Art_Critic Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Honestly as hard as I have been on TP I do hope whatever he chooses that he is happy.. regardless of what we've seen here on LS.. I think we all know he isn't even close to being over her.. but that also isn't a death sentence yet.. Multiple Choice TP... just like life .. it is a multiple choice question and there is no right and no wrong answer.. Although someone up there is watching you pick C when they really wanted you to pick A.. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Burrito Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I agree with Kizik. The problem as I see it is that TP is holding out for that perfect fantasy of a mate that doesn't exist. The whore in the bedroom, and anywhere else, who has a heart of gold and will mother him and baby him and perform however the fantasy (covert, overt or other) requires. And TP, I ask in genuine interest and honesty, are there bi-inclinations on your part as well? I got the part about your chick's bi-inclinations, but I tend to hear this kind of sexually charged flip-flop specifically from guys who are bi or gay and not "out" (for lack of a better term) to their women. Aside from that, sure, TP is still hung up on his ex, and likely, he always will remain so to some extent. But he does not want her. Not really. He doesn't want the current woman either. Not really. TP, the sense I'm getting from all you've written is that you'll stick with whoever sticks with you by default until you either find something better or until you die, because that's what is easiest for you. It's a way of life that works for some people, so if it's working for you, yay. I don't exactly think you're emotionally confused. What it is, is you're not emotonally ethical. Don't confuse morals with ethics... You have your moral standards and those are inarguable. They're personal to you. But dude, you're not thinking about the greater good for any of you. And this is where Kizik's points about getting off LS and getting off the seesaw are spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 P.S. Does she eat brisket? Oh, she LOVES the brisket. -TP and by brisket, I mean...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 He didn't have to.. his actions did that for him.. I'm sure she smelled it thru the first Blazingly Fast Reply email. He actually replied before he got the email Actually, her FIRST email to me was never read (couldn't find it). Her second one sat in my INBOX for 5 days... -TP so there Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 And TP, I ask in genuine interest and honesty, are there bi-inclinations on your part as well? I got the part about your chick's bi-inclinations, but I tend to hear this kind of sexually charged flip-flop specifically from guys who are bi or gay and not "out" (for lack of a better term) to their women. dude, hardcore republicans don't have "bi" or "gay" inclinations...they don't even associate with those kinds of people Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 TP, there's a lot of heartfelt advice here regarding the emotional aspects of the situation, and questions you're being asked, but the only ones you seem to want to answer are the ones out of which you can make sexual innuendo. There really hasn't been much in this thread about how you FEEL about her, or how you feel about your current gf -- it's all just sex sex sex, including details we really didn't need to know. (Actually, as a woman, it makes me pretty uncomfortable to see all that stuff.) You gave your intentions away the second you saw her, before she ever spoke, with the comment about her ass (which I'm still hoping was a joke you were making to us and not something you actually said.) What I wonder most is if you're allowing your own self-respect to come into play here at all. I love my ex with all my heart, but I have enough self-respect to tell him to take a hike unless he wants to get back together. He doesn't deserve my friendship. He shattered my ability to trust other people, and I'm only just barely beginning to build it up again. I spent so many lonely nights crying over him. If he came to me saying he wanted friendship and forgiveness, he'd be SOL. I still think you're giving this woman waaaaaaaaayyyyy too much...don't you see that what has happened thus far is that you've run to meet her needs, without laying down any kind of ground rules to protect yourself? Why would you let yourself be walked on like that? Give me an answer that has nothing to do with sex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 TP, there's a lot of heartfelt advice here regarding the emotional aspects of the situation, and questions you're being asked, but the only ones you seem to want to answer are the ones out of which you can make sexual innuendo. There really hasn't been much in this thread about how you FEEL about her, or how you feel about your current gf -- it's all just sex sex sex, including details we really didn't need to know. (Actually, as a woman, it makes me pretty uncomfortable to see all that stuff.) You gave your intentions away the second you saw her, before she ever spoke, with the comment about her ass (which I'm still hoping was a joke you were making to us and not something you actually said.) What I wonder most is if you're allowing your own self-respect to come into play here at all. I love my ex with all my heart, but I have enough self-respect to tell him to take a hike unless he wants to get back together. He doesn't deserve my friendship. He shattered my ability to trust other people, and I'm only just barely beginning to build it up again. I spent so many lonely nights crying over him. If he came to me saying he wanted friendship and forgiveness, he'd be SOL. I still think you're giving this woman waaaaaaaaayyyyy too much...don't