Oh...my...god.

[Computer Chip]

She feels bad and your her medicine and when she feels better she'll leave.

 

She's your poison.

[Teacher's Pet]

I think maybe A_C means that you have to have forgiven the issues with the "ex" and view the person as your "gf/bf" rather than someone you are going for a second chance with?

 

If it's a matter of forgiving her for her past mistakes, I am willing to, to an extent.

 

I understand what caused her to act out the way she did, and that reason is no longer a part of her life.

 

It doesn't absolve her of what she did, but it also means that I do see the change in her.

 

I wish you knew me earlier, so you could have met B then...and then see her now. She's a different woman. She realizes the mistakes she's made, and she's not afraid to talk about them openly.

 

I guess the reason why I spent 3 years trashing her is because...well..... you don't make someone an issue if there isn't some sort of feelings there. I didn't have contact with her for almost 3 years, and had so many unresolved issues to deal with, I needed to "lash out" somewhere, and I did....

 

(...train of thought lapse....had to assist a customer lol)

 

We've spent time really talking about this. I've given her my "concerns" about the possibility of getting back with her, and let her know that I'm not going to "erase" the past, just perhaps move past all of that.

 

I guess it's so easy to figure this out, when it's not happening to you, but for me.... this isn't so easy, but whatever I finally do, it's going to be done extremely carefully.....

 

*shrugs*

 

Who knows..

 

-TP

umm..err....ugh.

 

I'm not sure.

 

I've yet to have a second chance work out. I know sometimes they do, but I also know TP...and unfortunately, I'm pretty sure he's pursuing this for the wrong reasons.

 

TP - you know me, and you know I'll call you out when I see sh*t. I see it. You're looking for validation from that relationships end of 3+ years ago. I've seen what that relationship did to you. (new Years eve a few years back...etc.etc).

 

I understand wanting it to work. This is a person that you believe you loved, but tell me something, if you loved her, do you think you'd have walked around trashing her for the past 3 years? Have you ever heard me trash my exes?

 

The reason you walk around talking about anyone, is because they still get to you. For whatever reason, she's always gotten to you. She's not left your mind. You haven't gotten over the failure of the 1st time around. You're hoping that with a 2nd time around, it'll fix the pain of the failure of the 1st time around. Believe me, I get it. I just also think it won't work. And I hate to see you put yourself back here.

 

Now, I DO agree with your posts regarding H. People on the boards might think you're talking down about that R but since I've seen her in person and know how she acts I'll be 100% honest and say that I don't see her settling down, nor you sticking with her. You wanted to have some fun, and you have been. But I dont think either of you have any more stock in it than that.

 

Does that mean you should dump H and get back with B? No. They are 2 separate issues. Continue having fun with H, while possibly dating others, however I'd honestly think any time you spend on B will be a futile effort...

[Touche]

I understand what caused her to act out the way she did, and that reason is no longer a part of her life./QUOTE]

Just wanted to address the quote above. Again I don't know the circumstances under which she left but "acting out" consists of things like maybe inappropriate flirting, drinking too much, starting fights...not actually LEAVING and not speaking for 3 years.

 

The reason she left is no longer in her life? Do you mean another man?

 

Are you sure you're being honest with yourself here?

 

You say it's so easy to figure out when it's not happening to you. There's truth to that. But for some of us it HAS happened to us so we have the benefit of hindsight.

 

Oh and trust me, there's no doing this "extremely carefully." Nope. You're either totally back in or you're completely out.

 

Live and learn...

[Teacher's Pet]

If I were you I'd think about why she left in the first place.

 

When this all happened, to be honest, I didn't know WHY she left.....it was pretty sudden, and I never got the opportunity to get any answers, until recently.

 

At the time, she surrounded herself with a lot of negative influences (i.e. a jealous ex who was ALWAYS getting in the way, for one)...

 

She let old emotions of her ex before me affect her decision making process. Her ex prior to me treated her like crap (I was a witness to some of this), and instead of really confronting her ex and handling that, she passed on the anger and the bitterness to OUR relationship.

 

Her ex abused their friendship and relationship, and even took advantage of her financially. Then, when she met me, her ex got jealous and used their "friendship" as a means to influence OUR relationship out of spite. B had gotten sick of the way she was being treated by her ex, and her ex knew she was losing control, so she started talking crap about me (sometimes even within earshot of me!), and basically drove her nuts.

