was a popular local hangout. She was ashamed of looking me in the eye.

 

She said several of her friends gave her grief over the way she treated me. They went as far as to say she DESERVED what happened to her next.

 

She said everytime things got worse with her new man, she would think about how much "easier" our relationship was, and kick herself for, as she would say, "being an *******".

 

We sat and talked for nearly 4 hours.

 

I walked her to her car, she looked at me, broke down crying, and put her arms around me and said "I am SO sorry. I am SO sorry for everything I did to you. I've missed you so much, and I never stopped missing you."

 

I stayed strong, and didn't shed a tear. I just let her vent.

 

She then kissed me goodnight and said "I know we can't go back to what we had, but I really do want to be your friend again."

 

Being the person I am, I said something to the effect of, "Of course I'll be your friend. I know you've had it rough, too, and no matter what WE went through, no one deserves to feel that way."

 

Deep down, I know I did, but time really does heal all (well, most) wounds, and I guess....

 

.....we're friends.

 

.....what we should have been all along.

 

-TP

the end.

[81West]

I think this is a nice midpoint of the story TP. Was it more predictable than it seemed a week or month ago I wonder? There are lots of people whose lives never again touch because of fear or shame or pride or circumstance. It's sad and it's costly.

 

Anyway, enjoy your rekindled friendship. But be careful, because as much as you feel you've changed power can shift under your feet. I hope you'll keep your existence here on LS for yourself, just in case you need the shelter again.

[Citizen Erased]

TP my love, my darling...just look after yourself and your new girl. This woman has affected your life enough.

[Trialbyfire]

As long as you can maintain friendship, without wanting more, there's no reason not to be friends.

 

Just be careful because they sometimes try to sneak the romance in and in knowing your triggers, can trigger emotions that are buried down deep.

 

Beyond that, TP has another friend. Why not?

[whichwayisup]

I worry that old feelings are going to come back. It's your life, but already, she's in your mind.. You should be JUST focussing on your girlfriend.

 

IF this friendship does continue, I suggest you introduce her to your girlfriend, let them get to know eachother abit..

[Teacher's Pet]

I hope you'll keep your existence here on LS for yourself, just in case you need the shelter again.

 

You guys aint gettin' rid of me THAT fast!

 

-TP

come for the hugs, stay for the beer

[alphamale]

' date=' but as the romance grew, the friendship began to subside, to a point.[/quote']

that happens to everyone

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

And now she is trying to seduce you.

 

Why? Not sure, maybe feeling down.

 

And this: She said everytime things got worse with her new man, she would think about how much "easier" our relationship was, and kick herself for, as she would say, "being an *******".

 

Is BS-ing.

 

"I've missed you so much, and I never stopped missing you."

 

(o m g)

 

Well, good luck TP. See what happens.

 

My take is chorizo lady is on her way out the door.

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

"I know we can't go back to what we had, but I really do want to be your friend again."

 

[underpants]

You're too easy.

 

[alphamale]

And this: She said everytime things got worse with her new man, she would think about how much "easier" our relationship was, and kick herself for, as she would say, "being an *******".

 

Is BS-ing..

totally agree...

[burning 4 revenge]

You're too easy.

 

Aren't you disappointed in him?

 

Not so much him but the lack of self respect

[underpants]

Aren't you disappointed in him?

 

Not so much him but the lack of self respect

 

We all handle things differently.

 

I'm not dissappointed, just leary. He is my little republican brother.

 

I don't think the ex is an uber manipulative person, but the rebound reflex is fairly transparent to me. It is probably unconscious on her part, and her 'current' feelings very genuine.

 

That however, does not stop that train.

 

I don't know. TP would have to ask himself what is important to him, his current cards and what future he wants to carve out for himself.

 

Personally, I think he jumped too quick, stayed way too long and like I said, he was too easy. He reminded her of her favorite "clingy" teddy bear. There to comfort her after her recent break up. Even stepping out a little on his current relationship.

 

I would caution it a dangerous road.

[CaliGuy]

Basically, she met a guy, let her feelings get the best of her, knowing he was an ass, and let him control her life, even move in with her.

 

She said she felt trapped by this guy, and even knowing how badly OUR relationship ended, wished that something would make me just pick up the phone one day and help her find an "escape" from this MUCH worse situation she found herself in.

 

Nah. What she wanted was validation. Every time this guy made her feel worthless, she wanted to run to you to be validated again. Then, when she felt better, she'd run back to this idiot.

 

This is exactly what I mean when I say ex's only contact a dumpee to recharge their self-worth and validation.

 

If they really wanted to be with you, they would be. If they really loved you, they wouldn't leave. They work things out.

 

This, and this alone, is why NC is so important. It's SELF-PRESERVATION for the dumpee. Contact with an ex, unless they are beating your door down and saying they really fracked up and want you back, is a waste of time.

[Teacher's Pet]

Contact with an ex, unless they are beating your door down and saying they really fracked up and want you back, is a waste of time.

 

Isn't that what this is?

 

I mean.... until 2 weeks ago, I never thought I'd ever hear from her again, nor was I planning on making contact.

 

She contacted me. She admitted her mistakes. She's the one who begged for forgiveness.

 

That doesn't mean "all is well", by any stretch of the imagination, but perhaps what CG is saying is what is happening.

 

Like you said, she's not a manipulative person. Yes, we had a bad relationship at many times, but it wasn't because of manipulation or deceit.... A LOT of our problems were caused by HER ex. The times when her ex wasn't around were generally when things were good.

 

If anything, SHE was the one being manipulated, and in the end, we both got hurt because of it.

 

I'm not trying to justify anything, because I have no idea what the future holds, but I also want to be honest with myself, too.

 

I'm in a nice, safe relationship now. The girl I'm seeing treats me well, is sweet, cute, and fun. If anything, the greatest "problem" we have is a lack of opportunity to see each other (because of work and distance)......

 

The problem in that is, there really is no chance of that situation changing anytime soon. I can't work LESS (and neither can she), and neither of us are planning on moving.

 

I guess what I need to do is clear my head a little, and look at the pro's and con's of any future decision I made need to make....

 

And then tell everyone here, and get 10,000 different opinions. :)

 

But hey, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to hear 'em, right?

 

-TP

will figure this all out, i swear

[Ariadne]

Like you said, she's not a manipulative person. Yes, we had a bad relationship at many times....

 

It's more of a case of being fkd up.

 

Her words are as good as the air the go to.

[81West]

You guys aint gettin' rid of me THAT fast!

 

-TP

come for the hugs, stay for the beer

 

Sorry - bad phrasing on the part of moi. What I meant to do was advise you not to share your world here and your online healing history with the teacher in a fit of friendship.