you see that what has happened thus far is that you've run to meet her needs, without laying down any kind of ground rules to protect yourself? Why would you let yourself be walked on like that? Give me an answer that has nothing to do with sex... When I commented on her ass, it was done in the usual tone she was used to hearing from me.. We're both fairly outspoken and sarcastic people, so it was a "typical" comment either one of us would have made to each other. If anything, it was done more as a way to break tension than anything else. It was pretty clear we were both a little nervous about meeting up like this after almost 3 years..... She has made it fairly clear that getting back together is something she'd be open to. She KNOWS I still care about her deeply, but I don't know if I'm ready to "throw caution to the wind" so quickly. We HAD a good relationship when outside forces weren't interfering (see previous posts), but before I'd even CONSIDER getting back together, I'd have to KNOW for certain that those "forces" are 100% gone.... I've seen a lot of "emotional growth" in her, over the week or so we've been in contact. She's definately grown up. Is that enough to just get back with her? Not necessarily. But, yes, I do admit, my feelings for her NEVER went away 100% (find me one person on here who can say they are ABSOLUTELY 100% over their ex)...... I spoke to one of my best friends (who happens to be the one who introduced me to my current gf), and he (and HIS gf) both think I should take things slow, but also recognize that my current gf is NOT ready for a serious relationship, and that if I AM looking for one, perhaps going back to my ex is a possibility, if I HONESTLY feel it's right. My current gf is a great woman, but she's also not committment-minded, and is dead set AGAINST ever having kids. To me, that's not a good sign of a true future. Remember, I have 40 on the not-too-distant horizon..... I don't want to be a "player" my whole life... I'm no Charlie Harper (Two And A Half Men lol).... So.... there's your answer...all without sexual innuendo. -TP anal. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 In a weeks time, you can't know 100% for sure that your ex has changed SO MUCH. It takes time, effort to be alone, work on oneself to change. Sure, she has realized what a beyotch she was to you..But, in the same sense, this IS moving fast considering the past 3+ years you were dealing with so much pain, depression etc.. Just seems you've forgotten and now are willing to give her a chance way too fast. I dunno, it's your decision obviously - Just take it slow. And, break up with your current girlfriend because of your ex. The current gf and you aren't going anywhere, so why prolong it? Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 My current gf is a great woman, but she's also not committment-minded, and is dead set AGAINST ever having kids. To me, that's not a good sign of a true future. Remember, I have 40 on the not-too-distant horizon..... I don't want to be a "player" my whole life... I'm no Charlie Harper (Two And A Half Men lol).... So.... there's your answer...all without sexual innuendo. -TP anal.You're already justifying why you should go back and why you should dump the current GF. Just be honest with yourself. You might be see-sawing back and forth over it now... but it'll come. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 TP.. your toast dude.. If this girl was healthy for you I think we all would be chanting a little differently. You really should go back and re-look at all your old threads about her for the last 3 years.. Re-educate yourself on your past because your past is where the answer is.. She put your ass in a depressive spin that took you a long time to dig yourself out of. You seem to forget why you found LS.. what your life had become because of how she treated you.. You are justifying why you should risk going back into that same spin.. Just remember that if you go back there is no guarantee that she isn't going to bolt and hurt you all over again. You have been on LS long enough to know the rant.. the TRUTH.. You cannot be friends with an ex if either party has romantic feelings for the other.. You have not moved on and still have feelings for her.. You have to make the choice... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I've seen a lot of "emotional growth" in her' date=' [/quote'] buah ah AHahA HHAH AH AHA hHah ha Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 TP, are you and your current g/f in an exclusive relationship, as in discussing and agreeing to this? I get the impression that you're not and haven't been. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Just do whatever you want to do and stop bragging about it and stop asking people for advice which you ignore. You're beginning to remind me of paperchase. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 It's hard to know what to do, but it's a great story arc. Not everybody gets a chance at this. It's tempting to advise you to ride off on your horse alone into the sun leaving the teacher full of regret and remorse, because that's the only guarantee that she will never hurt you again in the future, and because there is a Hollywood satisfaction in it. We should reap what we sow. Still, most of us are surrounded by people. They're where we shop, they're at our places of work and they're at our places of play. Even will all these people everywhere, it's very rare to find someone that we love. Because it is rare, one should think carefully before posturing oneself out of love because of fear or hubris or weakness or spite. She is undoubtedly looking for a soft place to land after being thrown over by Mr. Notnice Guy. As grateful as she is today for your acceptance and forgiveness, I think when things settle back into whatever routine