 

All of that negativity made her push me out of her life, because she just didn't want the drama, even though I really didn't ADD any of my own.

 

I guess, for someone still unsure of themselves as she was, it was "the easy way out" just to breakup with me, instead of standing up to her ex and telling her to stay out of her life.

 

Since then, she's cut ALL ties with her ex. She chalks her ex up to a bad period in her life, and has finally swept it all under the proverbial rug.

 

After breaking up with me, and then ditching her ex, she was finally ready to move on with her life, but was too afraid to call me to apologize and explain what happened. Instead, she decided to start fresh, and wound up with a man who treated her like crap and strung her along for over 2 years.

 

This is the reason she wanted to get in contact with me. She realized how much "power" her ex had over her, and that she let a BAD thing ruin a GOOD thing... and since she was so ashamed of what she did to me, she was afraid to even TRY to talk to me.

 

It took this last relationship to make her realize that it's time to stop playing games. She knows how well I treated her, and that it was wrong to do what she did to me. She wants to be in a serious relationship without the drama, which is what I offered her. It was her own drama that messed things up, drama which no longer exists.

 

Now that the "drama" is gone, she wants to do what she feels is right, and that started with her apologizing to me. Over the last couple of weeks that we've been re-connecting, it's become apparent that a lot of the old feelings are still there, feelings that go back to when this all started, before the nonsense began.

 

Her life now is very uncomplicated. She's a public school teacher, with a part-time second job in the educational field. She coaches 2 sports at her school, and in her "down time", she reads, watches TV, and spends time with family. The drunken partying is over (those people are OUT of her life, not that she was THAT much of a drinker, really)..... She's looking for a future, and she wants to be with someone who WILL stick around.

 

She remembered how I felt about her, and has been trying to rekindle that with the hopes of a "do-over".....

 

And well..... a good part of me wants that.

 

The advantage I have this time around is that I have a real support system. When I was with her originally, I really didn't have a true "circle of friends" like I do now. I relied on her for EVERYTHING in my social life.

 

I don't have to do that now. If anything, I have the "larger circle".

 

If she really wants to be a part of my life, now SHE has to be the one to fit in. She's a fairly sociable person, so I don't see why she wouldn't.

 

I guess the ball is in my court, now.....

 

*rolling eyes* What's the worst that can happen?

 

-TP

don't answer that!

[Teacher's Pet]

Just wanted to address the quote above. Again I don't know the circumstances under which she left but "acting out" consists of things like maybe inappropriate flirting, drinking too much, starting fights...not actually LEAVING and not speaking for 3 years.

 

The reason she left is no longer in her life? Do you mean another man?

 

Are you sure you're being honest with yourself here?

 

The "reason", as I call it, is a VERY volatile ex-girlfriend of hers who continued to exert "control" over her even after their breakup (she's bi, by the way)..... Her ex HATED my guts.

 

She has not spoken to her ex in over 2 years now. She wants NOTHING to do with her.

 

B is not a "flirt"... when we would go out in public, she made it clear she was with ME. Something I always liked about her. As for drinking, she never did it TOO much, but occasionally I had to carry her up the stairs. She spends WAY too much time working now to do that, and especially with the after-school programs she works with, she barely has time for anything social. Her career is finally taking off, as she now has tenure, and has even earned a few awards from her school district.

 

She won't do anything to screw that up. She's finally moving in the right direction, and she feels that I'm a part of it.

 

-TP

i guess? lol

[Computer Chip]

She's looking for a future, and she wants to be with someone who WILL stick around.

 

She remembered how I felt about her, and has been trying to rekindle that with the hopes of a "do-over".....

 

And well..... a good part of me wants that.

 

 

She's settling and you want to be the one she settles for?

 

Your circle...do they support you getting back with her? If they don't then don't count on them when it ends. You will just get a bunch of "I told you so"s with just about as much compassion.

 

btw She sounds like a good actress.

[Teacher's Pet]

She's settling and you want to be the one she settles for? .

 

She's not "settling"..

 

She knows what we had, and she knows that she screwed it up.

 

She knows it's "a good thing" with me. Remember, we weren't a "fling"... we were together about a whole year.

 

She screwed it up, and wants to go back to what we had...and wants to just move on.

 

-TP

.....and on.....

[Computer Chip]

She's not "settling"..

 

She knows what we had, and she knows that she screwed it up.

 

She knows it's "a good thing" with me. Remember, we weren't a "fling"... we were together about a whole year.

 

She screwed it up, and wants to go back to what we had...and wants to just move on.

 

-TP

.....and on.....

 

 

Sloppy seconds are your style then?

 

Kick her to the curb and you will feel good again. And then you will go out and find yourself a good woman.

 

This is a perfect opportunity to take it all back. Take back everything she took from you. Mainly your balls.

 

Think more of yourself. Everybody else here seems to.

[kizik]

I will NOT cheat on my gf.

 

You already ARE cheating on her, dude. No woman I know would EVER stand for her BF to spend more than one day of alone time with another woman. So if you f*ck the new girl, it doesn't matter; you've already f*cked your current one.

[burning 4 revenge]

If you want to do it then do it

 

I don't see how you can't now that you've opened Pandoras Box. You probably should have kept more distance to begin with after you got that letter, but now if you don't try it again and you see that she wants you back you may well regret it later

 

I think youre going at this with eyes mostly open, maybe not wide open, but mostly open

 

I have a personal bias against bisexual women as most of the ones Ive met are lunatics and emotional basket-cases, but thats just my personal experience. And the one girl who burned me the hardest was totally straight and disgusted by homosexuality and yet she had banged almost a hundred guys...so it goes to show you never know

 

This sounds to me like it won't have a happy ending, but happy endings are over-rated and usually not all that happy either

 

Keep your self repsect, dont be too clingy this time etc, but you know that already and god bless and god speed sir

[Phateless]

She feels bad and your her medicine and when she feels better she'll leave.

 

She's your poison.

 

Wow... I agree.

[Touche]

Wow, TP you actually TOTALLY missed my point. I only used drinking, flirting as EXAMPLES of what "acting out" is in my book. I didn't say she did those things.

 

What you're talking about is WAY beyond merely acting out. That's what I'm trying to say. You really are being blind (and somewhat obtuse ) now, sorry. You're too smart for this. Letting an ex sway you into leaving your current relationship is not "acting out." NOW, do you see what I'm saying?

 

I'm not even going to "go there" as far as the "bi" issue goes. Bottom line is that while she may have gotten rid of the ex, it shows she doesn't really have a mind of her own and can be swayed away from the "love of her life." (By anyone else who happens to capture her attention.) If you're not the life of her life, then why are you with her again?

 

I guess I'm saying that just because the EX is truly out of the picture doesn't mean the core issue is gone. And the issue wasn't the Teacher's ex. See where I'm going with this?

 

If a person feels like they're with the love of their life, no EX (male or female or whatever) can exert that much control.

 

I don't know how long you were together before the ex finally exerted her control over Teacher but no one should have had ANY control over her if she truly felt you two are/were meant to be. And that's where the real issue lies, IMO.

 

By the way...SO not buying this:

 

After breaking up with me, and then ditching her ex, she was finally ready to move on with her life, but was too afraid to call me to apologize and explain what happened. Instead, she decided to start fresh, and wound up with a man who treated her like crap and strung her along for over 2 years.

 

What nonsense. Really, TP. I ca go on and on about why...but I'll spare you.

 

What's the worst that can happen you ask? Well, you'll end up most likely, right back where you were when you joined LS...maybe even in worse shape because the expectations are higher. At least that's how it went down for me.

 

So that's the worst. If you feel like you can risk that outcome then I, for one, support you. But for my money, this is a bad bet.

 

He explanation that I quoted above is just a load of bunk and you bought it...so be it, TP.

 

I really, really would hate to see you hurt again. You're a good man.

[burning 4 revenge]

Sloppy seconds are your style then?

 

Kick her to the curb and you will feel good again. And then you will go out and find yourself a good woman.

 

This is a perfect opportunity to take it all back. Take back everything she took from you. Mainly your balls.

 

Think more of yourself. Everybody else here seems to.

That would be my first instinct, but I think its more complicated than that given their history

 

He just needs to tread carefully and gather more information as the process unravels

 

If he feels a chill wind then he should bail, but at this point kicking her to the curb wouldnt give him the resolution he needs

[Touche]

This is KEY:

 

She remembered how I felt about her,

 

That's a problem also. She should be remembering instead how you made HER feel. I suspect she's not though.