they're going to settle into you might pay the price for making it all a bit too easy. Human nature is such that we don't value things that are easy in the same way we value things that we fight for and earn. If you've quietly held a torch for three years, surely she can hold it for a few months while you observe her in a casual dating situation. In the end, there are no guarantees of anything ever. You can't go into this on any level with 'nervous as a cat' lurking just beneath. You have good reason to fear this future because of what she's done in the past and because of the the difficulty in finding the balance between self respect and being open to love from somebody who once treated you like poo. It's not about whether she has matured or learned this lesson or that one. It's about whether you can you look inside yourself and risk this because you can handle every possible bad outcome and respond in an authenticly strong and self respecting way. Can you handle her pulling what she did last time? Can you handle her pining for the idiot who left her? Remember - she is the new you when it comes to this dynamic, and you yourself know the counterintuitive pyschological effects of being cruelly dumped and badly treated. Can you handle her turning into a horrible biotch? Can you handle her stupid friends should they reappear? Can you handle anything she throws your way without reacting with panic and insecurity and angst? You get the dea. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 You gave your intentions away the second you saw her, before she ever spoke, with the comment about her ass (which I'm still hoping was a joke you were making to us and not something you actually said.) I think TP should be punished now and forevermore by having this referred to as "TP's [insert adjective here] ass crack". I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 TP, are you and your current g/f in an exclusive relationship, as in discussing and agreeing to this? I get the impression that you're not and haven't been. We are not in any sort of "exclusive" relationship. If anything, she's a bit of a swinger. She has gone to "swinging" events in the past, and has brought up the subject with me a few times, though I'm only marginally curious. A couple of my friends who know her are swingers, too, so I know she's pretty serious about it, at least to an extent. She's brought up the notion of bringing in another woman into bed with us...well.... who'd turn THAT down... lol But realistically, I'm just looking for a relationship. -TP go figure.... Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 A head case with probable STDs? Sounds like the stage is set for a GREAT summer! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 We are not in any sort of "exclusive" relationship.Thought not, which is why I was so surprised at the references and allusions to cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 A head case with probable STDs? Sounds like the stage is set for a GREAT summer! Not so much the STD thing, but do I really want to "commit" to someone who embracing the lifestyle of a swinger? Sure, it "sounds cool", but come on..... This isn't the 1970's anymore. And I can't see myself in tight pants going "I'm a wild and crazy guy!" I'm having "a good time" right now, but....I also need to think longterm... -TP thinking long...and hard.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Thought not, which is why I was so surprised at the references and allusions to cheating. Heck, I watched her make out with another woman once. THAT was pretty nifty. -TP snowball fight! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 dude, hardcore republicans don't have "bi" or "gay" inclinations...they don't even associate with those kinds of people I'm sure that's true. Just ask Larry Craig. TP: I can honestly say that I'm 100% over every ex except the most recent. I don't get into new relationships until I'm finished with the one that came before. It's not a rule; I've just never been able to muster up any interest in someone new until I'm totally done with the past. So in my ever-so-humble opinion, the fact that you've still got feelings for this woman after a couple of other interests is significant. Or at least slightly meaningful. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 We are not in any sort of "exclusive" relationship. So you two have never had the 'talk' as to where things are headed? Exclusive meaning, what? It's OK to date others, or sleep with others but still be boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you two acknowlegde that to eachother? OK, question period over..And out..lol. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 OK, question period over..And out..lol. "This is TP Flight Control Newark, girlfriend cleared to land on runway 34 Left, another girlfriend cleared for take off on runway 26 Right, over and out...copy alpha zulu" Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 LOL, at EWR that would be departing 4L and arriving 22L. Autoland enabled Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 So you two have never had the 'talk' as to where things are headed? Exclusive meaning, what? It's OK to date others, or sleep with others but still be boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you two acknowlegde that to eachother? OK, question period over..And out..lol. We aren't dating, sleeping with, or whatever with anyone else... And honestly, I haven't seen her in 18 days now. That's even before any of this began. I'm supposed to see her tonight, but it might be cut short because she may have to drive a friend home after the show we're going to tonight.... So... I don't even know what I have NOW, as it is... -TP *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
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