 

Security and lack of drama alone do not a successful relationship make. The way our SO makes us FEEL is really key.

[Computer Chip]

That would be my first instinct, but I think its more complicated than that given their history

 

He just needs to tread carefully and gather more information as the process unravels

 

If he feels a chill wind then he should bail, but at this point kicking her to the curb wouldnt give him the resolution he needs

 

I wish him well then. He is funny and people like him.

[kizik]

Touche,

 

you've got some amazing advice, you really do, but after 26 pages of doing whatever he wants and not listening to anybody, don't you see that he doesn't give a sh*t what you or anyone else has to say?

 

It's another one of these "bragging" threads, and you know how I can tell? Because the OP has a freaking smart answer for everything. He's emotionally dishonest. He doesn't even seem human half the time. He writes like he's in a children's book.

 

So just let him hurt the people around him, because it's inevitable.

[burning 4 revenge]

Touche,

 

you've got some amazing advice, you really do, but after 26 pages of doing whatever he wants and not listening to anybody, don't you see that he doesn't give a sh*t what you or anyone else has to say?

 

It's another one of these "bragging" threads, and you know how I can tell? Because the OP has a freaking smart answer for everything. He's emotionally dishonest. He doesn't even seem human half the time. He writes like he's in a children's book.

 

So just let him hurt the people around him, because it's inevitable.

I think he should break up with the current gf today, but I don't think his current relationship should hold him back

 

He's not feeling it, so why go on with it

[Touche]

Touche,

 

you've got some amazing advice, you really do, but after 26 pages of doing whatever he wants and not listening to anybody, don't you see that he doesn't give a sh*t what you or anyone else has to say?

 

It's another one of these "bragging" threads, and you know how I can tell? Because the OP has a freaking smart answer for everything. He's emotionally dishonest. He doesn't even seem human half the time. He writes like he's in a children's book.

 

So just let him hurt the people around him, because it's inevitable.

 

Thanks so much Kizik. Yes, I know what you're saying is true and actually, he's ignored most of what I've said. That's ok. Maybe someone else in the same situation will take something away from it.

 

But I don't agree with you about his characterization. He's always struck me as a very sensitive and genuine man. And I don't think he's going to hurt anyone except himself...so there we don't agree.

 

On and Burnee, you said something about "given their history." WHAT history? ONE year? Hardly much of a "history" there if you ask me.

[burning 4 revenge]

This is KEY:

 

 

 

That's a problem also. She should be remembering instead how you made HER feel. I suspect she's not though.

 

Security and lack of drama alone do not a successful relationship make. The way our SO makes us FEEL is really key.

Are you suggesting its possible that she loved TP as a person and loved his affection for her, but was never really in love with TP herself

 

And now that's she's lonely and depressed she wants to feel that affection again?

[Touche]

Are you suggesting its possible that she loved TP as a person and loved his affection for her, but was never really in love with TP herself

 

And now that's she's lonely and depressed she wants to feel that affection again?

 

Bingo! Exactly. I'd bet almost anything.

 

In fact it would't surprise me at all if history repeats itself and this latest ex gets in the way.

 

Touche' -

fool me once....

[kizik]

Touche' - fool me once....

 

Oh dear god, please tell me you're not going to start using his cheesy signature lines now...

[climbergirl]

A few questions I feel you should ask yourself...

 

You love her. I get that. And given that, would you ever treat her the way she has treated you?

 

You may convince yourself that she was 'messed' up and couldn't really give you what you needed, but if roles were reversed...would you treat her the same way that she treated you? If not, I think you need to question your compatibility with her and how you both handle conflicts when they arise. I'd also question how much she loved you. Did she not speak to you so that you/she wouldn't hurt or because she was blaise and living her own life w/o a thought of how you felt?

 

Furthermore, she knows which buttons to push with you. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I don't even give this a year. It's a matter of getting you where she knows it will be difficult for you to leave her.

 

I agree that people can change, but more often than not the person who changes would rather prove through actions rather than lip service.

[Touche]

Oh dear god, please tell me you're not going to start using his cheesy signature lines now...

 

Hey...I love his cheesy signatures lines!

 

Touche' -

Brie anyone?

[kizik]

-kizik

Is this clever enough?

[Touche]

-kizik

Is this clever enough?

 

-touche'

no